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aaron
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2009 8 December :: 9.22pm
I feel good. Rough around the edges, but things are changing. Maybe it's thinking back to the things that mattered before this weird fog. Maybe it's the major key playing in the stereo.
Most people get out- I know that I need to break out and shine anyway.
I'm carrying this belief that if I go, I'll fuck it up- that the new people won't like me, that I won't succeed in the new place.
All of that is juvenile- this place started as passion and a way with words. All the pretentious anti-personal anti-poetry came later.
My roots as a person are the things that I can't make sense out of.
Maybe I should let myself acknowledge how foreign all of the rest is to me right now.
I can't breathe, but there's a big smile on my face anyway.
"But the oranges just sit there and never ripen!"
"Stalinist fruit."
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aaron
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2009 8 December :: 9.19pm
"This is what I'm learning from this trip; I need friends, true friends, talk deeply, laugh deeply friends. And I need self-control. I need to not get away from myself or my best intentions. And I need to really live, really connect, really be human. Really.
I need to love, really. That's important. I need to be as human as I can without being human at everyone else's expense."
June 21st, 2009
How do people loose sight of moments like these?
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aerii
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2009 15 November :: 6.53pm
staring down an empty highway with a million possibilities.
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poisonedheart
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2009 4 November :: 3.08am
I WILL get a job before january, and I WILL move out.
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aaron
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2009 7 October :: 11.45am
Those are the things that stun me.
Life has so much continuity, it gives me goose bumps.
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aaron
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2009 17 September :: 3.56pm
I was there. I took the step, I bridged the gap.
I'm still afraid, and I'm still dodging my best intentions, letting myself get away from myself.
I know who I am. He's not just coming into view, but exploding into Technicolor.
This is without system or method- I know that's hard for people to understand. Everyone feels abandoned by me, but it's not abandonment. It's just a newer (older?) me.
And this is deep. A lot deeper than anything I've ever experienced. Quiet, calm, almost still- but the vibrancy is undeniable and inescapable. I've always been afraid I would lose it, but I think it's been chasing me all along.
He's there, but he's very different than I expected. I expected either loud or quiet, fun or solemn. I expected him to fit.
And it's ironic. What I realized was how bad I need people, and what I did was ignore all of them.
I feel awful- but it's just begun.
And she's right, haahaha. She's got us pegged. I wonder if they all accept that better than I realized? They don't protest.
I never knew as much as I thought. But this is freedom, and I like it a little better.
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aerii
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2009 26 August :: 1.18pm
"All the time we spent in bed, counting miles before we said, fall in love and fall apart, things will end before they start."
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aerii
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2009 3 August :: 11.17pm
"Sometimes a kind of glory lights up the mind of a man. It happens to nearly everyone. You can feel it growing or preparing like a fuse burning toward dynamite. It is a feeling in the stomach, a delight of the nerves, of the forearms. The skin tastes the air, and every deep-drawn breath is sweet. Its beginning has the pleasure of a great stretching yawn; it flashes in the brain and the whole world glows outside your eyes. A man may have lived all his life in the gray, and the land and trees of him dark and somber. The events, even the important ones, may have trooped by faceless and pale. And then - the glory - so that a cricket song sweetens the ears, the smell of the earth rises chanting to his nose, and dappling light under a tree blesses his eyes. Then a man pours outward, a torrent of him, and yet he is not diminished..."
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gideon
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2009 5 July :: 5.21pm
i think im on fire
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poisonedheart
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2009 23 June :: 1.32pm
Gonna go work for my uncle Rob at his place just a few minutes south of a canada for a few weeks here soon, gonna do it a few times. Thinking if I can save up enough money I'm gonna send myself on a vacation.
With Travelocity I can get myself a week in Japan for $1250 if I book far enough in advance, add another grand or so on top of that for food, touristy shopping, etc. and I'd have a great time.
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poisonedheart
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2009 15 June :: 1.55am
Meant to post this last night after Donnie Darko, but I was le tired and forgot, but it just came on during shuffle in itunes!
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me, what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world, enlarging your world
Mad world
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aerii
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2009 1 June :: 9.18pm
Fuck allergies.
Seriously.
They make me so not happy.
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aerii
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2009 30 May :: 1.30pm
It smells so good outside today.
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poisonedheart
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2009 24 May :: 11.23am
No hangover, I AM A GOLDEN GOD!
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aerii
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2009 10 May :: 10.07pm
"Be careful if you choose not to share your annoyance with someone today, because a minor irritation could fester and turn into a more serious problem. But you must be equally cautious if you decide to talk about your current frustration. You could inadvertently make the matter worse if you place blame on a friend or partner. You can minimize your discomfort by expressing your feelings without making any unfair judgments."
So I should just let it be?
Gah. Life is so stupid.
I just want to sleep.
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