~*~You're on fire when he's near you~*~
*sigh* I hate getting up for work. I hate it. I literally have to get up an hour before I'm supose to get up just to make sure I actually *do* get up, and have time to take a shower and get ready. Sad, huh? Ughh I don't want to go to work today, it's going to be a long day, and it's supose to hit 90.*cries* I'm already sun burnt from yesterday. Grr Oh well, my job just fucking sucks and I better get use to it already.

I'm getting really tiered of this. I try so hard, and not because I'm obligated too, b/c that's what we do, we listen to eachother. You know, what we've always done. So it really irrates me , and I just want to grab you and shake you when you start talking crazy and acting like it'll be bad if I hear what you have to say. I get upset more than being more happy. You vent to me when you need to, well how about the next time you call and need me or the next time we want to do something, i just don't answer, and my reasoning is because I think it'll just make you in a worse mood? Well then I think you'd understand how I feel. What makes me NOT happy, is that. I need to vent to you. I mean come on, what's up in that little head of yours lately?

You need to stop worrying so much. You're way too negative about everything.

Ugh yeah so fuck me, today's going to be miserable. The field we are working on, like half the field is like corn way down low to the ground so we have to sit in our baskets and it's so fucking hard to get the tassels! Damnit I just want to fucking scream when we do that section. I hope we don't have to do that field today *prays* please please please!

Emily has tennis camp, so we coudln't work things out. I'm still going to see her though. I'm leaving August 16 to the 21st, then I come back and work the rest of the week up at Hiltop. Fun stuff.

I need to go jump in the shower now or do somethin with my hair. Looks like a rat crawled up in there and died. lol *shakes head* I hate getting up this earlie, I'm so fucking cranky.

Leave me something nice that will make me smile

Jess

when is enough actually enough?

Ugh I just cannot stand being at home anymore. Nothing's the same. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. !!!! I'm sad when I have to see you like that, I'm angry that it happened now, that now everyone's being effected. I know, there's nothing anyone can do about timing. "Things happen for a reason" and I do believe that, for the most part. BUT just ughh! It's everywhere I go, and it's always there, no matter when I'm not home, I still have to think about it, and I'm just thinking this has only been a few days how am I going to be able to handle however long we have? *sigh* I don't want these next few weeks, months to be last impressions and memory's that I keep forever. Which is EXACTLLY why I hate being home. No one understands that. *sigh*

I don't know how to help you. All I can tell you is you mean so much to me right now where I'm at. You hold me up high, and I love you.

Does anyone else agree there's a big, very LARGE difference between loving someone, and being IN love with someone? That makes sense right? Thought so.

My dad found a really cheap, good sunfire :) yay. But um yeah, forget that. Because I won't even be done with Driver's training when I turn 16 so why even think about it when it doesn't matter?who cares right

If I don't get out soon, besides work..I'm going to just go crazy. ughh akjdfkaj

I ran outside like 15 minutes ago in the pouring rain and just spun around like a dumb little 6 year old. It was nice. You should all try spinning in the rain, it relives stress. Sure does.

I'm going to go watch Will and Grace that will cheer me up.


Jess

~*~Always staring at me, while I'm chugging along~*~
My Grandpa was officialy diagnosed with cancer yesterday. He got his tests back, and it's in both of his lungs, and spreading. He starts kemo in a week or two. My dad's crushed and most likely either my grandparents are moving in with us (these are the ones that live next door...the one's I lived with while building our house, the one's who have been there my whole life) or my dad is going to stay with them, come home every now and then. I just ..ah..am somehwere else lately.

I woke up this morning to get up for work and did not want to get out of bed. I have never been so tiered in my life. So I got up and took a shower and left for work. Today was soooo long. And we only worked till noon, which kinda pisses me off cos I want more moeny and I was told we'd be working till 3 the past two days and we haven't. Then tomorrow we aren't either. oh well.

Yeah it was really hot, and lol me and Adrianan omg, lol I love her! She's so funny. We had fun. And I'm like deadly afraid of snakes and one crossed my row and I was like omg I'm and like went so fast to finish my row.

There's so much drama at the farm though. Like everyone was bitching at Annie and Katie today. They were mad b/c no was digging out the roags, just chopping them. People were bitching about how hot it was, and how this job sucks so much, we should just get on the bus and not work, this isn't fair, it's so wet. Honeslty...what the hell do you expect working on a farm lol? Rainbow's and sunshines sitting under an umbrealla? yeah, that's not how it works and theres nothing more irratating than working w/ ppl who bitch all day. Good thing I bring head phones.

There's this one kid, Blake..grr I cannot stand him. He bitches about the dumbest stuff, every other word is fuck this, and fuck that, and he hates linds which I really don't know how he even knows her, but that realy ticks me off, bc linds is my friend, and he says all this crap. Yeah, he bugs me.

I can't wait for my pappy to work w/ me :)

The highlight of work today was spraying Adie with water when she got off the bus and on the bus. lol she knew it was coming.

So yeah I went tanning and saw Jenna :) I love you !! I tryed chasing you down, but mom was in the car..so I couldn't really...catch up to you.

Then I got home and babysat for two hours, and now I'm going to jump in the shower and hopefully go see I robot. :) yay go me.

I miss you Erika and Becky! I hope you're having fun *muah*

Jess

I can buy the same damn thin on wal mart shelf half price.....
I've been so exhausted and drained lately. I really hate my job. Like it couldn't be any more boring.

I got hired at the farm. My crew is me, Danielle, Denee, Tim, Amy, Lisa, Stacey, Dustin, and some strange girl I don't know. It's fun with the Millering's and Tim's singing, but I miss my pappy, and erika, and Adriain. I'll get to work with her next week whent he Millering's are gone. Still...I miss Jess. It's just not the same, we can't whip each other w/ tassels. lol

OH OH, I CANT believe he works there. Oh my gosh. My heart sank when I saw him. I just don't want to feel bad around you. Aww...that's sad. Eh..we'll find the words. I'm not worried.

So yeah, I have to work 7 hours a day in the sun, and I hate how you get soaked in the morning. I hate that. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I got to go home earlie Sat. I was so pissed b/c I get payed a dollar extra. 8.50 and we only worked till noon. Grr..*shakes fist in air at Ellen* oh-well I got to go home.

I got my perfume. *yummy* smells good.

Me and my mom went to Sarah's wedding shower today. Lol it was so much fun. Lol good times. Fun games, and funny presents.
Then me and Sarah looked through all these pictures with Katti, Nick, Ashley, and Eric when we were little and our parents at Long Lake, and camping. It was so cute. (the pictures) I miss the Crandles. :( Her wedding's next week, and I have a pretty dress to wear. woot woot.

Shannon, I do love you. I miss you too!

I bought a tanning package. *smiles* I need to be tan. I hate this "you have read hair so god is deciding to make you have to be as pale as a ghost" bah. No fair. Thank God for tanning booths.

I'm going to go take a nap then we're going to the movies.

Jess

who got hired, me baby!
JESS CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU READ THIS!

Today Kate came over. I really haven't seen her in a long time.

Ellen called today and I have a new job. woo! go me. I have to work tomorrow from 8-3. It's going to be a long day, espically if I don't get to work with Jess. :( And I know I won't get to be working with Erika because she'll be gone. :( I miss you!

Tomorrow I think after work my mom and I are going to see the notebook and get this perfume from American Eagle I want. Shannom might come with us, hopefully if we go. So that'll be fun.

Hmm...what is that all about? I really think people who call other people out for no good reason. You made her feel like shit for no reason, because you were upset. I hope you know you were out of line, I love you..but you really couldn't have said anything worse.

I should get to bed, I have to get up earlie.Good night all.

Jess

~*~week~*~
This week has been so much fun. I haven't even been home longer than 30 minutes without leaving again.

Monday me and Jess drove to the movies, baked cookies at 3 in the morning, stayed up till 5. lol. Tuesday night we lol went crazy and had so much fun, lol I haven't had that much fun with her in a long time, like two weeks or so lol.

Wensday me , Brianna, and a guy I perfer to keep remained nameless for now came over and then we went to the mall. It was fun. I bought this adoreable winter coat b/c it was so cheap. Ah...it's so cute. I can't wait for it to be cold to wear it lol. Then I bought this really cute brown, not to mention HUGE purse, oh my gosh, I love it. It's huge. lol. Bigger than any of my other purses. Linds would be proud. THen I bought another green purse, it's cute. I can finally fit the world in my purse. :) yay. Just the way I like it. I bought a meatching wallet, and I found the best perfume that Jess loves. ;) right pappy?

Then we saw Anchorman. Wasn't that good. It was actually really stupid. There were some funny parts, but it wasn't that funny.

So were on our way to Dan's and "this guy" were with gets cut off by some moron, this huge nasty lady and her husband/ boyfriend whatever. Then they tap their breaks just to be assholes. So our driver who remains annonymous passes on the left side then cuts them off. Other cars are honking and we were getting the finger. Our drivers honking and giving the finger back and I'm lik just oh my gosh, I'm shaking and pissed and really scared. So we finally turn on a different road and it's a hilly road and there's no passing, "legally". So this car also happen to be turning on the same road going the same direction. So our driver slows down just to piss them off, going like 15 in like a 55 and they still won't pass us. So he slows down to like 5 and then just stops, then pulls over to let them pass. Instead they pull along side of our car, and get out, probably to beat the crap out of us. So he throws it in reverse and then they get back in their car and we start going. We're behind them, and their going pretty fast. I'm thinking the whole "thing" is over and we're good. Then all of a sudden they slam on their breaks and we smashed right into the back of their car. They both get out slam the doors and start walking towards us, me and Briann are scared out of our minds. Our "driver" is like yelling, swearing, then he puts it in reverse and fly's past their car, almost hitting them and they start chasing us for at least 10 minutes, and we were turning down every road just to lose them. Then we fianlly did, and he pulls to the side of the road to look at how messed up his hood is, gets in the car, and has the balls to say "That was hilarous!" ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You are an idiot, I cannot believe you'd be that stupid. Then say that after you almost get us fucking killed. Yeah, I will never ride with you, or speak to you again. You stupid stupid STUPID moron. grr I hate dumb drivers. I HATE them.

So he dropped us off at Dan's and all our friends from Sparta were there and a few friends from Cedar, and some people I din't know lol. And it was so much fun! I love Sarah. She has got to be honestly the sweetest person I have *ever* met. She's so sweet. I love her. So we just had a lot of fun. I saw some people I haven't in a while. Then Ryan took us to get Tyler and Megan then we went back to Dan's for a while. Then Chad, me, Brianna, Tyler, and Megan all hung out at Brianna's with Mrs. Longsteet, I love that lady! lol she's the funnest lady. lol good times.

Then me, Megan and Brianna were up like forever and we lay down and are tlaking on the floor and it's like 3:30 and we're like we want cheese cake. Lol So we get up and are looking for chance cos we spent all of out moeny at the mall and we decided we'd take all their parents beer bottels and return them and use that moeny. So we fill my purse with beer bottles and I drove us to Great Day, yes GREAT DAY, not family fare. Grr. anyway lol we look like raging alcholics. My purse if filled w/ bottles that were falling out. Their in our hoodie pckets, and to top it off we're carrying bottles in our hands into the stare. Being the smart girls we are lol. So we end up being like 50 cents short, lol and all we wanted was cheese cake, but this nice old man gave us moeny. He was so nice. I love nice people like that. Then I drove back, and we ate cheesecake, and it was totally worth all that work lol.

Yeah we finally fell asleep around 6. I had so much fun! It was great.

Then I get home and what do I know, he's gay. Yup, the most beautiful guy I have ever seen, is gay. Why is it all guys are assholes who are rude, or .nm just not nice, and the ones that aren't..are gay. :(

Yeah, you are a complete moron. You're going to pay for that. Stupid ass.

I get home and I call Jess, and her mom says she's missing :( I was worried about my pappy. I was afraid that the guy hiding in the woods got you, or you were in a car accident so I got off the phone with Dan just to hear from you, and I didn't. Till today, but you're okay :) heh I love you Jess.

Me and Dan are going to a whitecaps game tonight. I really am going to be so mad if it rains. Like furious.

I need to go shower and get ready. <3 Jess

The sun is out wootie toot toot!
Jess made a lost of sense last night. It shouldn't matter to any of us. We know how it is, how we feel all the time when we even concern ourselves with it, so just don't. The end.

I woke up with Jess purrying on my shoulder. Lol I bet none of you get woken up that way now do ya? haha take that. I slept like a baby last night, but we think it's becuase of the med's. ;) but it was nice.

Logan's coming over today to hang out with me and jess so i supose i should probably change out of my pajama's and put some make up on huh? yes, good idea I don't want to scare the boy away.

jess

The sun is out wootie toot toot!
Jess made a lost of sense last night. It shouldn't matter to any of us. We know how it is, how we feel all the time when we even concern ourselves with it, so just don't. The end.

I woke up with Jess purrying on my shoulder. Lol I bet none of you get woken up that way now do ya? haha take that. I slept like a baby last night, but we think it's becuase of the med's. ;) but it was nice.

Logan's coming over today to hang out with me and jess so i supose i should probably change out of my pajama's and put some make up on huh? yes, good idea I don't want to scare the boy away.

jess