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Evilgirl28666
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2004 22 September :: 6.53am
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: our lady peace: not enough
got a big fucking case of morning depression.
joyjoy.
i thought u were gonna be fucking there for me now, at least a little. but no, now u know the truth, yeah im an unstable fucking insane person and im sorry about that, wouldnt be this way if i fucking could. DAMNIT
you know things that fucking no one else EVER does. but no u try to get in, i let u in and now u fucking avoid me. WHAT THE HELL
you wonder why i have a big fucking deal of problems trusting people well you just added to that. thanks a whole fucking lot.
you know, maybe i wanted someone down here with me, its very lonely. yeah lonely. people dont fucking like me. they like the presto-alison that i present to them from 8am-3pm and later when needed. yeah thats fucking right.
THATS NOT ME THAT THEY KNOW.
you wonder why i hesatae on telling u fucking anything. CUZ SHIT LIKE THIS HAPPENDS.
you know, im not trying to be a bitch
but when u fucking act like you CARE at least ALITTLE FUCKING BIT it fucking kinda gets my hopes up that everyone in the world isnt a fucking bastard.
but no, you wanted to know me
you wanted to know things that no one else does
YOU WANTED to
wasnt my decision
you wanted to
and now where are you?
your fucking hiding.
you think i liked telling you what i used to do to myself? fuck no
not after the way u treated that girl who did the same thing.
i know we did it for different reasons and mine werent to fuck with your head. mine were becuase my head was the one that was fucked with
i thought i knew you, at least a little
i thought u fucking knew me, and u wanted to know more when u WOULDNT FUCKING TELL ME how ur fucking life is.
i opened up when u wouldnt even.
and now where are you?
sitting at ur fucking house
not even talking to me like we used to
holy fuck
thanks alot
makes me feel a whole lot better
lemme tell ya.....
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
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eragedbluerat
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2004 15 September :: 9.56pm
:: Mood: i lost part of me and will never get it back
:: Music: Way Away - Yellowcard
feels to be alone - and not believe
O God you have pushed me really far on this one. If you were here in my room right now, id so kick your ass. immortal deity or not. id make sure you felt the pain that i am.
about 3 weeks ago, on the day my sister was planning to leavce for college again, tab died. For those of you that dont know, Tab was my sister's bunny. He was 7. a decent run for a rabbit, but we were told a week before he was in perfect health. PERFECT FUCKING HEALTH. but then he dies. Do you know how traumatizing it is to wantch a rabbit flopp around like a fish out of water. All it wanted to do was stand. But his back was broke. my dad takes her to college since she was not stable to drive on her own. then we go down to see her a week later. we get a call when we get back that my aunt has to put down snickers. A dog. See the thing about this dog is that it has been in my family since before i can remember. i know it has had a good run. but to see it go like that. its not easy. and then the big one hits. My baby. the one constant joy in my life. my little bunny Bob dies. I wake up one morning to my mom's screams of sadness at seeing bob laying dead in his cage. at first i didnt think he was dead. his eyes were open. so i open his cage and try petting him. he was coold. and thats when i knew he was really gone. he was ice cold. It felt like my heart was ripped out and it was just laying there much like bob was. Dead and motionless. 3 deaths. 333333333333333333333333333. Was this all part of your master plan? well you know what god. Fuck you and your damn plan. go ahead. smite me. damn me to hell. I DONT CARE.
~BOYER
1 And the wings that you burn |
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
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evilgirl28666
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2004 13 September :: 5.48pm
And I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
(Yea) I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries... these mysteries... these mysteries
Ah you're the mystery
You're the mystery
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
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Evilgirl28666
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2004 3 September :: 10.57pm
i was just hanging out wtih my friend and i think i got him really mad/pissed/embarrassed at me
becuase we were talking about some drugs and alchoal..and i noticed how he was avoiding talking about some things and i pointed it out. and how he tried to change the subject
and then i started analizing how he was walking far away from me, n how he put his hands in his pockets and i knew it was because he was pissed or annoyed with himself that he let it show
and i dono what to do
because i think he is a lot like me
and thats not really a good thing
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
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Evilgirl28666
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2004 29 August :: 12.11am
i just got wicked depressed
i feel so lonely
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
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Evilgirl28666
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2004 26 August :: 10.06pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: 24-switchfoot
cancer
yeah..i feel like ive been diaganosed with cancer.
yeah went to the doctors,
yearly physical thing.
pricked my finger
i lost 12pounds!!! w00t
grew an inch !!!MWAAA!!
and i have scoliosis.
yeah.
feels like ive been diaganosed with cancer
its like weird.
but umm yeah.
PENGUINS!!!
sry...
yeah.
umm
lots unsaid
lots to say
tommorow hanging with a bunch of people
getting my hair cut n dyed. i cant wait. i hate my hair color so0o0o0o much. its MWARG!
boring.
id change my eye color too. i want contacts so bad. i want green eyes.
green eyes n red hair. not freaky redred hair. like people who have normal-bornwit-red hair. heh..
it would be so nice to be able to pick these things out before i was born.
saw bobby today for like two seconds.
mwarg..
go my schedual fixed n it will probably stay the same unless second semester i change my co-op class (AHHH) to E block n take some other class F block or keep a study n go to second n third lunch hehe which i wanna do wicked badly.
Semester 1
A: Digital Layout and Design
B: Advanced Photo
CD: Cp2 Geometry
EF: Russian 2
GH: Cp1 English
Semester 2
A: Piano/Keyboard 2
B: Art Foundation
CD: Cp1 World History
E: Study
F: Co-op Adventures
GH: Cp Biology
/comments..on the above
B: Advanced Photo <-finnally, my love lol got to skip intro to photo cuz im just that good
A: Piano/Keyboard 2 <-got to skip into to that class too haha...
B: Art Foundation (might see if i can skip this and the two other classes that are required before i can take sculpting. not to brag or anything but i could probably out scuplt those stupid peoples who call themselves sculpters even though there are random great art peoples there
F: Co-op Adventures (stupid mwarg...>_<)
yeah...lol
the class levels go
Honors
Cp1
Cp2
and unleveled: Cp
i didnt wanna be in cp2 stuipd geometry but i needed a b- to stay in cp1 and now i need a fucking a- to move up and no one told me that i had to have a b- to stay n the fucking level.
sry its just that cp2 is stupid n will lower my G.P.A. when im trying to do wicked good. now if i get a B- in that class it will mean if i was in cp1 id be getting a c.
AHH
so now i gotta work my butt of
nice job..instead of slacking my way through the first year i coulda made honors with my eyes closed. now im a stupid freaking slacker. n my teachers will probably be stupid fuckholes too...
MWARG
sry just needed to rant.
n i have a headache......
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
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Evilgirl28666
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2004 23 August :: 11.25pm
:: Music: name-googoodolls
mwarg
i have the worse headache
gave in yesterday...fucking moron
went three days..which i had a headache too
then...gave in...tempory relef
now im back to headaches n taking tyonal every 2hours so my head doesnt fucking implode.
ARG.
havent seen bobby in...what 5 or 6 days? i think 6.
me and kim decided that the people we've met at highschool remind us of the 20-24 kids we knew from our old school that went from kindergarden to the 8th grade.
kim thinks thats why i hang out with bobby because other wise hes just such an asshole.
i dono..hes something else. dono why im making a big deal outta not talking to him for like 6days either. tis weird.
hung out with druglord dave tonight. didnt do nething though lol.
gonna hang out with alex n the other dave tommorow...they want us to play or, rather, want kim to play
sometimes i fucking hate how all my friends (which are basically all guys) love kim n think how hot she is.
i mean, kim is my best friend ever. shes the best. but sometimes it would be so nice if everyone didnt wanna fuck her.
"yeah, hey whats up. im ally, remember me?"
god..lol
days like this make me wanna fucking stop eating whatsoever
mwarg
but yeah..dave told us he wanted to "hang out" sometime this week. dono what im gonna do..fuck ill probably go n regret it. damn.
me n kim now say we "need" to
not we wanna
sad isnt it?
yeah i think so to
will be easier when school starts
"oh no i cant *hang out* i got a test i need to pass"
fuck like im that strong willed. 2mins of talking to and id give in
i know i would
how fucking sad
im a disgrace
'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah,
No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no
Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now
No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no
I can't change
I can't change
'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
Try to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the things meet yeah
You know I can change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no
I can't change my mold
no, no, no, no, no,
I can't change
Can't change my body,
no, no, no
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
Been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Have you ever been down?
Have you've ever been down?
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
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Evilgirl28666
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2004 19 August :: 9.51pm
yeah...well i guess im back to updating....
yeah im just fucking mad that i deleted all my entries...never thought that i could LIE and say that i did neway to my mom.....
but oh well...
it sucks...
but yeah im back to updating...dono if it will be everyday or if there will be anything important...but who knows.
bobby disapered for two days (so far) i hate when people do that..or maybe just when he does that. who knows.
dave has also disapered for about three days...the last thing he said to me was: brb
so yeah...
just hung out with kim n steve. SO MUCH fun..not really.
had my last book test, think i did pretty good on it too.
12days till school starts...
meh...its not really the same typing in this anymore
i miss the other 400ish-entries
I WANT THEM BACK!!!!
like so bad...
MWARG -_<
maybe it was a good thing???
yeah...right. want them back
!!!!!
blah
ok..i guess ill go
laters~
ally
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
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evilgirl28666
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2004 18 August :: 10.54pm
i think i just got high of a sharpie...
so this might not make any sence
but who the fuck cares
Collect yourselves
Pathetic brothers of silly consoles
We are preparing for the greatest feeling
So breathe deeply and let your mind become foggy
Like a bug bright things become so appealing
Just reach your long fingers out
And pump your blood with the music of our freedoms
Feeding the masses there own crap and vomit
With a pretty face covering up the stench
So bow down
And wake up
Hostile enemies approach
And your stupid brains are shut off
With your inhabitations packed in a postal box
P.O. Box hell
Gather your lover
Look them deeply in the eye and betray them
You pathetic freak
Of longing and loneliness
Drink your way into heaven
Drug your way out of yourself
Too bad I’m not dead
Smoked out and alone.
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
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