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2004 6 February :: 6.33 pm
Athena
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
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You are a Khaos angel. You are different from all
the rest. You are a special breed of angel,
prone to suffer in the world that you are in
now. No matter how much you try to believe that
your not special, you are. There is alot that
you want to do in this world. Khaos angels are
very dramatic, we tend to have the ability to
cheer people up no matter what the mood, and
hold in your emotions. You should be proud,
Khaos angels are very rare to find in this
world of ours...
What Different Kind of Angel are you...? ( Anime-ish pics )
brought to you by Quizilla
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Love. You Truly Desire Love. You long for someone
to hold you and take the pain away. You haven't
been in much relationships or you need to work
on how to handle them. You always seem lost in
a daydream about the person you care about
most.
PLEASE RATE
What Do You Truly Desire? *PICS*
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~~~~
Apathy, well I can say your lucky, in some ways.
You see Apathy is no emotion, basically you
don't care. But that does not make you a bad
person. Some of my friends are apathetic and I
love them, but it wouldn't hurt to care a
little more. Trust me life hurts, most people
who are apathetic do it cause they were hurt.
But don't worry, life is pain, its also
pleasure. Good luck. (please vote)
What Emotion Dominates you?
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2004 5 February :: 8.42 pm
Family lif's not so hot. Mum's visiting her dieing aunt in Verginia and I'm begining to hear just how bad the argument with my brother was. And it 'aint pretty, I can tell you that. *Sigh*
Ah well.
Things will get better..........
........I hope.
~Caro, the distraught
1 See through my crystal fears |
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2004 4 February :: 9.08 pm
You represent... loneliness.
Always alone and always sad about it... unlike
angst, you don't have to look for a reason to
be miserable. You want to be in the company of
people but aren't sure how to act when you're
with them. Sometimes you have to make an
effort. You can't always wait for others to
come to you.
What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
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2004 4 February :: 8.57 pm
You'd steal Kyo's pants. Just bring a spare
"in case".
Whose Pants Would You Steal?
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2004 3 February :: 10.05 pm
*Sigh*
Tired. Feel like shit. But I like my new layout.
1 See through my crystal fears |
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2004 2 February :: 9.07 pm
Two Days
Yesterday, after RPG, Logan, Hunter, DJ, Remy and I went with Alison to a Super bowl party being held by one of her friends from her church. It was dull. This kid (He had to have been older than us, which is sad) was being totaly obnoxious about the video games. Hunter totaly kicked his ass and he kindof sniffed and said "The only person worthy of my expertiece[sp?] is my brother."
We left quite early after becoming mortefying bored and after we got a "devotions" lecture thing...(I have no idea) That was boring too. ¬¬
Hunter ranted about the obnoxios guy on the way back to their house. We hung around and played Super Smash Brothers Meele [sp?] for a bit. Then al became quiet and akward for at least a half an hour. It gave me time to think about the nights events and just watch Hunter for a while, something I really like to do. Just watching him. There's something about him that's calm and collected and at the same time totaly not. It captivates me...
Today Bit.
I'm sure I failed my math test miserably by the look Greg had when I handed it to him.
~Caro
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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2004 29 January :: 7.54 pm
:: Music: Believe, by 4 Strings
*Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrf*
*Mrrrrf*
Today I basicaly felt like shit.
Stupid Gods damned hallucinations. I hear music that isn't there, I feel as if people can see me through mirrors, people can read my mind, or hear my thoughts, people can see me anywhere I am. I see a weird after image of things... The list goes on and on. Gah!
But, I realized a while ago, if I could go back and make my life normal and happy I wouldn't do it. I don't even want that chance. I love my life, just the way it is... Okay, that's not totaly true. But close...
DAMN! I'm hearing something! Gods Damn!
I bought Alice's Adventrues in Wonderland, and Through the Looking Glass. I hope They're good.. I just finneshed Trickster's Choice. It rocked.
I asw Patrick at Barns & Noble. Patrick was a good friend of mine at my old school. It was weird, cause I was just thinking about him. Yea...*Sigh*
I keep feeling like, cold tiny pricks on my skin. Is that a hallucination too?
I had a dream I was isntatutionalised and we all decided to have a party and I had to go find my techno....
Gods Cursed Muffins,
~Caro
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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2004 28 January :: 9.46 pm
Mrrf...
I'm getting a cold and I can't breath because I can't seem to get enough air into my lungs. I was faint and woozy all day. I talked to Nee-Nee, which was one good thing that happened today. Kelly made me understand in math. Wow. I thought Only Sandi and Aimeé could do that! ¬¬; Jah....
I'm still depressed. Hunter, I love you.
*Sigh*
Ah, well. Life goes on, right?
Yea, right.
{Alex: Gah. Life will go on, eventualy. It'll all work out. *Huggles Caro-Bear-o* Someday. I promise.}
Ah, the comfort of an alternate Personality. Life sucks when your throat is killing you from caffing (Cough-Hack-Laughing) and just plain hacking, an you have mounds of make-up work due on the third. -_-
THE WRATH OF KAHN
Muffins,
Caro
1 See through my crystal fears |
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2004 27 January :: 7.26 pm
4 Strings lyrics that I find meaningful (Second Post today)
Everytime I close my eyes
I see it
The way you occupie my mind
I need it
(This line is meaningful to me, it reminds me of Hunter)Got addicted to that smile
I feel it
You got to know what's on my mind
Read it
I feel so hight - high on life
I see heaven in your eyes
High - on life
Don't you waste you your time
Wherever you go - I'll be there
You know you can't hide from me
I was the one you needed
To feel so high on life, so free
Every promise that we make
Keep it
All the love I really need
You give it
I feel so high - high on life
I see heaven in your eyes
High - on life
Don't you waste you your time
Wherever you go - I'll be there
You know you can't hide from me
I was the one you needed
To feel so high on life, so free
~~~~~
Revalation
Can see the stars tonight
Do you hear them calling
Maybe the love into my life
Like a brand new morning
This is how it's meant to be
I just want you to believe
All you need's already here in me
On and on and on it's a revelation
On and on and on like a deep blue ocean
Nothing to hide
We gotta' share their simple life
On and on and on, revelation...
Can you feel the love tonight
Do you share my vision,
there's a party turn a light
like a new dimenson
This is how it's meant to be
I just want you to belive
All you need's already here in me
It goes On and on and on
It goes On and on and on
On and on and on
On and on and on it's a revelation
On and on and on like a deep blue ocean
Nothing to hide
We gotta' share their simple life
On and on and on, revelation...
This is my revelation
~~~~
Quizes
You have wings of STEEL. No one's really
sure why, but at this point in your life you've
shut off emotion to the point of extreme
apathy. You are cold and indifferent much of
the time...or perhaps you're just a good
pretender. Next to impossible to get close to,
even those who do never see the real you. It's
entirely possible that YOU don't even know the
real you. You have a certain fascination or
attraction to destruction on a massive scale -
disasters, perhaps even death or the concept of
the Apocalypse. Because you hold so much
inside, one day you're simply going to snap.
Then the mask will fall away, and your true
wings will be revealed. Until then you will
deal with whatever comes your way in icy bitter
silence and acceptance. On the positive side,
you are fearless and immeasurably strong - not
much can crack through your defenses. You
intrigue people, who can't help but wonder why
you're the way you are. A loner and one who
spends much of their time brooding and
contemplating life and death - you are a time
bomb waiting to explode and create some
destruction of your own.
*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
~~~
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2004 27 January :: 6.51 pm
Today Tiffany told me Hana said I was mean and stupid.
I laughed.
Then she said, later as if trying to seek my forgiveness, that maybe it was Monika.
Ti-fanny, her royal hinie-ass, as I like to call her is pretty damned stupid. Goddess, I hate her.
Nee-Chan, I've been away every time you've called. It makes me sad-er than ususal. I miss you! *Huggle*
I'll put in more later, if the computer will let me.
~Caro
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2004 26 January :: 8.56 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Revalation, by 4 Strings (my CD finaly came! yay!)
Poems I wrote today. (Please comment)
~Wings~
Let it rain,
Water pouring over me,
My hair plastered to my head.
The streets are empty,
And inside I'm dead.
I had wings once,
I could fly.
I could soar once,
But my wings have been clipped,
And now I cry.
Depression.
I try to fold my wings,
To block it all out,
But my wings don't exist.
I'm shadowed with doubt.
I had wings once,
I could fly.
I could soar once,
But my wings have been clipped,
And now I cry.
~~~~~
~Snowfall~
I lie in the snow,
Watching the downy flakes fall from the sky.
There is no sound.
The night is undisturbed,
But for my tears.
They burn my face with cold,
They burn my soul with woe,
They melt the snow with warmth,
They melt my insides as I shake with silent sobs.
When my world comes crashing down,
'm trapped underneath.
It's cold,
But I can't feel it.
I'm too numb To anything
But my sorrow.
When my world comes crashing down,
'm trapped underneath.
~~~~~
~Caro
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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2004 25 January :: 8.20 pm
Have you ever, by the Offspring
So today was RPG. Remy (Hunter's younger sister) bought me a box of Sweet Hearts. I was eating some and talking to Hunter and Alan when I saw one that said "LOVE ME". I looked at Hunter and said to myself, "Give it to him."
I didn't.
After RPG Mum eventualy came and picked me up, and we were going to see a movie. The group was thinking they might come. They said the'd maybe see us at the theater. I was hoping they'd come.
They didn't.
I was hoping I'd get a few laughs from the movie. I was a bit depressed, as you might guess. I was a bit depressed about various things, some of which I don't even know. I was hoping it'd cheer me up.
It didn't.
When we came out it was snowing like mad, and freezing. We did some major snow brushing off of the car and drove home. As we drove I watched the trees and lights go by, everything doused in white, the sky a dark, dark grey, everything blurry. I listened to Americana, by the Offspring. I wanted to cry so much...
...I didn't.
~Caro
Lost lover
Lost in her own mind,
Lost from her own kind,
Lost,
Forever.
Lover of one who Can't be attained.
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2004 22 January :: 6.14 pm
Ahg. My mother's computer is almost dead. I may not be able to update frequently or or for a while. I'm sorry. Hopefully it'll all work out.
~Caro
1 See through my crystal fears |
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2004 20 January :: 8.11 pm
:: Music: Punk, by Ferry Corsten
Oh, Gods *Sobs*
I just finshed Flowers For Algernon.
If you know what that means, I need say nothing more. *Crys* It's so sad!
I was manic for two hous when I come home. It was lovely. Muffins.
*Mrrf*
Now I'm not.
*Doubble Mrrf*
~Caro, the loser
4 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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2004 18 January :: 8.00 pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Everything, by Eve 6
*Sigh* I just got back from ocean journey, a large aquarium in Denver. It was fun, but I'm feeling a bit down. I guess this is what happens to me when I've been off my lithium for too long. *Siiiiigh* Mrrf. ahg, Aimee's pasta was too god. I want more now. I found my goggles. W00t. Actually, Dad found them.
I'm going to be going to this program called Medicin Horse on Saturdays (RPG was moved to Sunday for me! [Maybe Hunter does like meee!]) which should be fun. I get to care for and train a foal that would have been sold to slaughter houses. The lady is nice. Yea.... Well, bye for now...
~Caro, the deppressed
1 See through my crystal fears |
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2004 17 January :: 7.55 pm
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: Diving (Cosmic Gate Vocal), by 4 Strings
*Sigh*
Well, I was just over at Hunter's house playing video games with him, Logan, Ross and DJ. We played Vampire the Masqurade today for RPG. *Is still sad because she had to leave Hunter and walk home in the dark.* Okay, well it was -almost- dark. a half-light so to say. The sun was quickly fading behind the rockies. I think I atleast amuse Hunter. That's something. I got a bit over half way home and realized I left my friggen sketch book! Oh well. It gives me an excuse to go back tommorow... *Sighs again* Love bites big time. I noticed he watched me a little today, I'm not sure if he was annoyed, or just watching, or what...
I love the way he smiles. It's quirky and wonderful. He's so great. I love the way his voice sounds, it's low note striking a chord within my soul. I love the way his mind works, turning out beautiful thoughts, almost as beautiful as he is.
I showed him that poem I wrote, the one about spinning...He said that's how he felt when he broke up with his ex-girlfriend. -_x
Caro is a super lame-o. Oh yes, she is. *Finds her gun-- not like she has one--And shoots herself through the skull*
~Caro, the Lame ass loser.
1 See through my crystal fears |
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2004 16 January :: 8.54 pm
Ahg. Feel like I'm going to throw up. I feel this vast emptyness. I taste blood. I've been tasting blood a lot, but it's sweet blood, like sugar is added. I wonder if that's how it would tast if you were a pyre, drinking blood all the time. That sounds weird I know. But anyway, I feel weird, and my head is spinning, like I'm falling through space. I can hardly type. I don't know what it is, what I'm lacking to give me this hole in me. It's indescribable. What could be causing this? Please tell me...I wnat to know what you think
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2004 16 January :: 8.32 pm
Gah. I had a horrible dream lastnight. I don't want to talk about it. -_- gahhhhhhh.
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2004 15 January :: 1.02 pm
Please ignore the title of my last post. It's called Spinning
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2004 15 January :: 12.19 pm
:: Mood: confused
Last night I dreamed about Hunter. Yes, big surprise. That's not the point. In the dream at one point we shared a brief kiss, and I could feel it, even with my eyes half open. I wish my mind would stop tormenting me. I've never had dreams like this about other guys, and of all times this is the one where I can't do anything about it! When I have these dreams I don't know whether to love them or scream or cry. *Sighs* I just am not sure what to do.
~Caro, the confused and tormented.
1 See through my crystal fears |
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2004 14 January :: 8.52 pm
:: Music: Diving, by 4 Strings
Great. Another -larger- hole in my arm. -___- Aiiiiiiiiiii. Jah. I'm a bit peeved. I can't think of what to write. I'm sorry.
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2004 13 January :: 9.28 pm
Songs
4 Strings
Take Me Away (into The Night)
Summary Big Markets History Full History
Lyrics Music Sheets & Notes Info from Amazon
Submitted by Catherine
Shining light
Another day turns into night
Eternal fire
Waited all my life
Take me away
A million miles away from here
Take me away
Find a place for you and me
You're taking me higher
High as I could be
Take me away
Forever you and me
Take me away
Tears I cried
Kept them all inside
I needed time
To make up my mind
Take me away
A million miles away from here
Take me away
Find a place for you and me
You're taking me higher
High as I could be
Take me away
Forever you and me
Take me away
Take me away
A million miles away from here
Take me away
Find a place for you and me
You're taking me higher
High as I could be
Take me away
Forever you and me
Take me away
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2004 13 January :: 1.03 pm
:: Music: Take me away (Into the night), by 4 Strings
Takin' me higher,
High as I could be,
Take me away,
Forever you and me...
www.launch.yahoo.com Make your own station. It r0x0rz.
I heard from Nee lastnight, it was a happy moment.
I have four e-mail adresses right now.
One of which will die eventualy, I'm sure. That's neothereisnospoon@yahoo.com
Other than that I have my main adress, insanepyrovampy@yahoo.com
I have two new adresses, one of which I shall keep private, and the newest KnightOfTechno@yahoo.com which I only have because of launchcast radio. So if you want to e-mail me, please e-mail me at insanepyrovampy@yahoo.com
List of things I wish I could stop doing:
Falling down
Thinking about Hunter, though I love him to death
Drawing crummily
Losing stuff
Puting off reading my book
Sucking at Kingdom Hearts
Sucking at FFVII
Sucking at life in general
Crying.
~Caro
4 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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2004 12 January :: 7.05 pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Numb, by Linkin Park
Second post today
*Looks at a heart shaped chocolate and sighs.* Murf. *Breaks the chocolate in half and eats it* Gah. ; . ; *Cries about Hunter* Oh well. I might go to his school next year. Yay! But that doesn't help me feel better right now, particularly since I have nothing better to do than sit around and think about him sisnce I really cant walk far without falling down, cause I'm still toxic on lithium!
-_- grrr.... I love him so much! *Cries*
On the up-side, I got new music for in here.
~Caro, the Uber-Fallen
1 See through my crystal fears |
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2004 12 January :: 2.12 pm
Sirens…
There are always sirens…
It seems like I hear them all the time,
Cause I do.
Night or day.
I hear that sound I hate and fear,
That sound I loath.
But it never stops.
I lie in my bed and I hear that sound,
see the flashing lights.
Sirens.
They haunt me.
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2004 11 January :: 6.41 pm
D'ya ever just feel like shit, mentaly and physicaly? Ever not been able to stand or walk without falling over? Ever done something REALLY stupid? Ever been cut off from your best friend just like that? All at the same time? Well then there's some off chanse you know how I feel. Lucky you!
~Caro, the Damned.
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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2004 9 January :: 2.28 pm
yippy skittles -_-
I'm working on Hana's birthday prezzy, which I shall not tell you what it is. I can't seem to make myself be happy. Tomorow is RPG. I'll see Hunter there. If that doesn't make me happy, nothing will. Exept of course if Nee showed up at my doorstep. That would make me happy.
I beat the Gaurd armor in your name, Nee. That's the only way I could beat it.
~Caro
1 See through my crystal fears |
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2004 8 January :: 8.50 pm
I've been staring at that e-mail for too long now. Just too long. I stare at it with the intensity of a thousand suns, wishing it would change. Please change. Let me know everything is all right, that we can still talk, that it'll all go back to normal. Let it be a stupid joke. Let me hear your voice. Please. Make that e-mail change.
I miss you Nee. I want to tell you I finaly found the Third District in traverse town, Give me tips on the boss, just like before. I wish I could hold you tight, I wish we could laugh about the holes in my arm and the gash on my finger. I miss you.
Nee....
~Caro, the confused
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2004 7 January :: 9.40 pm
*Holds up her middle finger on her left hand*
Lok at this! *Pulls down her shirt sleeve to show three marks left by needles. On her finger there is a slash* Marks of a lithium level take. *Lowers her arm* They couldn't find a vein and so after three trys they did a finger draw. I had so much fun at the hospital, as you can tell. *Glares* At least the conversation was good. I got a really cool guy named Erich (Pronounced like Eric) So, whee. Aw, shite. Blurred vision. I have to go, I can't see.
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2004 6 January :: 7.15 pm
:: Mood: pissed off
The worst thing ever
Well, the worst thing that could possibly happen ever happened. My best friend (Nee-chan, 14outtanone) has been forbiden to talk to me by her pshyc-idiot. We need eachother! He says she's "Developing my symptoms" which isn't actualy possible. Her grandma told her doc I'm schitzophrenic which is miles away from either of the things people think I am: Schitzo-effective disorder or more likely Bi-Polar two. *Glares* This is morronic! It's stupid!
On top of that I'm home from school cause I'm dizzy, falling over, have a fever, double vision and, in the words of my sister, "Kracked Out" periods.
And I had a wonderful dream about Hunter last night. -_- And it was romantic.
Nee, I'm not sure what to do about all this, but it will work out. I promise. *Huggles you*
~Caro
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