JediBumblebee
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2003 16 June :: 11.11pm
:: Mood: crappy
so people just totally drive me nuts
i'm cutting myself off from the world for a while and i really dont think that the world minds one bit
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 14 June :: 12.18am
hahaha
Leo & Scorpio
Riven and driven, this couple wins the passion prize. Leo and Scorpio are locked in a struggle, united on the razor's edge. The emotional Leo is offended by Scorpian rudeness; in turn, Scorpio's deep feelings are masked by carnal urges. Tension and challenge define this relationship. Each is endowed with an infinite ability to wound or solace the other, and the two will endlessly oscillate between torment and delight. The clash of these two strong personalities is doomed unless indulgence and tolerance also reign. But selfishness may overcome them.
1 Fey |
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 13 June :: 1.58am
:: Mood: confused
there was something i was going to do when i got home....but i forget what it is....
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 9 June :: 11.51pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: Howie Day- Everything Else
And I'm screaming for the breath that makes you alive...
so this is how it all goes down. just fucking great. so don't go acting like everything's still supposed to be all cool. because its not.
thanks for your time, i wish i could thank you for your effort.
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 9 June :: 11.19pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: Howie Day- Everything Else
they will all just go away
all of the demons
enjoy this life right now
you know what you're to do
and letters
yes they matter write her quite a few
and she might love you for it
but you can't count on it
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 8 June :: 8.34pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: Fountains of Wayne- Troubled Times
Like she was returnable...one day would refill your hands...
I had a dream...
that i made different choices.
i went to the beach and clutched onto every wave and there was nothing there to hold me. I washed up onto the shore and got sand in my hair.
I miss the beach. I miss the waves, the sand, the sun.
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 5 June :: 11.54pm
:: Mood: intimidated
that hurt.
you make it sound like its so easy, please remember its not as easy for me.
don't compare me to her, i don't want to just be another chapter in the book.
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 5 June :: 10.51pm
:: Music: Jeff Buckley- Lover, You Should Have Come Over
It's never over...my kingdom for a kiss upon the shoulder...
my head hurts again. i'm afraid i'm dying.
update on all of that- my MRI and MRA both turned up negative. BUT... I have to go see a neurologist to keep looking for why I keep getting spontaneous dizzy spells. And I'm not supposed to drive for 6 months. Yeah...right. Like I can get rides to work, to class, or anywhere else.
I went garage sale-ing today and bought more books....like "Philosophy and Myth in Karl Marx" and "Social Cognition". I am a HUGE nerd.
A lot of my relationships have issues right now. Can't get ahold of my best friend, she's being weird, cryptic, and a pain in the butt about some things. I kindof feel like she doesnt tell me about anything anymore, mainly because she knows i'll give a negative reaction to a lot of it. But I guess its how I am, I can't really change that. When I don't like something, I won't pretend to.
As far as the romantic life is concerned, I guess I'm starting to worry that I view the whole thing from a different perspective. Or that I might be "just another girlfriend"... it sounds conceited but I like to think that I should be considered the best or one of the best....lately I feel like I don't measure up or that I'm doing a crappy job. Paranoia maybe. Stressing me out.
I really dont know what I'm talking about. My current situation in life..I'm feeling useless again.
2 FeyBebop |
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 3 June :: 11.00pm
today has just totally drained my energy.
i think i could sleep for 26 hours straight.
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 3 June :: 5.05pm
not mine...
teenage heartbreak...it's beautifully fucking miserable..
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 2 June :: 10.22pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Poe- Lemon Meringue
So the other day, went and found me a lover
Had a little hustle down under the covers
It was delicious to me.
Can't you see me there, daydreaming of the future
Oh my god I painted such a pretty picture
My friends, he never got back to me.
So my series of odd dreams lately seem to follow that pattern. I must wonder what it all means.
4 FeyBebop |
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 29 May :: 3.55pm
:: Mood: crappy
I...am....sick.
on top of my beautiful brain tumor I have been blessed with the head and chest cold from hell.
ah, sweet kisses, i'm paying the price for them now....
3 FeyBebop |
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 26 May :: 7.55pm
:: Mood: frustrated
I hate to say it but sometimes my friends are all fucking retarded.
4 FeyBebop |
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 24 May :: 10.00pm
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
Edward
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JediBumblebee
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2003 22 May :: 9.52pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: Better Than Ezra- Good
it was good, living with you...uh-oh...
well, woohu seems to be doing crazy things with friends pages but i'm just gonna roll with it...
everyone really seems to be baring their souls in their journals lately...i think thats cool. i guess i can try to follow in the same pattern...
jason and i had some major issues now, but at least now they SEEM like they're coming to a close, I don't know...I'm sure, however, that he will correct me if I'm wrong..
class is kicking my ass, I really hate being occupied like that for the greater portion of my week (5:30-9:30 Mon-Thurs), I'm scared that I'll lose all my motivation and fail and ruin everything...I guess I'm in a negative mood lately.
so i finally went to the doctor about my headaches/blackouts/dizzy spells and its all a big mess. turns out i have orthostatic hypotension, which means my blood pressure drops A LOT when I stand up...but thats probably not all. they scheduled me for a CAT scan but then the doctor called me later today and said it was IMPERATIVE that I go to an MRA and MRI on a different day...its the same night as the foo fighters concert, but i dont go in until 11pm so i think it should all work out.. stressful stuff, just hoping i dont have a brain tumor or something strange like that...my head just hasnt been screwed on right lately.
its odd that my severely bizarre mental state might actually be tied to my medical issues...i'd love to explain my spaced-outedness by talking about a brain abnormality that i have. but we'll see....
Edward
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