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'How can I stand here with you, and not be moved by you.'

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jedibumblebee

:: 2002 17 June :: 10.53pm
:: Mood: working
:: Music: West Side Story - Tonight (Quintet)

We're gonna rock it tonight....we're gonna jazz it up and have us a ball....
I seriously think if I don't get a day off of work I'm going to go crazy. Ignoring all the annoying people and the dirtiness of all the stuff...
I'm having nightmares every night involving work... and in about half of them I end up kissing one of my coworkers and that makes going into work the next day rather difficult. And just overall weird. I pulled some muscle in my back and it hurts so darn bad...my job requires a LOT of lifting and thats not good right now...
The forty plus hours should look nice on a paycheck though...I want to have my car paid off...plus new tires, and maybe a CD player installed by the time I leave for school.
I shouldn't complain too much...as jobs go, mine is good. I really like a lot of my coworkers, I love all of my managers now that the mean one stepped down and the cool guy took her place :)
But it is dreadfully boring. Nine hours of smiling, scanning, and "have a nice day"s.
I've got another morning shift tommorrow. Which means the only customers are so old and senile that its pointless to talk to them or try to explain ANYTHING... or businessmen in suits on their lunchbreak who are in major hurries... or yucky contractors...
I'm just in a major mood because my back really hurts, overall today was a pretty good day. It had big ups and big downs.

I had this headache today that was so bad, that when I stood up, I couldn't see straight. I wobbled around my house like I was drunk for about 40 minutes.

2 FeyBebop | Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 15 June :: 11.48pm

Name: Stefanie Anne
Sex: female
Birth date: August 17, 1984
Location: the sunroom...which is rather chilly taking into account the lack of sun in the room.
Height: five four or so
Eye color: greyish- blue
Hair color: blondish
What does your name mean: it means "crown"
High school graduation year: 2002
Favorite relatives: i have the most darlin cousins
Summer memory: swimmin'.
Favorite TV shows: wha??
What's on your mousepad: a canadian beaver waving a canada flag
In the car- ac or windows: i dig the ac.
Do you believe in yourself: wha?
Favorite game: Life
Favorite drink: Diet Coke
Favorite food: peanut butter and jelly bagels
Favorite colors: olive green and pink.
Favorite cigarettes: ewww
Favorite sounds: roar of thunder, roar of an engine, purr of a kitty.
Favorite smell: peppermint
Worst feeling in the World: loneliness
Best feeling in the World: i'll get back to you
Favorite thing to do on a weekend: umm...i work.
Favorite soundtrack: right now I'm on a kick from Charlie's Angels and Gone In 60 Seconds
Where do you see yourself in 10 years: sleeping
First thought in the morning: NO MORE BEEPING! (I had a dream that I was at work and a customer attacked me with the scanner gun).
Do you get motion sickness: rarely.
Rollercoasters- deadly or exciting: love them.
How many rings before you answer the phone: dont really keep track
Future son names: Beckrin, Donavin.
Future daughter names: Sera
Are you a good friend: that would depend on who you ask.
Chocolate or Vanilla cake: i prefer yellow.
What do you drive: 1996 Dodge Intrepid
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: they're around, usually on the floor
Thunderstorms cool or scary: i like them muchly
If you could meet one person in the World, who would it be: "the guy from Aerosmith!" lol
What is your zodiac sign: LEO
What do you wear to bed: all kinds of things or all kinds of nothings, depends on the season
Do you eat stems of broccoli: yes i do
If a girl ever asked you for the shirt on your back, would you give it to her? well it would be very strange, but i suppose if she was good enough of a friend...hmm...
If you could have any occupation when you get older, what would it be: doodododoo....i wanna be a supermodel....lol
no, i'd want to act in professional theatre.
If you could dye your hair one color, what would it be: GREEN! and i WILL!
If you could have a tattoo, what and where would it be: i don't think i'd want one
Favorite brand of gum: i dont chew gum...i prefer icebreaker mints
What is your favorite quote: "You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same."
Have you ever been in love: *shrug*
What's on your walls in your room: its all pretty and girly. i have stars, clouds, flowers, and angel babies...
Is the glass half-empty or half-full: full
Pick a song that describes yourself or that you can relate to: Anna Begins- Counting Crows
Favorite flavor Snapple: i dont think i've ever had snapple
Which one, Coke or Pepsi: diet coke or pepsi one!
Which kind of milk is your favorite: 1/2%
Are you a righty, lefty, or ambidextrous: righty
Do you type with your fingers on the right keys: occasionally
When you meet a person of the opposite sex, you notice their: i think it's hair. sometimes eyes.
If you could be one gardening tool, which one would it be? the GARDEN CLAW! It's SO COOL!
What kind of shoe would you be if you had an option: bedroom slippers
What's under your bed: heavens if i know.
What's the best number in the World: 26.
What is your dream car: mmmhmmm....I think right now it would be an Audi of any sort...
Who is your biggest crush right now: heavens if i know.
Nickname: hmm...Stefster? I don't have nicknames.
School: Between schools. Western Michigan University.
Bacon Bits Or croutons: thats a salad thing. I DONT eat salad. A personal issue.
Favorite Salad Dressing: see above
Do you Drink: rarely
What type of Shampoo/Conditioner: i change every day, i have 40 bottles in my shower.
Have you ever been skinny dipping: not lately
Do you make fun of people: sometimes.
Have you ever been convicted of a crime: convicted? no...
Best friends online/offline: i think eliz is the only friend i have who consistently sticks by me...and robby-o...he's my bro....other people too, but those are the two who i just NEVER fight with.
One pillow or two: usually none. i reject comfort.
Pets: Kelsa and Moochie.
Favorite Movies: West Side Story!
Favorite type of music: girly punk.
Hobbies: i dont have much time for them
Word or Phrase you overuse: changes weekly. this week its "i dig that."
Toothpaste: colgate total?
Piercing or tattoos: ears and two in the cartilage.
Do you get along with your parents: i never see them so i dont have to.
Favorite beer: i'm too high class for beer.
Favorite song at the moment: "Girl In Between" Ben Kweller
Favorite subject in school: English
Least favorite subject in school: Math..or physics...ugh
Most humiliating moment: hmm i have too many.
Craziest or Silliest Person You Know: all of my friends
Least Favorite Holiday: presidents day. they're dead for god's sake and it slows down my mail.

2 FeyBebop | Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 15 June :: 12.48pm

I'm only happy when it rains
I'm only happy when it's complicated
And though I know you can't appreciate it
I'm only happy when it rains
You know I love it when the news is bad
Why it feels so good to feel so sad
I'm only happy when it rains

Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me

I'm only happy when it rains
I feel good when things are going wrong
I only listen to the sad, sad songs
I'm only happy when it rains

I only smile in the dark
My only comfort is the night gone black
I didn't accidentally tell you that
I'm only happy when it rains
You'll get the message by the time I'm through
When I complain about me and you
I'm only happy when it rains

Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down
You can keep me company
As long as you don't care

I'm only happy when it rains
You wanna hear about my new obsession?
I'm riding high upon a deep depression
I'm only happy when it rains

Pour some misery down on me
I'm only happy when it rains...

Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 12 June :: 2.50pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: Dashboard Confessional- Age Six Racer

So long, sweet slumber...I fell into you, now you're gracefully falling away...
I seriously would not question it if you told me the world had suddenly gone insane.
So I'm totally boy crazy my entire life, everyone knows that about me. And never, never never are they interested in me in a way I would like them to be. I'm a dorky nerd, I admit it and everyone knows it. But ALL OF A SUDDEN, dorky nerds go on Kmart Blue Lite special or something. There's a high demand. I seriously think if one more person pulls out the "I've had a crush on you all year but somehow in all of your desperate searching and my own aimless wandering I forgot to mention it to you..." I WILL KILL THEM.
Ok, that's probably a lie. But seriously, how ridiculous. I become a hot ticket item two months before I am totally out of here. I live here for the good portion of 18 years and it doesn't kick in until NOW.
I mean, I don't mean to sound like this is a problem for me. Although in a way it is, I'm sure things could be a lot worse. It's just too darn weird. And I don't really know what to do about it.
On a somewhat similar note, to those of you who declare your love for me over AIM, you may notice a new addition to my profile. The new clause is in order to cut down on crappy plans and being stood up. All date plans will now require confirmation phone calls to assure their validity. My phone number is in the book, the only Cedar Springs numbers belong to me....the one that starts with a 2 is the main line. It's not that difficult. Really.
Good god, I won't settle. I never settle. And no one is perfect yet. There's qualities still missing. So I don't know what to do. Running isn't my strategy either. Because if I came back, everything I ran from would still be around. Maybe I'm not approaching things the right way, but honestly I don't know my way. This doesn't happen to me.

1 Fey | Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 11 June :: 3.19pm


How Gay Are YOU?
[?]





I am SOMETHING CORPORATE.



Find out which band you are!

not sure WHY but i guess i am.

Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 11 June :: 12.27am
:: Mood: crappy

god, it fucking happens again.

the pile piles up and tumbles back down.

everyone hates me again.

5 FeyBebop | Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 11 June :: 12.03am
:: Mood: cold

people...
lie but claim the truth
say they'll call and leave you waiting at home
bring you up to smash you down
say they love but have no proof
ask the questions but know the answers
turn away when you approach
leave you hopeless when you need them the most

you're all guilty.

you know that you are.

i am too.

2 FeyBebop | Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 7 June :: 11.06pm

I am a washing machine!

what kitchen utensil are YOU?



Find your emotion!



Which Kiss are You?

Which Kiss Are You?


2 FeyBebop | Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 7 June :: 11.17am




Which Trainspotting Character Are You?

2 FeyBebop | Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 7 June :: 12.51am
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Dashboard Confessional- The Swiss Army Romance

And that face you paint is pressed, impressing most of us as permanent... and I'd like to see you undone...
Well...

I went to Canada, daytripping it to Windsor.
It felt like a great vacation.
No pressure, no decisions to make. I just drove. And I was totally free of everything from Cedar that drags me down. And it was good.

I also have an autographed Ben Kweller concert ticket. And I touched his arm, and talked to him. So that like made my whole month.

It was nice to step away from my life and look at the big picture.

Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 5 June :: 2.19pm

so you guys can reach me...
on my newly reactivated cell phone...

734 812 7024

Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 4 June :: 11.11pm
:: Music: Ben Kweller- Commerce, TX

It's gonna take a lot of time before I can cross that finish line...
so i got bored today...

i remembered that there's a ben kweller show in detroit tommorrow.

went down to the ticketmaster.

bought two tickets.

found a friend to go with.

booked a hotel room.

decided that canada is fun.

so tommorrow i'm going to see ben kweller and hopping over to canada.

why not?

2 FeyBebop | Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 1 June :: 12.15pm



bwahahahaha

1 Fey | Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 31 May :: 9.58pm
:: Mood: nostalgic
:: Music: Dandy Warhols- Not If You Were The Last Junkie On Earth

But today, if you think that I don't know about depression and emotional pain, you're insane, or you're a fool who hasn't paid attention to a word that I say...
I'm afraid some of you may never realize some things about me. I also want to dispense my little bits of wisdom to the few of you who listen to me.

One. I love all of you. Some of you more than others, but you will never understand how much or why.

Two. I live my life as a free spirit. If you try to hold on I'm afraid. Afraid of you and afraid of myself.

Three. Regrets are empty. Don't waste the past by dwelling on it, by debating those things that can never and will never change for you, no matter how hard you think about it. The past is unchangable.

Four. There are many people in your life that you will only see once, and never see again. Use this to your advantage. This is freedom in the truest sense. You might get funny looks, but you'll give them a story to tell.

Five. Crying is overrated.

Six. Laughing is underrated.

Seven. It may sound selfish, but the only way to be happy with your own life is to put yourself first. Don't let anyone drag you down and don't let responsibilities and pressure hold you back.

Eight. Push yourself to the limits. It feels great in the end and once you've stretched out, you will always be able to reach farther than you could before, when you really need it.

Nine. Always respect those with the courage to be different. Even if it isn't by choice. And since everyone is different, respect everyone. Including yourself.

Ten. Don't ever hesitate to take chances. You can't walk down the hallway without opening the door, and there is no room that you can't leave if you don't feel comfortable. Use all your options and test as many as possible.

These are my ten pieces of wisdom for you all. Please take them to heart, they're the best of what I have learned.

2 FeyBebop | Edward


jedibumblebee

:: 2002 30 May :: 4.59pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Dirty Vegas- Days Go By

Days go by and still I think of you....Days when I couldn't live my life without you...You feel me when I'm at my worst...
my toenails are painted purple, and i am ready to graduate. for me, thats all it took.

2 FeyBebop | Edward

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