My Journal

:: 2007 10 October :: 5.37pm

Julia wants me to smoke some salvia with her this weekend, she said she'll buy a gram if she gets the chance, I think I'll just go ahead and try it, I mean, it's legal and has no long term effects, so why the fuck not?

:: 2007 7 October :: 8.13am

So, I'm just the medicine
You take when you're sick
You get well and that's it
I'm put back on the shelf in your mirror
And it isn't exceptional
The course of our fate
So, people love and they hate
And I guess it's just our turn to hate
Yeah, you were just some song I wrote
A poem on a page
A sculpture I made out of clay
Desire was the flame
But now you're more of a basketball
Boys just pass you around
They bounce you hard on the ground and dribble
And then we all get high fives
And you think I'm an asshole now
Well, you're probably right
But at least I'm not blind to the facts
I've been wishing were lies
But still I hope you get everything
That you care to possess
And unbelievable sex with him
Or any one of my friends
But just don't ask about my appetite
I didn't lose it tonight
No, it's been gone half my life
It's just act, I've been eating for you

:: 2007 6 October :: 10.19am

Ya know, I'd be a completely different person today if I had never joined this website.

I never would've met Lauren.
Never would've been invited to SpokLAN by Lauren.
Never would've become friends with Julius and later Jen at SpokLAN
Never would've become friends with ANYONE from SpokLAN for that matter.
Probably never would've taken Japanese without Jen's influence, meaning I'd have a completely different plan for my future.
So yeah, in the end, this website has changed my life immensely.

:: 2007 6 October :: 9.42am

This is why I fucking hate getting close to people, all that ever happens is that you get hurt, you should never invest your emotions in anyone but yourself, because they'll just treat your feelings like a toy, and toys always end up broken.

:: 2007 6 October :: 8.37am

I see why they call it a broken heart, it actually hurts, it feels like someone just reached in there and squeezed my heart until it popped.

It's just so hard knowing that your biggest reason for waking up in the morning doesn't even seem to give a shit about how her actions make you feel.

aaron

:: 2007 4 October :: 11.54pm
:: Music: Firebreather

What just happened to me defies all logic.

I'm totally torn in two. All truths funnel into two completely contradictory realities, neither of which I can avoid.

I love. I love. I love.

What does that mean exactly? There is a chemical cocktail coursing through my brain? There's an airy feeling in my chest?

No. No euphoria. Totally unconventional. A quiet wind, whispering constantly.

But these words make no sense! How am I to decipher that which is inconceivable? By believing one, I prove the other. And if I do not believe the one, I curse myself to the other which cannot be thereby fulfilled in my devices.

But it's not by my devices, is it?

This flesh is not my own

aerii

:: 2007 3 October :: 6.34pm

(And I know...)
State is not an ocean, not an island, not a road
If I don't know where I come from
How do I know where to go?
It's not where you're from, not where you're at
It's where your going... and I am going home...
To the land of the lost souls
Feeling a loneliness that really only exists in abandoned foster homes

aaron

:: 2007 1 October :: 8.20am
:: Music: Digital Sea

I woke, cold and alone,
adrift in the open sea;
caught up in regrets,
and tangled in nets,
instead of your arms wrapped around me.
And I wept but my tears are anathema here,
just more water to fill my lungs.
I hear someone scream,
"God what is it we have done?"
I am drowning in a digital sea;
Here my voice goes, to ones and zeros,
I'm slipping beneath the sound.
A song from somewhere below,
deadly and slow begins.
Both sickly and sweet,
now picking up speed,
and ushering in the world's end.
And the ghost of Descartes screams again in the dark,
"Oh how could I have been so wrong?"
But above the screams still the sirens sing their song.

aaron

:: 2007 27 September :: 8.55pm

Happy birthday journal.

:: 2007 25 September :: 7.37pm

I did painful things today....

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:: 2007 19 September :: 11.25pm

I should try forming a serious relationship, everyone else does it these days, I should too.

gideon

:: 2007 17 September :: 2.19pm

A message to all. (Too lazy to comment this everywhere.)
Call so we can talk about yummy food stuffs.

:: 2007 16 September :: 9.01pm

"I Won't Ever Be Happy Again"

Well morning came
And it dressed the sky
In a lovely yellow gown
Now the shops they are
All opening
In that narrow hallway of downtown
Filled with people who
Are shopping for
Their lovers and their friends
So they won't ever be lonely again
Well a forest fenced
becomes backyards
Like songs are born from sound
And the apple fell
And it taught us all
We are chained here to the ground
So here we go
But there ain't no escape
Yeah, these streets they're just dead ends
So I won't ever be happy again
Well, it seems you too
See a painful blue
When you stare into the sky
You could never understand
The motion of a hand waving you goodbye
"Bye bye"
But as the story goes
or it is often told
A new day will arise
And all the dance halls will
Be full of skeletons
That are coming back to life
And on a grassy hill
the lion will
lay down with the lamb
And I won't ever be lonely again
No, no, no, no, no
But until that time
I think I had better find
some disbelief to suspend
Cause I don't want to feel like this again