The Destroyer

:: 2013 23 November :: 12.16am

I'm drunk.

I'm lonely.

I just.. Want some cuddles.

:: 2013 22 November :: 7.34am

One embarrassing moment and all the negative shit in my head starts snowballing down a spiral in my mind. And now I'm in a terrible mood. All I want to do is listen to music and sleep all day.

What's worse is it seems like every single person I interact with on a daily basis hates themselves, and are very vocal about it. It brings me down. There's only so much encouraging and complimenting I can do before is just have to say fuck it and be angry.

Why is life so frustrating?

:: 2013 20 November :: 9.05am

Sometimes everything just feels bad. Today is on of those times.

I just want to go back to bed and go to tomorrow.

1 friend | friend?

:: 2013 19 November :: 6.40am

Just don't let me down.. Haha

New apartment is fantastic! Tho I do miss my family :( way harder to move out this time than last!

:: 2013 15 November :: 10.17pm

Moving day tomorrow!! So excited I can't sleep!! (It could also be the 4 shots of white espresso and the liter of my dew....)

:: 2013 15 November :: 12.07pm

Pole fitness classes.... ladies or gents, any one want to join me?

:: 2013 13 November :: 7.20pm

I am so happy. And sober. It's fantastic.

1 friend | friend?

:: 2013 12 November :: 4.14pm

Why did I waste my time?
Two steps, I don't rewind
Feeling I can't define
I give back to you

Give it all away, take it all away
Give it all away, take it all away

I see my demise
From behind your eyes
I can't pass you by
I put back to you

Give it all away, take it all away
Give it all away, take it all away
Give it all away, take it all away
Give it all away, take it all away

Between love, between hate
Shake the silence back but it's too late
And it haunts you, and it haunts you
It's a love hate heartbreak

This could be suicide
A kiss with these red knives
Why am I driving blind?
I give back to you

Give it all away, take it all away
Give it all away, take it all away

Try on one full size
I thought boys don't cry
You're my perfect lie
I give back to you

Give it all away, take it all away
Give it all away, take it all away
Give it all away, take it all away
Give it all away, take it all away

Between love, between hate
Shake the silence back but it's too late
And it haunts you, and it haunts you
It's a love hate heartbreak

Between love between hate
Shake the silence back but it's too late
And it haunts you, and it haunts you
It's a love hate heartbreak

Between love between hate
Shake the silence back but it's too late
And it haunts you, and it haunts you
It's a love hate heartbreak

Between love between hate
Shake the silence back but it's too late
And it haunts you, and it haunts you
It's a love hate heartbreak

Give it all away, take it all away
Give it all away, take it all away

:: 2013 12 November :: 4.06pm

Drink the wine, my darling, you said
Take your time, and consume all of it
But the roses were only to drain my inspiration
The promises were spoiled before they left your lips and?

I breathe you in again
Just to feel you underneath my skin
Holding on to the sweet escape
Is always laced with a familiar taste of poison

I tell myself that you're are no good for me
I wish you well, but desire never leaves
I could fight this 'til the end
But maybe I don't want to win

I breathe you in again
Just to feel you underneath my skin
Holding on to the sweet escape
Is always laced with a familiar taste of poison

I don't wanna be saved, I don't wanna be sober
I want you on my mind, in my dreams
Behind these eyes and I won't wake up
No, not this time

I breathe you in again
Just to feel you underneath my skin
Holding on to the sweet escape
Is always laced with a familiar taste of poison
A familiar taste of poison, a familiar taste of poison

:: 2013 12 November :: 4.01pm

Ohhh, I miss the misery!

I've been a mess since you stayed,
I've been a wreck since you changed,
Don't let me get in your way,
I miss the lies and the pain,
The fights that keep us awake-ake-ake
I'm tellin you!

I miss the bad things,
The way you hate me,
I miss the screaming,
The way that you blame me!
Miss the phone calls,
When it's your fault,
I miss the late nights,
Don't miss you at all!
I like the kick in the face,
And the things you do to me!
I love the way that it hurts!
I don't miss you, I miss the misery!

I've tried but I just can't take it,
I'd rather fight than just fake it (cause I like it
Rough),
You know that I've had enough,
I dare ya to call my bluff,
Can't take to much of a good thing
I'm tellin you!

I miss the bad things,
The way you hate me,
I miss the screaming,
The way that you blame me!
Miss the phone calls,
When it's your fault,
I miss the late nights,
Don't miss you at all!
I like the kick in the face,
And the things you do to me!
I love the way that it hurts!
I don't miss you, I miss the misery!

Just know that I'll make you hurt,
(I miss the lies and the pain what you did to me)
When you tell me you'll make it worse
(I'd rather fight all night than watch the TV)
I hate that feelin inside
You tell me how hard you'll try
But when we're at our worst
I miss the misery

I miss the bad things,
The way you hate me,
I miss the screaming,
The way that you blame me.

I miss the rough sex,
Leaves me a mess,
I miss the feeling of pains in my chest!
Miss the phone calls,
When it's your fault,
I miss the late nights,
Don't miss you at all!
I like the kick in the face,
And the things you do to me!
I love the way that it hurts!
I don't miss you, I miss the misery!

I don't miss you, I miss the misery!

:: 2013 12 November :: 6.35am

Finally starting to see results of of the effort to lose all the weight I regained. Down 5 lbs. 60 more to go!
Life has taken some interesting turns over the last two weeks, lets see how it continues to go.

:: 2013 11 November :: 10.08pm

Why does weed have to be so good? And make everything better?

I wish I didn't need it to happily exist.

:: 2013 11 November :: 2.42pm

Got prescribed some pills in addition to what I'm already taking. So far I've been sleeping a lot and feeling distracted.

I'm itching to move my stuff into the apartment, but I don't have all the keys I need to get inside. So I'm essentially locked out of my apartment! Poop.

I have a lot of emotions going on right now, primarily negative. If possible, I'm beginning to be even more bitter and cynical than before. And I hate it.

I really wish I had never been born. Just not ever exist.

:: 2013 10 November :: 9.27pm

Some parts of the past need to be left in the past.

:: 2013 10 November :: 10.23am

Still trying to process everything that happened this weekend. Cleared the air between someone who used to be a rather integral part of my life, apologies that were long over due were sincerely given and accepted and then a day of re-establishing the lost friendship occurred. Oh and two nights of drunkery added in to the mix.
Now things with E need to continue getting better and I need to work on some friendships with two awesome people here on woohu.