jedibumblebee
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2002 22 December :: 9.28am
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: Jack Johnson- Bubble Toes
His dreams are like commercials but her dreams are picture perfect, and our dreams are so related though they're often underestimated...
ok, the situation is dying for an update but I'm not sure how much I want to disclose...andy was there and he knows whats going on, if any of you know why I kept cards in my car...well, they're gone now, for good. something happened that i've been waiting on (passively) for about a year and a half. lets just say it was pretty awesome, i'm not sure how it'll play out from here but i am chipper.
1 Fey |
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 21 December :: 2.21am
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: Ben Kweller- Wasted and Ready
Running as fast as I can...
its just nuts how life can do this crazy little turnaround thing at the absolutely least expected time!
:) :) :)
I am speechless.
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 19 December :: 11.39pm
well then..
Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz, by Angel.
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 19 December :: 11.03pm
:: Mood: giddy
so he actually called me.
i just like looking at the caller id
i dont think i actually want to talk to him
just look at his name on the caller id.
i think if i spoke to him, i'd ruin it. like, he wouldnt be as perfect as i keep imagining.
2 FeyBebop |
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 19 December :: 6.11pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Elliott Smith- I Better Be Quiet Now
It was easy when I didn't know you yet...
Wish you gave me your number
Wish I could call you today, just to hear a voice.
I got a long way to go
I'm getting further away
If I didn't know the difference, living alone'd probably be ok.
It wouldn't be lonely
I got a long way to go
I'm getting further away.
A lot of hours to occupy, it was easy when I didnt know you yet.
Things I'd have to forget
But I'd better be quiet now.
I'm tired of wasting my breath
Carrying on and getting upset.
Maybe I got a problem, but that's not what I wanted to say.
I'd prefer to say nothing.
I got a long way to go.
I'm getting further away.
Had a dream as an army man with an order just to march in my place,
While a dead enemy screams in my face.
But I better be quiet now.
I'm tired of wasting my breath,
Carrying on, not over it yet.
Wish I knew what you're doing
And why you want to do it this way, so I can't go the distance.
I got a long way to go.
I'm getting further away.
I got a long way to go.
I'm getting further away.
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 19 December :: 5.11pm
:: Music: Elliott Smith- In The Lost and Found
Day breaks, and every morning when he wakes, he thinks of you...
It would be really cool sometimes if life was simple.
No more house. I am sick of dealing with it, so for next year at least, I will just settle for the apartment. Actually, it's not really "settling", I will have an oven and a bathtub. Those are the only things that I really feel like I am missing in the dorms.
argh, have to go eat. ramble more later.
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 19 December :: 12.48pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: Elliott Smith- L.A.
But last night I was about to throw it all away...
yep. the top three has been shot to hell. totally.
my mom is hissing and yelling into the phone. today will not be a pleasant day. i need to get out of here...
ugh..i also have bills to pay. i dont want to grow up.
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 18 December :: 9.55am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: Cranberries- Dreams
Now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don't hurt me...
so i dont normally dream in my sleep, but last night i had one that was totally bizarre...this guy from my greek tragedy class was my roommate in an apartment, and one day he tells me that he thought he was gay, except he was in love with me. and i remember all i did was look at him. and wonder.
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 17 December :: 11.56pm
I guess that your truth, is just the ghost of your lies.
I guess your kind of truth, is just the ghost of your lies.
Your kind of truth darling, is just the ghost of your lies,
I see through them all the time.
So i'm pouring some whiskey, i'm going to get drunk.
Yeah, i'm pouring myself some whiskey, i'm going to get real fucking drunk.
I'm pouring some whiskey right now, i'm going to get so so drunk,
pass out, forget your face, by the time I wake up.
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 17 December :: 11.41pm
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: the shins- caring is creepy
It's a luscious mix of words and tricks...
ok i think i might have done something a little ridiculous. but i did it and its too late to stress about it now.
yeah, i've decided to eliminate stress from my life. i've just decided to give it up, no more stress from now on. it takes too much time and energy to be stressed.
i have a date on friday. another guy from work. i know that he's not a cowboy...but this one's a ghetto white boy. like...he thought ben kweller and modest mouse were in the same music genre as rage against the machine and foo fighters. sigh. he's really nice at least. still not the guy from work who i WANT to ask me out. but hey, talk about a nice pick up line...
"what do you like to do for fun?" "would you like to do any of those things with me sometime?"
a couple guys from my past are looking to reconnect as well. i guess i ought to focus, focus. its really not my thing.
i think i'd like a boyfriend.
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 14 December :: 11.37pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Elliott Smith- Junk Bond Trader
I don't need a remedy...
The imitation picks you up like a habit
Writing in the glow of the tv's static
Taking out the trash to the man
Give the people something they understand
A stick man flashing a fine line smile
Junk Bond Trader trying to sell a sucker a style
Rich man in a poor man's clothes
The permanent installment of the daily dose
And you tell off when you tell it like it is
Your world's no wider than your hatred of his
Checking into a small reality
Boring as a drug you take too regulary
The athlete's laugh, the broken crutch
The first true love that folded at the slightest touch
Brought down like an old hotel
People digging through the rubble for things they can resell
"Happy Holidays" said sick savior
The leading love I still favor
I won't take your medicine
I don't need a remedy
To be everything I'm supposed to be
I don't want nobody else
I can do it by myself
We're meant to be together
Now I'm a policeman directing traffic
Keeping everything moving, everything static
I'm the hitchhiker you'll recognize passing
On your way to some everlasting
Better sell it while you can
Better sell it while you can
Better sell it while you can
Better sell it while you can
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 13 December :: 4.34pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Modest Mouse- Summer
go to the parties...listen to the dj's....dance...dance...dance...and go crazy...
ye-ah
it's all about
lumberjack-online.com
i am so bored right now... it's only 4:30...
btw, i'm home right now...if anyone wants to chill, go out and do anything...lemme know...i'm home all during the weeks i think, unless i go looking for my house...
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 12 December :: 11.02pm
lately i’ve been thinking
lately i’ve been dreaming with you
i’m so resitant to this type of thinking
oh, now it’s shining through
i was alone for the last time
before my night’s vacation with you
alive from the first
now i’m denied by the ghost of you
you take yourself a photograph and laugh at me
please
i know there’s little use in crying
it’s more wide awake and dying then i’m used to
i thought we’d walk these streets together
now i’m hoping that i’ll never have to meet you
step aside from all this anger
and somewhere in between i can feel you
ask me should we try again
i’m thinking no
y’know, it’s not what i believe in
it’s not what i believe in
you take yourself a photograph and laugh at me
please
you make yourself a photograph and laugh at me
please
no i, wanna taste you, love
no i...no i
no i, just wanna taste you, love
standing in your shoes
i turn and now
you’re standing bare in my doorway
i only wish that i had been prepared
i’m gonna have to go along with your way
just take the plastic camera out
it’s the pants you borrowed in the driveway
alive from the first
now i’m denied by the ghost of you
make yourself a photgraph and laugh at me
please
you make yourself a photograph and laugh at me
please
no i, wanna taste of love
no i...
i was alive from the first
now i’m denied by the ghost of you
1 Fey |
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 12 December :: 10.46pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: Howie Day - Ghost
You take yourself a photograph and laugh at me...please...
i need to move on. if i dwell on this it will just hurt more. i think i get too worked up over little things. yeah, thats it. so that rock in the pit of my stomach that i was mistaking for being totally in love was actually from bad dorm food, and the fact that i can't get him off my mind just signifies that i dont have enough other things on it.
like christmas break wasnt hard enough. i feel like i've been slapped in the face, kicked in the stomach.
i plan stuff out in my head where it turns out just perfect. i ought to stop believing in myself.
this is why i dont take chances anymore.
this is why i dont make decisions.
this is why my confidence is false.
it would be so much easier if you told me who i should be, but you wont.
so its time for a new life.
i just wanted to be stable. i want something secure.
but i ought to just give up what i want. i dont want to come crawling back. i have too much spine for that.
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 10 December :: 10.54pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Our Lady Peace- Annie
A little bit weird...a little too bright...you just might be that little bomb at their side...they'll pull your hair...they'll leave you wide-eyed...but did anyone wonder what Annie might have in mind
a friend warned me that when you fall back into something that is comfortable, you always remember the last time that situation was in place.
or something like that.
and there was that reminder about excess baggage as well.
yeah, i love it when those things come back to kick you in the ass....slap you in the face. thats really what it felt like. being slapped with the hand of realization that i really didnt matter...not to him, not the way I thought or at least that I had hoped. I was really getting focused. I really think I could have, I was making plans. but hell, as soon as i start getting anything down, it goes to shit.
i realized today that it took until this semester for me to learn how to swear effectivly. and now I do it way too fucking much.
its so funny how people can walk around totally oblivious to the fact that they're breaking hearts. and then they dont do anything about it.
so...#3 was pitched a while ago. #1 hurt me awfully bad this morning...I wont see #2 for another few weeks. fuck.
1 Fey |
Edward
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