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Black roses and Silver tears

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defiant

:: 2005 13 August :: 6.19pm

Nick's philosophy is brilliant and flawless. Perfect. It's hard to stand by, sometimes you want to react. Sometimes the words you want to say pop up, but then you wouldn't be sticking to the way you want to live. I want to live like that. It seems so simple and easy for him.
It will be a memory I want to keep forever. Something to help guide me. I'll play it over and over in my head to engrave it. Thank you Nick.

Are you crying?


defiant

:: 2005 11 August :: 7.29pm

Whores don't deserve my time.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


mudpiegrl

:: 2005 11 August :: 10.29am

In what could only be a strange turn of events, my confusion was turned to understanding last night. I expressed my confusion to Justin and just sort of text-ranted, and decided that I’d just shut up because he wasn’t understanding. Then, about an hour later, he returned that he did understand and did like me a significant amount and that we learn so much from each other that I couldn’t possibly impair his learning. I agreed and he responded that he was scared of losing his friends because I would become his priority. I told him that it wasn’t right to just forget about them because they are the ones that will always be there, no matter what happens with girlfriends and such. We began to ask questions and set rules, one of which is that no matter what happens, we’re still going to be friends. He needs to ask Ian because he doesn’t want to hurt Chanel(his ex), but he isn’t “sensitive enough to ask her [him]self.” There’s another part that’s kind of weird but I don’t know if I want to put it on here because it’s a little rough as it is having no one approve of him. How do you fight your desires and when do you stop working for them and start for you? He also doesn’t want another girlfriend that cries because he doesn’t say I love you every half an hour. I don’t think that will be a problem. I have yet to ask him just not to ever be drunk around me. I can’t change his decisions that he made before I came around, but just that would be respect enough.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


mudpiegrl

:: 2005 10 August :: 11.35am

I’m currently very excited and can’t wait to get out of school because I have someone to visit today. Not only has Justin been flirting with me again, which, in case you aren’t that intuitive, is a good thing, but I found out yesterday that he genuinely cares about what happens to me and isn’t afraid to tell me so. He told me not to mess up school, but not in the parent “you better not way”. It was more along the lines of “don’t do that to yourself.

We spent Monday in the city, visiting the art museum and then two bookstores and Virgin. I think he realized that I wouldn’t hold him back, but possibly teach him more, because he got friendlier as the trip went on. Today ama visit him, which is why I’m so excited. He got his teeth pulled and his friends want him to come out on Thursday and I asked why they wouldn’t visit him at his house, and he said he hates being at his house, but oddly enough, was fine with me visiting him.

Jen is clearly very upset about leaving and it shows in how she has been treating everyone. She is trying to break ties with mushroom just enough so that it doesn’t hurt to leave, but tie ends up with everyone else so she still feels at home when she returns.

Are you crying?


angel_bob

:: 2005 9 August :: 11.46pm

Having my driver's license is pointless without a car.

Having a car is pointless without insurance.

Getting insurance is pointless unless I can pay for it.

Paying for anything is pointless unless I have a job.


I need a job.

P.S. I have killer hiccups. You know. The kind that hurt. The kind that, with every hiccup, clench every single muscle in your body. They hurt and make me angry. And kind of ill. I just ate and they're squeezing my tummy.

5 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2005 6 August :: 9.55pm

Holy expletive
A Very Long Engagement is the best movie in the world. Better than Amelie.

It's directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet, the same guy who directed Amelie. A few actors from Amelie are in it too.

Seriously, I haven't seen all the movies in the world but I can tell you right now that this is the best.

It's about a girl named Mathilde whose fiancee was killed in World War One. She doesn't think he's dead and insists on looking for him.

I cried a thousand times during that movie. A thousand. Even for me, that's a lot. I cried at parts that weren't even necessarily sad but just beautiful.

You know how Amelie had lots of red and green and a splash of blue? Well A Very Long Engagement has a washed out, yellow, old-fashioned look to it with bits of red, green and purple.

It is so wonderful. If you liked Amelie or French movies in general, you have to see it.

I love you all.

P.S. Can't do accents so you'll have to deal with some anglicization.

P.P.S. It's kind of long though. I didn't notice really, until I looked at the clock at it was 9. (I started the movie at 7.)

P.P.P.S. It has a lot of sex in it but I didn't mind it at all. It didn't seem out of place or gratuitous.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


angel_bob

:: 2005 6 August :: 3.36am

So apparently, a man was shot in the parking lot next to Nick and Ben's house.

Which makes me a bit upset.

Except for the fact that the newspaper is the only source that said it happened on Madison and Franklin and everywhere else says Madison and Woodlawn.

Hrm.


Either way. Rachel = freaked out slightly.

3 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Jaganshi

:: 2005 6 August :: 1.12am

Arch mage144: Women are just full of very strange ideas.
Lithaladhwen: They are. Quite often.
Ganon fro: Strange, and to their minds "logical"
Lithaladhwen: Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
Smartzvn85: ....Such as, Ashley?
Lithaladhwen: Well, this morning I was angry at the English because I had a dream that I was in William Wallace's militia. I thought they were going to sleep with my wife.
Arch mage144: That is impossible in at least three ways.
Smartzvn85: I am sure that the wife thing is one of them.
Arch mage144: William Wallace is dead and has no militia, the English are not at war with the Scottish, and you aren't married.

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jaganshi

:: 2005 5 August :: 10.47pm

June 30th Entry
You know, I'm always amazed at the things people have no opinions about. I can write an entry in which I basically admit that I'm out to get all of you. And that has absolutely no impact? It's totally irrelevant to you.

You don't have to respond. I don't really know whether I expect you to answer. However, to have an opinion and not share it when invited to do so... not my game. It actually baffles me a little.

Of course I was worried that people would post to tell me that I'm a good person and they don't know me very well but they can tell by the way I write that I'm a nice girl and I shouldn't worry about that because everybody feels that way sometimes so I should just know that I have people to talk to if I need to *less-than-three*.

Or something.

Maybe that's why no one said anything. Because that's the only acceptable response to an entry like that. But really... do blog communities exist to reinforce one's sense of humanity? If that's true, people need to clean out the angst like old earwax and get to loving harmony and shit.

However, if you have anything else to say in the future, feel free. It's why I post here. Because the truth does hurt and sometimes I want to hurt you like only I can.

Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2005 5 August :: 7.19pm

Countdown!
Read more..

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


defiant

:: 2005 4 August :: 6.48pm

Assassin

You are an assassin. That means you are a proffessional and do your job without mixing any emotions in it. In your life you have probably been hurt many times and have gotten some mental scars. This results in you being distant from people. Though many think that you are evil, you are not. What you really are is a person, trying to forget your pain and past. You are the person who never seems to care and that is why being an assassin fits you good. Atleast, that's what people think. Even if you don't care that much for your victims, you still have the ability to care and to generally feel. It is not lost, just a little forgotten. In crowds you tend to not get to noticed, and dress in black or other discrete colours. You don't being in the spotlight and wish people would just leave you alone. But once you do get close to someone you have a hard time letting go and get real down if you loose him/her. Main weapon: Sniper Quote: "The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy" -Jim Rohn Facial expression: Narrowed eyes

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


angel_bob

:: 2005 4 August :: 5.35pm

And so I mock again.
Read more..

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Angel_Bob

:: 2005 4 August :: 2.12am

Uh, Katie?


A bodice ripper is variant of romantic fiction, often historical fiction, in which the heroine often loses her virginity by force. They are typically full of unrestrained romantic passion. Usually the cover depicts a large-breasted female whose bodice is being ripped by a muscular, often shirtless man. Often she first resists him, but is later overcome with passion.

They may be viewed a form of escapist fiction, with the historical background providing a way of allowing the (usually female) reader to indulge in a rape fantasy without guilt.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2005 3 August :: 2.27pm

Germans, I love you.

Some pranksters in Germany have been putting little yellow flags with Bush's face on them in doggy poo.

Hee. Germans.

I love you all.

P.S. Get your flags here.

7 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Defiant

:: 2005 3 August :: 12.59am
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: Deaf Pedestrians - 15 Beers Ago

Man, It had been a month and a week til today. Wow, now I've got such a killer headache. I think I'll finish off those beers left over from that party and get some shut eye. Wonder what kind've song two beers'll spawn.

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angel_bob

:: 2005 2 August :: 11.42pm

The neighbor kid band member left Eisley. You know, the one that wasn't related to all of them.

And they got their cousin to play bass.

Sigh. Changes.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


mudpiegrl

:: 2005 2 August :: 10.42am

Recently, I’ve been on one of those missions to change myself. It’s interesting, how much you can do once you decide that it’s important to you. What’s more surprising is its source. Despite how much everyone doesn’t like Justin, he seems to be inflicting the changes on me unintentionally. I’m assuming it’s a good thing, because some people have taught me different ways to think and points of view, as well as helped me to practice my virtues, and he is yet another fire whose scar will be all that remains in some time. Stunkel preempted the revolution.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


defiant

:: 2005 1 August :: 3.01pm
:: Music: Love Like Blood - Killing Joke

When pain leads to anger and anger burns up what's left?
"There's nothing sillier in the world, I say, than being a devil in despair." (Mephistopheles)


Edit: Sarah once told me to give her two good reasons why I drink. I could think of a few but they were all pitiful responses. Pitiful but true. I think I need to stop. I know I need to stop.


Are you crying?


defiant

:: 2005 1 August :: 9.25am
:: Music: Linkin Park - Papercut

Well...that was a fun 140 mile trip.
That was one crazy fucking party. I think it's funny how everyone's fucking everyone and I sit around and mope about some girl. What the hell is my problem.

Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2005 1 August :: 2.19am

So I was watching Full House on Nick at Nite and this AIDS/HIV awareness commercial came on.

I recognized the song. It was Tokyo by The Books.

It's not here. It's the same concept as those four one-word ones but it has Tokyo as the song. I swear.

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Angel_Bob

:: 2005 31 July :: 10.38pm

My email at Aquinas: greggrac@aquinas.edu

My email has "rack" in it and yours doesn't!

I love you all.

2 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


angel_bob

:: 2005 31 July :: 8.52pm

It's on Madison and Franklin, I was wrong. 737 Madison.

It's beautiful. I love old houses. It's big and old and beautiful.

I helped Nick paint and my parents came over to help move furniture and stuff. Nick's parents helped us paint. His room is awesome.

Once school starts up, I'm definitely staying there a lot.

I love you all.

P.S. The guy's name is Travis and he's nice. Piercings, Katie, piercings.

4 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


Jaganshi

:: 2005 31 July :: 3.00am

Ignore the nocturnal bitterness.
I've been getting back into some of the artsy stuff that interested me before I got to field school. It's not that it's creatively stifling to be around so many people, but when I can't be alone, I have problems uncurling my brain enough to do something new with it. Staying on the IPFW campus has been good for me. I don't have to be near so many people. I don't mind them. I even like many of them. But the fact remains the time I've had to myself, whether while working on a computer or spending a weekend or two alone, has done wonders for me. I felt kind of... bound.

But I'm starting a piece of artwork I've been wanting to do for a while now, and due to recent events I think that this character deserves a representation.

Also, some interesting questions have come up. I don't know that I want to address them in detail at this point, when I'm quite frankly a bit tired. But, here goes. The question has recently arisen that if I were a god, what would I be the god of? People often have some kind of theme to their personality. I guess mine might be obsession. For better or worse. There's no middle ground for me. Every opinion is polarized somehow. Except on the subject of caramel, which not only do I have no feelings on one way or the other... but I can't even decide how to pronounce it.

However, consider this theme carefully. The obsession theme actually puts me frighteningly close to Desire of the Endless. I don't know how I feel about that.
The problems I have with it are as follows:
First of all, it seems a little egotistical, which stops me more often than you might imagine.
Second, I don't think people are supposed to embrace the cruelty inherent in Desire. I mean, sure it's there. But there are conventions in place to prevent that from coming out. It's malicious but oddly indulgent.
Third, isn't this what I've been avoiding thinking about for a long time? I mean, I've considered it with a sort of vague pride, but I've never questioned it or cared about the consequences. I manipulate people. It's what I do. Call it charisma, attribute it to a certain affable streak. The only problem is that those things are not conscious. When I stop analyzing the most efficient combinations of words and expressions to get what I want we can change the designation to friendliness from calculated manipulation.

Sometimes I manipulate people out of indulgence. There have been people who could not be trusted with their own well-being. They wanted someone to make them feel like there was something in the world worth wanting. To tell such people the truth (as I always eventually did) was cruel, sadistic, and the only payment I asked for in the end. That final taste, that final truth. That final destruction of everything I'd built around them, leaving them honest and naked. I relished it. And there's nothing in me to persuade me it's wrong to tell people the truth out of cruelty. To enjoy their pain as they realize I've never been on their side. I've been enjoying their happiness as some bizarre form of psychological foreplay. It's not the point, but it will do for a while. Whether or not they become stronger in the end or break entirely is up to them.

I don't know whether the strong ones or the weak ones are ultimately more rewarding. The strong ones allow that nice self-righteous feeling. The one that tells you you've done exactly what you should be doing. It's a surprise that never fails to amuse... when one of them, after being pulled to the dirt and bloodied again and again, stands and defies their own weakness. In a way, it makes me want them more. The ones who break... well, all I can say is better luck next time.

There's only one question... What about love? I know that I do. But where could it possibly come from to have the strength to pass all that monstrous venom unharmed? I don't expect an answer from any of you. I'll be surprised if anything I've said sinks in. Part of me hopes it will. I hope it does because I want you to understand and because when you finally do appreciate all that I've said, the nagging uncertainties will live in your mind long after you've forgotten me.

Are you crying?


angel_bob

:: 2005 31 July :: 2.55am

Nick's moving into a house tomorrow with Ben, Katti, Oliver, Jim (Katti and Oliver's friend) and some guy with a ponytail (presumably also their friend).

Ben's out of town until Tuesday so I don't know when he'll move in.

Nick took me by the house the other day and I've seen pictures of the inside so I'm really excited.

We're going to paint his room. I love painting.

The house is on Madison and Cherry (I think) and it's right by Aquinas so I might be over there a lot.

Anyway, I'm going to help him out tomorrow with moving stuff in and all that jazz. Today, I helped him clean out his car and my parents and I took him shopping. My parents are so nice, they paid for half the things he bought.

My mom's worried about him being out on his own.

I love you all.

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2005 30 July :: 12.17pm

Katie:
Jhonen apparently stopped by Penny Arcade's booth at Comic Con and drew them something in their World of Warcraft themed sketchbook.

I am happy because it is of a warlock.

Read more..

1 See through my crystal fears | Are you crying?


angel_bob

:: 2005 30 July :: 12.02pm

Yesterday my parents went out early and looked at cars. (They also went to Little Bohemia but I'm sore about that so we'll move on. :p)

They found this 11 year old one that they wanted me to try out. It was actually pretty nice and I liked it.

But I will say nothing else because I will jinx it.

I love you all.

Are you crying?


angel_bob

:: 2005 28 July :: 2.08am

She thought Katie cut up her arm and took a picture of it. Katie, that's a compliment, that means it looks real!

And I think she's kind of cool, I kind of like her.

Also, it means the discussion is over and the argument has been resolved.

I hope she sees it that way. I love you, whomever you are, I did not mean any ill toward you. It was all in the defense of my best friend and I apologize.

5 See through my crystal fearsXD | Are you crying?


mudpiegrl

:: 2005 27 July :: 10.29am
:: Mood: tired/sore

strange that my horoscope would be so close to true.

Mars will end its stay in your eighth house this week, where it has been encouraging you to take action concerning your joint financial affairs. It has also notched up the passion in your love life, which has no doubt helped your relationship to perk up. On Thursday it moves into Taurus and this is going to put you into explorer mode. You will want to seek out new ideas, new people and new places. If you should happen to be going away on vacation this would be the time to relax as much as possible.

Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2005 26 July :: 10.49pm

To all women:
I've had really bad cramps all day. The kind where you can't move and feel like you want to pass out/throw up.

My mom found this heating pad stick-on thing. And it's awesome. It works great!

So it's either go on the pill or use these things. Depending on the cost, I might stick with these.

I love you all.

Are you crying?


Angel_Bob

:: 2005 26 July :: 8.33pm

My driver's license came in the mail today!


In other news....
Read more..

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