a long night...
well it was an alrighty night...got like one of the last chairs for honor band...got to see joey a lot today...my closet rocks now!!! ;) ...anyways, so yeah i'm just really tired...i'm downloading music right now & i'm hella sleepy...thank god we go in reg time for band tomorrow...i dont' find it an "honor" in being in honor band now, but whatever...i had the worst feeling this week...i wanted to tell joey something bad (not like a break up), but things have changed for the better & i'm not that scared of things anymore so i decided not to tell him that thing...whatever if you really want to know then comment or email me later...

dude, my closet seriously kicks ass...'dear mr. garvy'...SWAT-AH!...anyways, i recomend the secretary to all you freaks out there...ending kinda sucked but it's fking funny as hell dude, at least in my point of view...

talk later...i'ma sleepy head right now...i love you joey...

*oi*

You're Almost Ready to Get Married, But Not Quite

i'm losing him, i know it...
my day was alright i guess...lot's of driving...i got to watch BIG FISH today...it was way better than i actually expected it...joey called me in the middle of the movie to tell me he got home from san diego...i called him back after the movie & didn't sound like he wanted to talk to me...
lately i feel like i'm screwing up so badly...i feel like maybe i'm not the one for him anymore...maybe he's finally realized i'm too screwed up for him...
on my way home tonight i wondered to myself if i really want to get married in general...i don't want to screw up like my parents did...i don't want to screw up our relationship (though i feel like i've done that to begin with)...i feel like maybe he's falling out of love with me...

if he is...then, well...he's better off maybe...as for me...well.........

another day passing...

cool beans!

You are eyeliner! Eye liner defines the look and
draws attention to your nice eyes. You like to
get attention and you deserve it but soemtimes
that doesnt happen. You know what you want and
you dont give up till you get it.


What Make-Up Product Are You?
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how cute

DON'T YOU KNOW THE REASON THAT I KISSED YOU WAS TO SAY GOODBYE!
i think i'm gonna tell him today @ the band shit...i can't take it anymore...i don't need danny in my life if all he's gonna do is make me feel like shit...

fuck it

feelings are a big part of your life. so is that
mean streak. you insult and apologize at the
same time. you are the "it worries me how
dumb you are" happy bunny. unusual might
describe you best.


which sarcastic, synical, and perverted happy bunny are you?
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i had a "fight" again, with danny of course...you know what joey is right...fuck the friendship...i'll have him & denisse...& everyone else actually...danny was my life for 3 years...& i got nothing out of it...so what the fuck am i waiting for?...

i'm waiting to say...IT'S OVER!

another morning
waking up this morning was kinda funny...my dad came in my room & goes, "mija, it's time to get up"...i'm all like "WTF? IT'S SATURDAY!"...stupid dad goes,"i know i'm just fucking w/ you"...damnit...
so yeah...i'm watching mallrats right now...i was told to watch it by a few ppl...i like it really...so it was a good suggestion...
tonight we have to go to the swiss club for a band performance, playing at a surprise retirement dinner...i will be driving tonight...*yay*...when i mentioned it to joey yesterday it kinda seemed like he didn't think it was a good idea for me to drive, but then again maybe it was just me getting the wrong signals...hmm...

well i'm gonna finish watching mallrats...it's fking funny...be on again later...

i love you joey...you owe me chasing liberty this next sat...for a special reason i hope you realize...*kiss*

wise words from jorge:
there's a very thin line between love & insanity...

i was told to think bout this all day...hmm....talk later...

good morning...woohu!
every morning before i go to school now i've been writing in my journal or at least getting online...lately i'm afraid to predict what will come to be when i get to school...my biggest fear is fighting w/ danny, & it happens regularly...maybe selfconciously i haven't fully grasped that it's completely over...& it is...& i need to get 100% past it...& i thought i was...though i have maybe a sliver of feelings left for him, it doesn't mean that i'll want to get back w/ him...i wish i completely understood why he still loves me...he made things so hard & what i used to be like he's turned into...maybe that's why i don't like him...i hate the old me & he's changed...hmm...

*shit* i didn't do my hmwk again...what's new...

if all goes well today i'm gonna see Chasing Liberty tonight w/ joey...*whoohoo*...

i found yet another song by avri that i totally connect to right now..."i don't give a damn"...i know you all must be wondering what's up w/ my obsession w/ evanescence & avril...well here's a bit of a story for that:
when evanescence first came out with "bring me to life", i was annoyed w/ it...but my friends had me listening to more & more of it...so annoyed grew to like & like grew into love...(jeez that sounded really corney didn't it?)...& some of their songs i can really relate to...as for avril, well that to me was a blessing...i know a lot of my friends who hate her & think she's such a poser...& that's fine...but her music helped me go through my breakup w/ danny & my parents divorce...mind you this was my dad's second marriage...*ugh*...anyways, that's why they mean so much to me now...well i may write again before school...if not definetly after school...talk later...

oh jeez
well my day was ok...i kinda don't care...joey & i are good again...i'm getting close a lot of times to just yelling at danny & telling him i'll never forgive him for everything he'd done to me...*ugh* that boy frustrates me...i want to tell him i hate him but i dont'...i want to tell him get over it, but then i don't...i dont' know what i want from him...not a relationship i know that...if we could be friends that'd be great but he can't handle it...

should i be w/out him as a friend?...someone please comment...talk later...

neato

SELENE: You are selene!
Beautiful, vivacious,
fierce and seductive, Selene vowed she would
destroy Lycans after her family was murdered by
the werewolves. So ruthless is she that selene
is a member of the Death Dealers. This elite
Vampire warrior class's mission is to make the
Lycans extinct. This 127-year-old
"aggressive hunter of the underworld"
combines a mastery of ancient weaponry with
modern pleasures, such as driving Jaguars and
using computers. However, Selene's ambitions
are suppressed by Kraven. She longs for
Viktor's reawakening so that he becomes the
Vampire's regent once again.

Ever wish
you could be a vampire?



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heh heh...

Exhibitionist


The ULTIMATE personality test
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ha this is true after today
YOU ARE A COMPLETE BITCH PEOPLE ARE PROBABLY AFRAID
OF YOU CUZ OF HOW BITCHY YOU ARE!!


are you a bitch , evil, or just plain psycho
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bad day...but hopefully getting better
i was reading the post before this one & realized how bad i made a pun on that...i really did (on accident mind you) punch joey...it's a long story...let me start at the beginning...

the fight we had lastnight didn't really get all that resolved but i'd forgotten some about it...when i walked into the band room things were good...danny though started in w/ a big shpeal bout how joey doesn't love me if he keeps putting off our wedding date...he basically made me feel like shit during band...so i said the fuck w/ it & when i walked into econ i wanted to cry...i walked out & before i saw danny i knew that he was gonna come up to me & apoligize to me...guess what?...HE DID...so i said yeah whatever, didn't really accept it...saw joey & when he jokingly tripped me & blew up & hit him...not just hit him...I WENT OUT & BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM...& i didn't even realize it either...i thought i hit him in the chest & kicked him in the leg...when in reality i punched him in the face & kicked him in the unmentionables...OMG I'M SO SORRY...so he wasn't really a happy camper...& saying sorry didnt' help so i felt like shit then...my math analysis teacher mr. rodgers fucking singled me out cuz i was late to class...the class was already in their seats ready for the lesson & he just opens the window & in the middle of class just asks me why i get to class so late...i got really mad cuz whenever it's one of his football or softball players he doesn't say shit to them...*ugh*...from lunch on it went better...

i have been really stressed today so i think i'm going to find something to do online...this one cute guy who i have on my msngr whom i've never talked to finally is on & i kinda felt like a dork right now...everytime i say hi for the past few weeks he ignores me...so i went ahead & said something along the lines of "do you speak?"...he responded but boy did i feel myself turn red...so yeah he'll be on again later to actually talk...lol...well have a good night...talk later...

beautifully depressed
i was thinking bout telling joey not to come pick me up this morning...lastnight i cried when i got into bed, but i tried not to cuz i know my dad would come in my room & get whatever was bugging me out...(hint to all girls: no matter what circumstances or anything...don't sleep w/ mascara on...& don't cry & leave it on)...i didn't have a dream bout it...actually i can't remember what my dream was *damnit*...i just hope that school is ok...i have a feeling we're still gonna fight...

i have a feeling i'm gonna throw in the first punch...talk later...

just to inform:
i just found out that chc got my application...let's see if they accept me...

as for everything else...still shit...joey just left online & i just feel like shit...i'm gonna sit on the balcony & cry for the rest of the night...not like many would care at this point...maybe like 1 person...neecie poo...but i think no one else cares anymore...

i never wanted to die drowning...but i guess i will be in my own tears...

i hate this feeling...
i hate the fact that i'm so damn anxious to get married to joey...we had a date in mind again, & again i guess we're not going for it...i scared him w/ something today & somehow it turned into a fight that i think we're still on right now...i don't know what to do & i'm scaring myself into thinking i'm gonna fuck this relationship up...i know i have...*ugh* nm...i don't know what to do at this point which is why i'm crying right now...& then danny doesnt' help which i'm still not sure what to do...if i could i'd run away for a couple days...maybe i'd find myself...i just wish i knew what to do...

danny is right bout one thing though...i do run away from my problems...i wish i could fix that...but i can't fix shit...i'm useless...

I'M WORTHLESS... :'(

BACK TO NORMAL
well today was the first day back from break...wow...i was dreading it up until i walked into the band room...god it was so good to see the people again...back in our "natural habitat"...i have a shit load of hmwk tonight...& it's amazing to see that i'm almost done with it...joey wore a white shirt today...sometimes i wonder what would happen if he did that for quite a while...it was a change that i couldn't accept at first, but later in the day it kicked ass...esp. with his cute sun-glasses & braids...damn my bf is hot...lol...anyways...nothing exciting today...it was just a good feeling to be back...i'm not looking forward to playing in band much but all my classes are looking interesting...*oi*...i found a kick ass song by avril today..."why"...well yeah i'm just finishing up hmwk & putting away clothes right now...i'll get back sometime tonight cuz i got nothing better to do...i love you joey...talk later...

lol

I did it in 34 seconds.
I deserved a B-!!
Take the How Dexterous Are You? Quiz!!

kinda early for me
i'm getting ready to go out w/ my mom & denisse right now...i've been listening to "a long december" (counting crows) a lot lately...listen to it...it's kinda cool...well...i guess i have nothing better to do than to surf the net all the time...ppl were getting kinda mad w/ me last night cuz i was online so late...i was on til like 2:15...whoops...well whatever...hopefully i see joey again tonight...i want to fall asleep w/ him on the balcony again...that was a beautiful moment...& for me to say that...*wow*...cuz i don't consider moments beautiful...

but it was...talk later...

sleepy poo
i'm in a wierd mood right now...i hung out w/ joey & we came back & sat on the balcony under (some) stars & fell asleep for a while...i enjoyed it...i wish i had more moments like that...just to fall asleep in his arms...*oi*...jorge has got me up & with it on the band issue...i wish i could get myself motivated to do things again like other ppl can...oh well...i'm still kinda stressed out bout the carrot race but i figure i'll get over it soon i think...well i should get some sleep...talk later...

i love you joey...i'll get sleep don't worry...*kiss*...