I want to give back what you've given to me
This is the most beautiful song I have *ever* heard. You're an idiot if you don't download it after you read this. lol just joshin ;) Love you.

Your Everything
The first time I looked in your eyes I knew
That I would do anything for you
The first time you touched my face I felt
Like I've never felt with anyone else

I wana give back what you've givin' to me
And I wanna witness all of your dreams
Now that you've shown me who I really am
I wanna be more then just your man

I wanna be the wind that fills your sails
And be the hand that lifts your veil
And be the moon that moves your tide
The sun coming up in your eyes
Be the wheels that never rust
And be the spark that lights you up
All that you've been dreaming of and more
So much more, I wanna be your everything...

When you wake up, I'll be the first thing you see
And when it gets dark you can reach out for me
I'll cherish your words and I'll finish your thoughts
And I'll be your compass baby, when you get lost

I wanna be the wind that fills your sails
And be the hand that lifts your veil
And be the moon that moves your tide
The sun coming up in your eyes
Be the wheels that never rust
And be the spark that lights you up
All that you've been dreaming of and more
So much more, I wanna be your everything...

Be the wheels that never rust
And be the spark that lights you up
All that you've been dreaming of and more
So much more, I wanna be your everything...
I wanna be your everything

Geese!!!
Last night was fun.

Got my paycheck today and it was more than I was expecting :)

It's okay. I understand why you can't do it.

Leave it be.

"Hey do you see that big goose in my yard?" *laughs "Jess, that's not a goose, it's a turkey." lol

~jess

I won't forget the way you loved me
This morning I woke up at 6 to get redy for work. Called Dan before I left to wake him up for work. Now I'm someone's personal alarm clock. Lol how great. Who wouldn't want some crazy red head to wake them up in the morning? ;) Went up to work and no one was there. I'm so mad at myself for not going to work yesterday. That's 150 dollars I need for my car. *smacks self*

Anyway so I got home and went with my mom to get her tests done. Not all that fun. Hospitals smell so nasty. Like urine. It's just gross, and it totally grosses me out.

Tonight I'm going to go out with Kate cos if I don't I'm going to stay at home talking on the phone all night wishing I had only gone out.

Then I have to babystit Sat. Then I'm going to Amy/Chad's don't really know anymore, little party w/ Erika hopefully. Otherwise Dan. Or I'm going to need a ride, and will end up not going. Sounds like fun :)

I need a real job so bad. I hate depending on the next check to make my pathetic teen payments. Ughhh I hate being 15.

How sad is it that I'm ONLY 15?!? I'm a junior and I'm only 15 and will be for another half a year. Most of the kids in the grade below me are older and can already drive. Who really wants to pick me up when I hang out with friends. I feel bad, espically sinc eI livein the boomies. Jimmy, Myles, Devon, and Jenna are the only people close to me, oh and The Johnsons. It occured to me the other day that I'm going to be 17 when I start college. I won't even be legal lol oh well.

Speaking of school, this year I'm determinded to get all straight A's, even in math if it kills me. And even if it means no socail life besides work and school. And I'm going to take hard classes senir year. Hopefully get into Ferris, and go into computers and Secondary Education. I want to be a teacher/b-ball coach, bt I wnat something to fall back on, that I enjoy. Like computers.

Just pick up the phone. It's not that hard. You use to do it. I'm not going to bite.

"her ass jiggle for more" haha I will never forget that. I haven't laughed that hard where you cry in *sooo* long.

Grrr I'm all out of smelly perfume. Got get me some more. Just something else I need moeny for.

I was getting pictures out for mine and jess's locker and I started looking at all my pcitures form New York and realized I barely have any. Nrs. Martino still has them all. Ugh that makes me mad, I have like two , if that.

So I went to visit my Grandpa and I was talking to my Grandma and she said she notcied I've been getting a lot of color. I told her about how my tooshie and tah tah's always get burnt when I tan and she said "You better be carfeul Jessie breat cancer run in the family" lol wtf?!? I love my Grandma but ahhh lol it was so funny.

My room is fianlyl clean. It too me lliek a eweek to finish. yay!!!

I don't hate you. I dont care anymore, I never really did.

I'm out of things to talk about

~jess

I've only know you a week or two, but baby I'm so into you
I had such a good night. Everyone and everything just made me really happy.

Erika and Shannon were my savors. Jess god, lol makes me laugh no matter what. Till I pee my pants ;) Nothing ever gets old with us.

*makes puppet and slurpee sound* ahahah! :) I LOVE THE PUPPETS! :) wooo go us. I know we are the biggest losers lol but OH WELL because you all love us anyway. *smiles

And Dan just always cheers me up because he is so dumb lol. and he's Mr. Boom Boom lol.I love that kid, and he's gotta be the closest guy friend I've ever had. lol ah good stuff.

I just realized that I'm okay with everything after tonight. Or getting there.

I like everyone, I forgive everyone, I'm okay with everything now, I'm ok with me.

Which is going to make things a lot easier since I can't forget about everything, cos it just doens't matter anymore. I don't want to waste anymore time just being dumb. I'm really happy now because I let everything go with *almost* everyone and everything, that I've ever held on too and I love that for the first time in weeks I feel totally free from all the crap I've been stressing over.

Im just going to relax more not think about it, because most of the time it's nothing, but by thinking about it so much it becomes so much more.

I'm just happy with everything, and everything's going to be good this year. I'm going to have a good year, and everything is going to be great, and I'm really excited NOT for school to start because I'm really going to miss summer the corn picking all day, and my ass and tah tah's *smiles for jess* being burnt constantly from tanning, and changing far too many dirty diapers. Lol Jess KNOWS how bad it was ! lol

A lot of good things happened this summer. I met Dan , well not met him, but we got so close and I wouldn't change that for the world. Me and Kate had a lot of fun all summer. Birthday Bash was the best though. Or the the drive there anyway :) Shea and I had good times too, espically Eden. Me and Jess always have good times. Me and Erika are closer, me and Jenna are a lot closer :) Mike and I lol are a lot closer and me and a certain someone are like very very good friends now, which I never thought would happen. I'm going to miss him a lot though. Jimmy and I are talking. A lot of good things happened this summer, and this summer was a hell of a lot better than the last.

I'm so in love with Ryan Cobrera. He's got the prettiest voice. I would bang him in like two seconds. I don't care, I'd be a whore. He's gorgeous. Pretty pretty man.

Everything is ok, with the potential of being even better. I can only hope that everything will get worked out fully, but it's almost there, and I'm just happy that I don't have to continue any stupid games and being mad constatly. Although I am dreading a certain class this year, and how shitty someone is going to try to make it.

I have to work today 7:30 till 4:30. That's a long friecken day. I don't know anyone I work with either. So that really bites.

Can anyone tell me why I'm up at 4:10 in the morning? I can tell you! because I'm extremley happy!

"Sick and tiered of this world. There's no more air. Tripping over myself. Going no where. Waiting. Suficating. No direction. So I took a dive and on my way down, I saw you and you saved me from myself. And I won't forget the way you loved me. And on the way down I almost fell right through but I held on to you. I've been wondering why it's only me. Have you always been inside waiting to breathe? It's alright, here comes the sunlight. I wake up and now I'm alive. Because of you. I was so afraid of going under, but now the weight of the world feels like nothing. Nothing at all. You're all I wanted, you're all I needed. And I won't forget the way you loved me."

I love that song. I listen to it constantly.

All is forgiven, soon to be forgotten.

You still owe me a very big apology and it better not start with a message popping up on my msn. That is not an apology although it might help, but not an apolgy.

I need some sleep before work. Goodnight all.

Thank you for making everything good.

muah*

~jess

I hope you always keep your hand this close to mine
I'm going to try to keep my mind off it. Like I should.
What do I honestly want to happen?
I don't want to do this all over again.
I've been so good at forgetting it. All of it.
I want to be strong, independent.
I really put my whole heart in the first time and you didn't care.
All into a friendship I thought was important to you too.
A friendship that hurt for a long long ass time.
You may never understand how I feel, or what I expect.
I feel I derserve an apolgy not to make things go back in time, just because I've never been hurt bysomeone that much.
Why do I even care? I don't know, I just do.
I just can't help but wonder if you miss being my friend or if you ever wonder too.