well im wet, im cold and i hurt...

today started out sooo well too!!

we had the junior/senior awards this morning, longest damn awards ever, but they werent so bad, some of the presentations were mildly entertaining and for the rest of it i doodled on the back of my program. some parts were good and really touching...i love kyle by the way :) oh and greatest thing ever, half way through the ceremony and look over my shoulder and who do i see?? Nathan! ahh...so attractive. i love that kid to death, he is amazing...and hes golfing with Mike tomorrow and i am thoroughly jealous! grr....

after the assembly, i had study hall, chem, and AS....all of which we did absolutely nothing, it was such a blow off day...then it was time for NLLs...ugh..

wednesday i threw horribly, i didnt make it to finals and coaches werent pleased, carney had made a speech about field events having to step it up, then today when im ready to walk over to the shot circle, he pulled me over and was like 'hey, remember that speech i gave on wed...that was about you, you need to really step it up today' yea, fuck you buddy.

today was shot at NLLs...i threw a 32'7'', i made it to finals, and i placed 5th, not bad, i really wanted fourth though, i dont know why but thats what i wanted at the least, well i got 5th, which i personally dont think is horrible, but you always have that feeling that if you were able to try it one more time it would come out to be so much better...but you never get that other chance...its aggravating

girls ended up placing second in the league...by a lot..we'll pay for it on monday, runners moreso than me, i'll just get more speeches on needing to step it up...ok, they've given me that speech like 3 times a week since the beginning of the season, and it hasnt worked yet, you'd think they'd try a new strategy or something

im starting to feel like the loop hole again, i realize that im not, but its hard

i miss life when it was simple...if i could switch places with anyone, i would switch places with a 5 year old...they dont care about anything, as long as they can run outside and their snack will be waitiing for them when they're ready thats all they need....no stresses from teachers, peers, coaches, or in all actually yourself. ive gotten so down on myself lately, its horrid, and i see no way around it, people say to lighten up, but i cant, im just not performing to the best of my abliilties and i feel like a big slacker...grr..

i dont like it when bad memories are brought up again...the whole prom comment came up tonight at the meet...i wanted to cry, it still bothers me, and it probably will for awhile, but as long as its not brought to the table, im fine...ugh, i just wanted to hide when they brought it up, i couldnt get up and leave though that would only result in snide/smart ass comments and giggles...im fine with them thinking its humorous, if they find it funny thats great...their sense of humor must be far superior to my own...id just appreciate it not being said anymore...ever

im not looking forward to track next week...ians done so he wont be coming :(...he should, if nothing else throw shot or something, idk, i just want him there...him and his stupid singing of 'somewhere over the rainbow'

idk...i think ive rambled enough

2 blows | let it