The Destroyer

:: 2014 17 December :: 6.57am

I feel like shit today. like that feeling were you are right on the edge of nausea.

I just want to go home a cuddle with my puppies.

justadreamer

:: 2014 16 December :: 3.29pm

"Shake It Out" by Florence + the Machine.
Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play

And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn

And I've been a fool, and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around

Our loved is pastured, such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off

And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
And given half the chance would I take any of it back?
It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone
It's always darkest before the dawn

And I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope
And I'm ready to suffer, and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat
'Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Well, what the hell, I'm gonna let it happen to me

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off.

:: 2014 13 December :: 8.19am

we have to call in some heart investigative team

:: 2014 12 December :: 6.22pm

today was an extremely (emotionally) shitty fucking day.

:: 2014 12 December :: 1.12pm
:: Music: the bravery

I am hiding from some beast
But the beast was always here
Watching without eyes
Because the beast is just my fear
That I am just nothing
Now its just what I've become
What am I waiting for

:: 2014 9 December :: 7.26pm

I want to know what you're thinkin

:: 2014 8 December :: 10.47pm

Pretty certain that I want to try learning the violin. Dads response, your tone deaf. Moms response to dad, no she's just rhythm challenged. I guess that's their way of saying they expect me to fail but kudos to them for also supporting me through my childhood every time I tried to play an instrument and failed. Now let's see if I can defy these odds and actually do it.

:: 2014 4 December :: 11.28pm

this week has been pretty dang fun!!

went out with lala!! gotta see Alexz and help her pick out an awesome fish!! met an online friend I've known for a year and jammed out!!

definitely decided jam session are for me. fuck yeah. my fingers hurt.

1 friend | friend?

:: 2014 1 December :: 2.20am

Ordered my first ever hair straightener/flat iron. I may have naturally very straight hair but I have to admit there is something about the silkiness it appears to have after going through a straightener that I just love. Pretty stoked. Probably should have ordered a blow dryer to but didn't feel quite like spending that much today.

:: 2014 29 November :: 1.27pm

I wish I was an extrovert

:: 2014 28 November :: 7.41am
:: Mood: enraged

what is it about thanksgiving that makes every ass hole I ever slept with and admitted feeling for feel the need to try and contact me again?

please, call me a cunt for not sleeping with you. I really, really love that. especially when you choose to do this at 2 AM after calling me while I'm still drunk from my family celebration. that is the quickest way into my pooter don't ya know?

now, this aside, I reeeeeeally want revenge. I really want to inflict some pain somehow. but I'm not sure how I would accomplish it. I'm just a fat warm hole for which pleasure can be derived, just like a million other stupid girls out there. I have no real power in the situation, and unfortunately I'm not entirely sure how to generate power at this stage in the game.

what I really need is a mentor. a man eater who is accomplished and has her skills honed to a fine and deadly point.

but where do you find them?

2 friends | friend?

:: 2014 27 November :: 9.54am

I dreamt about my grandpa last night...

i miss him so much..

:: 2014 24 November :: 4.53pm

you start a band and suddenly everyone wants to join!

auditioning zoe and myself as lead singer (zoe will probably win hahaha)

i am up to 3 chords now! D A and E!! I'm feeling pretty awesome! My fingers are getting tougher. Soon I will be LORD OF THE AX!!

I'm just psyched that this is really happening. it gives me a reason to wake up in the morning. and to not smoke so much when i get home.

i am so jazzed.

:: 2014 23 November :: 1.04pm

I just want to take it all back and be yours again.