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kinkyrose1212

:: 2016 13 June :: 6.25am
:: Mood: melancholy
:: Music: Techno stuffs

The End of an Era
I've finally given my final decision in this mess of my love life to all parties involved. I chart my course for North Carolina this evening. I will wait out these last several weeks of my husband's deployment and pick up with him again when he returns. He's a great man to put up with my crap and never lose faith or respect in me, even when I've lost it in myself. I have broken Joe's heart, unfortunately, was talking stupidly of future plans I shouldn't have been making with him. He knew I was married, should have known this wasn't going to go smoothly or end pretty, but I was very convincing because I do love him and if Wolfe wasn't in the picture I truly would want those things with Joe. Joe has never been left like this, never really been burned. I'm only his second girlfriend and the first one he just broke up with about a month ago when I got involved. She and I are on speaking terms again, which both of us are happy about. These poor boys. I'm easy to fall in love with and I absolutely love falling in love, it's the sticking with it once the initial quick burn is over with that's the problem. It isn't really a problem with Wolfe, but he hasn't been here in a while and I just blew up when left to my own devices. Not that it's an excuse. I'm an adult, almost thirty, I should have my shit together by now. ~sigh~ What we're seeing now isn't pretty, but at least our eyes are open. To Wolfe, to Joe, to Lasha: I hurt you all and I love you all and will always devote a piece of my heart to the grievances I've caused here. If I could take all that pain into myself, heal it and give you back something beautiful I would do it in a heartbeat. And I try, but it's hard to figure out how and what to channel.

Burned Out


kinkyrose1212

:: 2016 10 June :: 9.31pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: Factory sounds

A Bad Person Who's Done Good Things
Today one of my husbands friends and superiors called me up, after I texted my husband telling him I wasn't sure I was going to stay with him. This guy emphasized the fact that because of my actions, and mine alone, I have made Wolfe combat-ineffective and he can't be trusted behind a gun right now. And the guy was absolutely right. My husband is more wonderful than I deserve. He himself told me he didn't have the strength to tell me no but he could handle me continuously jerking his chain. He compared me to Humpty Dumpty and said I was teetering on the wall. I'm either going to fall in one direction in which he could maybe save me, or I'll fall in the other and shatter to the point where I will never be put back together again. And that is also true. Through letting him go, a part of me will die and will always regret not having the life he and I planned together and not being there for him in the ways I should have, the ways I vowed to. And I will deserve every second of torture and agony that will bring. I have crossed the line of being a good person who's done bad things and become a bad person who has done some good things. And quite possibly, I will never be able to redeem myself.

Burned Out


kinkyrose1212

:: 2016 6 June :: 12.24am
:: Mood: Stoned
:: Music: Joe's groovy guitar playing

When last I wrote, I had decided to stay in Massachusetts with Joe instead of going back to my husband in North Carolina, once he comes home. My feelings on this matter have swayed. The idea of leaving things like this between me and Wolfe, not even trying with him for the life we planned together, doesn't sit right with me. Not when I haven't seen him in so long. It's not fair to walk away during something like this. There's no guarantee I won't be back in North Carolina for a while and start thinking to myself, "I don't feel right about this, either. I wish I was back in Massachusetts with Joe." He is holding out some hope for that. I started taking Metformin to help fertility a couple of months back, when Wolfe and I were planning on trying for a baby when he came home, and I'm still on it. I'm not taking any precautions not to get pregnant with Joe; just leaving it all up to chance. And that would change things, in a way, even simplify them....but not really. In any case, I've found myself a job here through a staffing agency, and I'll be sticking around until Wolfe comes home around the beginning of August, so the situation and any and all developments will be reassessed at that time. Cheers!

Burned Out


kinkyrose1212

:: 2016 24 May :: 9.51pm
:: Mood: enthralled
:: Music: Awesomeness

Whirlwind Life and Romance
So, my life has rapidly taken off on a haywire lightning-infused rollercoaster ride. My husband has been deployed since January and I've been living alone in Jacksonville, NC with no job and not much to do. I've lost about 35 lbs. since February through extreme dieting and excessive walking. Early this month I spontaneously decided to drive up to New England to visit with family and friends for the two remaining weeks before I was due to start working towards my Associate's degree in North Carolina. I hung out with my best friend Lasha and her boyfriend, who I'd had a semi-three-way relationship with in years past. Joe, the boyfriend, and I really got to know each other and slept together a lot for a week or so. I realized how screwed up the relationship between Joe and Lasha was and I pointed this out to him. He had a series of revelations about how poorly he was being treated. Lasha hadn't had a job or any schooling in 8-10 years and was being supported entirely by Joe and his father. She never cleaned the apartment, did the dishes, or made much of an effort at all to show she cared or keep her man attracted and interested. They had no communication and no common interests. I'd been alone for a while and not feeling very connected to my husband. Joe and I connected on so many levels and didn't even have to try. Hence, we fell head over heels in love with each other and are now contemplating a future together and working with each other at least in the short term to rise to our highest levels of awesomeness of self. In July, my husband will return and I will decide what the seemingly best course of action should be. For now, I am living with Joe and being happy. I am on my way to a job, a new apartment with him, and so many wonderful adventures. He's left Lasha, she's moved out, and things are hanging in the balance with Tyler. I've done all the laundry, the dishes, and we've cleaned the shit out of this place, though there is still more to be done. Hopefully tomorrow we will find out we've been hired and then we shall ride to North Carolina to collect some of my belongings and take care of some important business that awaits me down there. A lot of people, entire families, have been hurt as a result of my and Joe's actions (mostly mine, I feel), but we are happy, and is that really so wrong? In any case, I am enjoying life and indulging in it. I am grabbing it by the balls and running with it. I am a kite sailing over the beach and the wind may well carry me away, but I will always find a safe landing.

Burned Out


chibikeriana

:: 2015 25 October :: 7.58pm

i don't even go by keriana anymore...
The other day, a friend and I were showing each other embarrassing journal entries from our past. I dug so deep, I found this journal. I can't even look at the username without cringing anymore. Who was I. Everywhere I look is vague entries and that particular brand of pretension you only get when you're a teenager who feels too many emotions and thinks you are, somehow, the only person who has ever felt those emotions, ever, and therefore you need to find a brand new way to articulate them.

It's so weird. I need to continue my slow process of archiving this journal, but this journal has so many entries and so much history and spans so much -- by the time I was using LJ, I wasn't updating nearly as much as I updated this; these days, I updated my DW maybe a dozen times a year. A part of me really misses that old journaling culture!

And now we have twitter.

Anyway, as horrendously shameful as the contents of this journal are, I'm glad this site has stuck around. They're still memories, even if they're.

Weird.

Thanks, 14 year old me. Thanks.

5 Candles | Burned Out


kinkyrose1212

:: 2014 29 July :: 11.35pm
:: Mood: contemplative

Why do I have such a problem being monogamous? I've told my past couple of boyfriends about the fact that I have history of cheating and sleeping around as a kind of warning. I'm fine until someone I'm attracted to comes along, which makes sense, and then it becomes something I fantasize about quite frequently. I have an amazing boyfriend who absolutely does not deserve to be treated like that, which is the only reason I haven't slept with anyone else. If it was any other guy I've dated in the past, I would have done it already and had no ill feelings about it. But he is really good to me. And yet, I find myself still wanted to have sex with other people. One theory is that people feel this way when something is lacking in the relationship, but there couldn't have been the same thing lacking from every relationship I've had and I really don't think that there would be one special person whom I wouldn't want to "step out" on. I get a rush from getting wrapped up in other people, especially when I admire them and find that they are also attracted to me. That's an awesome feeling, because I am so lucky to have someone I think is so cool think I'm pretty awesome, too. So this seems to be just who I am. I don't want to give up what I have because I love TJ and he's amazing. But can I go the entire rest of my life without ever having sex with anyone else? I don't know. Is it inevitable for me to fall in some kind of love/lust with male friends? Must I just not have male friends, or at least not hang out with them in certain settings? That's bullshit, too, but if I can't keep it in my pants, I suppose that's the only way to go. The main problem being that, while I don't want to hurt or lose TJ, I still don't WANT to keep it in my pants. I try so hard to be good but last week there was a situation and since then, for some unimaginable reason, the phrase "unfinished business" keeps flashing through my mind and I keep trying to tell myself to shut up, but it's quite an interesting debate when you are trying to talk yourself out of something while at the same time hoping you'll give in to it. And it would also be nice if it didn't happen. Because I'd like to be able to hang out, go places, do things, things I imagine "normal" friends do together. Whether it's possible or not, I don't know, but I'd like to find out. What I am most worried about is when TJ is away at basic training for three months. How fucked up would it be for me to cheat on him then? Incredibly, worse than if he was here and not using my memory to carry him through bootcamp. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't let emotion get the better of me. Like my various other addictions, if that's what this is, it's something I just have to take day by day and try not to drive myself crazy over (even if it's damn near impossible).

1 Candle | Burned Out


kinkyrose1212

:: 2014 13 May :: 10.36am
:: Mood: sick

Job Corps
After one year and seven months in the Job Corps system, my time is finally coming to an end. I worked at Amtrak in an internship for about four months and that was great, Tyler signed his contract with the Marines which is also great, and my father told us we could move in with him and my mother in New Hampshire. So on Friday, we will both be flying up and saying good bye to Job Corps forever. It has been a valuable life experience, not only because I met Tyler, but because I got to travel, gain a little more independence, hone in on what it means to be responsible and have a respectable work ethic. The structure if offered showed me that I never want to be stagnant again. I always want to be moving and working towards something. I opened up more to people and made some friends, even. It has been a valuable experience, but for many reasons, some I've already complained about, I am very glad that it will be over in two more days. I look forward greatly to having more adventures with Tyler in New Hampshire and seeing where else the journey of life will take me and what other kinds of things I'll experience.

Burned Out


softspoken

:: 2014 15 April :: 10.46pm

Another Beginning...
So... I have not written here in about 5 years. I went through and deleted my old stuff (I like to start fresh), so I figured I'd write a little back story for myself and whoever is reading this.

At the moment, I'm 24 years old. I'm a natural brunette with coffee eyes and a caffeine addiction. I live a few miles outside a small town in Indiana with my dad and my son, and my fiance lives about 8 miles north of here.

My son will be 3 in July; he's my life. Of all the things that make up who I am, he's the best thing. He's the perfect combination of his father, Zac, and me. He's got my cheekbones and smile, Zac's hair and multicolor eyes. He's the happiest, most well-tempered child I've ever know. He has his moments of terrible two's, but can erase every indiscretion with his adorableness (which he is well aware of).

I've been engaged to Zac for about 4 years. We were in the midst of saving to move in together when lil man showed up on the scene. So now, every month we put a little bit more back in that ol' coffee can to add to a down payment on a home. Its definitely tough, being parents and together while living separately, but it has strengthened our relationship beyond comprehension. He's the yin to my yang, as cliche as that is to say. We tend to balance each other out. He works full time as a truck loader for a small logistics company, which allows me to work part time during the winter to be home with our son.

I work at a large non-profit resale company as a book scanner and e-commerce associate part-time (usually only 1-2 days a week) during the winter, then I guess the plan this summer is to work 2 hours a week there, while I work full time for a local farm. I've been with this company for about 4 years on and off. I got pregnant within my first month there, took maternity leave the following summer, then quit the last 2 summers to work the farm because summers usually mean loss of hours because of falling sales due to it being garage sale and flea market season. This year the new store manager (we go through management like its going out of style) wants to keep me on with minimum hours so she doesn't have to have more rehires on her record since apparently that will make her look bad, though no other manager ever had a problem with it before.

I've been working at the farm for 5 years, selling produce on the side of the road at both a stand on a busy state road, and at the stand that is located on the farm. Every year, there's a little more work. In the beginning, I only worked from June to mid-September, then it was June to Halloween. Last year, I helped with the pack sales in the spring in addition to the summer and fall produce sales, then this year I've been helping with seeding so far. This week will actually be my first week of the year doing sales.

Its been tricky these last couple months with working and everything, because my mother has been in the hospital. At the beginning of February, she fell ill. She finally broke down and asked me to take her to the emergency room (she didn't have insurance, so she had been putting it off). A few hours later, I got the call that they were transferring her to an hospital in Indianapolis because they had found an aneurysm in her abdomen. It was a miracle that it hadn't burst yet. She had her repair surgery about a month later, but has been struggling with kidney issues since then. We're hoping that she'll be moved into a rehab closer to home by next week, but the doctors have been saying that for a few weeks now, so who knows. She's typically the one who takes care of JD while I work, so Zac has been having to pick up the slack, watching JD during the day while working at night, and slipping in a few hours of sleep in between, which gets kind of tricky when he's working ten hours (9:30 pm-7:30am), and I'm working 9-5. But God bless him, he does everything he can. I'm not sure how I wound up with such a wonderful man, but I thank God every day that he brought him into my life. <3

Well, I think thats a good enough back story on myself to explain most things that I will probably write about on here now. Anything else, I should be able to explain as a write. I'm doubtful anyone will be reading this, especially anyone I know, but feel free to comment.

Burned Out


kinkyrose1212

:: 2014 1 April :: 9.17am
:: Mood: happy

I am so happy!
It turns out that life can be just as trippy when you're stone-cold sober as when you're on drugs. Before, things would happen and I couldn't believe they were real because I was doing so much cough medicine. Now I can't believe things because I never would have thought they could happen to me. I moved down to Washington DC. It ended up being an extremely disappointing place, and I will be wishing it good riddance as I fly away from it for the last time, but I still lived in DC for a year, without my parents. That's huge. I worked directing traffic and for Amtrak. I found an amazing boyfriend, the youngest guy I've ever dated but the absolute best, the only one who's been a real man. My parents like him and even my FATHER is impressed by him, and they haven't even met him yet! Yesterday he signed his contract with the Marine Corps. I am dating a member of the US Marine Corps. How trippy is that?! And at the end of May, we are kissing Job Corps and DC good bye forever and moving in with my parents up in New Hampshire. Home sweet home with my love! SO EXCITED! This will make every Job Corps day a little easier to deal with, because it will all be over soon!

Burned Out


kinkyrose1212

:: 2014 29 March :: 10.11am
:: Mood: pissed off

Some More
Oh yeah. And if you're not fond of unintelligent rap music, which typically consists of getting intoxicated in some manner, sex, and the same things over and over again spoken in the least imaginative intelligent ways possible, then you'd better come prepared with some noise-cancelling headphones and a loud MP3 player. And you'd better get some heavy duty ear plugs if you don't want your sleep interrupted by RAs and student "dorm leaders" busting into your room whenever the hell they feel like it, the stupid, obnoxious black bitches screaming up and down the hallway at all hours of the night because they love attention and think they're cute, or any one of your three roommates' phones going off all fucking note or them screaming in fight on the phone with their significant other or with whomever, sometimes someone in the room, and don't feel like getting bullied, your shit getting stolen, people fucking with you every day, don't ever come here. Also if you don't want to become a racist. I've become a selective racist since I got here and I can't even find it within me to feel bad about that, anymore. Especially since I'm discriminated against for being white! FUCK IT ALL

Burned Out


kinkyrose1212

:: 2014 29 March :: 9.49am
:: Mood: pissed off

Bitch Fest About Job Corps
Job Corps promises to teach you all kinds of things, particularly responsibility and employability skills. Then the staff turns out to be corrupt and hypocritical. Their Zero Tolerance Policy For Drugs and Alcohol is so clearly upheld in a very strict fashion when there are students smoking weed and K2 ON CAMPUS wherever they feel like it! Right in front of the dorms, right in front of the cafeteria, right in front of the rec! There are bullies who will physically push people around and threaten to kill them, but if their victims stand up for themselves, THEY get in trouble! People are kept on after getting into fist fights. The phones in the dorm aren't working, so those of us that don't have cell phones can't talk to our families, the RAs don't have so much as Benedryl or IB Profen in the first aid kit, even though they're supposed to, so if you get sick after Wellness leaves for the day, I hope you have money and enough physical strength to walk the mile to the store and get your own. And through all of this, I still get yelled at and get write-up threats over something as small as hugging my boyfriend. FUCK YOU!!! And if we put a toe out of line, WE'RE the pieces of shit because we should know better and we signed a contract and all of that shit. If it sucks so bad here, I should just leave, but I don't want to leave Tyler behind. I just want all his military stuff to get sorted out so we can find out if he's allowed to move or not. If he isn't, then we'll figure out what to do from there. If he is, we are leaving in May. That is fucking that. Fuck Job Corps.

2 Candles | Burned Out


kinkyrose1212

:: 2014 21 March :: 11.45am

a A CORNUCOPIA OF QUESTIONS FOR A RAINY DAY
Created by therian and taken 14915 times on Bzoink
THE BASICS:
NAME?: Laura
AGE?: 25
BIRTHDAY?: August 4
ASTROLOGICAL SIGN?: Leo
EYE COLOR?: Green
NATURAL HAIR COLOR?: Blonde
HAIR LENGTH?: Shoulder
WHERE DO YOU LIVE?: DC
WHEN DO YOU GET UP?: 5:30AM
WHAT IS YOUR FIRST THOUGHT?: Fuck...
WHAT DO YOU DO FIRST?: Open my eyes
DO YOU EAT BREAKFAST?: Yes
WORK OR SCHOOL?: Work through school
HOW MANY HOURS DO YOU WORK OR GO TO SCHOOL EACH WEEK?: 30
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU GET HOME?: Snuggle Kitty!
WHAT TIME DO YOU GO TO BED?: 11:00PM
SLEEP ALONE?: Do stuffed penguins count?
ANY PETS?: No, but I have a boyfriend I call "Kitty."
HERITAGE?: European? Caucasian? The point is, I'm white.
SIBLINGS?: None
YOUNGEST OR ELDEST?: Only
SHOE SIZE?: 8, typically.
LEFTY OR RIGHTY?: Righty
NICK NAME(S)?: Laula, Kitty, Kee-kah, Kah
WHERE WERE YOU BORN?: Worcester, Massachusetts
LASTS:
PERSON YOU TOLD YOU LOVED THEM?: My boyfriend
TIME YOU CRIED?: Last night
WERE IN A CAR?: I was in a van on Monday.
ATE AT A RESTAURANT?: Yesterday
SLEPT SOMEWHERE OTHER THAN YOUR OWN BED?: Last week
WENT CAMPING?: Never have I ever.
SLEPT IN A HOTEL/MOTEL?: January
SMOKED A CIGARETTE?: January 15
SAW YOUR PARENTS?: January 6
WERE IN A CLASSROOM / SCHOOL?: January
DOWNLOADED SOMETING?: Yesterday
MOVIE YOU WATCHED?: You're Next
WENT TO THE LIBRARY?: Tuesday
WERE SICK?: Today
ATE A FRESH PICKED FRUIT OR VEGETABLE?: Um.....
PERSON TO CALL YOU?: My instructor
PERSON TO TEXT YOU?: My instructor
BOOK YOU READ?: The Plague Year
SONG YOU HEARD?: Secrets by OMD
THE FUTURE:
GOING TO COLLEGE?: I hope so.
PLANNING A TRIP?: Yes, of some kind.
PLANNING A MOVE?: Yes
MARRIAGE?: Within the year
TYPE OF WEDDING?: Country
IN A CHURCH?: No
BEST MAN / MAID-OF-HONOR?: I'll have to think on that.
WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?: Somewhere warm, white, and quiet
WHAT WILL YOUR JOB BE?: Receptionist? Transportation worker? Anything that pays enough.
KIDS?: Hell yeah!
HOW MANY?: Two or three
THEIR NAMES?: I don't know that yet.
WHERE WILL YOU RETIRE?: Somewhere warmer, whiter, and quieter.
DO YOU CONTRIBUTE TO A 401(K)?: Not currently.
YOUR IDEAL PARTNER:
FIRST THING YOU NOTICE?: Eyes
DRINKER?: Socially
SMOKER?: As long as they're not a desperate loser, it's fine.
HAIR COLOR?: Typically dark, but blonde works, too.
HAIR LENGTH?: Whatever, as long as it's neat and clean.
EYES?: Brown or blue
WEIGHT?: Not too heavy, unless it's muscle
HEIGHT?: Not too much taller than me, but a bit
STYLE? : Laid back but not sloppy
IS MONEY IMPORTANT?: As long as we can survive
TATTOOS?: If they have them/want them
WANTS KIDS?: Ideally
HAS KIDS?: Preferably not
WHAT QUALITIES DO YOU LOOK FOR?: Honesty, humor, compassion, willingness to cope with my weird bullshit
FAVORITES:
FAVORITE COLOR?: Black
FAVORITE ANIMAL?: Penguins and kitties!
FAVORITE PET?: Kitties!
FAVORITE AUTOMOBILE?: Nissan Sentra
FAVORITE FLOWER?: Lilac
FAVORITE MOVIE(S)?: American Psycho, Falling Down, Bully, Foxfire
FAVORITE BOOK(S)?: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, White Oleander, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, Rage
FAVORITE AUTHOR(S)?: Janet Fitch, J.K. Rowling, Jackie Morse Kessler, Stephen Lawhead
FAVORITE SMELLS OR SCENTS?: Lilac, liquor stores, my boyfriend's phermones
FAVORITE MALE NAME(S)?: Benjamin
FAVORITE FEMALE NAME(S)?: Allison
FAVORITE NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK?: Almond milk
FAVORITE FOODS?: Pizza, chicken fingers, broccoli
FAVORITE PICTURE OR ARTIST?: Your....mom?
FAVORITE SEASON/TIME OF YEAR?: Summer!
FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK? WHY?: Friday (duh!)
FAVORITE VACATION SPOT?: Cape Cod
FAVORITE CANDY?: CARAMEL!!!
FAVORITE TV CHANNEL?: None
FAVORITE TV SHOW/SHOWS?: None
FAVORITE ACTOR?: Christian Bale
FAVORITE ACTRESS?: Jennifer Connelly
FAVORITE DESSERT?: Banana cream pie
FAVORITE ICE CREAM?: Caramel cups and swirls and shit
FAVORITE HOBBY?: Reading
FAVORITE HOLIDAY?: Christmas
FAVORITE QUOTE?: "If the law is of such a nature that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another, then I say, break the law!" ~Henry David Thoreau
FAVORITE BIBLE VERSE?: None
FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPINGS?: Pineapple and ham!
FAVORITE SOAP?: Jergens....or Dial....or anything that cleans me...
FAVORITE STORE?: The thrift store!
FAVORITE COLOGNE OR PURFUME?: Haiku
FAVORITE GEM?: Emerald, sapphire, or garnet
TALENTS:
ANY SECRET TALENTS?: Singing, writing
PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?: My vocal chords
ROLLERSKATE?: Yeah
SKATEBOARD?: Hell no
MOONWALK?: No :(
EAT WITH CHOPSTICKS?: Yup
COOK?: Some
SING?: Yeah!
MULTI-TASK?: Yup
DO BACKBENDS?: No
A SPLIT?: NO!!
DANCE?: Hahahaha...yeah, right...
HAVE A GPA HIGHER THAN 3.9?: If I tried hard enough, maybe I could.
KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO THE NATIONAL ANTHEM?: No
ARE YOU DOUBLE-JOINTED?: I don't think so
CAN YOU SPEAK MORE THAN ONE LANGUAGE?: Yeah, English and Stupid
DO YOU KNOW HOW TO CHANGE A TIRE?: No, but I should.
DO YOU KNOW HOW TO CHANGE YOUR OIL?: See above.
DO YOU KNOW HTML?: No
DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE CORRECT KEYS?: Yes, I took classes.
CAN YOU SEW?: A bit
CAN YOU KNIT?: No
WALK ON STILTS?: No
HULA HOOP?: I doubt it
HIGH SCHOOL:
BEST FRIENDS?: Lisa, Julie, Natasha, Brianna, Denae, Jess
BEST SUBJECT?: English
LEASE FAVORITE SUBJECT?: Math
FAVORITE TEACHER?: No comment
SCHOOL'S MASCOT?: Panther
SCHOOL'S COLORS?: Orange and black
EVER SENT TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE?: Not the principal's office. The counselor's office, on the other hand...
SUSPENDED?: No
EVER PRETEND TO BE SICK TO GET OUT OF CLASS?: Probably
BAGGED LUNCH OR SCHOOL LUNCH?: School
USE YOUR LUNCH MONEY FOR SOMETHING OTHER THAN FOOD?: Usually
WERE YOU POPULAR?: I wouldn't describe myself as such, but I was popular amongst my friends.
NAME OF BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?: Brianna
BIGGEST REGRET?: Not working up to my potential
DID YOU SMOKE?: Yes
DRINK ALCOHOL?: Yes
DRUGS?: Yes
WHAT WERE YOUR FAVORITE SHOES?: Worn out sneakers
MEMORABLE SONGS OR BANDS?: We're Not Gonna Take It, Coldplay, System of a Down
SKIP CLASS?: A lot
SKIP SCHOOL?: Sometimes
BELIEFS:
SANTA CLAUS?: Until I was 11
MAGIC?: I'm unsure
TRUE LOVE?: Yes
DIVORCE?: I'd rather not, but it's better sometimes.
HEAVEN?: Not sure
HELL?: Probably
GOD AND/OR JESUS?: Probably
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?: Something like that
GHOSTS OR SPIRITS?: Yes
THE DEVIL?: Yes
UFO'S & ALIENS?: We can't possibly be the only life in the universe
BIG FOOT?: I don't even care
THE AFTERLIFE?: Something like it
REINCARNATION?: Never thought about it
SOUL MATES?: Yes
ACCUPUNCTURE?: I don't know
OCCULT?: Yes
KARMA?: Yes
ANGELS?: Yes
RANDOM:
LONGEST FRIEND(S) & FOR HOW LONG?: Natasha, for about 20 years
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?: Jeans, bright blue button-down, brown tank top, black office shoes
HOW MANY CARS HAVE YOU OWNED?: Three
ARE YOU REGISTERED TO VOTE?: Yes
FURTHEST PLACE YOU EVER TRAVELED?: Florida, from Massachusetts
WHAT DO YOU COLLECT?: Books, pens, stuffed penguins
HOW DO YOU RELAX?: I typically don't. But I like music a LOT.
WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?: Explored DC, had McDonald's, and cried
IF YOU COULD TURN BACK TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?: Corey's death, how hard I worked in high school, my retarded emo-ness and other blatant fuck-ups
IF GIVEN A MILLION DOLLARS WHAT'S ONE THING YOU WOULD BUY?: A car
DO YOU LIKE INCENSE?: Yes
DO YOU HAVE A TATTOO?: I have five, actually.
WHAT'S THE STORY BEHIND YOUR FIRST NAME?: My parents thought it was pretty. BAM!
DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?: I do.
WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?: Bananas, cats, sweet orange peppers
DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?: I cry at everything
HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?: Scrambled
IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?: Yes
ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS?: Somewhat, I guess.
DO YOU SNORE?: I don't think so. Maybe lightly.
WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?: Actively, nothing. Deactively, cough medicine, weed, and cigarettes
ARE YOU WEARING SOCKS?: Yes
WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO RETIRE?: I told you; somewhere warm, white, and quiet.
HOW DID YOU CELEBRATE YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY?: In a motel room with some alcohol and my boyfriend
DO YOU CARRY A DONOR CARD?: I do not.
DO YOU VOLUNTEER OR DONATE TO ANYTHING?: Not regularly
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU MOVED?: Four
WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT YOURSELF, JUST FOR FUN?: Movies
ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL MARRIED?: Yes
LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?: Five years
SHORTEST RELATIONSHIP?: A few hours
ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?: Not the dark itself, but what could be lurking within it
ARE YOU SHY AROUND THE OPPOSITE SEX?: Extremely, sometimes
WORST FEAR?: Fear itself
THIS OR THAT:
ARE YOU A MORNING PERSON OR A NIGHT OWL?: Both
SHOWER OR BATH?: Shower
CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?: Creamy
ORANGE JUICE OR APPLE?: Apple
CHIPS OR POPCORN?: Popcorn
COKE OR PEPSI?: Coke
MONEY OR LOVE?: Love
COFFEE OR TEA?: Coffee
DOG OR CAT?: KITTY!
DISHES OR LAUNDRY?: Laundry
HARDWOOD FLOORS OR CARPET?: Hardwood
CITY OR COUNTRY?: Country
FANCY RESTAURANT OR ROAD-SIDE DINER?: Diner
SUMMER OR WINTER?: Summer
GOLD OR SILVER?: Silver
CAR OR TRUCK?: Car
BRAINS OR LOOKS?: Brains
SCARY MOVIE OR COMEDY?: Same thing
HUGS OR KISSES?: Kisses
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: Vanilla
HAVE YOU EVER:
EATEN SUSHI?: I've tried it. It's gross.
BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?: Many a time.
BEEN ON A TRAIN?: Only subway trains
BEEN IN AN AMBULANCE?: Yes
BEEN IN LOVE MORE THAN ONCE?: Twice, so far
HITCH HIKED?: No
HAD TO WEAR A UNIFORM TO SCHOOL/WORK?: Yes
ORDERED FROM AN INFOMERCIAL?: No
WON A TROPHY?: Yes
STUCK YOUR TONGUE ON A 9 VOLT BATTERY?: No hahaha
BEEN IN A CAR ACCIDENT?: Yes
PLAYED TWISTER?: Yes
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL?: No
DATED MORE THAN ONE PERSON AT ONE TIME?: Yes
BEEN BUNGEE JUMPING OR SKY DIVING?: No
CLIMBED A MOUNTAIN?: Yes
GONE ON A PITY DATE?: Plenty
GONE ON A BLIND DATE?: No
RODE A BIKE WITHOUT HANDS?: No
GONE TP-ING?: No
SHOT A GUN?: No
BEEN TO NEW YORK CITY?: No
BEEN TO ANOTHER COUNTRY?: Canada?
BROKEN A BONE?: Yes
HAD STITCHES?: Yes
HAD SURGERY?: Yes
BEEN ON STAGE?: Yes
PUT A PLAYING CARD IN THE SPOKES OF YOUR BICYCLE?: No
STAYED IN A HOSPITAL FOR MORE THAN A WEEK?: Yes
BEEN TO AN ADULT STORE?: Hell yeah!
WISHED ON A SHOOTING STAR?: Yes
HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN?: Yes
BROKEN SOMEONE ELSE'S HEART?: Yes
PUT A HAIR PIN IN A POWER SOCKET?: Um...no.
BEEN CHEATED ON?: Yes
MADE YOUR BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND/SPOUSE CRY?: Yes
LOVED SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T LOVE YOU BACK?: It wasn't "love," but I've been attracted to people who didn't reciprocate.
BEEN TO A DRIVE-IN MOVIE?: No
BEEN TO A PSYCHIC OR FORTUNE-TELLER?: No
SEEN A GHOST?: Possibly
RUN AWAY FROM HOME AS A KID?: No
BEEN IN A POLICE CRUISER?: Yes
BEEN IN HAND CUFFS?: Yes
BEEN ARRESTED?: No
LAIN IN AN OPEN FIELD AT NIGHT?: Yes
You've been totally Bzoink*d!
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Burned Out


kinkyrose1212

:: 2014 4 March :: 2.48pm

Ways To Kill Time At Work

85 Things you Didn't Know About Yourself
Created by housenut and taken 158 times on Bzoink
*~*~*Basic*~*~*
Name:: Laura
Age:: 25
Eye Color:: Green
Hair Color:: Blonde
Height:: 5'5"
Weight:: 200lbs.
*~*~*Favorites*~*~*
Movie:: Thirteen
Color:: Black
Type of Music:: Techno
Band:: Sabrepulse
Singer:: Chad Kroeger
Number:: 13
Letter:: S
Book:: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Food:: Pizza
*~*~*Have You Ever?*~*~*
Drank:: Yes
Smoked:: Yes
Done drugs:: Yes
Kissed someone of the opposite sex:: Yes
Kissed someone of the same sex:: Yes
Had sex:: Yes
Had a car accident:: Yes
Had a seizure:: Yes
Broken a bone:: Yes
Been hospitalized:: Yes
Been to another city:: Yes
Been to another state:: Yes
Been to another country:: Yes
Been to another continent:: No
Been beaten up:: No
Beaten up someone else:: No
Cut yourself:: Yes
Attempted suicide:: No
Been arrested:: No
*~*~*Love*~*~*
Do you have a crush:: No
What is his/her name:: None
Are you single or taken:: Taken
Are you in love:: Yes
Longest relationship:: Five years
Shortest relationship:: Seven hours
*~*~*This or That*~*~*
Black or white:: White
Up or Down:: Up
Life or Death:: Life
Guy or Girl:: Guy
Ice cream or cake:: Ice cream
Rock or rap:: Rock
Pop or country:: Country
Evanescence or Weird Al:: Evanescence
Avril Lavigne or Nelly:: Avril Lavigne
Hot or cold:: Hot
Strangled or shot:: Shot
Drive or walk:: Drive
Alone or with others:: Alone
Reading or writing:: Reading
Math or science:: Science
Question or answer:: Question
Lost or found:: Found
Dark or light:: Dark
Blind or deaf:: Blind
*~*~*The Last*~*~*
Thing you said:: Wednesday works better for her
Shoes you wore:: L.L. Bean snow boots
Food you ate:: Green apple candy
Thing you drank:: Water
Person you said hi to:: Taylor
Person you said bye to:: Security Guard
Time you looked at the clock:: 30 seconds ago
*~*~*Current*~*~*
Mood:: Defeated
Music you're listening to:: Sabrepulse
Shoes you're wearing:: New Balance Sneakers
Book you're reading:: I Hunt Killers
*~*~*Finish the Quote*~*~*
I wish I were...:: tripping
My heart is...:: torn
The glass is...:: half full
People just need...:: to shut the fuck up
The world is...:: an interesting place
To be or...:: not to be
Laughter is...:: the very best medicine
You've been totally Bzoink*d!
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Burned Out


kinkyrose1212

:: 2014 30 January :: 2.38pm
:: Mood: amused

A bunch of crap that might bore you
I'm the man in the box. Actually the girl in the box, but close enough. I don't want to be in this little office right now, but the receptionist is out and since I've been trained in here, I am covering. I wanted to be in office communications class, where one of my non-lovers is. The other non-lover is in keyboarding class, the class I am actually scheduled to be in right now. Since I am done in keyboarding (and office communications, actually), it doesn't matter where I am. But the non-lover in OC makes for better eye candy, which is as far as anything will ever go because I am dating my future husband, so this time, not cheating really is necessary. For the most part I excel at being a girlfriend, but I am somewhat crappy at monogamy. I become attracted to people or there are people I've had previous sexual encounters with and it just becomes difficult to keep my metaphorical dick in my pants. In other news, I feel like getting all kinds of fucked up and disappearing into some tropical fantasy land for a while, but as real life has finally struck me as worthwhile, I shall have to satisfy myself by feasting on my imagination.

3 Candles | Burned Out


kinkyrose1212

:: 2014 9 January :: 6.26pm
:: Mood: crushed

Right now I really just want to call my parents and tell them, Forget it, fuck it, fuck being a grown up, I just want to come home and hide from the world.

Burned Out


kinkyrose1212

:: 2014 6 January :: 5.03pm
:: Mood: content

Back in DC after a week of being home. It was a crazy fucking break, I'll just say that. So much fun, such a feeling of freedom, driving, smoking, hanging out, and having some time to myself from my boyfriend. I have to figure out what to do with him. I love him, a lot, it's just...constricting. And after a taste of my former free-loving hippie lifestyle, I want more. Why not join a love triangle? Why not make it a love quadrangle? That would never work, I'm sure of it, but hey, no harm in suggesting it when I figure out how to go about having this conversation. My two best friends want me to live with them and I would love that SO much! Especially compared to staying in the DC area. This place depresses me and makes me sick, I CAN'T DO IT. If I am going to be paying to live somewhere, you're damn right it's going to be somewhere I WANT to live. So we'll see what happens. Tune in next time for more of my Adventures in DC Land.

Burned Out

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