Sometimes it feels as though my emotions are cyclic. The same pings and pangs to my emotions with a different day, different person.... but really it's all the same.
I'm bored with life, and now when i am wanting to do something for myself I am stuck. It did a lot of good to make car payments for the last 5 years just to have the car want to blow up now. with 5 payments left. In fact if it weren't for the money we have sank into it I would just tell the bank to take the damn car, but alas november it will be paid off and perhaps then we can fix it. but it doesn't do me a shred of good now.
As far as design goes, i am doing some freelance, and having some possible good things appear to be happening. I'm excited and scared all at once. All I can hope is that things will work out.
Life
Things are going pretty good. I'm so happy that I have less than a year till I graduate and I will officially be a nurse. Summer has been loads of fun, taking advantage of being able to take vacation whenever I want.
sprint is one of the top 500 "green" companys, i don't see how, let's say i have to order a phone for someone.
Step 1. I put their information into the computer along with phone issues, the computer automatically prints out 2 peices of paper (2) then the customer has to fill out a "data preservation form" (3) turns out i have to order a phone for the customer i get a shipping reciept (4) when the phone gets here it comes in a cardboard box with air filled plastic bag type things to take up space, then it comes in another smaller box filled with bubble wrap, then the phone and battery cover are wrapped seperatally. inside the box there is also a shipping log...
hey justin, congrats on selling a bunch of accessories, tripling the repair numbers, selling more insurance, and getting more tech refferals than i ever have and my fucking comission check is still the same amount it was last month.
I'm having a difficult time coming to terms with the fact that my child is 7 months old already.
It doesn't seem like she should be this old, and I know that the older she gets the harder it is going to be to deal with.
I am extremely happy that I have the chance to be a stay at home mom. She makes my life so much better. And no, I'm not just saying that because its expected. She really does make my life so much better. I love being a mom. When I feel sad or I am pissed off about something, just hearing her laugh, is the best thing in the world. I absolutely adore her smile.
She is so happy and innocent. I pray that she stays that way.
::
2011 9 June :: 7.44pm
:: Music: Eisley- Smarter
dreaming with a broken heart
sometimes i wonder if i am always going to feel empty inside. I wonder if too much honesty is a bad thing. I wonder if i will ever find my inner peace. its all wondering, constant searching and contemplating and i feel as though I am just parading around like one of those poor horses at the fair- wandering in this dismal circle of sadness for the rest of my life.
Is it because I have too much empathy, compassion, hope for mankind, hope for myself?
Sometimes I can feel things that aren't there and I wonder if it is some invisible being trying to comfort me... a stroke of a finger down my cheek-- an embrace that couldn't be possible-- nothing makes sense.
how do you fight to hold on to something that was only an illusion to start? how do you believe in yourself when all the confidence you ever had walked out so long ago that you can't be sure you ever had it?
I just wish I could find happy... but it's always been such a fleeting idea. I've spent so long having to hide myself to make everyone else happy that somedays I wake up and I don't even know who the person is that is looking back at me.
Then again...
maybe I just have to face the facts, I never did heal oh so long ago and perhaps ever since childhood I have just been destined to be damaged goods. world you truly are a cruel, hateful place. we were never meant to be with each other-- you with your malice and me with my heart on my sleeve. and though i try so very hard my poor heart just wants love that for all i know will never be there, after all it rarely had been up until now.
oh bollox. i might as well just give up.
8 months old. Still no teeth, still having pooping issues (constipation) poor thing. You still ready every four hours 24 hours a day. Which means you wake up 3 times in the middle of the night still so you sleep in bed with me. It doesn't bother me though because I know that someday you won't want to be near me and then ill be sad. This way I won't regret the time I didn't spend with you....which I pretty much spend all day everyday with you. I don't mind.in fact I love it and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm not sure on your measurements right now.I'll measure you tomorrow...
8 months old. Still no teeth, still having pooping issues (constipation) poor thing. You still ready every four hours 24 hours a day. Which means you wake up 3 times in the middle of the night still so you sleep in bed with me. It doesn't bother me though because I know that someday you won't want to be near me and then ill be sad. This way I won't regret the time I didn't spend with you....which I pretty much spend all day everyday with you. I don't mind.in fact I love it and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm not sure on your measurements right now.I'll measure you tomorrow...