acidtears
|
::
2009 8 May :: 9.17am
:: Mood: drained
The weekend.
The weekend is sort of here. I just have to stand doing chores until about 7pm. Me and the kids(except Brie) are going to our dad's for the weekend. Saturday my Grandma T. is picking me and Tanna up to go Birthday Shopping. I'll probably ask to go to goodwill, maybe Meijer. So, that should be fun. The Sunday, we are getting picked up early by my mom, Doug, Ava, and Brie and we are going to my Grandma T.'s for Mother's Day. But, Jenny brought me "The vampire chronicles" yesterday, that will help me with the empty parts of the weekend. THANK YOU JENNY!!!! :] Have fun up North. HaHa. But, we went to the new Meijer here in Cedar the other day.....wow, totally different set up from every other Meijer I have been to. Guess what they have....come on guess. Okay...they have a HALL of bread. No, not an isle.....an actual HALL. It's loaf upon loaf of bread. Along with Hostess cupcakes and more. But a hall of bread. It's strange, but it's cool. This Meijer isn't as big as Rockford's, so, it has everything except a Jewelry center, shoes, Juniors clothes, and I think one more thing. But, it's pretty cool. They also have a TON of books. The books were the first thing I saw when we walked in, and I just gasped. My mom didn't know why I was gasping so she assumed something was wrong. "What's wrong??" I just pointed and said, "They have books. Lots and lots of books. And I see a few I have, want to read, or look interesting". Yes, I said "look interesting" from afar. I am a person that does the opposite of what they tell you. They always say "Don't judge a book by it's cover"....yeah...well.....I can't do that. If it looks like a cheesy 80's advertisement on the front, I won't read it. The picture and description have to grab me. If one doesn't, then it's not going to be read by me. But, I have to go vacuum....Ava's teacher is coming over for a home visit. Bye.
-Samm
P.S.- Yesterday Brendon and Kayliegh were over...there was a Gardener snake, Brendon picked it up to throw it in the woods...and as he threw it, the snakes tail came off. HaHa.
hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..
|
xjayk
|
::
2009 20 April :: 6.07pm
High-Strung
Today hasnt been a proud one.
See this girl? The one of dreams and ambition?
I tore her down.
Made a mockary of her.
Fed her the shit that's been on my shoulders.
As our grandparents pass I take care of the family. I cook, clean, monitor pill consumption, and talk to doctors. I travel far out of my way every day and stay into all hours of the night to make sure mee-ma is comfortable and safe. Before I leave the house I lock every door and window, then travel down the cellar and lock the door from the inside and out. Once home I deal with the struggle of being an ansomiac, tossing and turning laying in bed in the dark staring upwards wishing to sleep before my alarm goes off, then once I feel as if I'm asleep the alarm clock rings. I've only been asleep for 25min. looks like I'm missing school again today.
I try to keep a positive outlook. Keep everyone happy. But sometimes she can be so pissy and tries to bring everyone else down, so I stay positive until she does something so incredibly stupid that I can hardly take it and today the devil came out of me.
I told her how consumed in herself she was. How she is so far down into her own web of self pitty that she doesn't realize what everyone else is doing and what a burden it is for her when we ask anything of her. How when someone is taking on a full time job, parenting, taking on a cancer pacient can really be stressful and when she plays in our sisterly drama into everything it could possibly be a breaking point.
I heard her cry
and though I care
I think she needed to hear what I said
but it didn't need to be like that.
hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..
|
|
xjayk
|
::
2009 17 April :: 11.30pm
Hello
There hasn't been much to say lately, nothing that hasn't already happenned again and agian.
I've been stuck in the same ol' rituals
Get up
Miss school
Go to my grandmothers
Do laundry
Make sure gram takes her pills and checks her blood sugar
go home
Realize that I may not be around Michigan for much longer
Get upset with Thaddeus for being a complete mind fuck
Make up
go to bed
Oooh! Does anyone know where I can get my camera lense fixed? And how much it may cost? I'm going crazy with my zoom lense, its good for landscape but I really would like some options.
I'd really appreciate some feedback. Thanks
yeah...gay post ey?
2 sighs |
hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..
|
|
acidtears
|
::
2009 6 April :: 1.27am
:: Mood: Fuck Off
:: Music: "Almost Lover" by: A Fine Frenzy
Flower pot painting and crazy movies.
Well, Girl's Night was a success. It was fun. We got moneys and went to Dollarville and each got flower pots and painted them when we got back to Kayliegh's house. Mine is Ocean themed, Kayliegh's was flower themed, and Jenny's.....I don't even know. I know there was talk about splotches and snails. HaHa. Afterwards, Jenny and I headed to her house to grab some movies. We watched "Shrooms" and "Requiem for a dream". Crazy movies. But, part way through that second movie, it was time for me to rest my head and my tired eyes. The next morning I was seriously dragging though. I got over 8 hours of sleep, yet it felt like I pulled an all nighter. Then...the worst part came. I went home! *Dun Dun Dun* I wanted to just lay down and sleep or just play Pokemon....no no. Impossible. The kids blew the Dining room and Living room to all hell. I had to pick that mess up; Repeatidly. Then we had a talk. Not going into that right now. Then the rest came. I played Pokemon for a total of 5 hours. Yeah, that's right...I am a huge nerd. But, I better go. Bye.
-Samm
2 sighs |
hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..
|
|
acidtears
|
::
2009 1 April :: 8.34pm
:: Mood: Pain
:: Music: None
She's back!
Well, Kayliegh came back last night. And I was super excited to see her. I missed her alot for the past couple months. But, we hung out today at her house; Her, Jenny, and I. I came home from her house with 2 boxes and a giant Kohl's bag of stuff. So, I am going to have fun figuring out what to do with what. HaHa. But, for the rest of the week, we are pretty much busy. Tomorrow apparently we're having like a birthday celebration for Grandpa, we're making burgers on the grill and everything. The Friday, Mom, Doug, and Kayliegh are going to a bar with a bunch of people for Grandpa's surprise party. Then on Saturday, me and Jenny are going to Kayliegh's house for a "Girl's night". So, it's going to be fun. But, I don't have much to write about. Bye.
-Samm
hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..
|
|
acidtears
|
::
2009 27 March :: 8.47am
:: Mood: content
Laugh. Smile. Sigh.
Lately I've been making my posts friends only. I'm not quite sure why. I think it could be because I'm paranoid and I don't want my mom or anyone aside from my friends on here to know how giddy I am. And when I say giddy, I mean as giddy as a damn school girl. HaHa.
Last night me and my mom went to Family Fare to get some milk and what not. We ended up seeing the clearance area and ran for it. HaHa. Mom found these Starbucks Chocolates that were on sale, and we had a coupon on top of that discount. So, for Starbucks, it was cheap. She hated my favourite chocolate. I love, LOVE the Mocha Dark Chocolate. It's my favourite kind of chocolate and there's coffee grounds in it that taste like mocha. My mom thought it was disgusting, and found it even more disgusting when I ate and enjoyed the Coffee ground chocolate. HaHa. So, I ate pretty much all of those kinds out of the "Sampler".
Right now, it is 8:25 in the morning, and Ava is sick. So, she's very whiney, she keeps getting a fever, she's coughing up her lungs, and she can't sleep. She woke up not too long ago. I was hoping with her being sick and all, she would want to try and sleep, I was wrong for hoping that. But, for a little bit this morning she was mad at me. She kept yelling at me and repeated the phrase "You didn't hear me!". I wish I could answer your "What the hell does that mean?" question, but I myself have no clue what-so-ever. Right now, however, we are all buddy buddy right now, she's on my lap kissing my cheek and asking which of my arms hurts. And it's off to the couch to watch "Monsters Inc." for her.
But, the weekend is here, and I'm excited. Even though me and Brie got into a little spat yesterday about my weekend leaving. She says I should stay home for a weekend and I need to help out more. I don't know what the hell her problem is, but I help out as much as I can. I am sort of limited, however. I can't lift anything heavy, I can't really pick much up off the ground, I can't even stir hamburger, and if I fold too much laundry, my shoulder gets it's own pulse. I am here all week long, which yes, is my fault and choice because of dropping out. But, I need social interaction too, and the weekend is pretty much my only time to do it. Then afterwards she tells me "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude or bitchy, I'm just trying not to cry". I told her she didn't need to take it out on everyone else. Because I wasn't the only victim to fall prey to her "I'm bitching everyone out and bossing them around because I'm trying not to cry". She was yelling at Tanna for not doing things quick enough or up to her standards. She was screaming about how Dylan should be up here, not in the basement playing the PS2. It was ridiculous. And I'm going to piss her off even more, by leaving this weekend. I'm never even gone for a whole 24 hours, that's the thing. I leave sometime after dark, then I come home anywhere from 10am-1pm the next day. Not even 24 fucking hours. And before I leave, I usually make sure everything's handled and going smoothly. If things are a mess and Ava is screaming, I try to do my best to calm her down and straighten things out. I'm not some fucking robot that can just stay home all week and then stay home on the weekends. She brings up the High School drop out thing all the time, and how that is why I don't have a social life. WRONG. I didn't have a social life while I was in school either. I've been an anti-social person for a long time, and I'm starting to get a life back. So, excuse me for being inside all week while everyone else is leaving and having fun, but I am not staying home on the weekends. I think she's also just bitching at me about leaving because she can't leave. She's grounded and will stay that way for another week and a half or so, so she's just pissed off because she can't leave for the moment.
Anyway, I'm going to stop bitching and end this here before I ramble and it gets too long. Bye.
-Samm
hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..
|
|
acidtears
|
::
2009 26 March :: 7.55am
:: Mood: content
Early mornings.
Well, it's around 7:45am right now, and I want to talk to Darin, but MSN messenger is not working for some reason. I would call him, but the fact that we are 3 hours or so ahead of Arizona makes it difficult. He has school, so, I'm not going to call him and ruin his sleeping at 4:45 his time. I know I would hate it if someone called me that early. HaHa. He told me yesterday that if I was up early and wanted to talk to just call him, but, I'm not going to interupt his sleep. Luckily he gets let out of school earlier than the rest of them do, he gets let our around 1 or so because of work release. He has all of his credits, and his last 2 classes would be pointless. We were talking on the phone yesterday. It's like every time we talk on the phone, the conversations get longer and longer. It went from 30 minutes to 45 minutes yesterday. I'm not complaining though, I love talking to him on the phone. Hearing his voice say all these sweet things about me maks me happy. Especially because I don't initiate his little ramble about "You're gorgeous, Samm. You're so sweet and beautiful", but he says them because he feels like it. His voice is a comfort and it brings a smile to my face every time we talk. He even makes me giggle, HaHa. He noticed my giggle way before I even did. I felt like a dork from then on. He told me it's cute though, but, I'm still going to try and keep it minimal. But, it's about that time where I wake up Ava and get her ready school, then later Jenny's coming over. So, at least there's something to look forward to. HaHa. Bye. :]
-Samm
10 sighs |
hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..
|
|
xjayk
|
::
2009 26 March :: 12.51am
I can feel him at night sometimes. When I'm lying in bed wide awake but trying my hardest to sleep. I smell the tobacco and feel his hard warmth. Its almost like a sign like he's telling me that it'll be okay and that I'm doing the right thing. Its funny because when I do something bad I can feel this ice cold breeze come through my room just long enough for me to notice then its gone again.
I stare at his picture that sits next to my bed along with the obituary article clip out proped up against it. I wonder if he knew or at the very least knows now how much I love him. He was a tight fisted man and had a shell a three feet thick, but I love him.
I stare at the chair he sat in.
The fabric is worn from years of abuse.
And there sits his glasses on the January 22nd paper.
Arms of an oxe and the belly of a truck driver. He could bench 500lbs -
and never gloated.
No one understood him, with the exception of a few.
He once spent an hour cleaning out a pond searching for a little girls bracelet she got for taking out the trash.
He was loud, he had something like a yell when he spoke but I'd give anything to hear it again.
He was cheap, clung tight to every nickel. And he would give anything up for his family.
He survived the family curse.
and
He'd wait in a car for 2hours in a blizzard so a teenager could roller-skate.
A racist S.O.B
and the ultamit protector.
He chased men down the road in his underware and a shotgun in his hand for peaking in on my mother
and followed people home in the winter just to make sure they were okay
He'll always be that finger I clung to when I wanted to walk in the woods, but not alone.
The worst advice giver
and the most honest man I know
He'll always be that last tear before bed and the laugh with a friend
and I'd give anything to see him again.
I roll over and grasp tightly onto his old lounge shirt and dig my face into it and inhail getting the last sent of him out. Tears that I've held in for so long I'm finally letting go.
1 sigh |
hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..
|
|
acidtears
|
::
2009 25 March :: 10.37am
:: Mood: contemplative
Contemplative, yet content.
Well, things have been going great for the past couple days. I watched the Twilight movie for the first time the other day. It was surprisingly good for a movie made from a book. Of course, they left some stuff out, but, what booke based movie doesn't leave things out. But, it was good overall. And update on the guy situation. HaHa. Well, I've been talking to this guy Darin for a while. I met him through Brendon. I never thought of Darin like that before, ever. But, the other night, we just got to talking, and I saw him in a different way than before. I realised he would be a great boyfriend. We like each other, long story short. But, there is a teeny tiny distance problem. Actually, when you look at it, it's not so teeny tiny. HaHa. I am in Michigan and he lives in...Arizona. So, it's a bit of a problem. I told him I didn't know how I would be able to handle the distance, but I heard(not from Darin) that he apparently has enough funds to visit. I just wish he wasn't so far away. Maybe if he was in Ohio or something, then I wouldn't have to think about it twice. But, when he's in Arizona, I have been thinking about it too much. I am overthinking, which I do all the time. I overanalyze possible relationships all the time, even when the guy is in the same town. He also plans on joining the National Guard. But, there's just so much to like about him. He's 18, around 6 ft. tall, Brown hair, Blue eyes, very muscular, etc. I know he's real, yes. It's not like I've never kind of seen him before. It's not just pictures. There's been webcam a few times, then just yesterday we talked on the phone for the first time. The entire phone conversation and even after we stopped talking, I couldn't stop smiling. Brie even noticed. She said "Aww, Sammie's happy. Maybe she should talk to Darin more often." And I agree with her. But, I've been in a great mood since me and him started talking to each other in a different way from being friends. He's sweet, hilarious, cute, HOT voice(HaHa. I wasn't looking for that, but, it's a bonus), he's honest, he helps me out, etc. He's just as close to perfect for me as anyone can be. He makes me happy. I just wish there wasn't so much of a distance between us. He'll be coming a little closer eventually. He said he'll be going to Missouri, but that's for training for the National Guard. But, amybe we can make this work, who knows? But right now, I'm going to enjoy this and smile and laugh. I'm doing both of those more often now. But, I have to get ready for Physical Therapy. Bye. :]
-Samm
Let the fun begin! HaHa.
2 sighs |
hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..
|
|
