:: 2009 5 August :: 3.07 am

will you shave my coin purse?

hooooooooo.. ho ho ho. holy freaking god.

heh

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:: 2009 4 August :: 11.40 pm

i can't stand for him to leave. i know it's selfish of me, but i can't deal with it. i'm needy, i'll admit it. my happiness depends a lot on him, i've gotten better..but i still of course am happier when he's around. it makes me cry just writing this. i cant go a whole YEAR or more without him. i need him. and when he can come visit on weekends, that's when i'll be working.


ugggggggggggggh please don't leave me.

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:: 2009 3 August :: 12.20 pm

I wrote this Sept. 29 2002
I totally forgot about this, but it was funny! Jess ask Roman if he remembers! lol:


Well, i had a pretty good week i guess. except for some humiliation thursday.
ok..i'll tell ya what happened. our bus driver made all the high schoolers sit in the back so middle schoolers wouldn't go back there. anyway, roman being the friendly guy he is sat with me and struck up a conversation. then, our bus pulled up in front of cedar trails. we only go there to do fire drills so roman hopped up and opened the back door. i hopped out and so did three other people. i looked up into the bus and everyone is just sitting there and the bus driver is like "this isn't a fire drill get back in!" so i climbed back in and felt stupid all the way home. i told jenna about it in current events and if you know jenna the whole class knew after i told her. lol i'm not mad jenna! it was just a little embarrassing.

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:: 2009 1 August :: 1.37 am

Jacob is leaving me. Well, for Pontiac. He got his job as a felony parole officer, which is GREAT, but not for me. I'm happy for him, but I'll miss him SO much. And it's not safe down there. He has 3 weeks to find a safe/nice apartment to live in in the surrounding area and go. He starts August 21st I think. So for a year or more he'll be permanently down there, so far away, working 40+hours a week. It makes me want to cry.

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:: 2009 22 July :: 12.27 am

i'm so excited to go to camp tomorrow. i've gone there every year with my whole family since i've been like...9 i think. we rent out a whole girl scout camp. we have cabins, a lodge a huge firepit with benches all around it, our own beach, canoes and everything. its so fun. i haven't gone away and done anything in like..well a year. no vacation really, no break from everything. each year we have like a 'theme' last year it was pirates of the caribbean..i have so many younger cousins and they bring all their friends, so we split them into teams and my aunts plan all these games and everything that have to do with the theme. my cousin carly and her husband rented a jack sparrow costume and a pirate costume and dressed all up and talked with a pirate accent and everything to address the kids, it was great. this year the theme is the wizard of oz!! which i'm so excited about. apparently i get to play some sort of Dorothy part during the 5 days we're there. we have a 'secret' dinner planned which i don't even know about. i mean it will do with the theme i'm pretty sure but they won't even tell me what it is although they tell me the other secret stuff lol. i know it might sound childish kind of, but it's so fun and the kids have soo much fun and they look forward to all the games and activities and everything. one year we had my boy cousins dress up in drag and do a pageant and it was hysterical! then we all had to go in front of the video camera and vote for who we wanted to win survivor style, ha. last year jake and i went fishing and i broke his fishing pole, and we walked around a lot on all the different trails and such and just hung out. i hope everything goes well this year and that everyone has fun and there isn't too much drama or anything. with so many young girls and their friends around, some fights usually pop up between them b/c they can get pretty bitchy towards each other sometimes lol, but i guess we shall see. i love my family because they are so creative and fun. everyone always laughs a TON and my one aunt always ends up dancing ellen style. seriously she could be ellen. there are alwyas a ton of stories to laugh about and things going on to entertain us all. i hope when i'm older my sister and i can come up with fun stuff like this for my kids and their cousins etc..mmmmmm can't wait for smores. :)

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:: 2009 14 July :: 6.33 pm

First Date Created by silverwolf1990 and taken 32 times on Bzoink

I'll never forget my first date with Jacob. It was back in June, so we went to the fur festival. We went on all the rides, like the wallabee Wheel and the Tunnel of :P. I was so nervous and lumpy from the rides, that I threw up my tacos from lunch! But that was ok, because Jacob held my hair back and then said, "old gregg!!" After that, we played some carnival games. We played firefly flip and Shoot the pictures. he won me a stuffed narwhal and a plastic barack obama doll. At the end of the date, Jacob asked if they could spew me. "Hahaha, I dont do that on the first date!" So then we just shook hands and said, "easy there fuzzy little man peach"

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Wedding Day! Created by sofay and taken 128 times on Bzoink

Today is my wedding day, I am getting married to Michelle. He proposed by swiftly telling me he gagged me and presented me with a brown ring decorated with 8 cats. How could I say no! We are having the wedding in Casino where we will eat Fig newtons and bahama mama. The dress is crunchy and fluffy and the bouquet is a blue deoderant. Jessica bitch slapped the bouquet into the air and it kissed Erin. She got knocked out and had to be escorted to Wal Mart. All in all, my wedding was a very horrifying day.

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My July 4th Created by andy and taken 26 times on Bzoink

I think I forgot to tell you about my July 4th weekend. Silly me. Here's how it goes. Friday, the 3rd, Rueben, Michelle, and I all went to Prison. When we got there I suddenly realized I was only wearing my bathing suit. Oops! I quickly put on my Panties and called it good. The Speech Pathologist looked at me and screamed, "Eat Your Nuggets!". Apparently that's what happens when you're only wearing panties! That night we went back to Michelle's house where we proceeded to make a poop. It blazed bright Beige. Saturday, the 4th, we were very crinkly. We played in Michelle's pool most of the day. Floating about on our dogs. Rueben got extremely burned by the vomit. We spread Relish all over their body, and off to the fireworks we went! We thought the fireworks were sweet! There was one that looked like a Panda. One like a Grey Hound Bus. Even one like a Faygo bottle! WOW! We especially liked the one that was the color of rainbows. I can only hope next year goes this well.

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:: 2009 5 July :: 2.01 am

i'm still kind of upset about michael jackson's death. maybe to some people it's already 'old news' or they never cared about it in the first place. losing him is a huge tragedy to music and to the world, honestly! he was a beautiful person inside and out. i grew up listening to his music. my parents always played oldies for my sister and i, and we used to always listen to this jackson 5 8 track my dad still has. as i got older, i realized how much i loved his voice and when i was going through some really hard times when i was 16 or so i always listened to his song 'you are not alone' and 'smile' over and over and over again. we also had a lot in common. he cares a ton about other people and the earth. he had a tragic life and its so sad that towards the end, people only focused on the negatives and not all the wonderful things he has done for charity and tons of people less fortunate then him. he was a humanitarian even though inside he was always torn apart. i can relate to that. smiling on the outside but sad on the inside. i'm not trying to be cheesy or too sentimental, but just hearing his songs and watching interviews with him on tv make me feel so sad to have lost him. it is so sad. it's a tragedy.

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:: 2009 2 July :: 11.02 pm

More pharmaceutical fun. So he DID give me those pills for free. Those pills are nine bucks EACH! It was only three of them, but still...and I went in there tonight to pick up my rx and he was chatting away as usual..He asked me if my boyfriend was coming to visit me this weekend and I said no, and he said he was a jerk! HA! i was like woooooooahh there.

I'm worried about grad school. EVERYONE i talk to is like, 'oh my neice/friend/etc...got all A's and couldn't get in anywhere in Michigan for the speech path program' seriously like 6 people have told me that. I must know why! what can i do so that doesn't happen to me?! how can i make myself different? stand out? etc...UGH!!

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:: 2009 1 July :: 11.12 pm

Beyonce Halo
soo it's been a long time since i've updated more than a few strange words.

so much has been happening. life is...insane. busy. spiraling everywhere. pain, love, excitement, hurt. moving forward, moving backward, sitting in the middle of it all.

work is ridiculous. i work 32 hours plus a week. i hardly have any time to myself anymore. i definitely need the money more than anyone could ever know, but it's exhausting sometimes.

i got a B+. a fucking B+. there goes my 4.0 at CMU. GONE------> ughhhhh

i miss jake. i hate just 'visiting' with my boyfriend. i want him here, with me. i hate it.

i feel alone, overwhelmed, grown up. doing things on my own. taking care of everything. trying to hold my family together, wishing my father was sober...scrounging for pills that the doctors office won't subscribe.

my pharmacist says i'm the most 'normal, mature 21 year old that comes in here," again could be just because he loves me. maybe not. but he should know at least some about me since i'm forced to talk to him for half an hour increments everytime i go in there. he is kind of attractive which is the odd thing. he's like 28. weird. especially since i always feel skanky when i go in there either in my work uniform or some sort of sweat pants and tank top. bleh

bought one bellybutton ring got four free. woohoo and bought a mouth guard so i don't grind my teeth down to the gums like i have been. it's annoying though and weird.

when is my someday. i want it now. i want my turn.

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:: 2009 29 June :: 1.32 am

wargarbllllllllllllllllllllll

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:: 2009 21 June :: 10.31 pm

how can i explain this type of hurt.

he disappeared before i left so he didn't even say goodbye.

happy fucking fathers day.

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:: 2009 17 May :: 7.33 pm
:: Mood: lonely

i never wanted to hear those words again.

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:: 2009 9 May :: 2.14 am

i need to go to sleep.

HAPPY BELATED BDAY TO REEEEUBEN/ RUUUUEEBEN

woo!!!!!!

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:: 2009 16 April :: 9.23 pm

terd ferguson.

its funny cause its big

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