Black roses and Silver tears

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 5 September :: 12.32pm

Apology Unaccepted
Shameless plug.

:: 2004 4 September :: 7.40pm

TO ALL WOOHU FRIENDS, EX-WOOHU-ERS OR WOOHU-ERS IN FLORIDA:
Don't die!

:: 2004 4 September :: 4.59pm
:: Mood: content

The Tale of the Grizounding
Nick borrowed Shrek 2 a long time ago, gave it back to me and I forgot it at Ben's. Tom was over at Ben's and decided it was a cool idea to take it. So I ended up forgetting that it was even out of the house. Tom gave it to Katie so Katie could give it back to me.

So on to last night. Katie, Ben and I were hanging out and my sister called to ask me where Shrek 2 was. I had no idea. I couldn't remember it even leaving the house. Then my mom called and was pretty mad so I asked Katie and Ben for the whole story and they told me all that stuff upstairs.

Katie told me that Tom gave it to her and blah de blah.

My mom and I went back and forth for a while about the fact that she was really pissed and I was a giant idiot and she threatened to not let Nick in the house. I pleaded with her and she finally just said, "You better have fun hanging out with your friends tonight because it won't be happening for a while." And we hung up and I cried.

So anyway. My parents are both asleep downstairs right now or I'd ask my mom about the terms and conditions.

Nick came over today and we tried to put my dad's old stereo/CD player into Nick's car but it just turned out to be really frustrating.

I think that means it's okay if people come over here. Since so many people do all the time.

We had an anime club meeting today but since I'm grounded and didn't feel like going, I didn't go.

I need to find a book for Contemporary Lit. Woah. I just found a site with contemp lit book reviews. Some of them I've read. Sigh.

I might do some of my homework before Monday night.

I love you all.

"We do not disappear without a trace. We leave a wake that never quite disappears, a gash in time that we so laboriously leave behind us."

7 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 3 September :: 11.12pm

GRIZOUNDED!
I be grounded, yo.

Sorry, Kelly, I can't go to the thing on Monday.

Sorry, everyone, I won't be able to go anywhere for a while. I'm sure it's okay if you stop by though. HINT! HINT!

It'll be for a week or so. I don't know. I'll get details in the morning.

I love you all.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2004 3 September :: 12.47pm

New icon thingy.

I made this for Alex:

The bug is iri smurfing descent.

I was so unaware that it had a flower vase. That's like the most awesome thing ever.

I love you all.

"The ceremony was not proper
There was not enough people
And who picked the music?
Those melodies almost made me physically sick"

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 2 September :: 6.17pm

So my dad's car was totaled.

He got a VW bug. It's a sort of eggplant color. In the sun, it looks black/blue but in the shade it looks eggplant/purple.

I get that car, I believe.

It's a stick shift so I need to learn how to drive it.

It's so cool. There's the CD changer in the trunk which is weird but it can hold five or six CDs.

And it's got a moon/sun roof thing!

Rock hard, yo!

I love you all.

:: 2004 2 September :: 4.39pm
:: Mood: sore

I fell down yesterday in Physics. Hard. So hard that my glasses flew off.

And today I'm sore. Really really bad. My neck hurts, my back hurts, my legs hurt. I just hurt all over.

Yesterday I hung out with Nick, Brigitte and Ben. Nick has to work today, tomorrow and Saturday which blows because I probably won't be able to see him until Sunday or Monday.

School today was kind of blah. We played bocce ball in French 4 but that was the only interesting thing.

I love you all.

There's nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it. Too often a person grows complacent with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their "discomfort" like a favorite shirt. I can't say I'm very pleased with where my life is just now... but I can't help but look forward to where it's going.

:: 2004 31 August :: 8.17pm

I forgot to bring my Physics book home. The homework isn't due until Thursday but I wanted to do it while I didn't have a heavy workload.

Shoots.

I said it yesterday but I don't know who heard it. I made a new layout. RAWK.

I love you all.

Hi, floor! Make me a sandwich! SANDWICH! Hehehehe!

:: 2004 31 August :: 6.23pm

"Oh, don't worry. Most of you will never fall in love. You'll just marry out of fear of dying alone."

Today was better than I thought it was going to be. I was dreading going to school but it was okay.

I'm really tired though.

My mom has this thing with her arm and hand where her fingers will go numb for sometimes a week at a time.

I'll wake up some days and my first few fingers will be numb. Or during the day, my index finger will go numb.

My mom thinks it's either carpal tunnel or the same thing she has, where she kills nerves every once in a bit.

So I'll probably get tested for carpal tunnel syndrome. Right now I'm wearing her wrist thingy and my finger is slowly becoming un-numb.

It's like it falls asleep.

I'm really tired. I almost always am. Ug. I fell asleep on the couch for a few minutes off and on.

And my throat hurts. And my everything is sore. My back hurts, my leg hip joint thing hurts, my arm hurts. Garr. I need sleep.

I love you all.

mudpiegrl

:: 2004 30 August :: 10.56pm
:: Mood: confused

first, i must tell you, neil and i got in a sort of fight. more like i was yelling at him.

i wont get into it.

but then i couldnt sleep...first cuz i was crying...and cuz i always feel bad for yelling at him...

then i had a dream.

::gets out notebook:: i wrote it down in study hall.

I was with jackie, patrice, jill, sandy and the same guys as a few entries before. We went to dinner and afterwards, visited another school and listened to their band/orchestra play. They were actually really really horrible, but we thought they were okie...maybe it was some circumstance we knew that i didnt actually know. we went to the parking lot and the girls got in the car but the guys decided it was nice and stayed out there so we got out too. we started looking at the stars and they were shooting...but not just straight across.

"Do shooting stars change direction?" I asked, as if no one else could see them (my dream is beginning to sound narrative-like).

After a while, they got boring and we all trotted down to the dock. Two signs saying 'play dog #1' and the corresponding number two on the higher level of the dock. i took the first one out on a leash...he was a happy playful dog. then he started to get growly and i got more cautious. he randomly ran and jumped in the water (we're on a dock, remember) and we were like, "hey we should pull him back"...but it was really casual...until we saw the tail fin of a dolphin (beluga whale; white, small) and the dog tried to bite it. We kicked it into high gear, attempting to pull the dog out of the water. Eventually succeeding, the dog approached me, glaring at me and circled me, growling. i got scared and pulled my arms and legs into my hoodie and woke up shaking uncontrollably at five thirty five in the morning in the same position i was hiding from the dog. i couldnt go back to sleep for a while. i was afraid to close my eyes becasue the dog was going to get me, which, of course, i know is dumb, but my subconscious would catch me everytime i got halfway rested.

yea....thats all really i wanted to say.

:: 2004 30 August :: 8.42pm

And in case you were wondering, you are everything to me.
I changed my layout.

The picture is from Exploding Dog. It's called but you loved me yesterday!

The title of my journal (But the bars and cars/Won't stop the stars/That shine where I'm going) comes from the song Smile by Jeremy Lister.

The comment links, both of them, come from the song Half of Me is Gone by Jeremy Lister.

I've been wanting to use this ED picture for a long while and I was just in the mood to use it.

Layout will change eventually. Sooner rather than later.

The icon will change as soon as I can make a new one.

I love you all.

:: 2004 30 August :: 4.08pm

It's time for the annual: SUMMARY OF THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
WOO! So school started out awesome. I got to the spot where we all hang in the morning and Ashley was there. RAWK. All through before school started, I was hugging everyone and shouting hellos to everyone every five seconds.

So we all go to homeroom first thing. We watch some stupid rule video and get our schedules. I got my schedule, gave it a once over to make sure I had the same classes and I noticed that my Conceptual Physics teacher changed.

I was extremely happy to see that good old Mr. Nelligan was my Physics teacher! Mr. Nelligan was one of the two reasons I'm taking physics. The second reason being that the classes go to Cedar Point.

Anyway, the lowdown on my day and impressions furthermore:

First hour, French 4. This class is going to rock. It's mixed, fourth and third years since we only have 11 fourth years and you need 20 to make a class. There are five fourth years. Mrs. Dudka is back too after having her baby and us having five thousand different teachers. I missed her. Plus, Kelly's in that class! WOO! KELLY!

Second hour, Contemporary Literature. I am serious contemplating switching out of this class. The first book we're reading a John Grishom novel. Total bore. I might switch into AP Lit. I'll have to ask Kelly how it is.

Third hour, Introduction to Algebra 2. Mr. Hess sounds awesome. If you do bad on a test and show him the corrections to it, he'll let you retake it and keep the highest grade. Hopefully I might be able to understand algebra. I'm good at geometry, bad at algebra. Really really bad. I have homework.

Fourth hour, Conceptual Physics. Mr. Nelligan! Rhymes with pelican! This class will be fun. I love physics.

Fifth hour, Japanese 2. This class might be almost hard. It's second, third and fourth years all together. There's this David kid who was born in Japan, went to Forest Hills and (according to Wessely-sensei) speaks fluent Japanese. He's a freshmore. I don't know but the class sounds hard.

Sixth hour, General Psychology. This class will be easy as pie. The teacher seems nice. Ashley's in that class!

73h end! This year will hopefully be fun and easy. So far, so good.

Nick works today and Saturday instead of Thursday and Friday. The schedule got switched around or something.

I think that's it.

I love you all.

7 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 29 August :: 7.18pm

I be fat! WOO!
You know those blue jeans I have with the flowers down the side? They're a size 3. They use to fall down all the time but they actually fit now. JOY! I gained weight! I filled in my pants!

I was folding laundry today and Nick called. He was school shopping (even though he's got a week to go...curses) and invited me along.

We went to Meijer's. It was fun. I saw Amanda there. YAY! AMANDA!

And almost everyone Nick knows in the entire world.

I saw some kid from anime club and lots of Rockford people I know, but they don't know me.

Anyway, today has just be a lazy last hurrah. I've done a load of laundry, hung up two baskets full of clothes and I'm waiting for Hannah's stuff to be done so I can wash another basket or two.

It's fun, laundry is. It's a great cure for boredom. I do a load of laundry and while it's finishing up, go eat or go online. Once it's done, I blast music in my room and hang up the clothes.

Do you know that I have more than two pairs of pants? It's amazing!

Anyway. School starts on the morrow and I almost can't wait. Then again, I almost don't want to go. Either way, I'll be in love with it by tomorrow afternoon.

Well, I'll be in love with every class but math. Ugh.

I love you all and I hope your day is going great.

No heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you touch her
And you feel alive
So live for the moment
And take this advice
Live by every word
Love's completely real
So forget anything that you have heard
And live for the moment now

P.S. The Spill Canvas smurfing ROCKS.

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 29 August :: 1.22pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Aisle 10 from JSRF

Thanks to Phil, I gots me a gmail account! I heart you, Phil.
It's funny listening to songs for the first time on our surround sound thingy.

Like the songs I downloaded on the computer downstairs. I brought them upstairs and there are parts of songs I've never heard before.

It's like burning a CD with lots of l33t subwoofer bass action and playing on my stereo in my room. There's something missing then but now, something has been added.

I'm doing more laundry today. I smurfing love doing laundry.

I love you all.

cradleofilth

:: 2004 29 August :: 12.02pm
:: Mood: comme ci comme ca
:: Music: Walking on clouds- Tiesto

hello again journal, how are you?
well its sunday....and i have NOTHING to do at all....i may go to target today, or somethin...

ok yesterday i asked my mommy to take meh to a pet store to buy a rat....but she wont let me! >.< rats are awesome pets....but nooo she thinks they're dirty....but they're clean, and ya can train em like doggies ^_^;;;;; but nuuuu mommeh wont let meh get one....

i went to old navy yesterday and got an awesome carrier bag ^.^ it holds all meh guard stuffage plus just about everything else i've wanted to drag everywhere and its totally awesome!...and its not a purse! for those who say it is -.-;;;;

i was with frans like alllll week last week, it was awesome ^______^ i loveth him soo much, i didnt want him to leave on thursday, i was holdin back tears >.<

todays his b-day ^_^ hehe....happy b-day ^___^ if your readin this, hehe

school's been...interesting lately...ok, first, i'll start off with the guard-ness details....ok i go and tell my guard captain about me and my bf...and after school she goes and says rather loudly "sooo joe hows your bf?" and like the whole guard heard it and thats when i learned its impossible to keep anythign from guard members, lol.....which now i dont care who knows....but hey, its all good....

than on friday, i go to school, and i accidently forgot my math homework.....so i get into class and i say i dont have my homework...and she gave me a detention!!!!!!!! that meanie! >.<

8 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 29 August :: 8.55am
:: Mood: blah

I have a bad feeling.

And it's tearing me apart.

I'm sorry, Nick. Maybe people are right. Maybe all I am is a heartbreaker.

But I don't care what they say. I love you. I love you and nothing will ever change that.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you what was up last night. It's long and stupidly complicated. I didn't want you to not have fun or keep Ben waiting.

I'll tell you as soon as I can.

I love you. Everybody.

:: 2004 28 August :: 11.35pm

TOMORROW...
Is our last day of freedom.

I love you all.

mudpiegrl

:: 2004 28 August :: 1.46pm

so hello...

today im going to a five year olds birthday party!

last night i had a dream...

i was at some kind of building...and for some reason we were laying on the floor...waiting for something to start i think. and i felt really lonely so i started smelling people...like hul and wender. then i smelled bentons cheek...which was really weird cuz i was smelling everyone elses shoulders. and then i kissed benton, and it felt wonderful...like the loneliness drifted away. and i started hoping no one saw...but kyle hul and wender were all over at the ticket booth asking a question, and although there were more people around me, i only cared what those three thought and so i kissed him again.

::shrugs:: i dont know...

um...let's see...in other news...(can it be news if its not quite new?)

i still miss neil...gee, you needed to hear that to know...ill write another entry about that...

um...yea this was mostly for the dream...

oh yea and im going to give the link to neil...

all the ones i dont want him to read, ill 'friends only'

:: 2004 28 August :: 11.06am

I wish it was winter.

Or at least fall.

If it's going to be gray, it should rain.

I can't wait for snow.

Heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?

:: 2004 28 August :: 12.57am

It's a good year for a murder. She's praying to Jesus, she's pulling the trigger. There's no tears cuz he's not here.
It's me and the moon. And it's so beautiful.

I am a butterfly, you wouldn't let me die.

I've realized that I haven't really written about my life in here.

Everything is pretty okay.

Life is pretty awesome. Sure there have been some roadblocks, detours and speed bumps but I always get right back on the road again.

Today was a very nice day. I took a shower and found out that I really stunk so I apologize to anyone I've seen in the past couple of days. Because I smelled bad.

I learned how to do laundry. It's fun. I'm going to be the best wife ever. I like doing dishes and I like doing laundry. Once I learn how to cook, I'll be awesome. I'll be the perfect wife.

Now all I need is a husband.

Nick stopped by after work. It was 10:15ish. I was trying to explain to Hannah ilovebees.com but I heard a car that sounded a lot like Nick's and stopped midsentence.

Yay! Nick!

Nick's sister wrote a big long entry to me about how I should stay out of her life blah blah blah and I just saw it. Ha. I haven't even bothered to look at her journal since she got all explosive at me. I probably won't read it anymore after this entry. It's sort of stupid. And very teenager. This whole argument has been stupid.

Most arguments are.

Sigh. I'm tired. I'm going to go to bed in a bit. Tomorrow I wake up at 7.

Katie's father has some rafting thing with his work people and she invited me along. They'll pick me up at 11, I guess. I'll be back sometime in the evening. So yeah, I'll be gone all day.

Which blows because Nick has tomorrow off and minus Sunday, that's the only day I can hang out with him before... doomsday.

I'm tired. This was pointless.

I love you all.

Jaganshi

:: 2004 27 August :: 11.34pm

When angels are thrown out of heaven, they become devils. Wouldn't you agree, Spike.

11 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

mudpiegrl

:: 2004 27 August :: 8.14pm
:: Mood: worried
:: Music: radio

gerbilness
my gerbil is dying.

shes got a lazier eye now and her paws were bloody the other day.

she also was really fat and now shes super skinny.

shes gonna die

shes old

::sigh:: i want another pet though...

on a happier note...

my birthday is sunday!

woo!

ill be r-rated and able to stay out late!

yay!!!

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 27 August :: 5.43pm

I keep forgetting to say this.
A month or so ago, I was over at Ben's hanging out with Ben and Nick. Nick said I looked like I had gained weight. (Awesome boyfriend, ne?) So I asked Ben if he had a scale and weighed myself.

I weigh 106 pounds. Smurf yeah!

I was wearing jeans and that added something but still.

I weigh more than 100!! w00t!

I love you all.

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 27 August :: 1.08pm
:: Music: Through the Years and Far Away from Hoshi no Koe

And I didn't get to say goodbye... I really wish I got to say goodbye...
Jackie's gone.

And so the beginning of the end begins. Or the end of the beginning. I don't know what it is.

But Jackie's gone and we won't see her for a while.

Sigh sob cry.

I miss her already.

I never got to say goodbye.

I love you all.

If I could fly across this night, faster than the speed of light. I would spread these wings of mine. Through the years and far away...

P.S. I made this for Kyle yesterday.

6 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 26 August :: 7.04pm

[random]
I just had the most heavenly tuna melt ever.

[/random]

13 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 26 August :: 2.09pm

Confession
I am a hopeless romantic.

zomg!!1!!1one!11 Please tell me that's a joke. I don't want to live in this world if it's fo' real.

WARNING: I'M GOING TO USE THE WORD "SMURF" MULTIPLE TIMES IN THE NEXT PARAGRAPH

eDEN has smurfing METAL SMURFING DDR PADS!!! Smurfing RAWK! Smurf yeah! Who wants to go to eDEN?

:: 2004 26 August :: 11.09am

All you need is love
So.

Tired.

Went to bed at midnight/one.

Woke up at 9.

Tomorrow I wake up at 8.

Saturday: 7.

Sunday: 6.

Monday, school: 6.

Ug.

I don't want school to start.

goose

:: 2004 26 August :: 12.36am

dont care how many days
Going back into the past is bad. There's a reason its in the past its over. But I cant believe it still makes me mad, makes me want to throw up. Finding out things that someone did behind my back that i never knew about...always great im going to be sick now. i cant believe i was so dumb.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?

:: 2004 25 August :: 11.47pm

The Red Baron conked out today.

Stalled really.

Nick's thinking that it's the emergency gas shut off thingy.

Nothing big, I think.

No. Nothing big. It's just a car.

Worse things could happen than a car stalling. Worse things could happen.

It'll be alright.

I love you all.

P.S. My mommy threw out my brownies. She said they were too old. I just ate one earlier today. And one yesterday.

:: 2004 25 August :: 12.24pm

SURVIVE EVADE RESIST ESCAPE
Axons went hot again, people picked up.

I've got Jan's story in order.

Blip
Walkaway girl
Hey soldier
Pqi
Stupid cop
Yes or no
Hey dad
Nervous
Law abiding
You knew
(emergency? maybe? her dad said he'd "take care of it")

Jersey's

Dizzy
Escape
Jersey
Reflected
Durga

Guy in restaurant (Kamal?) on phone to Hiroyuki

Parasites
Eyes
Beer

The girl and Kamal... a rough order

Guilty
Meditape
You could
Say something
Message saved
[these last two definitely go in this order]
Tuna
Hi Aiden

We still have ~~three~~ two more to get: ~~you_could,~~ four_goats and pillow. The count is only at ~~87 88 89~~ 94/777.

I love you all.