The Destroyer

:: 2015 17 December :: 8.50pm

what's it feel like to be a ghost?

louder, now, louder now?

:: 2015 16 December :: 7.58pm

if I could have my way.. oh what things may come.

:: 2015 13 December :: 1.13pm
:: Mood: distressed

I almost lost my papi this am and I was too busy sleeping to hear the phone call from my mum. I don't know what's worse the guilt that I wasn't there for him and my mum this am or the feeling that I could have lost him. The only thing that makes it slightly better is knowing that if I had lost him my last words to him were I love you.

:: 2015 6 December :: 12.29am

a very dear friend's best friend committed herself to the great below today..

she's taking it in stride (I think?) but my heart hurts for what she must be feeling inside. that girls life is seriously a shit storm and yet still manages to stay positive and avoid cynicism. I admire her greatly. I wish she didn't live so far away.

it's so mysterious.. the land of tears.

1 friend | friend?

:: 2015 5 December :: 11.26pm

My parents are awesome.

:: 2015 5 December :: 7.31am

I forgot how beautiful the sunrise is..

:: 2015 3 December :: 9.48pm

I spend my free time reading the craigslist missed connections. I do it with my demon. he sits next to me and tells me, "you'll be alone forever, no one will ever want such a damaged and cynical fat bitch like you." and as the romantic comedy plays in the background I can hear him laugh at the absurdity.

"love doesn't exist. not for people like you." it's hard to ignore him. it's hard to stay positive and optimistic, when all around me relationships crash and burn. you never really know who you can trust. humans lie, cheat, steal and back stab. we kill each other and hate each other arbitrarily, we hate whole groups of people for imaginary bullshit reasons.

there have been more mass shootings so far this year than days in this country. my aunts both have cancer. I have no future.

i miss sex. I miss enjoying food. I miss sleep.

:: 2015 3 December :: 9.27pm

If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find.
- John Churton Collins

That though the radiance which was once so bright be now forever taken from my sight. Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, glory in the flower. We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind.

- William Wordsworth

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.

- Robert Louis Stevenson

in what lies our power to do, also lies our power not to do

- Aristotle

We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.
- Orson Welles

rarely do members of the same family grow up under the same roof

It takes a lot of time to be a genius, you have to sit around so much doing nothing, really doing nothing.

- Gertrude Stein

Nothing is more dangerous than an idea when it's the only one you have.

- Emile Chartier

We open our mouths and out flow words whose ancestries we do not even know. We are walking lexicons. In a single sentence of idle chatter we preserve Latin, Anglo-Saxon, Norse: we carry a museum inside our heads, each day we commemorate peoples of whom we have never heard.

- Penelope Lively

We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It's easy to say "It's not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem." Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes.

- Fred Rogers

believe nothing that you hear, and only half of what you see

those who see present events as part of an unfolding narrative that relates past to present to future have an advantage over those who see events only as snapshots in time

- Derek Abell

No two persons ever read the same book.

- Edmund Wilson

Neither genius, fame, nor love show the greatness of the soul. Only kindness can do that.

- Jean Baptiste Henri Lacordaire

How simple life becomes when things like mirrors are forgotten.

- Daphne du Maurier,

In the presence of eternity, the mountains are as transient as the clouds.

- Robert Green Ingersoll

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

- Ogden Nash

:: 2015 2 December :: 4.26pm

nothing tastes good and my tummy always feels like shit.

:: 2015 28 November :: 9.43pm

Goal= write 500 or more words a day.
Done in approximately 100 days or less.
Hand off to editors.
While they work their mojo, start another 500 wordsx100days.
Repeat 4-5x

:: 2015 24 November :: 11.34pm

Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling
with the mistaken belief that you can not bear the pain.
But you have already borne the pain.
What you have not done is feel all you are beyond that pain.

:: 2015 24 November :: 1.26pm

Ugh. Snow.

:: 2015 23 November :: 11.41am

day number 6 with out power.

it's supposed to snow tonight.

thanksgiving had been cancelled.

I just want to enjoy sleeping in my bed again.

:: 2015 22 November :: 7.18pm

"When we're younger, we accuse our parents of not remembering what it was like to be our age. They dictate every aspect of our lives, tell us what we should do and say and wear and who we should hang out with. What we don't realize until we're the adults is that our parents did in fact remember what it was like to be our age. Only then do we realize how naïve and foolish we really were as children. Sometimes becoming our parents isn't such a bad thing."

:: 2015 12 November :: 7.02pm

to build a fire

by jack London

read it

:: 2015 11 November :: 2.17pm

dear sex,

I love you, but you have gotten me nowhere and given me nothing.

that being said, I am swearing off of you until i meet someone who wants more than my mouth around their gentialia.

sincerely,
FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT