My Journal

:: 2007 15 September :: 12.02am

sdlfkjsadlkfjsdlfkjsd

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:: 2007 13 September :: 8.34pm

blahhhhhh..

tomorrow
will be epic

hopefully :)

eastman
and
no fi soul rebellion

:D:D:D

woo
i loves me some no fi

maybe i'll even see jake there,
who knowwwss

but i'll have fun with katie and raelynn
and then ambure and stina
:D

poisonedheart

:: 2007 11 September :: 11.01pm

Sometimes I want to just leave.

Not even tell anybody, just go to the bus station early one morning, but a ticket to somewhere far away, and never come back.

It's probably a good thing I don't have a job, I'm just impetuous enough to do it one of these days.

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wasabi

:: 2007 10 September :: 4.37pm

i gave me away
I could have knocked off the evening
But I was lonelily looking for someone to hold
In a way I lost all I believed in
And I never found myself so low
And you let me down
You could've called if you'd needed
But you lonelily got yourself locked instead
And you let me down
It's one thing being cheated
But you took her all the way through your bed
And now you're coming home

wasabi

:: 2007 7 September :: 11.14pm

the average person daydreams every 19 seconds.

:: 2007 6 September :: 7.42pm
:: Mood: lost

i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over it
i need to get over him

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:: 2007 5 September :: 10.03pm

I need to stop listening to music. It messes with my head when I'm trying to write.

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:: 2007 5 September :: 9.36pm

"duuuude.

I assume you are making reference to the incident of the, ahem, "creamy concoction."

or wait, are you talking about. . . uhh. . . the cruise!?!?

thats going to be so fucking awesome.

I MEAN SO FUCKING AWESOME!!

i can't even scream loud enough to depict how awesome that cruise is going to be, let alone how much i shit my pants every time i think about it.

YES.

and also, we will try to hit on the flight attendants. just to be douhcebags. Because you know what you can't get kicked off of?

an airplane."

haha, thanks alex

:: 2007 30 August :: 10.27pm

17 years gets shorter everyday.

"And though my experience is feeble, I've come to find that life is best lived away from the things we know best. I don't believe that time heals all things. But over time, we rub shoulders with enough people we can't help but love that eventually the holes get filled in. There are enough good memories to hem the bad one's in such a way that they start to matter less. They bring revelations long after the wound has faded, teaching us the lessons we wish so desperately we had been taught before.

It is one thing to love someone because we want to. When we find that we can't avoid loving someone, it something entirely different. Like slamming into a concrete wall that circumnavigates the earth. This love triumphs over pain, over passion, over hatred and malice. It shatters the darkness and lays waste to our blindness. There is no greater love than this; that a man should lay down his life for his friend."

These last three years have taught me a lot about who I really am. About what I love, and what my capacity for love is. It wasn't until I was sitting on top of that mountain telling 16 people, most of them strangers, that the Paul of three years ago would never dream that he'd one day become me that I realized how true it is. It doesn't make sense that I have become this person. That I ever grew up. I was so far gone, so very dead...how is it that I came to love life? How is it I came to love people? Me? The bitter, cold, broken child of that spring? I wanted nothing more than to watch this world burn. Now I would die to keep it alive. How did I change so damn much? I feel like I'm the second person to live in this body.

"Poignancy is the fabric of our brilliance."

:: 2007 28 August :: 5.22pm
:: Mood: curious

one time my friend matt showed me how to call yourself on your landline phone
by dialing some special number

but i forgot it
and now i'm sad

because it was funny everytime morgan would pick up
and no one would talk back to her

:]

:: 2007 27 August :: 10.46pm
:: Mood: nostalgic

i've got my train tickets
two more days

today was an odd day
a lot of thinking about how things used to be
it was nice
but kind of sad

i miss him
and i hope one day he can be who i remember him as
and we can hang out and have fun
with our bear trap proof pants

poisonedheart

:: 2007 23 August :: 4.57pm

I've got some hardcore circles under my eyes.

:: 2007 1 August :: 10.47pm

Contact
I'm so tired of being jocular about these sort of things.

Hanging out with Michael too much made me insecure in my solemnity. I need to do a little less leaching, no?

It's just as well. I'm making progress.

I've had a couple small breakthroughs lately, and then today I had my biggest one. I almost called Roberts and told him, but then it solidified itself by preventing me from doing so. A shimmering thread in my mind, victorious and alone. It's loneliness does nothing but cause it to shine all the brighter. A proud entity, the fruit of my labor. It's an amazing sensation. This must be what it's like to be raised from the dead. Feeling life trickle back into your being. And it's still there. It will always be there, the first real permanent structure in my being.

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:: 2007 1 August :: 10.34pm

Why does naivety rear it's ugly head now?

It's not me.