today was one of my best friend's mom's funeral.

she was catholic, wich doesn't bother me at all.

except i felt intimidated while going into the church.
I walked in and the cathedral (is this the right word for it) was huge!!! there was this giant statue of jesus on a cross and it just didn't seem like a happy place, they played the orgen and it sounded depressing. the pews we're hard wood and we're built in an angle so that your back began to hurt after sitting in them for awhile. when the paster/priest(again, i dont know the proper term) started to speak his voice echoed through the giant room. it was extremely intimidating. then everyone else knew "the lords prayer" and all this other ritual stuff.

Death has become a common thing with me lately, in the past month I have lost 3 people i knew. It makes me think about my beliefs, question them, question if there is a god or not.

in one hand i think "hey, there is no god its just a big myth"

then i look at it as "why would people dedicate their lives to something that doesn't exist, something has to be there"

i'm just in a state of confusion lately.

dunno.

at least i got my exercise today though "stand, kneel, sit, stand, kneel, sit"

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