Latch on and make me bleed, you're such a disease.

:: 2009 6 February :: 12.21am

My sister turns 18 later this month. I feel old.

We're both graduating this year. Crazy.

:: 2009 31 January :: 3.04pm
:: Mood: bitchy

Dear Life (formerly of The Cereal, now Comma My),

Thank you for the awesome birthday week. It was great to have dinner with my parents at a delicious Indian restaurant and I'm glad you let me drag Nick along while he suffered through the terminal stages of Extended Man Cold™.

I am blessed to have awesome friends that wished me a happy birthday all week long. Although work has become super lame since you decided my favorite kid needed to get fired and you brought my arch-nemesis back from Spain, it was great to have to work on my birthday and celebrate with the people I have been stuck with for the past four years. You made me look forward to graduation and leaving this town so much more!

I've got to say though, the coolest part of this birthday week has to be all the plans you decided weren't awesome enough to actually work! Instead of going ice skating with my boyfriend, you gave him a cold and death cough for a week and a half more -- just long enough for him to be whiny, unbearable and asleep by eight o'clock every night of my birthday week. It was also really nice of you to give my roommate a great car, tempt us with a Sonic located closer to us and then decide that her car needed a new alternator the day before the planned trip, trapping us at my school for an hour and a half longer than we really wanted to be there. That was great.

I have one thing to thank you for though. For my birthday weekend, I will pay rent, pay all overdue bills (most likely on my own) and get a haircut then be unable to eat or do anything for the rest of the week. Thank you so much! This is even better than the time you tempted me with seeing the friends I hadn't seen since May and then decided that all six backup plans wouldn't work. And I thought that was awesome. Oh man, I didn't even know you were going to get me a birthday present!

I guess I wanted to just say thanks. Now I know that I really should never plan anything ever again.

However, if you want to come to my graduation, I was just planning on becoming poor and homeless afterward. I don't need a new car, we only need one door to be able to open really and who doesn't love scraping off the outside and inside of the car? I also was just planning on staying in Michigan and never getting a job with my bachelor's degree. Maybe I should plan on drowning in all my debt? Alone? Because I'm planning on never being engaged or married and I never truly wanted kids.

If you want to ruin those plans, go ahead.

Love,
Rachel

:: 2009 28 January :: 12.08am

AT 9:25 AM (8:25 AM CST) I WILL BE 22 YEARS AWESOME!

I LOVE YOU ALL!

4 Broken hearts | Crush me

:: 2009 25 January :: 3.52am

Hey.

So.

Nick needs a paintball gun.

Tips?

I do not want to spend a lot of money. He's just going to play with people at work once it warms up.

If it is ever not winter again.

Does he need protective gear? I know nothing about this...thing.

Thanks.

I love you kids.

7 Broken hearts | Crush me

:: 2009 22 January :: 1.28am

My birthday week began today (Wednesday) and will continue through the end of the month because it's my birthday week and I say so.

I don't know if everything will go as planned but here's the outline (which will completely change now that I've said it):

Wednesday - THE BIRTHDAY
Dinner with my parents and Nick at some restaurant that I haven't chosen yet. I'm wavering between two Indian restaurants and Chinese food.

Sometime later that week
Ice skating at Patterson ice center/rink down the street. This is the ice skating rink I met Nick at. I got ice skates for Christmas and I've wanted to go back to there for a while now.

At some point Nick's family wants to get together at Jess' house but I haven't heard anything about that in a while.

Friday, Saturday or Sunday
Mini road trip to the new Sonic in Kalamazoo!

Monday or Tuesday the week after next
Logan's with roomies.

I am pumped.

P.S. Nick mentioned that when Obama leaves office we will both be 30. I mentioned that we will also be married and have one or more child. We both commenced freakouts.

6 Broken hearts | Crush me

:: 2009 15 January :: 10.24pm

KHAAAAAN!!!

I don't know what to do with myself. It's like when Kurt Vonnegut died all over again.

Sigh.

:: 2008 31 December :: 5.28pm

Guess who didn't get to see her friends.

ME! yay.

:: 2008 21 December :: 11.46pm

I did not get to go to Lansing because my one plan and my five backup plans fell through. It was not meant to be.

I am working on Tuesday, Nick's and my parents' celebramatations on Wednesday and Thursday. Nick's parents' again on Saturday. And MAYBE meeting up with the friends I couldn't see in Lansing Saturday night.

4 Broken hearts | Crush me

:: 2008 19 December :: 3.32pm

One semester left until I am thrown into the real world without guidance or a job.

I AM SO EXCITED TO NOT HAVE HOMEWORK OR TESTS ANYMORE OMG

In other news, I'm going to Lansing this weekend.

:: 2008 17 December :: 10.27pm

so annoyed. soo annoyed with a bunch of stuff
just wanna move to florida. just progress

i want a house of our own SOOO bad. so freakin bad. i want to decorate it and have SPACE and not feel crammed and stuffed everywhere. i hate this duplex. it's too small. ..nothings respected ugh i hte it

i just want to move to florida and just settle in a get ready for life..

:: 2008 12 December :: 10.13pm

I hate Windows
Me: Hey, I wanna play this game with my 360 controller.

Windows: Oh okay.

Me: This game says it's the coolest with the controller.

Windows: Mmhmm.

Me: It says it does rumble.

Windows: Yes.

Me: So, I'm gonna plug it in...and you should...see it right?

Windows: Sure.

Me: Okay, it's there.

Windows: I'm not seeing it.

Me: Well, it's there.

Windows: Still not seeing it.

Me: Let me unplug it and I'll put it back in.

Windows: Uh no. Nothing.

Me: Um. So. Do you need a driver or something for this?

Windows: I'm not quite sure.

Me: Can you check?

Windows: No.

Me: Well, I'm going to ask Google. He always knows.

Windows: I can wait.

Me: He says you do.

Windows: Okay.

Me: I went to your website and you just wanted me to buy a controller.

Windows: Well, yeah. You need one to play the game.

Me: Yeah, well. I have one right here. Remember? It's plugged in.

Windows: Oh. Yeah. I can't see it though.

Me: Right.

Windows: Right.

Me: So, I'm going to go ask Google again. Maybe he knows a better place.

Windows: Okay.

Me: He told me to go to your website again.

Windows: Yeah, it's probably there.

Me: Well, the link they sent me to? It doesn't work.

Windows: Huh.

Me: So. I'm going to look around a little.

Windows: Okay.

Me: Why isn't it on the page with the controller? You know. Under related topics or links or whatever.

Windows: Shrug.

Me: Huh.

Windows: ...

Me: Oh well I'm going to go to this product download link.

Windows: Mmhmm.

Me: Why do you need to know what I'm downloading it for? I told you on that other page.

Windows: I forgot.

Me: ...

Windows: I can't see it. I forgot.

Me: ...

Windows: ...

Me: Okay, well it's downloading.

Windows: What?

Me: A driver or something. I don't know. It's downloading.

Windows: Okay.

Me: Why is it going to take five minutes?

Windows: I don't know.

Me: Okay.

Windows: ...

Me: Well, it's done.

Windows: Okay.

Me: So, it's installing.

Windows: Okay.

Me: You know, my OS came out after the 360.

Windows: Yeah.

Me: So why didn't you just include the driver with the OS?

Windows: I don't know.

Me: I have a lot of useless stuff from you already. Why didn't you just include it?

Windows: I don't know.

Me: Okay it's done.

Windows: Okay.

Me: Why the hell do you always want me to restart? The light is lit up. Why do I have to restart?

Windows: I don't know.

Me: Bill Gates doesn't even know why I have to restart.

Windows: Well...we don't talk anymore.

Me: Huh. Well, I'm not restarting.

Windows: Okay.

Me: I'm going to go play my game now.

Windows: We'll see...

Me: Wait.

Windows: What?

Me: Why's the program still there?

Windows: Which one?

Me: The one I installed the driver with.

Windows: I don't know.

Me: Why couldn't you just delete it after it installed?

Windows: I don't know.

Me: And what's this Windows Update thing?

Windows: Hm?

Me: You just installed the driver and already you need to fix it.

Windows: Well... This is an update just for you.

Me: You couldn't just put the latest version on your website?

Windows: No.

Me: You asked me what OS I was using.

Windows: Yes. Yes I did.

Me: So. You could have just the latest one for my OS there. On that special page. For me.

Windows: Yeah.

Me: Huh.

Windows: Yeah.

Me: You want me to restart again.

Windows: Yeah.

Me: Fine.

Windows: See you later.

Me: Whatever.

7 Broken hearts | Crush me

:: 2008 9 December :: 10.40pm

All moments, past, present and future, always have existed, always will exist.

The cat is both dead and alive.

:: 2008 2 December :: 2.28am

crossposted
I am very blessed. I have a boyfriend who loves me (and lets me sleep and makes me bagels with cream cheese and turkey (when I don't feel well and when he thinks it sounds disgusting)) and whom I love. I have a family that despite my coming home from a semester in Europe and immediately moving out, still loves me.

I am blessed because I had two Thanksgivings. And I will have two Christmases.

I talked to one of the new student workers today. His father lost his factory job and his mother lost her greenhouse job. Downsizing. He had Spaghetti O's for Thanksgiving. In his dorm room. He says Christmas doesn't look too great either.

I left work crying.

I've always had a Christmas. I've always had a Thanksgiving. No matter how poor my parents said they were that year. I can't imagine not having one. But this kid did. This kid will.

:: 2008 29 November :: 10.15am

i am so fricken mad and upset

my backpack was stolen out of my car at jess's house. yes ii should have locked my car but i forgot to seriously for the like the only time ever. i never forget to lock it.

and i was even parked inside of her garage. who does that?

yeah and everything was in it... including an assignment that is a complilation of events that we had to go to throughout the semester with signed sheets by deaf people and/or hosts who were at the events. things i can't replace.

and papers i wrote that i saved on a flashdrive that was also in the backpack

and videos i recorded that were saved on a flashdrive that was in the backpack

and fucking books that are fucking expensive that i would have continued to use in the following like... 2 semesters. because we continue to use our books because all our classes are based on sign language.

god

i am so pissed and upset and i seriously take this as a sign just like i do everyting because ibelieve in that crap. i take it as a sign that maybe i'm not meant to be going for sign language because now my grades are probably not goign to be good enough to pass if i can't turn in my journal.

great

dfa;lfjdl;skfja;sdlfj;aksjf;asdjfl; fuck and i dont want to be here at work . fuck this. and i swear to god i'm gonna fuckin throw a boulder at this stupid radio that i can't reach because it is playing christmas music and it is so fucking stupid.adsfd;skfjadl;sfjd;sfjasdlfajdksfjadl;sfjadl;sfjdfj

:: 2008 26 November :: 10.14pm

I feel like I learn more about faith and feel better about faith in my Arabic class than I ever did in my Theology class.

In my Theology class, I was angry and upset that I was supposed to believe what he said I needed to. That I needed to obey the laws he said existed. Laws and rules I didn't think any god cared about.

In my Arabic class, I feel good about this god that I thought was mean and restrictive. I feel good about the world. Every day we have a religious discussion, even inadvertently.

I guess I'm not doing the Catholic thing anymore? I guess I haven't for a while. I like this God guy. I'm feeling things out but I'm a big fan of this non-denominational thing. I just hate religion so much. We'll see where this goes.

eddy	:: 2008 21 November :: 7.40am Things are better. Not like they were before, but still even better in some ways. I hope things continue to improve. =] 4 Broken hearts \| Crush me

eddy	:: 2008 18 November :: 1.56pm OMG OMG OMG So maybe life is looking up. Aparently Tim Burton is making an 'Alice in Wonderland' movie. Guess who's going to be the Mad Hatter? Heck yes. LOVE IT 10 Broken hearts \| Crush me

eddy	:: 2008 17 November :: 1.04pm Fuck the world. 1 Broken heart \| Crush me

eddy

:: 2008 10 November :: 9.39am
:: Music: The Ladie's Man

So much for things looking up for me.....

Because now I'm doing absolutely fantastic. =] This situation is turning out to be so much better than I could have imagined, and it's nothing like I've ever had before. It's all so new to me, and I'm not sure how to react sometimes, but I wouldn't change a thing. =D

:: 2008 4 November :: 12.35am

Vote tomorrow, bitches.

2 Broken hearts | Crush me

eddy	:: 2008 3 November :: 6.36pm :: Music: Chevelle - Panic Prone The old problems still stick around. But I think things are looking up for me. I'm hopeful, at the very least. 5 Broken hearts \| Crush me

:: 2008 1 November :: 10.21am

i am having a horrible horrible day...week...

i/we have never done this before. we've always been so on top of things and yeah we've been short before but never honestly with nothing. this is going to wreck things for us. this stuff is permanent.

god how do you tell a friend that you need something because it's fricken ruining shit.

this sucks and i keep getting sick every single day from the stress and i am not liking it.

:: 2008 25 October :: 10.41pm

Did I tell you I updated my ~~law blog~~ photoblog?

Because I did.

:: 2008 16 October :: 2.34pm
:: Music: Sons and Daughters

To everyone who will never see this:
(This isn't about you. If you think it's about you, it's not. It's about a certain vous.)

Not everyone's religion is your religion. You can't just push your views on me and I can't just push my views on you.

I believe in God. But my god seems to be a little nicer than your god. And if that makes me wrong, or a heathen or whatever, I don't care. I'm living in a happy, nice world with a happy, nice God who loves everyone, where free will means free happiness and where people are happy and love each other. If that's not a world you like, that's fine because it's my world. And I'm happy here.

I just don't understand why anyone would want people to not be happy.

I don't understand how what you do makes you happy. Does judging others make you feel better? Does alienating your friends and family make you happy? If it does, then that's fine. I'd only ever want you to be happy. But if it doesn't? Why do you keep doing it?

I love you all.

5 Broken hearts | Crush me

:: 2008 5 October :: 2.38pm

Nick's little sister got married last night. She turns 20 in November. As much of a horrible ideas as I thought getting married at that age was, after it all, I am so happy for Jess and Ryan. They obviously love and care for each other quite a bit and share the same ideas and faith. They're both silly and a little ditzy. And besides, people probably think the idea of Nick and I getting married is ridiculous too.

In the end, I had so much fun dancing and dressing up and partying and celebrating with them that none of it mattered. Not waking up at 7 to get my hair sprayed into a fake updo at 8:45. Not getting my makeup done and feeling guilty about Nick's mom spending over 200 dollars. Not the stupid fights we had only weeks before. The only thing that mattered was seeing Jess walk down that aisle yesterday and feeling so happy for her. For everyone.

Congratulations, you two. And good luck.

I love you all.

:: 2008 4 October :: 12.17am

So Nick's little sister is getting married tomorrow. I'm not sure how I feel about this yet. I am a bridesmaid. I am going to bed now.

:: 2008 28 September :: 2.31pm

my prozac has taken the day (maybe week) off. I am in the worst mood ever and i would seirously suggest not talking to me today because I am bound to explode.

when someone tells you they are comig over at 1 and decide not to come to oh who knows... THREE or something? maybe you should let the home owner know. that'd be great thanks.

:: 2008 26 September :: 3.58pm

FOR ANYONE WHO LIKES TO TALK ON CELL PHONES.

dont you ever EVER EVER EVER ever come up to me while talking on your cell phone and fucking show me by using your fingers what tanning bed you'd like to tan in. or by pointing or mouthing words or fucking any of that stuff. seriously i'm going to punch this business dressed man who thinks he's fucking better than me i want to kick him in the fucking crotch. god i hope he dies.

fuckers.

i'm in such a bad mood.

:: 2008 26 September :: 3.41pm

i'm in a really bad mood and i'd really like to be home right now.

ugh.

:: 2008 24 September :: 2.38pm

UPDATE
OhMyGodSocietyIsCollapsingAndWeWillSoonBeDevouringEachOtherInTheStreets
LikeDogsAndACrippledOne-EyedBoyWillBEKingIfWeDon'tFixThisByNextWeek

This man deserves a world full of Emmys.