poisonedheart
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2012 23 June :: 5.46pm
Interviewing for my first "real" job on monday, full range of insurance, paid vacation, sick leave, "competitive salary" (the average in this job is $65k a year around here).
I am so excited, but terrified that all of a sudden I'll have to be a real adult.
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aaron
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2012 7 May :: 1.33pm
I am addicted to that certainty in whose absence my selfishness is
naked.
In the first moments I was action. I moved, even though my certainty and knowledge had been shattered. From here, I can't see precisely what moved me. Some inexplicable sense that the next step, despite not mattering, was worth making.
But I've coasted to a halt. I sit motionless and restless. That is my selfishness. Though I have no certainty to speak of, it should be obvious what the next step is. [I]It's all out there[/I].
But then I stop. There are people, connections, responsibilities. Am I allowing myself to be especially possessed? Have I surrendered myself to be objectified? Does covenant imply objectification?
I am living in a paralyzing tension- on the one hand, the potential for absolute freedom. On the other, knowing how alone that freedom makes me.
Can I bind myself that way? Is there anything else to do?
_|_ If it looks something like that, then I have some writing to do.
It's funny that tripping over the answer gets me to ask the right question. My life would move along more quickly if I could do things the other way around.
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aaron
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2012 6 May :: 6.05pm
:: Music: The dog days are over
Sometimes I feel like the world is talking to me.
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aaron
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2012 1 April :: 10.12pm
I don't know anything.
What if I had it and I threw it away?
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poisonedheart
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2012 27 February :: 3.10am
Love is real
It is not just in novels or the movies
It is fact
And it is standing here right in front of you
So if you open your eyes
Oh what a sweet discovery
There is hope, and there is joy, and there is acceptance
So now let all of the light that collects on your plants
Keep you warm, make you smile
And I will be there with this pen in my hand
To record all the while
You'll be laughing so loud
That the house would shake with sound
And everything will be as new as the day it was found
Love is real
It is not just in long distance commercials
Or something that you thought you felt back in high school
So I will turn black and white
Become that horoscope you're reading
It predicts something good is on its way
Oh, and then I will send you the world green and blue
In a box through the mail
You can open it up, hold it right in your hand
And be glad that it's there
And be glad that you're there
Now, you can feel all the knots in your stomach start to untie
And suddenly it's not so hard to say you're all right
Love is real
It is not just in poetry and stories
It is truth, and it will follow you
Everywhere you go from now on
So if you'd just cast off your doubt
Then your lips would answer for you
Oh my darling, when you smile, it is like a song
And I can hear it now
And I can hear it now
And I can hear it now
Yes, I can, I can, I can
I can hear it now
I can hear it now
Yeah, I can, I can, I can
I can hear it now
I can hear it now
I can hear it now
Yeah, I can, I can, I can
I can hear it now
I can hear it now
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aaron
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2012 20 February :: 2.28pm
Is it like this in everyone's head? Not writing this sentence might have been the first step in differntiating between what's in here and everything- everyone- else out there.
Am I an angry person?
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poisonedheart
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2011 7 July :: 2.37am
Just 40 days left in Spokane, I'm super excited, and super nervous.
1 Comment |
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poisonedheart
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2011 26 June :: 1.07am
Oh no I'm all drunk.
And Jen is gone for the rest of summer, I probably won't see her again until next summer.
This makes me quite sad =(
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poisonedheart
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2011 4 June :: 11.26pm
73 days, then iowa
4 Comments |
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poisonedheart
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2011 17 March :: 12.02pm
I got accepted to Iowa State University's College of Design, I am so unbelievably stoked right now.
2 Comments |
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aaron
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2011 17 February :: 4.28pm
What does it mean to be an individual?
2 Comments |
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aaron
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2011 12 January :: 6.54pm
It's time for an adventure.
2 Comments |
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aaron
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2010 8 December :: 9.42pm
Goddamn it I could just burn this whole journal and tell you my life is beautiful and maybe that would make some sense.
The beauty in the world I chase so hard chases back.
2 Comments |
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aaron
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2010 8 December :: 9.33pm
The funny thing is, whether it was learning an indigenous language on a mountain thousands of miles, or here at my desk writing philosophy, or napping with her on the couch...
now I'm just lost in the music. Haha, look at me go. Here we go?
Don't suppose I'm as crude of an instrument as I look, there's something very elegant going on here. We may be social dinosaurs, and maybe you don't believe in these sorts of dinosaurs, but I like to think they existed. If they didn't, then this isn't old fashioned, it's revolutionary.
On second thought, it's a revolution anyway. In my private little world, it's a revolution. I imagine it would be in yours, too.
Be balanced, but not compromised. Of course of course of course live this fiercely. Dive in.
And if the music is what makes the feeling, there's always people making more music.
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aaron
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2010 8 December :: 9.30pm
I have existed twice and all at once.
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