kind of like this.

kind of like this.

:: 2003 18 November :: 11.56am
:: Mood: yucky

i think about him for 23 hours....wondering if the baggage we both carry could sink a ship...if it would work?, if we're even friends? and if we get along and argue for the hell of it? or if i should just give it all up and move on...then in the 24th hours i realize i had been thinking about him for 23 hours and all i got out of those 23 hours is there's just something about him

2 blows | let it

shiznit05

:: 2003 16 November :: 9.34pm
:: Mood: i dont like being sick...stupid father...

my dad has been sick the past few days...and now im sick, i dont like being sick

this was such a crazy weekend. i vowed to stay home friday night because plain and simple: i didnt want to go out. there was no reason for me to go out. so i stayed home, i had pjs on by 530 and a movie in, well sara and stevie came out, damn wenches, when a girl says she wants a night alone she wants a night alone, i dont get whats so hard to understand about that? then saturday i wrote my AS paper...4 freakin' pages, i think i rambled on too much, Mrs Dever wont be very happy about having to read it but she'll survive i promise:), then megan called me and we chatted for awhile and made plans to go see the play...congrats to everyone who had anything to do with the play, you all did an awesome job, and congrats to the crew for not dropping or breaking anything :). then we decided we wanted ice cream (we being me megs stevie and sara) so i called dunn and ended up talking to metcalf for 10 minutes..even though we didnt do a lot of talking haha anyway doug called he wondered what we were doing so he came and got ice cream with us (he gets the most disgusting stuff ever!) and he called carmen and she brought jackie, and then the 5 girls all went to saras and had a girls night...and it was an official girls night, we played life (very interesting) and then we fell asleep around 230 and i left at 730 to go to church
sunday doug called me after church and asked if i wanted to come into bg and watch "paths of glory" with him...i did, i had lunch with him too, his family is really nice, and his dad is cool, he asked how i tolerated doug :) the movie was very good though, i enjoyed its stupidity...all in all a good time with doug as always, except my feet were soo cold!! i did my idea quote list for the first 10 chapters of grapes...i really need to work on that :( other than that school's ok, and band is stupid...the end

3 blows | let it

shiznit05

:: 2003 14 November :: 4.15pm
:: Mood: mellow

ahh, what is this? i must be on an updating rampage, i dont think ive ever updated this often..

man tonight is gonna be great, its a friday night and i plan on seeing no one, i havent stayed home in a long time, and im honestly looking forward to it, the only way i'll go out is if a certain someone calls, but we'll just have to wait and see

im talking to doug right now...he seems to have a nice night ahead of him, he seems to be really happy with life right now, i hate him for that :) im just playin douggie, you know i luv ya, but yea im happy for him, i just hope i can find that nice balance in life where i can be happy :)

i had a nice conversation with megs today, its good to finally see her get angry about something, and she rightfully is getting angry, and im glad, this is something to get angry about and she doesnt normally show her anger, but then again who am i to speak?

hmm...i love how one thought can just make you smile...im happy :)

let it

shiznit05

:: 2003 13 November :: 4.11pm

well i went and got a job application today...that was fun, hopefully this one works out because i really need some money, i feel so badly always having to ask my parents for money in order to go out, plus the fact i put no money whatsoever towards my car and i really should, i dont like being a mooch, so i really really want this job...i dont care if i have to kiss a social life goodbye...also Christmas is coming up and i never get really good gifts because i can never afford to give really good gifts, this year that really needs to change, now i realize that people say its the thought behind the gift that counts, but honestly what are you going to like better..a cheap piece of crap with thought behind it or a nice gift that works well and can be of good use with thought behind it? well we all know the answer to that...
today was ok, im getting annoyed by people really easily and i dont know what my deal is, i really should be more tolerant but its getting hard, i want to stay home tomorrow night and just veg, Lord only knows if that will happen though, people want me to go out, well too damn bad, i'll go out if something fun comes up but right now no one has any briliiant ideas so my answer's no, i like the idea of staying home, its entertaining
so megan wants me to get married now, that makes me laugh, i dont think i would marry him, thatd be too weird haha, but i can understand why she thinks we are cute together, hell i've heard that from like 5 people, and as egotistical as it sounds, i think we look cute and we act cute haha what can i say? he's never go for it though so i can dream, but thats probably as far as it will ever go
i was talking to amanda and angie the other day about track, im really excited about it this year, last year i wasnt really excited because i was stupid then, but this year im so ready, ive heard about two girls joining us, they're seniors, and they're bigger than me, but i dont care, i can throw 32 now, if they can hit that after taking two years off then they should be on varsity, they deserve it - but i really dont think thats gonna happen so 1st shot is mine :) and i'll take a 3rd year letter too
powderpuff has started..i havent been able to go to any of the practices though and i feel kinda bad, but im just gonna play center and noseguard again...so i think it should be ok, but hopefully we do a clean sweep this year, last year we only lost to the seniors so logically we should go all the way..that would be awesome
my mom went to the band meeting last night, shes gonna go to scotland with us so that will be very cool, im excited, it should be an awesome trip, basically its me and my friends going to scotland, minus the few who arents in bad...megan amanda stevie metcalf nelson and stretch, but they'll have eachother while we're gone, i dont know how long we're gone for...10 days? maybe? i dont really know i never read the letter all the way through
well we were supposed to have a girls night saturday night, but i dont really know if thats going to happen, because our location has been revealed so that has to be changed and i dont really know if it can be changed, so maybe we'll just call it off completely, amanda couldnt go to it anyway, so i dont know, as of right now i just want to say screw the world and just hang out with certain people this weekend - but we all know that will never happen, i never get to hang out with certain people, theres always others there, now dont get me wrong i like the other people, but sometimes the wrong combination = not a great time so yea
man ive been in such a funk lately, everynight before i go to bed i go through my cd collection and pull out the most depressing songs or the most romantic songs ever, im such a dork, i just dont get it
classes have been going well lately...i understand math - it couldnt be easier, chemistry is making sense plus we got candy todya whats not to like, spanish is fine and american studies isnt horrible...im getting everything in on time, im not behind and things are clicking in my head...remember english last year? nothing ever clicked, so it does...weird
there's been a slight improvement today...i only heard about the machine like 15 times, better than hearing about it every 5 minutes, i can't wait until that phase gets over with

thats it

let it

shiznit05

:: 2003 12 November :: 3.58pm
:: Mood: aggravated

im so sick of hearing about the machine, i dont understand it no matter how many times metcalf and nelson try to explain it to me, i guess my vision is "clouded" i dont really know, hell, i'll just let them destroy this machine so i can stop hearing about it

i felt horrible this morning so i stayed home 1st and 2nd period, it didnt really help but oh well, i still had to go in because of the AS field trip. the trip was fun, looked at some art which is always a good time, tomorrow i'll start going to powderpuff, havent been able to the past three days and i feel kinda bad, but its all working out now

ever get excited about something and then have it all torn down by people that mean the most to you? i have

4 blows | let it