godessalthena
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2015 1 August :: 6.02pm
maybe it is true... once you go black you don't go back.
1 friend |
friend?
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godessalthena
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2015 1 August :: 12.12pm
I had a missed connection.. I hope he reads CL
Read more..
1 friend |
friend?
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godessalthena
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2015 1 August :: 6.30am
it is an ungodly hour to be awake on a Saturday.
I might die.. if I do.. please tell my dogs I don't love them anymore and I'm never coming back. that'll help them mourn.
friend?
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godessalthena
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2015 29 July :: 9.15pm
I have a lot of love to give.
but no body wants to take it.
friend?
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justadreamer
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2015 28 July :: 4.37pm
Stars when you shine,
You know how I feel.
Scent of a pine,
You know how I feel.
Oh, freedom is mine,
And I know how I feel.
It's a new dawn, a new day,
a new life for me,
And I'm feeling good.
[My actual entries are all friends only; feel free to add me!]
2 friends |
friend?
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godessalthena
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2015 28 July :: 8.03am
I feel guilty for not trusting an old dirty rat.
friend?
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godessalthena
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2015 27 July :: 9.48am
insomnia fucking blows
I'm so incredibly tired and stiff and creaky
I just wanna pass the fuck out and sleep forever
friend?
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godessalthena
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2015 23 July :: 5.15pm
:: Mood: cute
Zoe told me she thinks it's cute how I talk about all the people I sleep with as if they were all my boyfriends. that they aren't just a means to an end. she likes how different I feel about them, like when I feel like I'm in love or just enjoy the motion of the ocean.
it made me feel good about myself
I'm convinced I'm bi polar. they've suspected it for a long time, but this past year has really made it clear. I'm not sure if it's just worse or if my depression has morphed, or maybe I'm just changing. I am coming out of my "manic" phase. I'm started to go into my depressive phase. I'm hoping that I can learn to curb my actions to fit with my cycles because I don't want any more pills.
the dentist said he wished he came across more teeth like mine. that made me feel good too.
things are changing. my future looks financially shitty. but right now, I feel like it's all going to be ok. it'll all work out, things will fall into place as long as I'm good and work hard.
I don't like adulting. but adulting must be done.
friend?
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godessalthena
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2015 21 July :: 9.44pm
What's done to children, they will do to society.
- Karl A. Menninger
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godessalthena
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2015 21 July :: 6.41am
I'm about to be buried for the rest of my life.
friend?
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godessalthena
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2015 11 July :: 11.41am
my dream home will have a hidden fort in the shrubbery, that my daughter or son will find and have all sorts of adventures
friend?
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godessalthena
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2015 11 July :: 7.42am
:: Music: elated
I'm only happy when it raaaaaaains
and it's raining right now!!!
friend?
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godessalthena
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2015 10 July :: 6.29pm
I just want to say that weed makes life so wonderful. I wish it was this great for everyone.
I'm so thankful for my friends. they help me learn so much about myself and others. I can't imagine what my life would be like without them.
but I look at the pictures on my wall. and there's this stunning face that isn't in my life anymore... and it makes me sad inside.
I feel like these past few months have been the darkest since I left Sus.. and I just feel a little hollow space in my heart.
I have no fucking clue what to do with my life. and all of my friends are in the same boat. Aimee was induced today. I'm so excited to meet baby Payton, I hope I get to hold her. I want a baby so badly. I think people can see it in my eyes and it scares them. I probably look ravenous.
and then there's Walter. and I'm feeling kinda smitten. and I'm not sure what to do. I feel as though I'm perpetually in limbo. but it's also been a really nice ride.. he's going to come to a band practice and it makes my heart go pitterpat. I wonder what he looks like in real life? he always has white tube socks with black loafers, khaki pants or jeans that are high waters, and then a loose collared shirt or button up. he showed me some of his scars. and tells me about his family and past.. and he is so aligned with me in many metaphysical characteristics.. and he's my type: slender, shorter for a male, with green hazel eyes. and a great smile. and plays the bass. he has this adorable sideways chuckle he does and I just adore it.
ugh I sound like a school girl (god damn it feels good)
I haven't felt like this in a long time.
squee
friend?
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godessalthena
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2015 7 July :: 9.31pm
:: Mood: pensive
It doesn't hurt me.
You wanna feel how it feels?
You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
You wanna hear about the deal I'm making?
You be running up that hill
You and me be running up that hill
And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
If I only could, oh...
You don't want to hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.
Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.
There is thunder in our hearts, baby.
So much hate for the ones we love?
Tell me, we both matter, don't we?
You, be running up that hill
You and me, be running up that hill
You and me won't be unhappy.
And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building,
If I only could, oh...
'C'mon, baby, c'mon, c'mon, darling,
Let me steal this moment from you now.
C'mon, angel, c'mon, c'mon, darling,
Let's exchange the experience, oh...'
And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
With no problems
2 friends |
friend?
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godessalthena
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2015 6 July :: 1.29pm
so I know it's super far away but here are my Halloween costume ideas:
piggy stardust (pig version of ziggy stardust)
an elephant inside a boa constrictor
totoro (and Bjorne and rika can be susuwatari)
friend?
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godessalthena
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2015 2 July :: 11.10pm
I can't help but still feel like a child. I know nothing.
the other side is that I know enough to be tired.
I keep waiting for a surprise, the toy at the bottom of the box. but maybe there is no toy.
a desire to be seen, but unable to even see myself.
friends help me to grow into who I am.
at the same time they can crush my spirits and make me question my perceptions of myself.
but maybe I am a pussy. I'm a chicken shit who is afraid to speak my mind lest I make a fool of myself.
because what does any of this matter? I'm too unsure of anything to really take a strong position in things. I don't want to tell people how to live their lives anymore.
i am deliriously tired.
friend?
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