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'How can I stand here with you, and not be moved by you.'

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jedibumblebee

:: 2003 3 January :: 12.34am
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: Goldfinger- Counting The Days

Just another stupid thing that I done wrong...still counting the days I've been without you...still counting the days that you've been gone...
You know that you are in a bad mood when you are driving home late at night and just thinking about life...suddenly you look down and realize that you are going 60mph in a 25...
My life kindof feels like I've been going 60 in the 25 zone. It's like, the new me knows that its just time to chill, that i ought to mellow out because i'm driving myself nuts. but upon coming home for break, i've awakened the old me, the one that likes to stress mad crazy and rush through things and create problems full of stupid shit.

JediBumblebee: hi
PhoxxPhire: hey
PhoxxPhire: you gothome quick
JediBumblebee: yeah

i even wore the glasses. i dont know why. i suppose i'm easily persuaded. but for some reason he seems to be the only one who can do it.

i plan to come to grips with a few specific things.
1. he does not, will not, feel the same about me as i do him.
2. when he asks me to hang out, it is not a sudden lapse into liking me again. the answer is simple- he either feels guilty for the way he's treating me, or he wants to get some. not real hard to figure out.
3. he's going to date a LOT of other girls, and probably flaunt them all, not necessarily because we're "friends, and friends tell each other that kind of stuff". it's because he's an asshole. and assholes do that sort of thing. at least his roommate is nice to me.
4. he will inevitably have a serious relationship and tell you all the gory details, regardless of his declaration to avoid relationships... it really wasnt that he doesnt want relationships...it was just a nice bullshit excuse to get out of yours.
5. most of the promises being made now are nice and empty, meant to fill the space before i go back to school.

so this is what it feels like when someone "cares about you".

one more convincing factor for why i do not, will not believe in love.

2 FeyBebop | Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2003 2 January :: 2.16pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: Howie Day- She Says

And when she says she wants somebody else, I hope you know, she doesn't mean you....
some day i will learn to say NO when I know something is a bad idea...
it probably would have kept me out of a lot of trouble over this break.

but then as I review that decision, I realize that a lot of the fun I had would not have occurred from using a brain...

I just can't WIN!

Edward


Frost

:: 2003 2 January :: 12.57pm
:: Music: DMB - No Rain

'you and i've got something but its all and then its nothing to me'
1) If you could be instantly fluent in one other language that you currently do not read or speak, which would it be? Japinese, It would open job oportunities, and allow me to play untranslated games with ease.
2) If you could have the starring role in any film already made, what would it be?
Jim Hawkins from Treasure planet.
That would be just awsome.
3) If you could receive one small package this very moment, who would it be from and what would be in it? I would like some time to think about this one.
4) If you could own one painting from any collection in the world but were not able to sell it, which work of art would you select?
I dont know many of the famious ones. I suppose i would like the fuzzy poster holly colored with the puppies...(although its not a painting, its very cool)
5) If you were instantly able to play one musical instrument perfectly that you never have played before, what would it be? some sort of cool sounding guitar, I'm trying to start a band... although the piano is very buitiful sounding... *looks distressed* i suppose i would chose the piano.
6) If you could possess one supernatural ability, what would it be? passing through inanimate objects would be interesting and fun, but would ruin reality mentally. I suppose i would like to move as fast as Neo from the matrix. Time is so uncomprehensable, i dont think it would mess up to much.
7) If you had to choose the most valuable thing you ever learned what would it be?
I would say, learning how to make different people smile. although im still working on that one, some moods are nearly impossible to break.
8) If you could have only one piece of furniture in your house, what would it be?
an extra large bean bag. Multi purpose.
9) If you could read the private diary of someone you know personally, whose diary would it be?
If I know it is ment to be private, i dont think i would read it. Sorry.
10) If you could have one person you know as your slave for one month, who would it be? i dont think i would want a slave.
11) If you could choose the way you will die, how would you want it to happen?
firstly, i wouldnt want to know my choice, if i was forced to chose. Secoundly i wouldnt want to chose.
12) If you could wake up tomorrow to learn that the major newspaper headlines were about you, what would you want them to say? Brian celibrates his 140'th birthday, and has lived a very happy life, with his wife by his side. ( I just threw in the 140 so it could be a headline. But i dont want to live quite that long, unless im still perfectly healthy and happy, then i suppose it would be quite grand. but would not like to live forever, at least i dont think i would. It would lead to alot of bad things, such as either WAY over-population of the world, if everyone lives for ever. Or constant lab studies on me, if i am the only one. and watching all my freinds die of old age while i live forever, would suck.)
13) If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do? Start a business. and update my comp to WindowsXP
14) If you could choose the music at your funeral, what would it be, and who would play it? I'm Still Here, by the googooDolls i think, but i dont know who i would want to play it. I would hope its someone i dont know, at least i think that would be better on everone. Maybe its not even a good song because it may lead to denile, wich is supposed to be a bad thing.
15) If you could take away the vocal cords of any person, who would it be?
No one. at least not perminately.
16) If you had to describe your idea of the perfect mate, how would you do it?
Able to follow confusing pointless conversations (not nessisary but nice), someone who rarly critisizes people, someone who appreciates doors being open for her, but never demands it or looks like she expects it. Someone who likes who I am (most important), someone rather spontanious in the way they talk plus changing topics seemingly randomly is nice at times. I would like her to be beutiful. I would also like her to pay attention to me while im around. and be happy. Plus i would like her to socially challenge me to say everything just right. (The constant pull to do and say things better makes life seem more... like life), I would like her to spend a good amount of time with me, and to talk about her interests and back up her oppinions. Showing up unexspectedly cant hurt, and complements mean alot to me.
im sure theres more i would want, but really alot of it is not even important...^looks destressed, thats a tough question^
17) If you had to have a personal friend redecorate your house, who would you pick to do it? Holly, Im sure it would turn out pritty awsome.
18) If you had to choose the worst home you've ever lived in, which one was it?
Define lived in... I supose i like them all in there own way anyway, but if lived in includes just one day visits, it would change a few things, but i dont think i hated any place.
19) If you could have prevented one thing from happening between you and a friend, what would it have been? I would have stayed friends with Holly after she left arby's even though she upset me verbelly, and never returned my calls. (secound to that i would have avoided the foot picture incident.)
20) If you could learn the total number of hours you have spent in your life doing one thing, what would it be?
Reformating or devirusing my computer.
21) If you had to describe yourself as a child in one word, what would it be? Day-dreamer


jedibumblebee

:: 2003 2 January :: 1.23am
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: Cake- Sheep Go To Heaven

I'm not feeling alright today, I'm not feeling that great....
TaoMan1121: it seems like you are having your cake and eating it too... but anything's possible i guess
JediBumblebee: i dont know, i dont think i will succeed in getting the cake
JediBumblebee: if i do it will be something like carrot cake
JediBumblebee: i mean, its cake
JediBumblebee: but not really
JediBumblebee: because its just not as good
TaoMan1121: lol... i think frosting needs to be included in this analogy somewhere, but i don't know where...
JediBumblebee: see, and thats the thing
JediBumblebee: the icing on the cake
JediBumblebee: there would be no icing on the cake
JediBumblebee: if i were to have it and eat it too
JediBumblebee: lol
JediBumblebee: its a big series of poor analogies
TaoMan1121: i think it's all about how you look at the cake... wait... uhh...
JediBumblebee: well you cant judge a cake by its icing
JediBumblebee: err...wait
TaoMan1121: i'm so done with the cakes... the cakes are going to give me an anerysum...
JediBumblebee: damn it
JediBumblebee: yes
TaoMan1121: cake is as cake does...
JediBumblebee: good god

Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2003 1 January :: 7.58pm
:: Mood: determined
:: Music: Elton John- Rocket Man

I'm not the man they think I am at home...
I am maxing out at 10. Once I hit double digits, this kissing thing is finished.

Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2003 1 January :: 3.11am
:: Mood: rejuvenated
:: Music: Elton John- Someone Saved My Life Tonight

You almost had your hooks in me didn't you dear...You nearly had me roped and tied...
Rang in the new year with torrents of emotions. My midnight kiss was nice (yes kids that would be a fresh #9...working on those double digits...) but then took turns for the worse when we decided to be idiots and TALK about kissing and each other and what stuff meant...yeah, it was shit. but hey, i'll be over it soon enough, like...umm...NOW? yeah. moment over.

i'm sorry to those of you who invited me to various parties and social functions to which i did not attend, there were honest reasons for each but i am still sorry.

yes kids, that was a sober new year! no drinking for me. didnt stop me from stupidity however.

also, upon returning home and consulting sources i found out some very good news, something that'll make the next semester a lot more relaxing, not to mention the next three years ago. woohoo...back to school time!

"I never realized the passing hours of evening showers
A slip noose hanging in my darkest dreams
I'm strangled by your haunted social scene
Just a pawn out-played by a dominating queen
It's four o'clock in the morning
Damn it listen to me good
I'm sleeping with myself tonight
Saved in time, thank God my music's still alive"

Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 31 December :: 2.38pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: SR-71- Let It Whip

NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS :)
I attempted to recreate my entry from last night, I wrote it out in WORD because I didnt feel like losing it again.

Basically, despite all of my current failures on the dating scene, I'm come to the conclusion that I am probably ready for a boyfriend again. Although this seems rather illogical, I feel that because I have seen just about everything that COULD go wrong on a date, I have gained a good understanding of what I want and don't want in a guy. And I hate jumping around, believe it or not kissing 8 people in about a week isnt all that fun, I'd rather have the security associated with one devoted individual. but in reviewing the list, I realize that the chances of me finding one person that fits my criteria is slim...I'm sure thats not even all of it, just what I could think of off the top of my head. i just like putting it in list form so I will be able to go back to it and laugh.


„h Male (yes, preferred)
„h Between the ages of 17 and 23 (17-19 preferred)
„h Sense of humor
„h Sense of style, I don¡¦t care what kind, but some kind
„h A brain. It might appear to be a given but often its not.
„h No other girlfriends. Again, I thought it was a given but some people don¡¦t get it.
„h Taste in music. Not necessarily the same as mine, but I want him to have a passion that he can share with me.
„h A hidden talent. I don¡¦t care what it is, but he should have one.
„h Ambition in life. Again, really a variable, but I want him to have goals that he is after.
„h A hobby. Something to occupy his time, other than me. ƒº
„h GOOD SHOES
„h Spontaneity
„h Likes my punk friends
„h Has friends that I can get along with
„h Ability to be a hopeless romantic, but won¡¦t smother me with it
„h Can handle my attitude and doesn¡¦t mind me as a hippie.
„h Taller than me (petty, yes)
„h Weighs more than me (petty, self-consciousness plays into that)
„h Can dance, or is willing to pretend that he can
„h Independence
„h Decent kisser (please!)
„h Ability to use the phone to call me?
„h Honesty.
„h Ability to hold a conversation.
„h Ability to let me into the conversation.
„h Knows the rules and his boundaries
„h Breaks most if not all of said rules and boundaries
„h Makes me feel comfortable
„h Hopelessly devoted without being overbearing.

I'm sure that I should throw in some other point of randomness like he must have green eyes and be left-handed or something just to emphasize its impossibility.

6 FeyBebop | Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 31 December :: 2.08pm
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: OPM- Breakout

I got plans to be the dropout millionare...Oh, no, don't get me wrong...me and school just don't get along...I ain't goin to classes no more, write it up for your literature...
so what's everyone doing for new years?

i dont really know for sure yet, but i hope to at least do something.

you know what's depressing? there isnt any more snow on the ground. but everything's still dead.

it is TIME for me to go back to kalamazoo. i'm not sure if i'm ready for classes, but i miss the people...i miss the floor like mad....and i hate being at home.

Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 31 December :: 12.35am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Elton John- Sad Songs Say So Much

When all hope is gone, why don't you tune in and turn them on?
lost a huge entry on the perfect guy, go figure.

think it's a sign?

that's hypothetical greg for you.

Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 29 December :: 10.26pm

i thought woohu had that element of free speech? it goes to hell when you get stuck on a power trip.

Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 29 December :: 9.14pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: Randy McClain- My Understanding of Everything :)

It happened way too fast....hello, goodbye...you're in the past...
yeah. i'm just about to mellow out.

so i'm doing some stuff that i didnt plan on doing, and some other stuff that i didnt plan on doing AGAIN... but i figure why bother keeping myself from it if it is something that makes me feel content?

i told isaiah to back down, and i am proud of myself for that. i told him that i'm not gonna be his abercrombie girl.

there are still a few things that need straightening out. but i am mellow. yeah.....

i'm getting second thoughts about second chances. what did you think about that night? tell me.

Edward


Frost

:: 2002 28 December :: 12.38am

HAY!!

Whats wrong with playing video games, and understanding computers, and coming fully equiped with writing utencles?

I can still be cool!





Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You?
quiz, by Angel.


Frost

:: 2002 28 December :: 12.27am






find your element
at mutedfaith.com.
<º>


Frost

:: 2002 27 December :: 11.32pm






Take the What Type of Friend are
You?
quiz, and visit mutedfaith.com.
[Me.]


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 27 December :: 12.30pm
:: Mood: moody

I need to just escape from my life, even if only for a few days.

Edward

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