The Destroyer

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The Destroyer

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:: 2017 25 September :: 8.18pm

juanjolio got a bearded dragon and named him hobbs

he's light tan and when he wants out of his enclosure he goes super pale and makes his throat black and tries to get out

he didn't like me at first but i think now he likes me a lot

he found hobbs on craigslist for free some little punks couldn't give him the time, he came with a bum eye but it's getting better

he's so mad right now, too. he's a grumpy guy sometimes.

:: 2017 23 September :: 8.15am

nothing feels good
nothing is fun
my job sucks away all my joy
all my time
all my ambition

:: 2017 22 September :: 12.29pm

someone hurry up and murder me

suicide is too scary

and i want off this fucking ride

:: 2017 21 September :: 5.50pm

i swear to christ if you fucking tell me "let's not make this a thing" im going to fucking scream

1. i will make a "thing" out of whatever i feel is important enough to make a "thing" of.

2. me offering to be nice is not me making a "thing" out of the situation

3. fuck off

:: 2017 11 September :: 11.36pm

best things about being an adult:

1. pets
2. hotels
3. driving your own car

2 friends | friend?

:: 2017 30 August :: 2.02pm

it feels like i can't ever do anything right

:: 2017 29 August :: 10.27pm

in all honesty i probably am too hard on myself. i'm not even 30 yet, halfway to making 6 figure salary. i get 150 hours off a year and in 3 years it goes up to 180. im doing better than the average person my age i think?

so i don't have a house. so i don't have a kid. there's no rush to make those decisions even now. like everyone else i do have a lot of debt, like a revolving door. and yes credit cards get me in a little trouble but not like before.

i need to stop bullying myself over not being good enough compared to other people. i am good enough because my heart is large and i love and am loved. i an generous and i try to be there for my friends, even if there's static going on. i am not perfect and i do become self centered at times, but that is part of loving yourself.

itll be okay. the future is yet to be seen. hopefully the craziness that is our world right now settles and i can stop feeling completely out of control and pessimistic. i hate what america is doing right now, caving in on itself. it's terrifying what might come, but then again, what generation HASN'T felt that way?

so much stress.

:: 2017 29 August :: 7.08pm

after 5 years of persistent hard work and dedication

i have finally achieved a goal i never thought possible

I JUST BLEW MY FIRST INTENTIONAL PERFECT SMOKE RING!!!!
omg omg omg

is like to thank marihuana cigarettes for making this all finally come true

through the sweet ganja goddess
all things are possible

:: 2017 26 August :: 9.04pm

feeling left behind or left out

:: 2017 23 August :: 5.21pm

starving myself hurts WAY less than feeding myself.

anorexia here i come!

:: 2017 21 August :: 5.52pm

when you have IBS is it like an every day kinda thing? or does it come and go like crohn's?

because idk if i can live every day feeling like this.

:: 2017 19 August :: 8.48am

the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that a couple people would be devastated if i stopped

but another 50 years of this? another 50 years of living the same bullshit every single day.

the sad eternal sorrow lodged deep in my heart

knowing this stone in my chest will never start beating again

i am an empty husk of a person, bland, boring, vanilla

a waste to time of space of paint

:: 2017 19 August :: 1.11am

SAME SHIT DIFFERENT DAY

:: 2017 17 August :: 5.39pm

looking forward to the future exhausts me to no end
thinking of all the days marching before me
looking at all the days that have marched past me
it's too much
it isn't enough
to keep me

:: 2017 17 August :: 2.09pm

i just want to know if i got the job

so i can tell this place fuck you very much

:: 2017 9 August :: 2.11pm

ugh

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