godessalthena
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2018 22 August :: 9.45pm
I'm so freaking frustrated I want to scream.
there just no being happy. if I do one thing I suffer in another way.
I need to find a therapist.
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godessalthena
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2018 19 August :: 11.01pm
maybe it'll never be enough
maybe it's just me
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godessalthena
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2018 18 August :: 11.21pm
I know a lot of people hate lap dogs but they are honestly the best
they are perfectly destined to be our hand held best friends
I just want to snuggle my puppies forever
domesticated dogs are just permanent puppies and it's just the best. dogs were made to be with people. out of how many animals in the world dogs are the only one to truly and unrevokably to be our best friend. can you imagine a world without dogs?
it would be a pretty fucking sad world.
not to say other domesticated animals aren't awesome, they just don't hold a candle to dogs. they are the best. hands down.
DOGS FUCKIN ROCK
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godessalthena
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2018 18 August :: 10.19pm
I love being the best
even if it's at something stupid.
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godessalthena
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2018 17 August :: 9.10am
worst timing ever... check
constant ability to out foot in mouth... check
permanent confusion towards life... check
how does anyone actually enjoy this whole "being alive and interacting with other people" bullshit?
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godessalthena
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2018 12 August :: 7.53am
when you can tell your dogs are starting to love you again because you spend more time at home
best feeling ever
working from home is truly so wonderful. I know it's hard to balance working from home and feeling "included" at the office but the two days I go in is just perfect. one day would probably be my preference but eh.
now if I could just get some extra cash....
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godessalthena
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2018 10 August :: 5.53pm
ah fuck it
I'm gonna have a party
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godessalthena
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2018 7 August :: 9.32am
first day working from home was pretty much the most amazing thing ever so glad they gave me this opportunity!
I didn't complain over yesterday. I just felt comfortable
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godessalthena
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2018 5 August :: 10.43pm
even though she still feels haunted
haunted
haunted
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godessalthena
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2018 3 August :: 10.20pm
it's has always been this way
and to many people i'll always be the same
a broken record of broken thoughts but really I have been going to work regularly for 8 years with a corporation I loathe and in a career I despise but hey at least it pays my debts? it could be worse or course.
after my most recent break down I decided to have a better attitude it's lasted a month or so, but I'm slipping. I start working from home on Monday so I think that'll help ease the pain that comes with being a cog in the corporate murser machine.
at least I know insurany helps more people than it hurts. I mean nothing is perfect and no one will always be 100% satified but how many people could truly replace all the shit that is lost when you lose it all? I mean I guess it sucks if you never have to use it, but think about it like paying it forward in a really big way.
maybe I'm brainwashed but I tell myself these things so I can sleep at night.
I should adopt a cause. but in the face of these insurmountable obstacles I can't even pick a place to begin.
I just need some direction please. just a little would help
friend?
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godessalthena
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2018 31 July :: 9.40am
this smoke doe
like it's normal for the world to burn every summer
like the world isn't warming up
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godessalthena
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2018 29 July :: 8.18am
:: Music: post malone
she told me that I'm not enough
and left me with a broken heart
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godessalthena
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2018 28 July :: 1.43am
looking at the future:
going off that roller coaster in Vegas only it isn't going to stop at the edge
we need to full stop and figure out climate change
then all these social issues we created with this souless industrial military complex.
the planet isn't a body we control, it's the body we live on. kill our mother and that will be the end of whatever it is that makes homo sapiens the "special" species.
my heart aches and my head races. I just smile and nod, but inside I'm screaming.
why can't I find my voice?
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godessalthena
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2018 26 July :: 9.50pm
walking home from my sweeties house I stopped on a bench in my favorite park. the full moon bathing the warm air with reflected sunlight. I hear a faint tinkling behind me. I turn and see what appears to be a small dark figure approaching at a rapid gait. I calmly await it's arrival when up onto the stone next to me appears a black cat.
I immediately begin petting his soft fur. he's purring and hugging me, come around to both sides to make sure he has exhausted all the pets. then we sat in quiet contemplation together.
we then parted ways. thanks my special friend. I appreciate the check in <3
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godessalthena
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2018 25 July :: 9.28pm
heavy sigh
I don't think I will ever be happy with what I have
and I will never feel good enough
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godessalthena
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2018 21 July :: 7.32pm
at his show bill burr said that he wasted so much time in his 20s & 30s worrying and being depressed about things that ultimately didn't matter. at the end of your life, everything either happened or it didn't.
and it doesn't really matter. so why worry?
why do I waste my time worrying about everyone else and everything people expect of me. I honestly don't even know what I expect of myself. I don't know what I want it of life, I guess I have goals, but if something changes and I have to change those goals it's not the end of the world.
I am like a river, full of endless cold rushing depths. I try to keep flowing forward, but sometimes a rock will look familiar, a tree will remind me of you, I get stuck in a moment and I can't get out of it.
I still can't get over the absurdity of conciousness and the human race. of even "being". to be and to contemplate my existence. to feel like a rider in a mechanical fleshy gollum. going through the motions, being an observer in those quiet moments no one ever knows.
I'm still lonely. a permanent companion.
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