jedibumblebee
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2002 14 January :: 11.21pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: BF5- Air
spinning towards the moonlight...
i'm sorry, i'm afraid my OCD is kicking in worse than usual this week. those who know me pretty well should know what that entails. which would also explain the plethora of journal entries.
do you ever get the feeling like everyone's leaving you out in the cold?
i feel like i dont have any friends in the world right now. and in the true sense of the word "friend", i guess i don't.
loneliness is really the worst feeling in the world. and boredom mixed with lonliness is lethal.
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 14 January :: 6.27am
:: Mood: gloomy
:: Music: Barenaked Ladies- Alcohol
walk the fine line between self control and self-abuse...
so i've said enough about guys in my jounal, how come i never talk about girls? no not that way... but i think there's one that deserves a little mentioning...
so what do you do when someone hates you for something that's totally not your fault, but they think it is? think of it this way: someone spreads a nasty rumor because they thought you'd want them to do it. and it sounds like something you would have said. but you didn't say it, and as soon as you heard about it, you tried to kill it, not for your own sake, but because you're really not as malicious as this person thinks you are, and really don't think its right to say mean stuff about other people. but there's no convincing anyone that it wasn't you...not even your closest friends will believe that you didn't spread this rumor.
so i have been stuck shouldering bitter hatred from this person since last spring. and since we tend to have a lot in common, we butt heads a lot when it comes to a lot of things. and constant competition is not helping the sitch.
as a general rule, i like everyone unless they have seriously done something to make me angry, at which point i ignore them. so what do i do if someone hates me and i don't think i deserve it?
not that i'd expect us to be great fantabulous friends or anything...but life would be so much easier if we could just get along. i think she has a great personality. but i'm tired of hearing thru the grapevine about everything i've done wrong...
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 13 January :: 8.34pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: Goldfinger- Bedroom
when I wake up tommmorrow, will you still feel the same? when I wake up tommorrow, will you have changed, 'cause I'll still feel the same.
why can't i just have my old boyfriend back? :(
1 Fey |
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 13 January :: 8.02pm
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: Descendents- Everything Sucks
horoscope told me lies this morning...
should i stay or should i go now...
argh! i was invited to go somewhere by someone i shouldn't like and i don't know whether i should go or not...
you know how people always seem that much more appealing when you know that they like you first? :) that's kinda how this goes. but he is the worst kind of person for me, especially right now. so i am officially miserable...
or MAYBE i just need something (someone) to take my mind off of this mess..hmm...
**wink wink**
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 13 January :: 11.12am
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: Everclear- You Make Me Feel Like A Whore
i feels so good inside your shadw, it's the place i need to be...
Why is it that when you know something is so bad for you, it seems so good?
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 12 January :: 10.07pm
:: Mood: numb
:: Music: Snow - Informer (yeah I know)
whoa
why am I back here again?
this site is damn good. it keeps summoning me back...
maybe i need an outlet like this...i can bet i do.
man...I haven't gone to either job since MONDAY...I'm suffering from work withdrawl..
i'd like to turn this journal thing into a daily rant or rave...anyone got any comments on that?
1 Fey |
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 12 January :: 2.07pm
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: Dandy Warhols- Bohemian Like You
arghhh...
I have to wonder why sometimes I do silly things...
It's raining. I feel like raining...you know? I don't mean that like as a metaphor for crying...I just feel like I could rain right now.
I have to wonder if there's even one single other person in the world who thinks like I do. If anyone actually knows what I mean when I say "you know what I mean?"
I forgot to call my friend today. But it doesn't matter, I'm sure she has important things she is doing right now, and doesn't need to be caught up in my high school drama.
Today's the first time I've shopped for a dress and haven't had anyone to go with me to do it. I mean, I'd go with Kate, but she doesn't want to be my friend anymore, I'd take Betty, but she's big college girl, no high school dances for her...and then there's Charlie, because he used to be the one with me in the pictures...not this time around. Even my mom won't go with me. So I took my little sister.
So I end up finding not just one, but TWO dresses that I absolutely love (on sale!), end up buying both out of indecisiveness, then on the drive home (when it starts raining) I realize what a joke it was... I can't go if I don't have a date. It's always been predetermined before...I bring Charlie, Betty brings Kal, we make boutinerres for the guys and corsages for each other because guys are lazy. But now I'm stuck with all these kids who seem so much younger than me, my friends are all almost 20! SO much for senior year.
I feel like I'm so out of the loop. Like I'm not really here. But then, who really is? I'm guessing everyone feels out of place sometimes. Am I right?
1 Fey |
Edward
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jedibumblebee
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2002 10 January :: 8.57pm
:: Mood: listless
hmm
i am curious how this works. i ponder how i could use this for its true purpose due to the private intentions a journal usually has, and due to the fact i know who may be reading this, it would be difficult to post things of the secretive nature. although i feel to some extent it does not matter because nobody honestly cares about my secrets one way or another...right?
do i seem cynical? i don't mean to be. the site is fun, and i could enjoy it if i could use it for its intended purpose. :)
1 Fey |
Edward
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