::
2004 1 May :: 10.12 am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: my immortal
:-( crying again...
i did it again... :'(
whats wrong with me i cant talk all this stuff anymore....
"these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase"
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"i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along"
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im sick of so much stuff....
im sick of crying myself to sleep everynite
im sick of trying to make people happy and i cant no matter wat i do
im sick of hanging on to situations for so long
im sick of becoming so attached to ppl that wen they leave i want to leave every1
im sick of not being able to trust any1!
im sick of being a procrastinator
im sick of feeling as if i hurt every1 wen i dont do sumthin i dont think is rite :-\
im sick of hurting myself to get over everything :'(
im sick of people wondering about why i do the things i do
im sick of people trying to understand me wen they cant
im sick of wishing and hoping that everything will get better and the people i love wont leave me :-(
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poems to explain...........
Secret Message
I engrave this message into my wrist
Prior to the hour of my death
Where I will lay motionless
Against the cold floor, leaving blood stains
To where I was before
Slowly, painfully I carve this message,
Slice by slice, letter by letter
Gasping breaths as the scars run deep,
To previous cuts that I’ve achieved
Never again will I feel this excruciating pain
Razor to wrist as blood through my veins
For when I awake I’ll be on the other side,
Away form all of this misery that I’ve left inside
Waiting and watching, and watching, me die
Cutting myself open
As if I’m hollow inside
Where I will disintegrate in the fiery hell
To make up for all of the sins that I have done well
Fare well to thee, who is watching me bleed
You cannot do anything, just wait and see
See me bleed
As my knees turn weak
I cannot speak
Fingers clenching the razor turn numb and meek
The thump of my heart is getting much faster
To get me away from this horrible disaster
Finally I take in one last breath
Unable to exhale, the pulse is dead
Suddenly I hear an ear piercing scream
“Such a wonderful child…”
“How could it be?”
“How can you take your life away,
you were welcomed, you were here to stay”
My wrist is turned over, the message is read
“This cannot be, you cannot be dead”
From then on the story is clear,
Millions of footsteps
Rushed and somber
Ambulance sirens
Growing louder and louder
The casket closes
The prayers are said
And the last rose is placed on the soul of the dead
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
kill yourself now, kill you must”
With a razor in my hand and a message in my wrist
This is the last you will see of me, I no longer exist
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You cry
at night
trails blazing fire down sodden cheeks
cold coiling at the pit.
You draw imaginary lines along Your arms, following the blue rivers that drain Your heart
massage the imaginary soreness from your neck
stare at the soothing pink stones captive in glass bottles
watch green ripples down the creek, sucking You in
dangle Your feet from the brick red roof, listening to the colourless wind
for an answer.
Your hazel eyes, my dear
brim with tears this morning
that do not fall
but become icicles, despite the orange sun, still, unmoved, piercing
into my soul.
i offered all i could, i held Your pale hands, caressed Your porcelain face, breathed in
Your pain.
yet You still cry
at night.
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Now that you’ve gone,
And left without me,
I miss you everyday,
You get a new life,
But what do I get,
When you are away,
Having all things new,
I get nothing,
Not even a replacement of you.
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Cut yourself, for all your worth
Cut yourself and give new birth
Cut your flesh and watch it bleed
Cut emotions till they’re freed
Cut until you scratch your core
Cut till you can’t stand the gore
Cut until you burn with heat
Cut until your blood tastes sweet
Cut yourself all over your body
Cut until your hands are bloody
Cut and rip yourself apart
Cut and ease your aching heart
Cut so deep – ignore your plea
Just cut until you like what you see
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Cut the beauty from you face
Cut yourself every place
Cut your hand
Cut your heart
None of this cutting is particularly smart!
Cut your arm
Cut your leg
Watch your blood run red
Just keep cutting
Someday you'll be dead!
Such a waste
A beautiful life ruined
Cutting away the special person you are
Another like you won't be along very soon!
It saddens me deeply when I read
Your yearning for self mutilation to fill your need
A way for you to punish others and yourself
Instead of taking care of your health.
It's been said that youth is wasted on the young
You should be out with your friends, having some fun
Instead of finding a way to damage yourself today
Why not try talking with those who care, try a new way!
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I think its finally settled for me
I think i have decided
I don't want to stay with you
And burn with your angry fire
I think i've finally made up my mind
To travel far away
Change it all
Right here right now
And end it all today
Bleeding from angry cuts
Draining away the pain
Wandering what it would feel like
If my spirit floated away
Cut a little deeper
Slide the knife inside
Feel the metal bite me
Feel it against the inside
Tourture from your fire
Hurting from your hate
Wondering what i could have done
To deserve this fate.
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im sorry.....
1 comment |
you better fucking comment!! |
