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Aaron
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2003 24 October :: 9.23pm
:: Mood: determined
:: Music: This zeplin song on the radio.
I want to give you the world. i want to put it on a chain and fasten it around your neck, but unfortunatly i can't do that. although, i can gove you my world, my little world. my heart. so see that charm around your neck that way. it's my world on a chain, ment for no other but you.
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Aaron
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2003 24 October :: 9.17pm
:: Mood: fearless
:: Music: Chrome butterfly
Love
Fate forged me.
purpose sent me.
hate loaths me.
fear fears me.
pain feels me.
feeling is in me.
happiness and sorrow follow me.
who am i?
i am love.
and i have blessed you.
hold her close.
this is your purpose young one.
save her from the world she can't belong in.
i am as old as emotion.
and never have i seen your determination matched.
hold her close.
never let go.
fate forged me.
purpose sent me.
i am love.
you are safe within me.
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Aaron
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2003 24 October :: 9.12pm
ah fuck that's not right
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Aaron
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2003 23 October :: 2.33am
:: Mood: relaxed
sorry. i sort of popped there. i know what needs to be done, and forgive my ingnorance, and accept my apologies. i get afraid sometimes. i know what's going on, but i'm so sick of the ashes. i'm so sick of the poisinous fumes that are emitted from them. yet i stood it for five years, and i doubt if another while will do much more to me. i have to go to bed, but i'll see you all tomorow. *hugs*
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Aaron
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2003 23 October :: 1.42am
:: Mood: impailed
look at what i've done. LOOK!!! i can't look her in the face now. shit. i don't know anything. i'm afraid. i never love those two but i liked them enough to fear what happened. so this is it, huh? this is my shit. i guess i'll eat it and see what happenes. i have no one. i am a rogue. i always will be. i'll pick up the shards of these shattered dreams and beat it out of here.
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Aaron
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2003 23 October :: 1.39am
:: Mood: guilty
i feel numbness in my throat. i'm shaking. i'm crying. i'm falling apart. my world is crumbleing. you should see me. i should go kill myself for this. this is worse than i thought................what the hell am i?
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Aaron
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2003 23 October :: 12.40am
:: Mood: disappointed
Equilibrium: unachievable
that's it. there is no such thing as an equilibrium in society. there will always be a system and in that system there will always be conflict. does that mean we shouldn't fight the system? no. it simply means our fight, for the moment, is in vain, because the man that dies with the most toys STILL DIES!!! but i don't just mean between groups. in everything. in relationships. one side either has or is expected to have a certain amount more, well not so much power as in more having the ability and obligation to keep the relationship alive. through my experience, it's more commonly the guys, although there are cases in which the girl gets to be more mocho, though i must admit, those rarly do to good. why? because once again, it is expected that guys will be the ones to work up the nerve to ask a girl out, to kiss them, to really do anything in the relationship. not that i'm saying girls are incapable of that, it's just harder because it's not "normal" it's not what the system says. it's not what is to be expected. and between groups, the powers will never balance out. there will always be punks to fight prepies and preppies to fight back, and there will always be sways in the power, and there will always be kids like me that really don't relate to either group and are torn between the two and thus are stuck in a depression. it will never end. but then, i have tori, and i have my friends, and i have my family, well, my sister, those are all people like me, my true friends, my sister, tori, we're all stuck in that void between rebellion, system, and lower system. basically, preps, punks and preps. it is an endless conflict.
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Aaron
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2003 23 October :: 12.19am
:: Mood: guilty
:: Music: tomorrow, smashing punpkins
oh now i feel like shit. last night i promised i'd call at eight, but couldn't until eight-thirty due to my dads giahumungus lecture, and the fact that he neaded to take us to dinner (hell knows why). so yeah, tonight i get home and try to get through my chores and homework as quick as possible, it's only eight thirty, and madeline takes the phone. i could have been, "fuck no maddy, i promised tori i'd call at eight, it's fucking eight-thirty, and i haven't called her, and i don't give a flying fuck in a frozen over hell what your problems are" but no, i went and thought, oh poor maddy, all crushed like this, and then i bitched at sean, which was loads of fun, and now they're talking away and i'm stuck in my own shit. i feel so irresponcable. this brings me to explain a train of thought today. last sunday during the surmon, pastor doug went on in mock form about his love when he was twelve, with his stupid grin on and his sarcastic droning voice going off again. what the hell does he know? he said that love at that age is unacheivable. so does every other adult i've talked to. my dad said strong feelings, but he could have said love, but no, he didn't want to cantradict or make an acception to all of his past statments about love. he knows i love tori. i told him i thought that their stupid punishment was worth the time with tori, and that's fucking love, m'kay? if love isn't when every single issue and problem and obligation and virtually every section of your life secondary to her's, i have no idea what is. if love isn't having her being the only thing you can think about for 90% of the time and then the other 10% of your thoughts lead to thoughts about her, i don't know what is. but love is a dieing species, and it's dieing quick. you here guys tell girls they love them and then dump them the next day, and guess what, that whole i love you load, was nothing mor than a load. a load of shit. love is non-biodegradable, it doesn't go away. it sticks. and though you can ignore it, when you step on it it hurts your foot. eventually you will not be able to hold it back anymore. it shakes loose.
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Aaron
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2003 22 October :: 12.05am
my sn on msn messenger is "I have a voice in my head. Tori stabbed it with the spoon of temptation"
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Aaron
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2003 21 October :: 11.44pm
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: Let it be, beatles
well, yeah my mom bitched for a minute and my dad gave me an hour and a half lecture, but it was worth it, it really was. plus, i can argue my way out of it anyway. so yeah, he asked me if i loved tori, and i said yes. then he asked me if gived the chance would i have sex with her. no. you sure? what if she started to take of your cloths. i'd tell her it was a bad idea, and she's not like that at all. well i don't know her so how can i believe you? you can trust me. but you disobayed my rules. i told you i didn't give a rip."
and don't. tori is the only person that understands me and she loves me and i love her so i'll spend as much time with her as is humanly possible. so there. her heart beating against mine, her head resting on my chest, her arms around me, that's all worth more than life itself. that IS life itself, and you can't have it. they want to know the most intimate details of our relationship, but that's for me and tori. so some are witness to it, that doesn't mean it's their buisness, and it's not. it's ours. it's what's between us.
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