eragedbluerat
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2005 25 January :: 6.16pm
:: Music: Jude Law and a Semester abroad - Brand New
1300
well now..what do we have here? a 1300. thats right folks. this stupid new jersey boy managed to get a 1300 on his psat's im happy but i think i can do better. bye
~BOYER
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Evilgirl28666
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2005 20 January :: 2.56pm
:: Mood: tired
heh..stole from sean's journal
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
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eragedbluerat
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2005 19 January :: 8.14pm
:: Mood: well i certainly could be better
:: Music: nada
if you ever said you miss me then dont say you never lied
well who didnt see a break up comin up? i did though i was hoping i was wrong. and to be honest i didnt think it would happen this fast. well the same thing happened as before. only the difference was, this time she didnt forget about me, she just didnt care. she would always tell me how great her friens were, how she had the greatest times with them. She actually came home from model UN and told me it was nice to get away with the people that really matter. Thanks becs. well we're still going to go to the dance. only becuase i dont feel like doing papaerwork. which i know i will.
Denver sucked. i got yelled at countless times for quoting Family Guy. I'm sry that show is god there is no messing with it. the only reason it was a problem was becuase my gmom was there. other than that it wasnt a big deal. but they have heated sidewalks. crazy shit i know. well thats it. ttyl
~BOYER
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Evilgirl28666
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2005 11 January :: 9.26pm
fuck
wow
i just realized how many people like my best friend
its like 8 or something
wtf is that lol
eh who cares
i realize that i care a lot about things that i say i dont care about.
hanging out with dumb people makes me dumb
i take on the traits of those im around
i blend in
its me
i wear what i think i look good in. i take others opinions into consideration but i dont base my world around what my "best friend" does
i dont have a best friend
i havent trusted anyone sence august
i havent trusted anyone sence bobby
i dont think im gonna trust anyone anymore
its just not worth it.
people are queer like that
i bet my soul mate is just like me
but
we wouldnt trust each other
....
good job fate
i dont know if i believe in fate
i dont really care about it either
i hate people labeling me, because i cant even label myself
im wearing jeans from old navy, a shirt from hottopic, converses with star laces, a black sweatshirt my nails painted purple listining to dido with a shit load of eyeliner smearing itself around my eyes
you can label that? go right-a-fucking-head
lol
i also hate people who make fun of others music
even though i do it, but i only do it when i hate the person
but who likes country and freaky religious music
i just wont talk to those people
i can even stand RAP
eh
some
i am hypercritical but who isnt
i want to fit in but i enjoy standing out
i enjoy wearing "dark" clothing
i would enjoy wearing "colored" clothing but
i am fat
also
only i am allowed to call myself fat
anyone else with this opinion can screw themselves i dont care what you think.
speaking of not caring what people think
i was giving a report today in class
i just loved how people were sleeping and talking
it was the best ufcking feeling ever
yeah
fuck stupid and ignorant people
i think its ok to be stupid or ignorant every once in a great while but...
not that much people kthx bbye
so yeah
i hate how you signed offline and its like my world ended
i just LOVE the fact that my mom thinks something is wrong with me
she yelled at me for:
not bringing two blankets upstiars
misunderstanding something i said
me apologizing for what i "said"
and then her deciding to go to my friends house when i didnt want to
she thinks im psyco
wow
lol
i didnt even really talk to her
everything is just like...wow lets just fucking killmyself n be done with it.
i dont believe in god, a god or shit like that
if you do
good for you its great to have a belief
i dont
there are "higher" powers
but just because some chick i didnt know ate an apple from a tree because a snake told her too means im condemed to suffer and beg for forgiveness for the rest of my life is bull shit
i went to a catholic school for 9 years
church every first friday
church on lent christmas easter ne other freaking catholic day
it pushed me so far away from "god"
the whole preist taking advantage of little kids too
i hope they all get what gay-gen got
and can burn in the hell they believe in
i dunno where im gonna go when i die
eh
ill find out when i die
this was not a really good post chic-something sry cant remember lol
so dont read it
-ally
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Evilgirl28666
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2005 6 January :: 9.55pm
you are about 6months too late
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Evilgirl28666
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2005 4 January :: 4.10pm
:: Music: vertical horizon-best i ever had
umm k
yeah so yeah
just got sardelis's journal...lmfao about it
gaah..
nicky n me were talking about lots of shit in english today, mostly her.
dont wanna talk about her though
nicky (nicki?) kept saying how she likes my hair n how i have perfect eyebrows.....i was like yeah thanx wish u were a guy or something ><
yeah, ms desmond loves my fucking project
she wants to keep it for a while.
i was like
150.00$?
yeah....stopped at bobbys house for a bit today
i hate it when his hair is long
becuase he looks so hott
hes grounded for like 4 months cuz he 1 took his dads car n 2 scrapped it against the fench in his driveway
he showed me it today, he tried to paint it but it wasnt pure white
he showed me this glass bottle that he wants to make into a bong
it would be so pretty
i wish he smoekd
lol again
seeing i was hoping he would stop by
today
he was like its 3:15 my mom isnt gonna be home till 4:15 im going out n i was like bye
shoulda been like "come over"
yeah
yeah
didnt see too much of dave today, basically him walking away from me
same with jon
eh
ill update again later
-ally-
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Evilgirl28666
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2005 1 January :: 10.00pm
:: Music: incubus-i miss you
something along the lines of right
alright
new years:
ok so yeah, jaycee n danielle came over n we were gonna work on our books for a bit but kim kept bugging me n we had to go meet jon, so yeah.......we didnt do much with books
got jon n walked toward the library
stood out there for a bit
it was nice
35-40 degrees
maybe warmer
probably warmer
random car picked us up
n brought us to rich's
i was the first one in his house n all over the table was pot, it reeked of it, there was smoke everywhere, people passing bongs around
like 6 people at a table n i started freaking out cuz 1 i promised danielle there wouldnt be ne drugs around us n 2 JON is like the fucking straightest straightedge n i didnt want him to be all omg freaking out...i had a dream he did too lol
so yeah as me jon danielle n jaycee walked through the crowd n up to richs room i was getting really high. i couldnt even be outside richs room. i finnally broke down n told danielle n jon that i was really high n needed to leave. jon was like "i thought u smoked" and i was like well i used to n then i stopped.
so a couple mins later danielle's dad calles n wants to give her her medicne n we stress over a way to get back to beverly
we went to her friend sabrina's house
i know her from school a little
then danielles dad dropped us off at the movie rental area.......got movies n went to my house. dave called around 9? maybe n came over around 9:30 we had a blast watching movies n running around the house
i did some premo-flirting but it didnt pay off...
we went downtown at like 11:30
dave wanted a lighter cuz he wanted to smoke
actually him me n jaycee wanted to
lol
he got one hit
at like 12:20
but
at 12:00 we were all standing together while dave was trying to pack a cig. no one kissed
i wanted to kiss jon
n dave
either
both
but i didnt
had a chance with jon
cuz he was like pointing to his cheek n saying common ladies or something........but i didnt
just stood there
feeling more lonely than ever
eh yeah, then we went back to my house till like 1
today me n jaycee "went to the mall"
aka richs
5 ft 2inches bong
omg so big
but
eh
i think i wanna stop
just gonna be so hard
gahh
god its gonna be hard
jon got his eyebrow pierced lol
its so....different
i wanna go out with him
cuz it would be so easy to not do drugs
=someone i wanna be with that doesnt wanna do drugs
it would work out perfectly
even though i like dave
n hes fun n great
bobby is just
i dont wanna say right
but
something along the lines of right
yeah
im gonna go crash
took me 30mins to write all this
later
-ally
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eragedbluerat
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2004 30 December :: 3.32pm
:: Mood: Sometimes i get sad
:: Music: Sometimes - Papa Roach
"cause i dont know which way to go"
"Scars"
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is
[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand
[Chorus]
I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
You fix yourself
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
[Chorus x2]
Good song...well things are new. Im going out with becs again. This was kind of a complicated situation that I only feel like explaing to my friends. So if you wanna know, IM me. My chrismtas was not the best. I didnt get much that i wanted. but what really ticked me off is that i lost my sister's gift. I was really upset about that. but then i found it and when she out on her necklace...it was too long. Which sucks. O well i guess ill deal with it later. ttyl.
i would like to pose a question to those of you out there that are black. Are you offended by a white person saying niggah. Not nigger (becuase that is not a word i say). But if i just say niggah (keep in mind the fact that i am not racist and i like black people), with no anger behind it, is that really a problem?
~BOYER
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Evilgirl28666
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2004 26 December :: 10.18am
:: Mood: dunno
and i'd give up forever to touch you
and you cant fight the tears that aint comming
or the moment of truth in your lies
eh yeah
im all...not yet christmased out
its snowing :P
i heard texas had a white christmas for the first time in 86years?
86...thats my house number....umm...maybe saying somethin?
i dunno
i got some shit for christmas
i apperciate it
but i wanted barbies or dolls, or connect four
lol
u know what i mean
i wish that this week, even though my mom needs it
that she went to work. becuase it would be nice.
i need some house time to myself
n wishing that bobby would stop by like he used to ><
i promised myself before i started writing that i wouldnt mention neof the three guys but eh
in what...6days ive known jon for a year? met him on new years listining to the c.d. he gave me right now
i dunno if i met bobby on christmas or like feb vacation? do we have a feb vacation?
letters you never ment to send
and you grew up way to fast
yup, dave i met when second semester began
before he did ne drugs
hes changed but i think im the only person who really knows,
besides his friend john
or neone else
i might be hanging out with him on newyears
if he wants to that is
i feel like hanging out with jon though
its pissing me off
i wanna party n have fun n do all this stuff
or hang witth jon, n have a really nice time n go home n wish that i hung out with kim n dave so i wouldnt feel shitty
but there always a chance that if i hung out with jon
not like hes even said nething to me about it. halloween he just showed up at my house n was like amg lets hang out except i was in salem.
damn y it is so obvious that i like him
i hate my hopeful mind
na, ill push to get dave to hang out with us, me n kim that is n kims bf
n get drugged up n die
n at least ill be having fun...........
josh was saying that hes goonna killhim self or something newyears
i keep telling him not to
cuz then ill kill myself
and all the roads we have to walk are winding
and all the lights that lead us there are blinding
gahh...
i offically hate guys that i like....
lol
yup
there are many things that id like to say to you
but i dont know how
cuz maybe
your gonna be the one who saves me
2 And the wings that you burn..... |
turn to ashes my dear (leave a message)
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evilgirl28666
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::
2004 15 December :: 8.48pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: foo fighters-walking after you
eh...
so yeah...today was shit
mom is gonna be so disapointed (i fucking hate that word) in me...im not gonna make honors second semester...i dont think. we only have what 16classes left?
i have a C+ in english...which was a B+ which will probably turn into a b or b- when averged into this semester. math i have a C- or something...when i had an A- first semester
computers i got a A+ or something...i dont really care
russian i have a B
n im probably failing photo
god
its so fucking annoying
i wish i cared
i really do but no things have to suck fucking major ass balls
god
ERRR
this guy i didnt know, but knew, its weird
killed himself
i havent heard from danielle
god
i miss her so much
i hate having to be fucking strong for other people
i FUCKING HATE IT
GOD PEOPLE U NO IM NOT ASKING FOR ANYTHING
BUT REALLY
how fucking stupid are you all
bobby is fucking picking up the hints a little
i WISH HE FUCKING DID LIKE WHAT? 5 MONTHS AGO
you know when he DIDNT FUCKING HATE ME
WHATS UP WITH YOU? HUH? WHY ARE YOU NOT BEING MY FRINED WHY AR EOYU FUCKING DOING THIS TO ME WHEN I FuCKING NEED YOU THE GODDAM MOST...GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS HOW FUCKING RETARDED ARE YOU I MEAN COMMON HOW OBVIOUS AM I THAT I WANT YOU TO FUCKING HELP ME BUT I CANT TELL YOU ANYTHNG BECAUSE I CANT TRUST YOUR GODDAM ASS REALLY COMMON YOU ARENT STUPID NOT ONE OF YOU FUCKING BASTARDS ARE STUPID
omfg....
GRR
AND WHATS UP WITH ALL THE FUCKING RAPE
IF YOU DONT WANNA HAE SEX THEN DONT IF SOMEONE HAS FUCKING SEX WITH YOU AND YOUR ON DRUGS OR DRUNK THEN FUCKING SEW THEIR ASS COMMON LADIES!!! YOUR GOOD ENOUGH TO HAVE GUYS LOOKING AT YOU SO FUCKING MAKE EM KEEP THERE PANTS UP ITS NOT HARD OT SAY KNOW AND IF IT IS THEN DONT HANG OUT WITH THEM WHILE YOUR FUCKING HIGH AS A GODDAM KITE
AND FOR ALL YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO THINK IM FUCKING INSANE
i am
grr...im so fucking tired of all this shit going on
i want it all to fucking end
everyone be fucking happy
you know what?
YOU KNOW WHAT I GODDAM WANT?
i want it to be august again
i really do
also had a little self reflection thing the other day
one of the lesser bad reasons of why i smoke:
i guess it reminds me of august, when i used to hang out with bobby every day.
yeah fucking sad i know
I DONT REALLY GIVE A RFUCIKING RATS ASS IF ITS SAD OR KNOT CUZ U NO WHAT IM FUCKING SAD
HEAR ME FUCKING YET YOU DEAF BASTARDS
OMFG!!!!!!
yeah, i kinda havent been happy lately
i dunno if u noticed
i really hate always having manic depressive entries
i know it sucks to read but eh
what the fucking hell
's my journal
---------------ally---------------
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