:'(
I am sad. I miss Kaleea... and I miss ruthie, she is back and I will see her though. But Kaleea is my best friend in my whole life. She was my friend when no one else would, just because I had a scar on my face I was left alone to myself. But she was there for me through my whole life. When I was in fourth grade she moved away to East Grand Rapids. She lived there until 9th grade then moved to Arizona this past summer. I love her so much. Everytime I think of her I want to cry. I miss her and the all great times we had. Ever since she moved away my life and happiness has gone down. I never get to see her. It's different in writting and pictures. Seeing her makes me think of just this past winter when we hung out. Listened to music and hung out in my room. I miss those times. I miss her. Hopefully this summer I will go to arizona, and visit the entire summer.~

My Bari!!
I got to play bari today.I love him! (if you don't know who bari is you probably think I am really screwed up). Playing bari made me remember last year and lately I have been dreaming about 8th grade. I don't know why. I see the band room and the little drama room, ah 7th grade, alex :D. I liked alex so much and the cool part was, was that we hung out and stuff. Drama was the best. After school we would all go down there and hang out. Of course we would act as well, I was in all of the plays... mainly stage crew. I loved it.Those were the best days of my life, the summber of 99.Yesturday feels like a dream. But it wasn't thank god! Well, I think that that is all I have to write about. Later
~red~

I am HAPPY!!!!:D:D:D:D
I am soo happy. I feel so complete now. Ruthie came home. She was one of my best friends last year. She was one of those people where I wished I had met sooner. She moved to South Carolina because her Fiance (now husband) was stationed down there. Well I was sitting at lunch and I looked up and around the corner came Ruthie. I was soo happy. Today has been really good but I still have one question... It's stuck in my mind... I have no answer and I fear I never will. My parents are mad at me... they say I ask them for too much money. I never ask them for money. They give it to me then say I have to pay them back. Oh well... screw them. Later...
~red~

Questions...
Hmm... I have like this whole feeling to me. Not sure of things but sure of myself and what I want and what I need, I just don't want to go with it. Something bad is going to happen if I do what I am thinking about and I kind of don't want it anyways. I just don't know which to decide. Later|
~Red~

Peter?
Ha, Yesturday I had so much fun. Not that the band competition was any fun seens how we had to fucking stand and play. But we did get third place... way better than our ususal fourth (haha). I am trying to get my "friend" pete mckenna to hang out with me. It's quite funny because I believe he thinks I am annoying... O-well... haha it's all in fun. Someone once told me that I am bi-polar...but then someone said jamie simon is seriously bi-polar. Yeah, I am just talking shit. Last night I got to hang out and "jam" with a bunch of old guys. It was sooo much fun. I loved it. I think that I realized that what I want to do with my life has to do with music. Later
~red~

Tyler...
I have realized that I am not completly over tyler. He is attractive,but not too appealing in the mind. I miss him suprisingly... I miss what I thought he was, a friend. I let everything go too far with him. Although I thought he was my friend, he really wasnt. I wanted it to be more. I knew it never would. I think that I may just like the type of guy he is, rather than who he is in reality. I am forced to look at myself and wonder where my life is going to take me. Am I going to have a job where I need to go to college? Am I going to fall "IN" love? I don't believe so... what am I suppose to do then?
~red~

Tired and exhuasted....
I met Jay last night. Yeah, I have to work today. I have band and cheerleading tomorrow. I can't wait till both of them are over. Other than that my life is pretty boring. I had a band competition last night and we got a second division. I was mad. O-well. That is about all I have to say...Later
~red~

Man.. so much has happened
Wow, I just found out today that Justin and Lindsey broke up. Justin never talks to me anymore. It kind of makes me sad, we had a lot in common. Anyways, I am going to see Jay today at our band competition thing. That is the only reason why I am not exactly fighting this...although I am going to miss my shows. :( I shall go now and get ready... Later,
~red~

I don't know...
Well, right now I really don't know. Umm... I am all alone listening to some grand music which I love. It makes me happy... one thing in my life. I have band tonight and jay wrote me an e-mail that made me smile. My parents asked who he was... I said someone that my friend rachel kind of introduced me to. Then my father asked me what this was... It's my journal dummy. I skipped cheerleading practice. I hate it, why go? I am not going to the homecoming this saturday like I had planned, his parents wont let him drive past his curfew. That's kind of okay I guess, I wanted to go, but I also had a lot of things to do. I don't think I am going to make it through this week. I have like two games this week practice tonight and I have cheerleading like everday, consessions on wednesday and districts... saturday is way packed. NO time to think! Later,
~red~

none
tonight is homecoming what more can I say?

Homecoming.....
Well, homecoming is tomorrow and I still haven't decided if I am going to get yet. I think I will. I don't know what I will wear either. I may wear khakis a dress shirt and a tie. Just to be comfortable so I won't have to worry how I look in a dress. blah!That's gay. Anyways, I don't have a date. I might go with my friend Randi... randi is a girl by the way. I don't know about the whole homecoming thing. I loved it last year but that was because I like someone then and the hope of maybe dancing with him was not out of the question. But now, I don't like anyone. I wish something would happen where I did, but it doesnt so o well
later
~red~

I have no one...
It seems to me now that I have no one and will never have anyone. I will be alone for the rest of my life. I always think about those movies where they end up knowing that they love someone and I would much rather watch them than have that happen to me. I just know that it would never feel the same as it is portrayed in the movies. Like in a walk to remember. I wish some guy would love me that much but it is hard enough right now trying to get a guy to at least look at me let alone love me. I really don't know right now what I am suppose to be doing with my life. In school we are suppose to have a pathway. Well I havn't decided mine yet. I don't know what I want to be. It is too hard to make that kind of a decison that early in my life. I havn't experienced things yet to realize what life is like. In all reality I wish I didn't have to choose. I want to be 50 different things and I will never be able to do all of them... so what am I suppose to do?
Later
~red~

*Why do people hate the dentist's?*
My back is so sore that I am bitching at everyone. Well at least at cheerleading practice. I skipped a practice after school and I told everyone that I didn't know about it. But my friend aubrey actually told me about the day before at like 9 at night but she said that if I didn't want to go she wouldn't tell on me. So I didn't. I hate cheerleadign so much and I don't know why I still do it. Maybe I am just trying to get some muscle. Nothing is happening between me and the guys. Pretty much another normal day. I hate my life and most of the people in it. Oh, I noticed that I think of jarrad Klapko as my big brother. It's kinda fun! Later
~ReD~ (I am tired of typing fraggle it's dumb)

Weekdays suck~
I just started listening to anti~flag, My friend pete told me about them and as I was listening to one of their songs I realized that I like pete. I have liked him for a while actually. But I knew that nothing was going to happen between us. He wouldn't like me so I ignored it. Yep, I like someone again and wow what an odd sight... he doesn't like me! Yeah, I hate how every single class that I am in there is drama. Also in cheerleading people are all up against the head coach everyone hates her because she treats the J.V differently. I say o-well let her. What difference is it going to make? None!
Later
~fraggle~