You are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me.

I used to think that I was going to be one of those people that lived alone with 50 million cats and grew old by myself.
Apparently, someone else had a different plan for me.
I never imagined myself being pregnant. Always swore it off and said it wasn't going to happen.
And no, I am not that girl that says "OMG! How did this happen?"
But something about being pregnant has changed me, other than the obvious things.
My outlook on life hasn't really changed, yet.
I still think the world is cruel, people are selfish, and I am more scared to raise a child in this world than I am to live the rest of my life in it.

I had to work my way up to taking a pregnancy test.
I was scared for the result, I had my hopes up for both possible answers.
Part of me knew what the test was going to say, but a piece of me doubted it.
Then for the next few weeks, it didn't seem real to me at all.
The only thing different in my life, was that I hadn't had a period and I didn't crave mountain dew.
At my 11 week appointment, the situation changed. I heard the heartbeat for the first time, and my hear grew a million sizes.
I knew it was real, but it still didn't feel real.
Since then, I have had cravings, ripped the ass out of my favorite jeans, cried an immense amount of tears about my pants not fitting, and grown out of all of my bra's in a weeks time.
I am becoming more annoyed with people, and have been having dreams that make it seem like I am smoking crack before I go to bed.

I had my 15 week appointment today.
I heard the heartbeat again, had blood drawn to test the baby for certain things, and scheduled my ultrasound.
Now things are becoming even more real.

I cannot wait to meet this little nugget.
I joke about my fears of ginormous ears, and reddish hair.
Now my BIGGEST fears are, that my child will hate me, be as shallow, selfish, emotional, and messed up as me.
I HOPE that my child is as athletic as his/her dad, as smart/funny as me, but knows that it has a HUGE family from both sides that will love him/her unconditionally no matter what.

I know I can't be a perfect parent, but I just want to be a good one.
I want my kid to understand that it's not always what you have in life that counts.

you worry too much

phil-himself

:: 2010 13 May :: 9.51am

He's Captain America, not Captain Government.

7 kids | you worry too much

snowman

:: 2010 12 May :: 8.25pm

the interviewee today didnt show i'm still looking good and it was over hear the boss was really thinking about hireing me!

you worry too much

snowman

:: 2010 11 May :: 1.43pm

had an interview for the shipping department today at borisch went really good should hear back in about a week or less..

9 kids | you worry too much

phil-himself

:: 2010 7 May :: 3.13am

Spoiler Alert: Tony Stark finds the Green Lantern's crossbow in New Mexico at the end of Iron Man 2.

13 kids | you worry too much

outsyder18

:: 2010 2 May :: 11.18pm

3 kids | you worry too much

phil-himself

:: 2010 21 April :: 12.00am

Iron Man Deuce on IMAX at midnight premiere

you worry too much

phil-himself

:: 2010 19 April :: 7.37am

Look what I found

2 kids | you worry too much

phil-himself

:: 2010 18 April :: 2.41am

someone get me 8 grand so I can buy this
Read more..

6 kids | you worry too much

snowman

:: 2010 16 April :: 7.52am

>< alarm clock didn't go off this morning... gonna late into work... wonder what the VP is gonna say about me not wearing my uniform! haha

you worry too much

phil-himself

:: 2010 15 April :: 8.28am

you worry too much

snowman

:: 2010 14 April :: 3.15pm

i was looking back at past posts of mine and the times sure are changin. its been mega crazyness since my accident with my mustang about 4 years ago, my fall 3 years ago, my apartment at ramblewood and all that jazz.. pure crazyness.. it feels like i was so young back then. well that should be enough for today i think...

4 kids | you worry too much

snowman

:: 2010 13 April :: 5.01pm

wow... its been i think 2-3 years since i have logged in here >< ages have come and gone.. so much changed in my life and the world..

3 years and 1 day to be exact

3 kids | you worry too much

tuwang

:: 2010 13 April :: 12.18am

http://www.google.com/support/forum/p/Web+Search/thread?tid=26939a1769a335e0&hl=en

Really? when you search free porn on google you get... porn?

2 kids | you worry too much

rayray

:: 2010 10 April :: 6.43pm

I seriously wish naming a child was as easy as naming a dog.
I also seriously think that if I have a boy, he will end up named after a fighter from UFC..
Any suggestions?

9 kids | you worry too much

phil-himself

:: 2010 4 April :: 6.41pm

semi tire pwnt

2 kids | you worry too much

phil-himself

:: 2010 1 April :: 6.22pm

The Company Band - Who Else but Us?
Rocky Erickson said to me,
"You can trust acid before the C.I.A."
Chairmen of the Waterboard, Let us come to disorder.
It's enough to make a believer,
The Cleavers seek reeducation.

you worry too much

twiggypuff

:: 2010 29 March :: 2.48am

Where are my training wheels?
Someone asked me on a date.
He's cute and sweet.
I liked him once upon a time.

I'm stressed over this.
Though it's just as friends.

3 kids | you worry too much

rayray

:: 2010 26 March :: 11.35pm

They say things happen for a reason, but why do bad things happen to good people?
I am excited about being pregnant.
I was even more excited that I was going to have someone to share my pregnancy with, and was even more excited that, that person was going to be my sister.
I wanted to have that bond with her, and have a child the same age as hers.
That way even though they weren't siblings, my child would still have a cousin the same age to grow up with. Someone close in age with him/her, like I didn't really have.
However, God had a different plan.
My sister had a miscarriage yesterday morning.
She is completely heartbroken, and I want to do everything I can to take away her pain.
I don't know how to console her, or help her through this, and that hurts me.
Reading her blog about the events that took place yesterday tore me apart inside.
It has been a half an hour since I read it, and I still have not managed to find a way to stop my own tears.

There are so many emotions that I have running through me right now, that I don't even know where to begin to try and seperate them, and work through them.

I just really wish I could be there with her and help her through this..

2 kids | you worry too much

jayzulla

:: 2010 26 March :: 12.25am
:: Music: BIGGIE - Mo Money, Mo problems

Whoa.......where am I? This isnt facebook....

2 kids | you worry too much

phil-himself

:: 2010 17 March :: 7.23am

If the government thinks they are going to tell me what I should eat, bunch of fucking homos.

2 kids | you worry too much

phil-himself

:: 2010 7 March :: 5.30pm

To add to awesome weekend, started the cycle back up today and went for a drive.

you worry too much

phil-himself

:: 2010 7 March :: 1.27pm

Barricade

2 kids | you worry too much

phil-himself

:: 2010 6 March :: 4.00pm

Ford man now, will post later.

you worry too much

fishyrere

:: 2010 5 March :: 10.49am

Finally got a new computer!

1 kid | you worry too much

phil-himself

:: 2010 25 February :: 2.14pm

It's god damn 2010 and people still don't know how to do the most simple things on their work computers. Now I could understand if you don't use a computer much, but these people, it's a part of their damn jobs. The company gives them these machines that are a part of doing their jobs, they don't know anything about these machines so really they don't know how to do their jobs. Do your damn job.

2 kids | you worry too much