Alone

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Alone

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:: 2003 29 November :: 2.22pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: p.o.d. - will you

i don't even know anymore..
so last night jim was like "yeah, i'll call you when i get home." he didn't even fuckin' get home until 1:30 a.m. or so he says and thats why he's calling so late. so i was like okay whatever.. and being that today is our one year anniversary- i figured he'd be like "happy anniversary" or SOMETHING. but of course not. he didn't say shit. a week or so ago we were talking about what we were going to do today and he told me that we were going to the mall, movies, dinner, ect. i kept asking him what we were gonna do today and he was just like "i don't know" "who knows" i'm like okay..? i got really pissed after about 4 minutes, because 9 out of 10- he didn't remember. so i said bye and hung up.. but he didn't call back. so i was just like "fuck it" to myself.. cried for a while. a long while. watched a movie, cried after the movie. did something bad, cried some more. went to sleep at 4:30 or so.. i thought maybe he'd call me back and say something nice, tell me that he didn't forget.. or something.. but no. he didn't.

my aunt called at like 9:30 this morning, because i was supposed to go to centry three with her and my gram, but i didn't go. who the fuck wants to go somewhere when their heart has literally been ripped out of them? i feel like shit.

i always feel like shit anymore.

maybe i'm wrong, maybe he didn't forget.. maybe he'll call me in a little bit and talk to me and say happy anniversary and tell me how much he loves me and everything, but i doubt it.

i'm doubting everything anymore.

//.jena

"your lies leave scars on my wrists"

2 Candles | Burned Out

:: 2003 28 November :: 11.13pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: legally blonde on tv

bad day
it was just a bad day today..

sally
You are Sally. Jack is your love but he doesn't
even think of you that way. you long to become
your own person and get away from your
posessive creator.

What character from Nightmare Before Christmas are you???
brought to you by Quizilla

:: 2003 27 November :: 5.31pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: bush - glycerine

happy thanksgiving everyone.
well, first off i'd like to tell everyone happy thanksgiving! and i hope everyone is having a wonderful one, with friends/family.

i was up my aunts, and a lot of my family. i would just sit in my chair and watch them. now about 1/2 of them have little kids, and my cousins greg and tiff just had a little girl about a year or so ago.. and i would just sit and watch how my cousin greg would look at her. you could just tell she was the center of his world. it was so cute. hailey [thats her name] is so cute. very very cute.

so i'm glad about everyone being up there.. but i wish more people could have made it. my pap isn't doing to good, so who knows what will happen, ya know? i just wish some people would understand that.

i think this year was the first year i actually stayed ate at a table with some people. i usually just go off by myself and eat in the living room- or whatever. but hey, i can change.. right? =]

jim said he was going to be out around 3, haha fuckin' yeah right. i hate when he tells me something and then doesn't do it! he could call me or something. but no. no no no.
i don't even care.
i'm in a pretty good mood- even though i am disappointed in him.
but hey, what else is new?

it'll be a year for jim and i on the 29th of this month. ONLY 2 DAYS AWAY! ahh! it's so scary! but it's wonderful. =]

i'm gonna go back up my aunts. like i said, i hope eveyone is having a wonderful thanksgiving!

xoxo.jena

"i made the choice to finally go because i can�t stand this pain. it�s time for my last tear to fall and me to smile again."

1 Candle | Burned Out

:: 2003 25 November :: 5.54pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: smile empty soul - bottom of the bottle

please do this.
my mom e-mailed me this site for Campbells soup. they're helping the people that need food.

what you do is [first CLICK HERE.] and then click on you favorite team of the NFL. [or if you don't have a favorite team, vote for the Pittsburgh Steelers. ;) ]

please do that.. just imagine what it'd be like in their shoes.

xx.jena

3 Candles | Burned Out

:: 2003 23 November :: 7.27pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: talking to jim

got what i wanted
yeah, jim stayed home from work yesterday.. and today. =)

we went to the mall today- i got some stuff. (3 new shirts.)

that's all.

xx.jena

1 Candle | Burned Out

:: 2003 22 November :: 1.59pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: silence

nothing in particular
jim was supposed to go to work today, be he got really sick.. so he's not going in until 5. which is good, cause that means he'll get to spend more time with me. but i think he should just call off the whole day. so i can go over his house and stay or something. yeah. i think i'll try to get him to do that.

i'll update later with the results.

xx.jena

"they lie in bed with nothing said, as she gently falls asleep.
he thinks about how life would be if they didn't meet."

1 Candle | Burned Out

:: 2003 20 November :: 9.04pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: jims playstaion game

...
i just came down from my aunt and uncles.. [my gram and pap live with them.] and my pap is back from the hospital the other day. i just went up and saw him.

he's not doing so good.. but it's better than we thought he'd be..

now we can just pray, and hope for the best.

2 Candles | Burned Out

:: 2003 16 November :: 9.13pm
:: Mood: content, in a pretty good mood.
:: Music: talking to allison [amys sister]

_!@#&?
i just got back from wal*mart.. some things i bought:
2 cards for jim [one for our 1 year anniversary, which is on nov. 29.. and one to give to him tonight.. because it's cute. and i love him to pieces.]
a "big jim" [LOL it's this HUGE candy cane.. but they call it a "big jim" hahaha] that's also for jim.
letter stickers
and thats it.

we stopped at subway. and i got a sweet onion chicked teryaki sub. mmmm mmmm good.

right now i'm helping allison with her math homework. oh yeah.

okay, sorry amy hopped on the computer for a couple minutes.

so right now i'm pretty bored.. i miss jim. even though i saw him today..

i love you jim.

xx.jena

:: 2003 15 November :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: radio

my blob

Adopt your own useless blob!

aww.. look: it's my useless,
but cute, BLOB!

2 Candles | Burned Out

:: 2003 15 November :: 3.29pm
:: Mood: high
:: Music: silence

laga and other things..
so last night we went to club laga to see tear her eyes. ahhhh.. what an adventure on the way there, and the way back.. right amy? lol. we had fun.. oh yeah we did.. haha.

some funny moments:
-- HAPPY SACK TIME
-- Tampon rental.. haha
-- Me going out the In door
-- The LJS hat
-- The guys' faces at BP
-- Me and Amy dancing in the parking lot
-- CORN SQUIRTERS!!
-- PURDUE?! ::points:: IT'S HERS!
-- Ahhh Amy!! I'm so stupid for not talking..!!
[thanks amy.. i stole this from you.]

this won't mean anything to anyone other than amy and i.. haha.

I went down jims house around 12:00, and just got back at 3:20. and here i am writing in my journal.

i'm hungry as shit..

xx.jena

"Know what I'm thinking? No. Neither do I; frightening, isn't it?"

:: 2003 13 November :: 11.22pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: our lady peace - supermans dead

a ~~little~~ lot mad.
..jim ended up not coming over last night.

i'd rather not even talk about it.

1 Candle | Burned Out

:: 2003 12 November :: 10.18pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: semisonic - closing time

to many pills.
i'm anxious for jim to get here.. hopefully he comes over. he's been promising me he'd come over for the past almost a week now. :(

aww.. it's mr floppers.

so my mom got my perscription, and i started taking them tonight. i guess after i'm done with these pills, they're going to give me a yeast infection- and then i'll have to get medicine for that. [is it never ending?! when will i be off drugs?! haha]

since i missed those two days, i really didn't miss that much, i caught up in advance word processing, and the only class that i'm really kinda behind in is algebra. so oh well. i'll just get caught up with that, then i'm good. i forgot to get my report card. damn.

it's so cold outside anymore. i don't like it. i want it to be spring. and stay spring. forever.

xx.jena

"i can hear you in a whisper but you can't even hear me screaming"

3 Candles | Burned Out

:: 2003 11 November :: 3.00pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: moulin rouge

the infatuation will end.
..sorry about the title, watching moulin rouge again.

i'm just sitting here, on my day off of school [it's veterans' day.] not really doing anything. jim was supposed to come over last night, and he promised. yet once again- he somehow "couldn't find a ride" god, he makes me so mad! i didn't go to school yesterday, and i don't have school today. it would have been a perfect time for us to be together.. but no.

yesterday i went to the doctors. i had to give them a urine sample.. and they gave me these pills that makes my pee orangeish/red! omygosh, it's really scary, because every time i look down after i go to the bathroom- i think i'm bleeding.. whoa, it's just kinda freaky. but oh well. as long as they help! i have a really bad bladder infection. it sucks so bad. my mom has to run out sometime today and get my other pills- i think they're just antibiodics.

i missed 2 days of school [friday and monday] so i'm gonna be more behind in all my classes.. and i'll be getting my report card tomorrow. damn.

i can't wait until friday, amy and i are going to club laga [a little club in pittsburgh.] ohhhh yeah.

oh i forgot to tell everyone that i'm not moving. which is a good and a bad thing. but oh well, can't do anything about it now.

man, i really don't want to go to school tomorrow.

xx.jena

"nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets."

:: 2003 9 November :: 6.52pm
:: Mood: infuriated
:: Music: meet joe black [the movie] on tv

was an o.k. day..
i love this movie.. meet joe black god, it is so sad.. i'm sitting here crying because of the ending.. :(

today was an ok day.. i guess. i woke up around 11, and just got online and did nothing until around 2 and then i started to paint my mirror. my mirror my mom got somewhere, she was just going to throw it away, and i told her i wanted it.. and i'd paint it and everything. so i started that today. it's black and silver. but i'm not totally done with it, i still have to paint some silver stuff on it. i waited and waited until around 4:30, because jim was supposed to come over after work and stay the night because he didn't work tomorrow. i waited and waited and waited and he finially called at 6:30, and told me that he couldn't come over and that he just got home.

i was worried, now i'm just kinda upset.

i have school tomorrow. and i don't want to go. now that jim's not going.. i don't even have a reason to go anymore. it's like that quote that says:

there's always one boy
who makes you get up
and go to school everyday
..and jim was that boy. :(
..and now he's not in school anymore.
..so what now?

ahhhh.

4 Candles | Burned Out

:: 2003 9 November :: 3.39pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: the radio

a picture of jim and i

it's a picture of jim and i. =)

3 Candles | Burned Out

:: 2003 8 November :: 5.22pm
:: Mood: artistic
:: Music: trapt - still framed

in a pretty good mood
hello. it was actually a darn good day today.

i woke up around 9:30, and called jim. no one answered, so i called back around 10:30 or so, and he finially answered. we talked for a while, then around 11:30 [after i got a shower and everything] i walked down his house. when i got there we popped in a movie, [tom and huck.. a disney movie. mwahaha.] and we watched half of that, went upstairs ordered some food, came back downstairs waited for the food and then watched the rest of the movie. after that we just waited until my mom got there and then he left and went to work, and i left and went home.

i missed him. we're doing good actually. i don't have any more doubts about us. =) none what-so-ever. =)

i'm pretty happy.

<3 jena.

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