.

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 18 November :: 11.45am

where did i go wrong? i lost a friend

I really want to do something. I want to go on a missions trip or something. Feel worthy and maybe useful. I've been thinking about going out of state but you know. Things hold me back of course even though we have the resources so it's completely stupid, really. I could do it I guess just as easily as I'm doing what I plan to be doing... if that makes sense. But... there would be too many complications. Where would it leave us? I don't know, and so I will probably never do it.

Is that holding me back? I don't know. Not really I guess. Because it's also my door to absolutely everything. I wouldn't even be if it weren't for it. So I guess I can't say it's holding me back . That wouldn't make any sense.

How many times are you going to redo it? Kind of ridiculous.
I never knew people who had babies could afford such expensive clothing for themselves. Is that how you do it? Gawd.

I miss Roman like, really really badly. I haven't seen him for too long. Like a week. Almost. Really you're my strength babe. I'm going to see him early tomorrow. And then of course the day has to be brought down by work at 5. That's so stupid. I've worked every single day this week. Tired. Is what I am. Just tired. And then I have to work tonight of course at 5. We probably won't be busy at all and when you're a waitress, that really sucks. Getting paid $2.65.... come on. That's so stupid. I think I'll just leave if it's dead because it just is so pointless. And oh, I work Sunday as well. At 4. So I have worked every day for a week. What a glorious week.

When will something new come? I need.. not change but solutions. I hate this situation. I hate it.

I'm glad I'm fast typer. HA.

No love,
jess.

1 comment | light my fire

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 18 November :: 11.22am

jess dont block your comments please cuz then i can't say anythinggggg :0(

1 comment | light my fire

bleedingsun

:: 2005 17 November :: 11.25pm
:: Mood: shocked

We hit a deer on the way to my house.

It was the scariest thing to ever happen to me.

We're okay.

8 comments | light my fire

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 17 November :: 9.40pm

we bit our lips, she looked out the window...
fuck this stupid so-called "family" what the fuck am i doing concerning myself with other peoples' happenings? i need to get my own life outside of SCHOOL??? and work. Rosie's babysititng and lazer skate and roman. that's my life.

then again, what is life when you're seventeen years old. It doesn't begin until you move out of your house. So when is life going to start for me. Hopefully sooner than we all think.

light my fire

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 17 November :: 9.07pm

what the hell. i hate food and it needs to stay away from me. dammit i just got a papercut. fer real.

light my fire

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 17 November :: 8.56pm

i really want to and i know it will decide absolutely everything.

i miss you

light my fire

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 17 November :: 4.55pm
:: Music: Ben Folds - Emaline

"sometimes I dont know what she's saying. but i know what she wants to believe"
Ugh what a long, stupid and pointless day... And now I have to work in an hour.

I wish we could go to that one place jess tonight. Don't you? Jess? Don't you?
Sometimes, when you have a headache especially, pre-schoolers just AREN'T the cure for anything. But other times they just make you feel so good. They are so cute and innocent.

i'm glad i will never have to go through all those things again. ha.

"oh i wish I was a pretty girl why can't i be a pretty girl like her?"

you drive me nuts baby but i absolutely love you . What would I do without you? i'm sorry.

1 comment | light my fire

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 17 November :: 1.42pm

yeah okay cool people are so important. i must know everything about "them"

f ucking dumb.

light my fire

brokenmentality

:: 2005 17 November :: 8.55am

yesterday was the first snowfall of the season... which marks the day keegan asked me to be his girlfriend.... it may not be the technical date... but its the symbolic day. I can't wait till the 24th when we can finally wear our rings engraved "the first year". just a symbol of our relationship.. not promise rings, just a symbol.

1 comment | light my fire

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 15 November :: 11.40pm

ugh
i want to go back

1 comment | light my fire

bleedingsun

:: 2005 15 November :: 11.00pm
:: Music: Tool - Sober

Anticipation

This play will be the death of me. Well, not me really, just my grades. I haven't gotten home earlier than 10 in a long time. And I'm so tired when I get home, all I want to do is go to sleep. Tonight I actually have some energy, which is the only reason I'm still awake. Must have been the coke. I have a backpack at my feet filled with three subjects of homework. It will stay there until morning when I leave for school. Oh well, school is just a haze to me anyway. I can't remember anything, and I can't pay attention enough to even try. We are in the hardest chapter of biology, which I think might be a good thing, and I know nothing. I write down the notes she gives us, but nothing sticks. Just two more days though, I can f(m)ake it. I'll sleep all day Sunday and be back to myself in time for Monday.

Oh yeah, and, I have three comics coming. They'll be done by next week.

1 comment | light my fire

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 15 November :: 1.40pm

Gunnie, i think we're doing a page in yearbook about online journals and stuff and i was wondering if i can interview you sometime. maybe we could also incorporate some hanging out time into that. cooooooool.
let me know buddy

2 comments | light my fire

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 15 November :: 7.51am

So i kinda forgot about how i said you wouldn't see me ever again so look stupid me i forgot to run away. i would totally go right now but i have to babysit after school anyway which is totally stupid.
I don't know if i'll be able to take anymore of life.
what do you have to offer because i dont know if i want it.

F uck this stupid place and everything else. i think i want out k.

light my fire

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 14 November :: 3.35pm

number one: I definetely totally and completely love Roman and
number two: I DEF TOTALLY HATE SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL FUCKING HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mugggggggggggggawereereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee does anyone love me? because i'm running away and living with roman forever and you wont ever see me again so say goodbye loves.

2 comments | light my fire

bleedingsun

:: 2005 13 November :: 9.37pm
:: Music: Vaux - Van Fong

Coming Soon...The CS

I'm so excited about the play. It's coming along quite nicely. Every part of it is so much fun. I don't know what I like better, doing tech stuff, or being on stage.

I really wish I would have tried out for other plays, or would have gotten involved at all.

No school Friday (for play people, that is), and then only Monday and Tuesday of next week and then we're on Thanksgiving Break.

Also, our project for TV Pro is finally coming along. If I had known how easy editing is, it would have been done awhile ago.

Everything is so good right now.

HOLY COW

1 comment | light my fire