:: 2004 2 February :: 5.52 pm
:: Mood: blah

A lot to talk about...
now i really want to let myself tell everything to my woohu about the hecticness of the past days.

so friday ca. 6:30 am my parents come into my room and tell me that my grandma (who's actually my step-grandma) called and said grandpa is going to die today so we have to go the hospital now. i start crying, and then the phone rings--mom picks up and starts screaming--we all knew what happened. he was gone.

so we scurry and get in the car and go to sloan. in the car my dad insists we play"white flag", because its his song that reminds him of grandpa--daddy starts crying hysterically, which is the scariest thing ive ever seen in my life..and i was petrified.

we get to nyc..me and mom hop out of the car and start running down the street. we get to the hospital, and the doctor takes us to grandpa's room and there's grandma and jaron, their home nurse, and grandpa, who looked so comfortable, but it was so sad. the next 4 hours were my uncles and such coming in, people calling making arrangements...and lots of crying...it was so amazingly sad. and when we had to leave my grandma was like no i dont want to leave him i know where they're going to take him i can't leave him, i hate him for leaving me. ugh depression.

so then we went to my grandparents apartment and we stayed there for hours and i was so disheveled. then dear nessie came in from miami and i was so happy...we went home and slept.

it was without a doubt the worst day of my life.

then we took a day off, ate comfort food (candlelight) got nails done, and my dad had his buddies over and the bbq'd, cos omg it was like 30 degrees.

then yesterday was the wake. we got the funeral home in the city, and it was really nice. there were soooo many flowers, it was insane. absolutlely insane. there were pink roses from me and my baby cousin anastasia. so for me, mom, dad, grandma, uncle, aunt, and the same thing on the step side, opened the casket for us before it started. i had written him a letter from the night before, saying everything im so angry i didnt get to say. like how wonderful of a guy he was and how much im going to miss being with him, how much he taught me, and how much i really loved him even though i wasnt good at saying it, and how he wasnt either but loved me.

and then in comes the physco.

my physcopathic uncle who gets along with nobody and is completely scary, insane, and dangerous. he sobs like a little girl into the casket and he makes me want to vomit.

there's 4 undercover cops there because of him. can you believe it? cops at a funeral and wake? it's disgusting.

so the wake begins, and 500 people are in and out there throughout the day. such a true testimony to the fact that he treated everyone so great. there were drivers from the company lined up out the door to get inside.

and i was so overwhelmed at all the people from edgemont who came. i really was so happy to see you girls (and your parents) there. it was so sweet.

then today was the funeral. Father McManus spoke even though my step family is all Jewish...then spoke step aunt lisa, 2 friends, and my daddy. the speakers were lovely. it was so sad. my little step cousin douglas gave grandpa a quarter to get into heaven. i made sure my letter was still in his pocket and said goodbye. then more crying with everybody.

then the burial out in long island. he was above ground. it makes me depressed and scared to think of him being all alone in that little box in that cold little space. but then i remember that he's not there anymore, and it's just a body, but his spirit left and is on its way upstairs, to be with his mommy and daddy.

i am so sad for everyone in my family.

and im going to miss him so much.
sometimes i feel like i should have spent more time with him. but i have so many memories, and his paintings of course.

i dont think im going to school tomorrow.

i am so exhausted. i can't take it. but i have so much work to do. i stil am not caught up from what i missed last week.
***
wow what a superbowl. ergh i hate new england! it was too bad we couldn't have our fiesta. mmm the food was gonna be great, company was gonna be great, new tv, great game, oh well next year.

but one good thing is that we can go to st. thomas now. we were actually going to cancel on friday, because he was supposed to pass a little bit later and there's just no way it would've worked out. but he wanted us to go :)

so rest in peace johnny boy. i thank God you aren't hurting anymore. you were cheated out of a much longer life because of 2 awful diseases, but you made the world a better place. Until we meet again.

~Gabi

5 . | DrOp1bAybZ...

:: 2004 31 January :: 6.01 pm
:: Mood: morose

i feel like i should have a lot to say.

but i don't.

i'm at a loss for words.

and i wish i wasn't so selfish and would understand and appreciate that he's not in pain anymore.

but i'm really going to miss him.

and there's so many regrets and so much guilt i'm trying to fight off.

yesterday was the worst day of my life.
my heart literally felt like it was ripping in to two. my chest was bursting.

i never knew what true sadness was until yesterday. and i dont think anybody can truly be sad and depressed until something like that happens.

i'll update more after the wake and funeral.

love

3 . | DrOp1bAybZ...

:: 2004 24 January :: 5.15 pm
:: Mood: aggravated

yeah so that little chest pain i had wed. afternoon turned out to be a full blown disaster.

thursday i was having really bad asthma and even had a little attack ugh. then just as my chest was starting to feel better here comes the sore throat and that means a cold!!! yay!!!

thursday nite was one of the most uncomfortable nites ive ever had and friday i wanted to kill myself (except that plasma tv got installed que chevere!)

not only was i sneezing, coughing, sore throating, having asthma attacks, being cold, but it was my moms birthday and i feel like i totally ruined it. we couldnt go out with our neighbors and i felt so bad...that always happens, but after she had a drink and got these gorgeous diamond earrings and a cute card from me (all in spanish athank you) she was okay and i felt relieved, but still yucky.

fri. nite was better i suppose and today i just have a complete cold, and im coughing up all this shit and used up like 10 tissue boxes and as i sneeze for the 80,000th time as theres NOTHING on TV!!! i HATE being sick...i havent been sick in such a long time i was doing soooo good...

if i didnt get my flu shot this would probably be pneumonia like i had in 4th 5th and 6th grade...oy... think of that nightmare and i suppose it could be worse.

i mite not be able to visit grampy tomorrow :(

and now im gonna have to catch up with so much schoolwork and

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i havent been outside in THREE DAYS!!!!!

thanks for listening mr.woohu

ooh i feel so much better

not

achoooo

snow day on monday pleeeease

5 . | DrOp1bAybZ...

:: 2004 21 January :: 6.22 pm
:: Mood: wheezy

Where have all the woohuers gone?
yikes its been a while since someone's updated

this weekend was fun...my aunt being here was great...friday night was funny, my mom found out shes not actually talking about a milkshake lol, sat was stage crew which was actually a lot of fun... night fam, monday day off thank god for martin luther!

yesterday i tutored (aww) thanks to erica for totally saving my ass..i owe you!

today i feel like crap...had to do nebulizer ugh bastard...have the option of not going to school tomorrow...should i suck it up and save it for when im dying?...hmmm contemplating...i suppose i'll figure it out manana.

omg one tree hill is my life!<(pulling a danielle) i am totally obsessed! though im a little dissapointed in the american idol bad auditions not so hilarious.

so everything's going good...im getting really physced for feb. break...and its soooo soon...just 16 days of school!!!

dammit did the cleaning lady throw out my horoscope from the post yesterday? it was so good...
but basically my main mantra in life is: always keep an eye on the big picture

big kiss~gabs

..and for God's sake will someone update???

2 . | DrOp1bAybZ...

:: 2004 15 January :: 7.59 pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable

yesterday was a totally weird day, thanks brig i would not have made it without you.

i hate bad dreams..they affect my whole day and make me depressed and weirded out.

and it makes me sad that it happened...i don't know why but it makes me so sad.

sigh i wish it wasn't a snow day today...i mean its great and all but i really wish i was like in a mood where i really really needed it...i would've been fine with a delay.

and i think its about time i figured myself out...i've been ignoring it for too long. i need to get myself together.

<3*

DrOp1bAybZ...

:: 2004 13 January :: 5.52 pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Excuse Me Mr.~No Doubt

1 . | DrOp1bAybZ...

:: 2004 12 January :: 6.34 pm
:: Mood: pissed off

noooooooooo!
no not roger too no please

this absolutely blows

36 days til pitchers & catchers...when a huge void will be clearly visible

ughhhh

stupid texans!!!!!!!!!!!

DrOp1bAybZ...

:: 2004 11 January :: 7.26 pm

oh yeah and by the way except for senora estufe, who else is totally OUTRAGED at the fact that Britney Spears, Beyonce AND Ashton Kutcher (ew) beat the SG Johnny Depp on VH1's hottie list???

DrOp1bAybZ...

:: 2004 11 January :: 2.37 pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: White Flag~Dido

DrOp1bAybZ...

:: 2004 9 January :: 3.48 pm
:: Mood: quixotic
:: Music: Waiting For Tonight

4 . | DrOp1bAybZ...

:: 2004 7 January :: 5.31 pm
:: Mood: creative

Should I or shouldn't I?
Do I listen to my heart or my conscience?

~Pease post telling me which one~

I'd really appreciate it
xoxo

6 . | DrOp1bAybZ...

:: 2004 5 January :: 5.58 pm
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: vh1

DrOp1bAybZ...

:: 2004 1 January :: 4.22 pm
:: Mood: complacent

6 hours of Sex & The City...it started at 11 and we switched to watch the ball drop for what...15 seconds? it wasnt very new yearsy, but fun.

i don't really have a new years resolution...if i had to choose one, i suppose it would be to have a more positive and care-free perspective about life. my aunt is my inspiration :)

im a little depressed about not being in miami...its crazy how fast it went. absolutely insane.

the only thing that im really happy about is i have all my new toys and such to play with :)

so its been year since i created this account...i was looking back at all my past entries...so much fun! i think that ive grown a lot, but still not really a different person.

Wishing everyone a happy and healthy 2004!

Peace&Love~Mrs. Depp :)

1 . | DrOp1bAybZ...

:: 2003 30 December :: 5.01 pm
:: Mood: grumpy

ahhh im leaving tomorrow--holy crap where did the time go??? this has been the fastest Christmas season and Miami trip EVER! eww.

omg i dont think im going to be able to handle going back home to the cold. the weather here has been absolutely perfect i am going to roll up into a ball and cry.

my aunt is the coolest person EVER. shes the person i hate leaving most. she is so different from my mom i LOVE the change.

so ever since i got this No Doubt Greatest Hits CD..i have been obsessed! its all of their best (derf) and i luv her and their music...remember the song spiderwebs? (yes i can listen to it cos its so good despite my spider disease)...well i never knew what she was saying but i figured it out just by listening to it carefully and its totally not what i thought the song was about:

Sorry I'm not home right now I'm walking into spiderwebs leave a message and ill call you back
a likely story but leave a message and ill call u back
and its all your fault i screen my phone calls
no matter who calls i gotta screen my phone calls...

hehehehehe

Happy New Year!

5 . | DrOp1bAybZ...

:: 2003 28 December :: 1.48 pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: No Doubt~Sunday Morning

1 . | DrOp1bAybZ...