Today was a tutoring day. Made sure one of 'em did the math homework, and tried to help the other write a poem - a peace poem. We tried to rhyme. I ended up making up silly things like, "What's the use of having a brain / When we can't even act humane" and "A new president would be really swell / thanks to our government we're going to hell" Silly stuff. "If the nation would stop killing and eating meet / Maybe our family values wouldn't be so obsolete". Word. Haha. Rhyming is fun. Stupid, but fun. Right now I'm home all alone. My parents are at a friend's house and Cor is having either pho or udon with Justin in SF. Technically I could have gone with 'em, but I chose to be a loner tonight. I need a new monitor. Mine is officially broken. And this computer only gets one hour of internet. I'm too lazy to grab this monitor and plug it into my comp. Or vice versa. Ugh, my writing skills have gone to hell. Perhaps I just don't care anymore. That is probably why I got an 74/75 on my bio paper last semester. Yeah. I'm still upset over one point. I should have gotten full marks! Thank goodness I'm not a perfectionist. Thank goodness I'm not Jessica Simpson (Lachey). That girl has serious problems when she can't even wash and fold her own laundry, or even wash dishes. Insane! I think I know how it feels to be a mom. After almost a month of being responsible for a ten-year-old, and having to do all the housework thanks to my mom accidentally splicing the top off her middle finger in the lawnmower, it's safe to say that I've gotten the gist of what life may be like for me in about ten years. I'm not ready to be a mom. I can barely take care of myself. I will cook (good meals, too, thank you very much!) and then forget to put stuff away. I left the milk carton on the counter this morning. I'm messy. I'm accident prone. I'm not all that picky when it comes to cleaning and vacuuming. This isn't the portrait of a great housewife. Then again, I'm not going to be a housewife. My future husband better split the chores with me or he'll have to deal with a gross, messy house. It doesn't matter at this point, but this could possibly pose a problem in the long run. I have yet to find someone who can put up with my baggage, drama, clumsiness, music, temper, etc. There was a boy on Friday, but that was just odd. He borrowed a pencil, and next thing you know, he said "Do you have a boyfriend? We should hang out." Out of the blue. Skinny guy with glasses. Not all that intelligent. Ah, I sure attract some odd guys. I want to find a good guy with a spine. He doesn't have to be super smart, so long as he isn't ignorant. Is that too much to ask? Instead I get stuck with spinelss guys, asshole guys who grin, hoot, and say, "Nice ass." when I walk past, cute guys who crush me with, "You'd look really hot if you dressed ghetto or wore tight clothes.", and odd goth or poser guys. I'm sick of it. I'm not saying there are hordes of guys like that, but it seems like every guy who has asked me out or been attracted to me is a total creep. Creepy. Freaky. Where's the nice guy who's interested in some of the same things I am? Somewhere out there, I hope. See, I AM a hopeless romantic. On a side note, Adam Brody rules. ;) OH! And does anybody else find it disturbing that emo kids are either grossly obese or insanely thin?

I got ambushed by Asian girls today in my first class. AMBUSHED! I HATE ASIAN GIRLS! Including me, of course. At any rate, I sat down in the middle of an empty row, praying that nobody sit next to me b/c people scare me. Asian girls surrounded me on all sides in the next few seconds. Ugh. And then they had to speak in Mandarin about the boy in front of them: "Ta de tou zhen da!" (His head really is big!) I was about to turn and say, "Hao ah! Ni men ke yi zuo bie de wei!" (That's fine. Y'all can sit someplace else.) but that would have been tactless, eh? Next class... ambushed by punk rock girls. I hate them, too. Well, and one punk rock guy (the works - pyramid belt, piercings, spiky hair, black shirt, patches), which turned out to be a very bad thing b/c his patched khakis were sagged (held up only by his trusty pyramid belt) to reveal yellow and purple boxers on which was printed "SUGAR DADDY". Needless to say, I couldn't stop staring and laughing. Accounting was funny. Asian boys on all sides of me and one hot white guy. Hot Chinese guy next to me. Whew. The class is filled with hot guys. Crazy! And then stat sucked. There was a really friendly girl who sat next to me, so I talked to her a bit but she's from SoCal. I'm not too fond of SoCal kids. That's ok, though. She seemed nice, though a bit spoiled. The other SoCal kids next to me pissed me off, however. One stupid bratty girl, and one poser guy. His parents paid for his apartment. We'll call him Captain Anarchy. He seemed intelligent enough, but he talked a bit too much about Newport Beach (Orange County), and the enormity of his house. The stupid girl was from Newport Beach as well. Rich kids. Ugh. We'll equate Newport Beach, Orange County to Hillsborough in San Mateo County. Blah. They both suck dick. 'illbrae sucks, too. Dang I'd rather go back to living in the ghetto SF district Hunters Point. Who cares if I was getting retarded from paint chips being blown everywhere, thanks to the dumb US Navy sanding their ships at the port, right next to the projects. At least it's better than having to listen to spoiled brats whine about their parents buying them a Civic instead of an Audi or BMW.

Stealing surveys = fun
Yellowcard is funny. There's a song that sounds like it has a fiddle, but it doesn't It's a violin, courtesy of Sean Mackin, the 2nd coolest electric violinist ever. Vanessa Mae rules as no. 1. YC's new bassist is hot. I had no idea until I finally popped Ocean Avenue into the comp and saw the video of YC being stupid. Hot bassist. Nowhere near as cool as Karl Alvarez, though. Enough of that. It's time for a survey!

Describe yourself in 5 words. Cynical, hyper, depressed, anxious, dramatic
What are your worst qualities: all of the above ;)
What are your best qualities: *shrugs*
How long does it take you get get ready in the morning: including shower? 20 mins.

~SLEEP~
Do you dream at night? yeah
Do you remember your dreams? sometimes
Describe one. Cor + I were searching for karaoke bars in downtown SF in last night's dream.
What time do you go to bed usually? depends
What time do you wake up normally? even in the summer, I rarely sleep past 7:30am
Do you find waking late nice or annoying? annoying
do you sleep with one pillow or two? 1

~SCHOOL~
Do you like school? I like school, just not classes
Why/why not? Learning sucks. j/k.
Whats ur fave subject? I like English and history.
Most hated subject? trigonometry in grade 10.
Do you have a fave teacher? Mrs. Harper... or Mr. Compton... perhaps Mrs. Ronina with her strong Russian accent... b/c factorials = FUCTorials
Ever had a crush on a teacher? nope
Are you a maths/science person or an english/drama person? a little of both ;)

~FRIENDS~
Do you have heaps of friends? nah, it's all about quality, not quantity.
Do you have a best friend? just a few ;)
Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends? Girl
Do you ever get annoyed at any friend? yep
Have you ever lied to a friend? yeah
Have you ever stolen a friends boyfriend/girlfriend? not possible haha

~FAMILY~
Do you like your parents? I love 'em b/c they are my parents, but I hate 'em. You know how it goes...
Ever run away from home? I tried. My dad ran after me and scooped me up (screaming and kicking) about half a block from our house. I was 4 years old. Never attempted that again.
Ever thought about it? yeah
Do you have any siblings? uh huh
If so, do you like or get annoyed with them? both
How old are they? 21
If not, do you mind being an only child?
Do you feel your parents spoil you? heck no
Do you not get along with any of your family? *shrugs* my family's just loud.
Do you have big family get togethers ever? all the time. c'mon now. we're chinese. haha

~RELATIONSHIPS~
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? no
If so, are you in love with them?
Do they love you?
How long have you been together?
Most romantic thing theyve ever done for you?
Do you have a crush? sure
If so, are you in love? nope
Do they know you like them? nah, he's a total moron
Is it serious or playful? serious, i suppose
How long have you liked them? 4-5 years? i know, i know. i'm sad.
Ever done something stupid to impress them? yes, my hair was green for goodness sake!
Have you ever experienced unrequited love? no
Do u find it romantic or hurtful?
Even know what it is?

~Sex~
Ever had sex? no
believe that a person shouldnt have sex before marriage? I believe you shouldn't have sex until you're in love and ready for it.
Believe in casual sex? not for me, but it's supposedly a great stress reliever.
When do you plan/when did you lose your virginity? whenever I meet the right person
Did you regret it? n/a

~Religion~
Do you have a religion? There might be a Guan Ying.
Do you practice it i.e go to church? no
Do you believe in God? not really
Jesus? there's a bunch of guys named Jesus!
Satan? no
Heaven? no
Hell? no
If you died tomorrow what do you beleive will happen to you? I'll be cremated.
Does death scare you? it's life's only certainty



~Media~
Do you watch tons of tv? now that the US Open (tennis) is on, I might...
How many times have you been to the movies in the past 6 months? maybe once a month, at the most.
Do you listne to the radio often? KFRC (the oldies station) only on Motown Monday, but since there's a new country station, I might listen to that.
Do you read the newspaper? occasionally
Do you read magazines? not really
Are you a couch potato? not really
Do you use the internet too much? uh huh

~Music~
Whats your fave style of music? oldies + anything with guitar, drums, bass, + vocals.
Do you play an instrument? ehh just a few ;)
Do you sing? way too much.
Whats your fave band? Descendents / BSB / The Supremes / Green Day / ALL / The Temptations
Why? they all make me smile b/c of silliness. (Des/ALL/GD = funny songs. BSB = ridiculous pop boy band. The Supremes/Temps = corny songs about the opposite gender)
Have you met them before? only ALL
Name 3 cds that youve bought in that last year. Enemies "Seize the Day", Sharp Knife s/t, The Sidekicks "Stranger"
Why did you buy them? our local scene kicks all possible butt.

~Sport~
Whats your fave sport? badminton
Whats your fave sport to watch? tennis
Do you have a fave team of any sort? Gooo Giants? *shrugs*
Do you play a lot of sport? no
ever won anything for sport? no

~perosnality~
Are you funny or serious? a bit of both
Creative or not? creative
Logical thinker or lateral thinker? both
Are you outgoing or shy? shy + avoidant
Are you lazy or active? Lazy, but I do like to walk / wander around
Have you ever been hyperactive? yeah
Are you a naturally hyperactive person? no, but feed me a grape and I'll go crazy

~Looks~
Are you happy with the way you look? nah
What would you change? too fat. I need to be 5'1 and 85 lbs like the rest of the Asian girls, darn it! I'm almost 5'6 and definitely not 85 lbs.
Do you wear makeup regularly? nope
Do you have a large wardrobe? no

~Money~
Do you have a job? just a few
Do you like it? no
Are you a saver or a spender? saver
Do you work hard or slack off? work hard
Have you ever been fired? no
In trouble at work? yeah
Made a major mistake? yeah
Ever had money stolen from you? no
Are you always broke? yeah, a lot of the money I make goes to help my family. So I don't always have spending money =P

~embarassing moments~
Your all time most embarassing moment? too many to name, but getting hit in the back of the head with a volleyball in front of Russ was pretty embarassing... of course, he was the one who hit it... he may be awesome, but he's not all that coordinated.
Ever snorted drink out your nose? yeah that burns!
Ever giggled like an idiot? well, that's highly likely...
Ever embarassed yourself and pretedned nothing happened? no, I draw attention b/c I'm accident prone and there's usually a loud crashing noise.
Ever tripped in front of someone you liked? all the time
Ever said soemthing really stupid? every day
Ever snorted while laughing? not really
Ever fallen off a bed? ACCIDENT PRONE! =P
Ever sleepwalked? yeah
Ever sleeptalked? yeah

~Memories~
Whats your best memory? =)
Worst? being told my grandpa had died
Whats the wierdest memory you have? Cor and me curled up in gong gong's chair and squealing "mishi bishi!" while playing with (instead of eating) Fruitloops.
Do you have a good memory? of course
Whats the coolest holiday you remember having? the year Ryan threw a fit b/c he wanted a b-day cake like Mitchell and I had on Christmas. Auntie Bell lit the candles about 10 times until Ryan stopped crying and had enough fun blowing 'em out. Then the smoke alarm went off and caused him to cry even more. I remember getting a gift certificate to Waldenbooks that year. I was a happy 11 year old.

we've been fucking hibernating...
I'm just so tired. I'm fed up with being the nice girl. I'm so tired of everyone hating me. They hate, and they don't know me. They're ignorant and brainwashed. The white kids think I'm a nerdy Asian girl (I may as well be, right?) so they automatically sit next to me so they can copy my answers. The Asian kids hate me b/c they can't comprehend. "She's Asian, she's in all the academic classes, and she gets good grades, but why doesn't she look like us? Why doesn't she have Asian pride?" Screw that. Asian pride is crap. It's just another excuse to exclude and isolate. It's like patriotism. It gets you in more trouble b/c you think your culture is the best. And it never is. You can't judge another culture based on your own. In that case, every culture is better than one that they compare themselves, b/c everyone has different morals and beliefs. And since I'm ranting, see here. Getting A's isn't all that difficult. It doesn't mean I'm that intelligent or anything. Don't sit next to me just b/c I'm Asian. And don't hate me b/c I question and attempt to think for myself every once in awhile. I know it's our culture. I know I'm not alone in thinking the way I do. All you'll ever need to know about Chinese culture is in Maxine Hong Kingston books. Seriously. Read The Woman Warrior and you'll get a taste of what it's like to be Asian American.
How can Chinese keep any traditions at all? They don't even make you pay attention, slipping in a ceremony and clearing the table before the children notice specialness. The adults get mad, evasive, and shut you up if you ask. You get no warning that you shouldn't wear a white ribbon in your hair until they hit you and give you the sideways glare for the rest of the day. They hit you if you wave brooms around or drop chopsticks or drum them. They hit you if you wash your hair on certain days, or tap somebody with a ruler, or step over a brother whether it's during your menses or not. You figure out what you got hit for and don't do it again if you figured correctly.
There's a strong, intelligent, Chinese American woman right there. She should be a role model for all of us b/c she actually stops to think. She may not be the most outspoken (heck, she's VERY soft spoken), but she stands up for what she believes in. So what if she married a white guy? That doesn't change who she is. It doesn't make her any less "Asian". She can speak her native language, and the kids with the most Asian pride are the ones who can't. Maybe Asian pride is an attempt at overcompensation. Don't feel bad b/c the only thing you can say is "won ton" and "bok choy". There's more than a billion other people in this world who will keep the Chinese language (and dialects) alive. So why am I even writing this here? As far as I know, I'm one of the few Asians using woohu and even if I write this, nobody is going to read it anyhow. Maybe that's why I'm writing it here. I don't enjoy feeling like the "Azn prydrz" are persecuting me. I don't like being called "white washed". Don't call me a Twinkie (yellow on the outside, white on the inside). That's ignorance. I'm not lashing out at my culture. I like being Chinese most of the time. It allows me to connect with others who have the same background. I hate to say it, but with some Caucasians in America, they've lost whatever origins they had. I'm glad I can act American and still carry on the traditions of my culture as well. I suppose that's my Asian pride. I don't have to advertise it. It just bothers me when neither side respects me. *sigh* I need my best friend right now, and she's in Irvine, CA. This blows.

hi everyone, just a quick update...
the record is FINISHED FINISHED FINISHED, well not really...it just needs to be mixed and mastered...
the mixing will take place in ft. collins colorado at the blasting room by bill stevenson...its gonna be great...
Heck yeah. Seems like everyone goes to The Blasting Room nowadays...

I honestly have no idea why this journal is still up, as I hardly write in the other ones anyhow. It's good for rambling, though. Yesterday I worked a long, LONG time... yes, we thought we were going to get locked in the parking garage b/c it was so late. Then on the way home, we got stopped by the Burlingame Police at a sobriety checkpoint. *twirls finger* Whoopee! The Burlingame Police Dept has some really young guys... heh heh heh... I suppose I'm allowed to use the word "fucktard" to describe 'em, though. Eh. It's funny how they flash people in the eyes with their flashlights, and then when the person's eyes are still adjusting to the light, they ask 'em to step out of the car and walk the line. Blah. At least we didn't have to do that. Oh, the veggie burritos at Tres Amigos in San Mateo rule. Heck yeah. Um... I work tomorrow, and then I get to go see 4 awesome oldies groups at the Chronicle Pavilion. Expensive, but worth it. I mean, they're old, so it's likely that they'll keel over some time soon. I'd better see 'em while I still have a chance. The Temptations... woohoo rockin' to the oldies! I'm gonna be surrounded by old people. Yeah. Old people are fun, though. I like talking to 'em. Shoot, man. I'm just rambling, aren't I? Too bad. I rearranged my CD collection... alphabetically. All my Backstreet Boys CD's are next to the Anti-Flag ones. I don't suppose the A-F cd's like that very much. Thank goodness they're inanimate, or I'd see a battle! The NOFX/Rancid split could kill Nick Carter's Now or Never. Haha Cor got me the "Nicky-poo" album for my birthday. He's such a pretty, wholesome boy... not much of a brain, not the best style of music for his voice (ok, he TRIED to rock, unsuccessfully) but very nice to look at... =P Yeah. That reminds me... my dad and I think Tim Rogner should quit his band Allister and just go on Broadway. It's a shame to waste such a voice. I think he could be Marius in Les Miserables (although Grantaire would be more fitting with his love of spirits), or Roger in Rent. If Guys And Dolls is still running, Tim as Nicely-Nicely Johnson is also an option. He wouldn't be Stubby Kaye (hey, NO one could play Nicely-Nicely like Stubby Kaye), but it'd still be awesome. Oh. There goes the rambling again. I'll stop while I'm ahead... or something like that.

Wow. I totally forgot I had this journal. The past week has been spent doing funerary things... Chinese tradition and all. I burned like $1 million in fake (dang!) paper money today. Hell's Bank Notes ;D In the process of doing the offering, I nearly burned to a crisp (oh, it was a windy day!). My clothes smell like smoke - regular smoke and cigar smoke. My uncle lit a cigar for my deceased grandpa as an offering. Hell yeah! Hah I have one of my grandpa's cigars - unfortunately, not a Cuban - I'm saving it for a special occasion. I'm sXe now, but who knows what my ideals will be later. Besides, my grandpa told me I could take his hot pink zippo that my aunt gave him. He didn't like it because it made him "feel like a woman". That reminds me - they put WAY too much make-up on him. I saw him in the casket and was like, "Gong gong would HATE this! He'd throw a fit if he were alive!" Dang. I miss my grandpa. I'd give him a hug right now if I could, but he's in a mausoleum. I swear, I've never been hugged this many times in my whole life. At least 200 people showed up for the wake, and I had to hug or shake hands with every one of 'em. The next day, about 150 people showed up at the funeral, and that meant more hugging and shaking hands. I don't like to touch people, so hey, I sacrifice for my gong gong, ok? :)

Oh my goodness... spinach rules! Unfortunately, I ate tofu in the same meal as when I had spinach, and so that means I'm going to have gallstones or something? B/c of oxalic acid reacting with calcium? I don't know. That sucks. Two of my favorite foods will cause health problems when eaten together. But what about tofu-spinach soup?! Ughh...

Hahaha anyway... Cor's graduation was today and it was niiice. Kind of chaotic, with 4000 graduates and whatnot. Cor got the symbolic hood b/c she's the chosen valedictorian. She wasn't allowed to keep the hood, though, unless she wanted to pay $100. Hehe the dean who hooded her gave her a kiss on the cheek and everyone went, "WHOOO!" ;D My dad was like, "yeah, we always knew you were a kiss-up" haha. Gosh, I almost cried when they announced that Prof. Solomon was retiring, although I already knew. He's like, my favorite professor ever. It was so sad. When they had a close-up on him, I started getting teary. I don't want him to leeeave! He's so awesome! He looks for spare change in all the pay phones on campus! Oh yeah, Peter Yarrow was the commencement speaker, and he just stood up there with an acoustic guitar, said a few things, and played a bunch of folk songs from his Peter Paul & Mary days. Ben Fong-Torres was also there, and he spoke really well. He's one of the first guys who wrote and edited for Rolling Stone magazine. He was talking about all the interviews with bands that he did. SFSU alumnus what what! Haha and who says we have a crappy school?! Hehe the whole faculty, president, deans, audience, and graduates singing Puff The Magic Dragon with Peter Yarrow was classic. We're a bunch of freakish, radical hippies. "Only in San Francisco" applies, as does, "Yeah, it's an SFSU thing". =)

Copy and paste. Why do I even bother?

Show to look forward to if I make it through finals:
Tuesday, May 27
Avalon Ballroom 1268 Sutter St., SF
Lagwagon, Pulley, HAGFISH, The Enemies
all ages $13

Now, $13 is expensive, but the legendary (well, they're certainly not Descendents, but they've been around quite awhile) Hagfish got back together! I'm not a big fan of the other bands, but they don't totally suck, either.

You know, in my interests, I listed Your Mother, and I noticed that other people listed it as well. Now, I have to wonder, do they actually like Your Mother the band, as I do, or do they just like people's moms?

Ok, so we have financial difficulties, and that is why we must carpool. Cor has class at 8am, we both have a meeting 4-6pm, and so I had to wake up at 6:30am to go with her. The amount of sleep I'd like to get in one night, I've gotten in about five days. That's just sad. Anyhow, I'm at my mom's friend's office, but I'll get to SFSU later on. Today is going to be a study day, since I'm doing rather poorly as compared to what I wanted. Yeah, B+ and A-. This will screw me over =P

It's amazing how one can function with so little sleep. Total hours sleep I clocked from Friday to Monday morning: 4? Today, at 5:15 pm, I went to SFSU's 24-hr study room in the library to find Cor. When she looked at me, she whispered, "Jeez! You look like you're on drugs!" Oblivious, I mumbled, "Huh?" and she responded, "You look like you've been shooting heroin." Thanks, dark circles under my eyes. Thanks, HUM 225 and BIO 101. Thanks to myself for being a procrastinator. And thank you, caffeine, for keeping me conscious these past few days. Now I must sleep - for a few hours, at least.

I always play to win. Or not, as I'm currently in a bit of a fix. 2 final papers due on Monday, and I'm not gonna be able to work on 'em tomorrow. Guess you know what that means... all-nighter! I actually caffeinated myself. No bonus cups, though. I learned my lesson last time. This is only the 3rd time I've ever had coffee and I don't feel the effects yet. Coffee is so gross. This is why I'll never be entirely allular. And now I must return to writing before I kill myself with caffeine...

and here we go again...

You don't seem to care that I don't have that much to say / Gives you more time to blather on about your boring fucking day...

Right. Oh, it looks like I have a new journal, eh? Three journals is quite a bit, isn't it? I need it, though. uJournal is completely dead, and I'm in the freaking MHS blogring in Xanga, so everyone from my high school who knows me could read what I write about. And that means persecution if I write anything bad about anyone - not that I would, b/c I didn't even know many people that well. So basically this is where I can just let loose and write whatever. Blah. *nods*