poisonedheart
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::
2008 23 January :: 10.29pm
I think I'm a bad friend.
Every time I talk to somebody from LC since dropping out, they're always saying they miss me, everyone's talking about how they miss me, and everyone else misses me, it's like a giant "we miss nathan"-fest in the japanese room during lunch these days apparently.
And deep down I really don't care, to be honest the only person I've even noticed the absence of in my life is chen chen, I feel sad I don't get to see her every morning, she always brightened my day, but everyone else just doesn't really matter I guess.
Maybe I'm just finally becoming detached like I've always wanted to be.
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2008 10 January :: 6.08pm
I'll be the grapes fermented,
Bottled and served with the table set in my finest suit
Like a perfect gentlemen
I'll be the fire escape that's bolted to the ancient brick
Where you will sit and contemplate your day
I'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning
In an open tab when your judgment's on the brink
I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite
Albums back as you're lying there drifting off to sleep...
I'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you...
You won't have to strain to look into my eyes
I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped straight to the throat
With the collar up so you won't catch a cold
I want to take you far from the cynics in this town
And kiss you on the mouth
We'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of this scene,
Start a brand new colony
Where everything will change,
We'll give ourselves new names (identities erased)
The sun will heat the grounds
Under our bare feet in this brand new colony
Everything will change...
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 20 December :: 12.49am
Sometimes I wish I could fastforward my life.
Skip past all the bullshit of the rest of high school and college, skip right to the part where I leave this town behind forever.
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 13 December :: 9.50pm
A poem about woohu, written after reading people's old entries
These old journal entries
They read like a back catalogue
of our sorrows
Looking back on so much pain, it hurts
Yet we go on
And live each of our days
So much anguish we have felt, it hurts
Day by day we forget past torments
but if we look back, the pain still haunts us
Our lives are ever changing
Ever constant, ever painful, ever blissful
And the pain we feel each of our days
It gets swallowed up
With the joy of a new dawn
Yet the pain remains
These pages remain
We still hurt
We still heal
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 26 November :: 8.57pm
Life is changing lately, and I think I'm happy about it.
Jen's stopped being so emotionally dependent on me, which is really good, hell, I've barely even talked to her in the last few weeks, been spending most of my free time hanging out with Chen Chen or Jason.
I've become more confident in myself lately, something I've always been bad about, I always used to think I couldn't do anything right, but that's all changing.
Still a little depressed due to my total lack of any sort of love-life, but meh, I'm used to that.
Overall though, life is looking up.
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 9 November :: 9.00pm
I was blonde as a child.
2 Black Roses |
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 8 November :: 10.02pm
I wish she'd get out of that relationship, no matter how much she says it makes her happy, it's making her worse day by day, and she's just being used, and deep down she knows that.
1 Black Rose |
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 30 October :: 7.38pm
"If The Brakeman Turns My Way" - Bright Eyes
When panic grips your body and your heart is a hummingbird
Raven thoughts blacken your mind until you're breathing in reverse
All your friends and sedatives mean well but make it worse
Every reassurance just magnifies the doubt
Better find yourself a place to level out
Got a cricket for a conscience always looks the other way
A cocaine soul starts seeming like an empty cabaret
Hey, where have all the dancers gone? Now the music doesn't play
Tried to listen to the river but you couldn't shut your mouth
Better take a little time to level out
I never thought of running
My feet just led the way
Mixed up Signals
Bullet Train
Cars are switched out in the crazy rain
I could meet you any place
If the Brakeman turns my way
All this automatic writing I have tried to understand
From a psychedelic angel who was tugging on my hand
It's an infinite coincidence but it doesn't form a plan
So I'm headed for New England or the Paris of the South
Gonna find myself somewhere to level out
Are your brothels full, Oh Babylon, with merry Middlemen?
Never peer out of their periscopes from those deep opium dens
All this death must need a counterweight always someone born again
First a mother bathes her child then the other way around
The Scales always find a way to level out
I tried to pass for nothing
But my dreams gave me away
Mixed up Signals
Bullet Train
People snuffed out in the brutal rain
I could live to any age
If the Brakeman turns my way
It is an old world it's hard to remember
Like a dime store mystery
I'm a repeat first time offender
Who has rewritten history
Mixed up tea leaves
Phantom Pain
Fuzzy logic in the crazy rain
Getting better every day
If the Brakeman turns my way
Mixed up Signals
Bullet Train
Cars are switched out in the blinding rain
He'll be smiling as he seals my fate
When the Brakeman turns my way
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 27 October :: 8.05pm
Well, so closes that chapter of my life I guess, it's just two years down the drain.
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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2007 21 October :: 9.33pm
Ha, summary of why women suck 99.9% of the time.
A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way.
This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
5 Black Roses |
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 10 October :: 5.37pm
Julia wants me to smoke some salvia with her this weekend, she said she'll buy a gram if she gets the chance, I think I'll just go ahead and try it, I mean, it's legal and has no long term effects, so why the fuck not?
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 7 October :: 8.13am
So, I'm just the medicine
You take when you're sick
You get well and that's it
I'm put back on the shelf in your mirror
And it isn't exceptional
The course of our fate
So, people love and they hate
And I guess it's just our turn to hate
Yeah, you were just some song I wrote
A poem on a page
A sculpture I made out of clay
Desire was the flame
But now you're more of a basketball
Boys just pass you around
They bounce you hard on the ground and dribble
And then we all get high fives
And you think I'm an asshole now
Well, you're probably right
But at least I'm not blind to the facts
I've been wishing were lies
But still I hope you get everything
That you care to possess
And unbelievable sex with him
Or any one of my friends
But just don't ask about my appetite
I didn't lose it tonight
No, it's been gone half my life
It's just act, I've been eating for you
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 6 October :: 10.19am
Ya know, I'd be a completely different person today if I had never joined this website.
I never would've met Lauren.
Never would've been invited to SpokLAN by Lauren.
Never would've become friends with Julius and later Jen at SpokLAN
Never would've become friends with ANYONE from SpokLAN for that matter.
Probably never would've taken Japanese without Jen's influence, meaning I'd have a completely different plan for my future.
So yeah, in the end, this website has changed my life immensely.
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 6 October :: 9.42am
This is why I fucking hate getting close to people, all that ever happens is that you get hurt, you should never invest your emotions in anyone but yourself, because they'll just treat your feelings like a toy, and toys always end up broken.
1 Black Rose |
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 6 October :: 8.37am
I see why they call it a broken heart, it actually hurts, it feels like someone just reached in there and squeezed my heart until it popped.
It's just so hard knowing that your biggest reason for waking up in the morning doesn't even seem to give a shit about how her actions make you feel.
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 25 September :: 7.37pm
I did painful things today....
2 Black Roses |
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 19 September :: 11.25pm
I should try forming a serious relationship, everyone else does it these days, I should too.
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 16 September :: 9.01pm
"I Won't Ever Be Happy Again"
Well morning came
And it dressed the sky
In a lovely yellow gown
Now the shops they are
All opening
In that narrow hallway of downtown
Filled with people who
Are shopping for
Their lovers and their friends
So they won't ever be lonely again
Well a forest fenced
becomes backyards
Like songs are born from sound
And the apple fell
And it taught us all
We are chained here to the ground
So here we go
But there ain't no escape
Yeah, these streets they're just dead ends
So I won't ever be happy again
Well, it seems you too
See a painful blue
When you stare into the sky
You could never understand
The motion of a hand waving you goodbye
"Bye bye"
But as the story goes
or it is often told
A new day will arise
And all the dance halls will
Be full of skeletons
That are coming back to life
And on a grassy hill
the lion will
lay down with the lamb
And I won't ever be lonely again
No, no, no, no, no
But until that time
I think I had better find
some disbelief to suspend
Cause I don't want to feel like this again
1 Black Rose |
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 11 September :: 11.01pm
Sometimes I want to just leave.
Not even tell anybody, just go to the bus station early one morning, but a ticket to somewhere far away, and never come back.
It's probably a good thing I don't have a job, I'm just impetuous enough to do it one of these days.
1 Black Rose |
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 23 August :: 4.57pm
I've got some hardcore circles under my eyes.
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 6 July :: 9.14pm
Why do people get so mad when I lump modern religions and ancient mythology into the same group, I mean, there's no real difference, it's just made up bullshit people believe so they can ignore the fact they really don't know that much about the universe.
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 30 June :: 1.48pm
I made my first youtube video =)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1SeyA7xJn8
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 13 June :: 11.02pm
Gray light, new day leaks through the window
An old soul song comes on the alarm clock radio
We walk the forty blocks to the middle
Of the place we heard that everything would be
And there were barricades to keep us off the street
But the crowd kept pushing forward
Till they swallowed the police
Ya they went wild
We left before the dust had time to settle
Now all the broken glass swept off the avenue
And on the way home held your camera like a bible
Just wishing so bad that it held some kind of truth
And I stood nervous next to you in the dark room
You dropped the paper in the water
And it all begins to bloom
Ya they go wild
And just when I get so lonesome I cant speak
I see some flowers on the hillside
Like a wall of new TVs
Ya they go wild
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 9 June :: 10.03pm
http://media.putfile.com/Landlocked-Blues-91
Don't make too much fun of it, it was my first time singing the song.
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 6 June :: 10.50pm
Gray light, new day leaks through the window
An old soul song comes on the alarm clock radio
We walk the forty blocks to the middle
Of the place we heard that everything would be
And there were barricades to keep us off the street
But the crowd kept pushing forward
Till they swallowed the police
Ya they went wild
We left before the dust had time to settle
Now all the broken glass swept off the avenue
And on the way home held your camera like a bible
Just wishing so bad that it held some kind of truth
And I stood nervous next to you in the dark room
You dropped the paper in the water
And it all begins to bloom
Ya they go wild
And just when I get so lonesome I cant speak
I see some flowers on the hillside
Like a wall of new TVs
Ya they go wild
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 2 June :: 8.51pm
I got a second 19" monitor.
http://img58.imageshack.us/img58/5541/awesomefb3.jpg
Scream the Sorrow..
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poisonedheart
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::
2007 16 May :: 6.20pm
The sun came up with no conclusion
Flowers sleeping in their beds
This city's cemetery's humming
I'm wide-awake, it's morning
I have my drugs, I have my woman
They keep away my loneliness
My parents have they have their religion
But sleep in separate houses
I read the body count out of the paper
And now it's written all over my face
No one ever plans to sleep out in the gutter
Sometimes that's just the most comfortable place
So I'm drinking, breathing, writing, singing
Everyday I'm on the clock
My mind races with all my longings
But cant keep up with what I got
I hope I don't sound too ungrateful
What history gave modern man
A telephone to talk to strangers
Machine guns and a camera lens
So when you're asked to fight a war that's over nothing
It's best to join the side that's gonna win
And no one's sure how all of this got started
But we're gonna make them goddam certain how its gonna end
Oh ya we will, oh ya we will!
Well I could have been a famous singer
If I had someone else's voice
But failure's always sounded better
Lets fuck it up boys, make some noise!
The sun came up with no conclusion
Flowers sleeping in their beds
This city's cemetery's humming
I'm wide-awake, it's morning
Scream the Sorrow..
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♥