xjayk
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2008 12 March :: 7.57am
I've taken it upon myself to slowly but surely drive myself mad.
On the hot topic of babies I thought I'd update
my good friend Aisha has had her twins (and I must say their a little scarey)
half of my school either has a kid or is pregnant
My cousin is trying to have another
and to make this short
I'm going to the funeral of one today
That's rough. Seeing everyone you know, friends, family, all in support of you and morning the loss of your little one. I'm so close to almost everyone that is going to be there that it really has made my stomach turn. Well not that so much as the poor babe. I had really hoped I'd never have to go to one.
I think God's a baseball player, he's always throwin' me those impossible curve balls
I've been waking up sick as a dog lately and then by the afternoon I'm good, until bedtime when I want my guts on a rug. Yes. Guts on a rug. I really wish I knew what was wrong with me but seeing how I've been in and out of the hospital lately I'd rather not go until I at least have an idea about what's wrong with me.
On a different note, I've edited a few photo's nothing special really just messin' around and this one has really been growin' on me. I can't tell you why but it is. Well I'll just show it to you I've got to get ready.
I think I need a prayer but would he even listen after what I've done, after what I've become
hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..
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xjayk
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2008 11 March :: 9.03pm
I'm excited
New Home soon *crosses fingers*
with this guy
and I'm missing this girl
and my mood right now is...
I know completely random but hey I was bored and this is the product
1 sigh |
hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..
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xjayk
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2008 4 March :: 4.49pm
NEW CAMERA!!!
YAY
Nikon D40
Yeah bitch!
1 sigh |
hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..
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xjayk
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2008 3 March :: 10.36pm
The night plays all over again, his ice cold hands caressing my skin in the most foul way, making my stomache turn his diabolical eyes penitrate my soul in a way that's really indescribable, its kind of like staring the devil down. Every act, the way he laughed, my god.
I've been seeing him all over again recently. After we crossed paths at speedway not to long ago, he likes to visit me in my dreams. The sent of him, the way he spoke to me, and the way it was all my fault. The dreams never change, they're always the same.
So...
Lack of sleep = lack of school
Lack of school = lacking in completed work
Which means no good is coming out of this
Otherwise life is starting to work out and I'm dealing with my past, though I'm not sure how quite yet. I dunno *sigh*
I'm in such a shitty mood right now
hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..
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xjayk
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2008 26 February :: 5.43pm
Everybody have fun tonight...
So it was Bizzy's Birthday party last night!
"Who's 21? This guy this guy!"
It was amazing went to Logans and Nicko and I got on eachothers level and we all watched Bizz consume as much alcohal as humanly possible. Then off to Broadway Bar, and watched him take flaming shooters, lucky bastard he knew I wanted to do that. Oh well :D
So back to his place and we danced with a few people had fun took pictures and wang-chunged it out! All in all, I was left with a hefty hangover and full of happy thoughts. :D
Today went smooth, kinda. I had a pretty lax day went out and got the guys food and then went out and chilled with Thad for awhile. Theeeen back to school to finish up my day with a fight. Yeah!
I'm hungry, a little sleepy and craving some monster. BUUUT I don't even have money for gas and so I doubt I'm gonna get that anytime soon. Its sad but I think I'll manage somehow. *dramatics*
I need to clean my room. Its a bit dirty and I don't like that all to much. I hate having a man and I stay in the same room. I throw my shit around the room enough for the both of us, he doesn't need to join in. Dumby.
Off to go hunt for an extra dollar so I have 5 for gas.
4 sighs |
hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..
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xjayk
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2008 21 February :: 10.55pm
I woke up alone, and realizing that even if you were there
I'd still be lonely
Waking up with the smell of coffee and stale cigarettes in an empty room. I never thought revelations would be my downfall.
I lie so I don't have to face what I truely am, and the true issues I am faced with day to day. I've got Samiel on my back and he claws at my flesh but I cover the wonds and if someone were to ask it was a crazy night I don't remember. I'll give you words until I remember what's never happened, and believe it to be true till the day I die. I'm ready to slip into a soft bed of feathers and drift off to figure out what I'm doing and where I'm going. Not to mension it sounds completely relaxing and just amazing through and through.
I miss taking pictures and dancing in the sunlight without caring about a damn thing. I'm ready to devote my life to myself and growing into myself more and more each day. I know it sounds cliche but I really am working on it. Though I've grown complacent about many things I don't think I'll ever grow tired of bettering myself.
I'll write more later. I'm getting sleepy.
hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..
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xjayk
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2008 19 February :: 3.48pm
Thank God For Snowdays
I woke up early this morning to clean house, which is now still not up to my expectations. With all the work I did you'd think it'd be cleaner. Damn. Oh well
So I've come to the conclusion I need a camera. I haven't taken pictures in forever, it sucks. I need money. But I don't get paid that much so I don't have the extra moolah to save, apart from bills and food, and rent. Reality sucks
I wish I could go back to when I was little and believed that if you'd just ask for something you'd get it.
---edit---
All I want to do is get out, run. Run as far away as humanly possible. Run from Holland, run from Michigan, even if it was just for a day. My lifes become less of a paradyme thank god for that but you know I just can't live the same way anymore. I want to pack my bags and drive, pick up some friends and we'll all go. Just drive until we're ready to stop. Find a little place and we'll all just chill. I don't want to care anymore and I'm begining to stop in general.
So I suppose I'll just sit here and watch my Golden Girls and keep dreamin.
So keep on pretending
Our heaven is worth the waiting
Keep on pretending, its alright
So keep on pretending
It will be the end of our craving
Keep on pretending
Its alright
I'm missing that connection, that small feeling that begins to grow and over power ever inch of your body. I'm missing him and its pathetic, but we can all aford to be a little pathetic cant we?
I know I'm jumping all over but that's how my minds going right now and well if no one else can understand this entry, at least I can.
2 sighs |
hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..
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xjayk
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2008 18 February :: 2.39pm
Gettin' ready for my journey through the terrible white out. Oh bowling alleys and community service. Pfft.
Oh well the things I do for friends right?
No work today...
I'm going to start looking for a new job. I ripped my boss a new one yesterday after she started screaming and touching me, so I chucked stuff across the building and told her what she can do with her pregnant ass. Don't touch me if we aren't friends. Its as simple as that. But I guess I'll talk to my boss - the other day I filed a formal complaint about the other manager so hopefully that'll be in my favor. No one had a good day with her. 5 people were ready to walk out within a half an hour after her arival.
I better finish up getting ready. Wish me luck.
***edit***
So I'm thinking about getting some sort of green prom dress...green anyone?
***edit***
Man I have the worst headache I think I've had in the past three years. It really sucks, school tomorrow and the weather outside is frightful. I don't see much point in going anyways, its always the same shit day after day. I dunno I've just been in such a terrible mood lately I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
1 sigh |
hasten to drown into beautiful eyes..
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