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2005 26 July :: 10.11pm
so history gave modern men a telephone to talk to strangers, a machine gun, and a camera lens....thats a fucking beautiful sentence to me. i love it. and right now i need some love...bonnie showed up at my work today...and i had to finish dishes RIGHT as she was leaving...i wouldnt have had to deal with her if i would have taken a little longer with dishes....i cant fucking beilive here. you can only imagine what went down...its times like these i wish i was a stupid fuck like 90% of the men in this town so i could like release my anger by breaking something or punching a wall...but i have to talk to somene to relive my anger. and there no one for miles. i guess my cats will have to listen to me again tonight.
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2005 26 July :: 2.41am
Ok, arbys ran out of beef....how fucking funny is that. stupid fuckers ran the fuck out of beef. god damn my company sucks. or rather the manager and their ability to MANAGE the company sucks. so yeah today was fun (didnt get out till 1 hour after i was supposed to be out) HAHAHA we fucking ran out of beef thats so fucking stupid.
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2005 24 July :: 11.51pm
tom and me are starting a band! wooot!!
grandpa and grandma are here....again...
no days off for 2 weeks....i have no life :(
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2005 24 July :: 6.37pm
does the touch still feel real? can you even feel his heart beat anymore? are you doing this cause you THINK its what you want. Are you doing it out of pity for him? ... *falls over* (cries, then wispers to self RFB please come home...i miss you so much)
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2005 23 July :: 7.54pm
This shit isnt any of my fucking bussiness.
But the image is still there. It's fucking learing at me. It wants everything i am, the dirty fucking image wants my heart.
I'm trying my best to resist giving in and sharing how i feel cause i know that i could kill so much. But i think it needs to be killed.
It must die for her happiness.
I have to let it live, let it hurt her. Its her choice
It has to die.
I can't touch it.
What is this thing in my mind. Why is it bothering me. My future is in its hands and they are closing in around me. Squeezing me to fucking tight im afraid to speak up and just say it.
Lift me up.
I can do it without any help...
I'm never going to grow up...
I'll die in this town, while I'm still doing everything i can to leave it.
Irony.
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2005 22 July :: 7.09pm
:: Music: Everything In The World
Celebrate...
Okay. Everyone who likes me and would care to celebrate my birth, rather than loath the day all together (all of you who loath me are wasting your time) ANYWHAY! Birthday bonfire saturday the 30th of july. i reall hope youll all come. love you guys *hugs* i hope youll come and party down. and hell bring some hot dogs....OMG!, i just realized i have to buy smore shit WOOOT!!!!
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2005 21 July :: 5.03pm
Stupid fucking christans. first they are a cult, second they make stupid fucking shows for kids that send out messages like the ones below. these are EXACT qoutes from the show. the first and last ones are songs. the middle is a monolouge by someone who looks like Mr. Reyburn....god fucking damnit that show was weird...and what the fuck kind of messages are these. I thought the guy in the mounlouge was gonna say that jesus arose from the grave to kill us all. and say it with a smile...he didnt though, i was rather dissapointed.
"life without jesus is a donut, cause theirs a hole in the middle of your heart"
"all of gods children are called the donut repair men, because we are all here to help your heart feel all better and to remind you that jesus died on the cross and then arose from the grave to free us from sin."
"i wanna be a helper, wanna do all the chores that i can do. I wanna be a helper, causes thats what god wants me to be"
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2005 21 July :: 3.52am
:: Music: Gorrilaz - The Whole New Album
....
O............................M..................................G
That's honest to god all i can say, fucking god. *drools*
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2005 20 July :: 4.13am
Taste it.
| T | Temperamental | | A | Appreciative | | I | Industrious | | L | Loving | | S | Stunning |
Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
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2005 19 July :: 11.12pm
im missing purity. i want that simple feeling of an open house and a warm hand. i want the soft music and the notebook. i miss wed.
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2005 18 July :: 4.02pm
:: Music: Death Cab For Cutie - Debat Exposes Doubt
Balls...I grew em.
Ok so i finally mustered up the strentgh and went to dad and told him that i dont want to go to a regular college for any audio visual shit. i want to go to fine arts school so i can learn how to perfect my talents. i want to act for a living. i want new york more than a fucking heart beat. in fact, i fucking need it. he looked at me and said. "youll be going to fine arts school" ...i fucking stood there speechless. expecting something more along the lines of "thats bullshit, stupid heartfilled dreams dont make you money" but i got what i wanted from him for the first time in my entire life. "ill help you get through fine arts school matthew, i know this is what you really want with your life. I'm proud of you for being the only child i had to want to do something with his life." my father said....proud....somethings not right here and i still think it was all a dream. but i guess when i come back in ten years ill be telling you all my stories of broadway. but for now. cc will tide me over. can you beilive this...
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2005 18 July :: 12.10am
:: Music: Random Ass Sounds - Nature
Frothy, Smooth, Delicious, Inviting, Fruity.
Hello, my dear loves i have written here today to let you all know that i fucking love you. *hugs everyone who will read this* I'm fucking scared...of what though? College? NO! What im scared of is what kind of life style im about to go into. School and school work should be the most imporant things in my life....but sadly i have to add in regular work just so i can get to and from college. With the independent study class for drama ill have to spend alot of time doing what i love, acting. Which isnt a bad thing BUT it means i wont have as much time for working...BUT! I will have to find a way to get acting to work around both my college schedule and my work schedule. SO first ill see how i can get acting to fit around my school time, then ill have to figure how to fit in some school work time (2-3 hours of outside class time for each full hour of in class time) and then whatever time is left over (Estimate: 2 hours and 34 minutes per week) i will spend doing a job so i have money for A) Gas. B) Food. C) Fun. ok wait scratch off fun...i dont think ill have much of a life this year...and social contact is a must for matthew wayne whetzel. im just scared im going to over load myself. *hugs again* everyone just hold me.
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2005 17 July :: 11.51pm
:: Mood: sad
sad
sad
sad
i hate this feeling...i wish it didn't exist
i miss my friends
i miss chad, dan, tyler m, ryan j, and all the pizza boys, and kyle and erica and keegan and becky and andrea all my cast family. i miss being on the stage. and h...and drama class and being a clown and loving every moment lived.
aodljlgjaldjg..........i hate that i'll never get to feel the feelings i had again....ever....a new chapter, but never going back one to read it again and feel it again. ugh........
don't boys know how to freakin call or type!? i guess not....geez
shopping tomorrow with mama....i miss her so much, and i see her every day. how am i going to move away from her????? tomorrow will be grand...and beans and jessie at night and reminising and giggles and fun....
farm....yay.......maybe i'll see everyone at the farm and be able to linger a little longer
CAMP:
mmhmm i want to linger mmhmm a little longer a little longer here with you
mhmm it's such a perfect night, mhmm it doesn't seem quite right that it's my last night here with you
aww shit...i can't remember the rest...where is katherine johns when you need her??? beans..help me out here....
*
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2005 16 July :: 2.53pm
I went and got my classes for grcc....god damn im so stupid for waiting this long. im taking a socioligy class (see i cant even fucking spell it !!) it looks interesting. im looking forward too it. i am taking a improv class. and a journalism class. im also taking a independent study drama corse. im totally looking forward to that...i think i should be scared cause that class was one of the first ones to show up empty...that either means its hardcore killer OR theres alot of kids who just wanted regular drama corses. i dont know but im still scared shitless about school....hold me please.
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2005 15 July :: 8.02pm
:: Music: THe Dresden Dolls - Bad Habit
Perks
So, im driving through town and i had my window down music banging enjoying the weather on my way home. These two girls waving signs about a car wash are standing on the side of the road. As i drive by one girl screams "come to our car wash its fun yay!!!" i just wave. The other girl then screams "we only accept hot guys anyway so you should go!". No honestly this dosent bother me because they were like what 12? Plus they are stupid little church group kids. But, it made me think about how little attention we pay to the feelings of others. It's so easy to just dish out a random insult on a whim without any regard what so ever towards the persons feelings. This is something we should all give a little more thought to, and ill be the first to admit that i do it all the time. I just hand them out like nothing at all, im sorry and i just realized this. I'm done with that, because something so minuite can really affect a person if they dont know the whole context of what your saying. So im sorry, and we should all thingk about this.
P.S. those girls were either A) blind and couldnt see how hot i was OR B) blinded by my magnificent hair and couldnt see how hot i really was.
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