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2005 6 June :: 10.15 pm
:: Music: Aerosmith - I dont wanna a miss thing.mp3
The first time she slept in my room, this is what I felt. Everytime when I'm with her this is what I feel. This song says everything I need.
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God we're together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever
I don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
I don't want to miss one smile
I don't want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
1 YA RLY! |
O RLY? |
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2005 4 June :: 10.37 pm
:: Music: Slipknot - Before I Forget
Your made out of flesh,
Flesh needs blood,
If you bleed, you can die.
What were the names of those people again who said everything was gonna be alright? Man were they ever so wrong...
5 YA RLY! |
O RLY? |
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2005 3 June :: 7.05 pm
:: Music: Slipknot - Before I Forget
Ze gaat volgende zondag weg... volgende week zondag dus. Ik hoop niet dat het zo slecht voor haar word als ze denkt, maar dat het toch wel wat meevalt. Ik weet niet meer waarneer ik haar weer zal zien... Maar ik zal haar veel briefen schrijven en wat zal ik haar ongelooflijk missen. Ik voel me zwaar kut nu. Zij zal zich ook wel kut voelen, en dat kan ik me heel best voorstellen. Gaby...ik hou zo veel van je... waarom moet ons dit gebeuren? Ik wil nu bij je zijn maar het kan gewoon niet, nog niet. Zal het over een paar jaar te laat zijn? Ik zal voor altijd van je blijven houden, eeuwig. Als jij sterft, sterf ik. Samen zijn bij jou is alles wat telt voor mij.... en ik mis je zoveel. Ik hoop dat we contact blijven houden anders weet ik niet of ik het overleef. Je moet vol blijven houden, ok? Ook al wordt het een hel op aarde, hou je hoofd hoog en geef nooit op, ik zweer dat op een dag we samen zullen zijn, voorgoed. Ik hou zo veel van je.....en ik mis je zoveel. Ik denk dat we nu toch een beetje de kant van hel opgaan of niet? Blijven volhouden Gaby. I love you.
O RLY? |
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2005 2 June :: 12.10 pm
Did you ever feel it that when you get angry you get stronger. But it's like a dead end, anger has a limit. What if you could exceed that limit, go beyond it. Wouldn't that make you even stronger? I desire that alot.
1 YA RLY! |
O RLY? |
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2005 29 May :: 9.39 pm
I always used to take suicide as a joke. I'll never make that mistake again.
When it happens to someone close to you, you realize it's not easy as it seems to be. I am truly more scared now then I'll ever be. I am so scared that facing a lion is nothing compared to it. The idea of losing her is ripping apart every dream I ever had... She said she had two options. So do I.
Right now I have a chance to straighten up my life... go back to college and finish it. I've been given another chance.
Or.... I use the money I need for that college and go to her... so stand by her side when she needs me the most. Even if its just for a while.
It should be easy, shouldn't it? The person that makes my world go round or my own life. It should be her, without her I got nothing anyway. I don't know if it's right, but I also think I need to hurry or else I'll be to late. This decision will determine the rest of my life.... can you imagine how scared I am. If only someone could tell me what I must do.
7 YA RLY! |
O RLY? |
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2005 28 May :: 12.53 pm
My mind is an eternal confusion,
My personality is bitter,
My life is a dead end,
My soul is cold and black,
Am I not beautifull...
I feel like I'm about to die... but I don't mind. I know I feel like this cause she feels bad aswell. I wonder what shes doing right now. Only thing I really hope is that she isn't dead. But the bad feeling I got isn't really giving me much hope. I am scared. I can't imagine a life without her anymore. I don't wanna live without her. I guess it doesn't really matter if I die when she's dead aswell. I am alive just for her and no one else. I feel like she's dead.
2 YA RLY! |
O RLY? |
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2005 27 May :: 8.11 pm
She tried to kill herself twice....twice.....twice..... I cant stand this I can't even do a thing about it. She needs help, she needs an education, she needs people to listen to her....but I can't do any of those.... I am part of her... If I listen it's as if she'd be listening to herself.... I am so sorry I can't help you ever. I asked God to give me a sign bout what to do....three times he showed me an airplane... Should I fly over to Gaby..... should I take the plane and go to her even if its just for one minute? But I got so many obstacle's...I need the money for my own education.... Its bullshit... I know I have to go see her...
If she ever ends her life...then so will I...I dont care bout a life without her.... then life is totally dead... nothing to live for anymore... I'll stay with you for an eternity Gaby.
I hate her mom and dad, I hate the goverment, I hate people for being rascist, I hate people cause they care bout skincolor, I hate people cause they deserve it, I hate people cause they never do anything, I hate people myself cause I can't help her, I hate myself cause I'm human, I hate my friends cause they arn't reall, I hate my mom cause she's unreasonable, I hate my dad cause he's more of a sugar uncle, I hate switserland cause they wont give gaby her passport, I hate India cause its a dumb country with dumb people, I hate myself cause people like me, I hate myself cause I am nothing, I hate everyone cause they are everything, I hate everyone cause they are fake, I hate everyone cause they are not like me, I hate everyone cause they hate me, I hate cause I want to, I hate cause I can, I hate cause it's how I feel, I hate you cause your reading this, I hate my little brother cause he's a mommy's boy, I hate my big brother cause hes a grown up wanna-be, I hate my life cause its meaningless, I hate my life cause it's of no use, I hate God cause he never does anything to help, I hate the devil cause he never helps, I hate myself cause I never help..... I swear if she dies then I die.
O RLY? |
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