gilded smile

:: 2006 5 May :: 11.35pm

"Goodnight Nurse"

My mom used to say that to us when we went to bed when I was little. it's from a movie or something.

I dont know. All I know is I got up at 6:30, went to school, came home and went to work at 2 pm until 10:15 and I'm tired as hell.

Like I said, Goodnight, Nurse.

4 hold on tightly | let go lightly

:: 2006 5 May :: 11.20pm

what a shit day.

work went by relatively fast though. it just sucks. it was so funny though katie and i got to talking and we are like exactly alike. our boyfriends are both 2 hours + away and yada yada and blah blah blah. it's funny. she's cool

i can't wait to work with beannnnns!

tomorrow 12-9. BLEH and barf. and sunday 10-7

i need money though.
wisdom teeth out on the 22nd EEK.\

oh and ps. I FUCKING HATE SCHOOL..
To go into further detail, I realized I enjoy work more than school. At least I get paid for a shit day.

Oh and Beans, I talked to Kyle and he was talking about you and said how you catch on really fast . I was like Yeah, she's really really smart. and oh yeah beans I CANNOT WAIT to show you the huge sign with a big ol' grammatical error on it. lol. YOU'RE GONNA FLIP! Betcha can't find it before I show it to you.

spud

:: 2006 4 May :: 10.32am
:: Mood: lame
:: Music: tengo la camisa negra....

alas; earwax.

one more day. and i've done absolutely nothing to prepare for the journey. or even the simple fact that it's been a week.

i'm supposed to be waiting for a package to arrive. no word yet. if it's not here by noon, tough shit, because i have to go to orientation for work. but i can't find my birth certificate. and tomorrow i need to go to grand valley in the morning blah blah blah.

check out dungeonman 3, with new l337 gr4f1x. it'll kick your ass before you knew what hit you. but in a good way.

:: 2006 4 May :: 9.49am

i hate everyone plus myself and all i want is to go to the park and have a picnic with roman and never go to school ever for the rest of my life because i hate it.

RIGHT NOW!

and i stayed home because i woke up with a bad headache and school is SO INCREDIBLY POINTLESS that i couldn't get myself to go in later... my only two relavent classes that it even matters like 1% if i miss are Brit Lit and Econ and (looks at clock) eh, brit lit is half done and i look like a troll so i'm not going. that's final.

and i've been doing the school then work school then work school then work thing for too long. i CAN'T WAIT FOR SCHOOL TO BE DONE so then i can just go to work.

i have to be to rosie's at three and then tomorrow 2-10 at menards and then 12-9 menards and then 10-7 menards sunday and then

finally monday i have a day off. but it's not really a day off because i still have to go to stinky ass school. and then tuesday i'll be at rosies and probably same wednesday AND THEN THE REST OF THE WEEK IS AT MENARDS. HOWDY DOODY WHAT A WEEK.

it probably wouldn't be so bad if i just didn't have to go to school. you know?

11 hold on tightly | let go lightly

tuwang

:: 2006 3 May :: 1.01pm

alright... one more....

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

tuwang

:: 2006 3 May :: 12.58pm

Thank you addison... this comic is hilarious...

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

on a side note... TOTALLY forgot about becca and the golf cart thing. Poor becca indeed hilary. We should have just put her out of her misery....

3 hold on tightly | let go lightly

spud

:: 2006 3 May :: 1.01am
:: Mood: not tired enough

it's been cool hanging out with kevin for the past couple of days. we split the bottle of j�germeister last night, while we watched dogma. that was a lot of fun. we're both badasses, but at the same time, kind of classy. and that's fucking sweet.

going to chicago tomorrow with mom and libby. should be fun.

job training on thursday.

friday we leave for charlevoix. chris = indescribably excited.

oh, and i got my final grades for school.

Statistics: A
German: A
EuroCiv (history): B -
EuroCiv (literature): B -

and i'm going to have to go into the office on thursday and bitch some people out, because they didn't give me credit for my band class. however, i'm excited, simply because i'm not on probation. after one year of college, my cumulative gpa is a whopping 3.5. which i was pleased with. i just keep shooting for above a 3.2. and apparently, i keep hitting the mark, and indeed, going above and beyond it. which is nice. but i know the road will only get steeper as i get into my major courses. it's all uphill from here. but at least i have a semi-safe start. which pleases me greatly.

alrighty. so, i guess we're getting up at seven tomorrow. suppose i'm not getting much sleep tonight. that's what i get for taking a fucking nap.

i didn't mean to, honest!

but i'm feeling much better knowing that i'm starting to have things to do again. and i'm just coming to grips with my new/old life again. that transition has been more traumatic than i initially suspected. at least i'm having some help along the way.

love you guys.

and i miss my girlfriend.

:: 2006 2 May :: 8.47pm

Hey everyone

i'm changing my email address to jessicawilde@hotmail.com

please add me.

let go lightly

:: 2006 2 May :: 6.19pm

I took my "exam" for my college class. i'm pretty sure i failed . i really have no idea what my grade is and I have no idea how to check it. i went on blackboard and there are no grades posted. other than ask my professor, which i will not do, i dont think there is any way to even check your grade.

and speaking of failing. that's pretty much what i feel like. my life is so busy it seems but i never get anything done. high school is absolutely pointless and a complete waste of my time. after school i got to work every day now. The days i get off at Menards, I am scheduled at Rosies. It's good I guess but I just feel like I have no time. I think when school gets done I will feel better but I dont know.

i miss band. is that crazy. I miss playing music. After I finished my exam, I walked across the street to the Music Center where I have never ventured and went into some practice rooms and played piano and marimba. I miss it so much.

I can hardly remember anything on mallets. I wish so bad that my parents would have paid for me to do GLP. I think it would have changed my life. Not that I dont like all aspects of my life. I dont wish it was all different, but I really feel empty. I was so disappointed when I stood in front of that marimba and couldn't remember anything I have played in the past. Ugh.... I think Justine is probably the only one who could understand what i'm saying.

I sucked playing piano too, but I hope that's mostly because of the acrylic nails I have on which make it near impossible to play. But I always wish I could have went further in piano. I just didn't have the time or the good teachers.

Not being able to play piano or any instrument well anymore is like feeling like some of you would if you couldn't play a sport anymore. I just feel ... bad. and clarinet..... I haven't picked up that since I quit band last semester. I can only imagine how bad I've gotten.

I just feel disappointed in myself. And hardly anything keeps me up anymore. I dont know. Ugh. Okay this guy next to me wont stop talking loudly on his cell phone in some foreign language and it's getting really annoying.

yeah I'm in the GRCC library now. i have never stopped here before and now that it's my last class I just decided too. pretty stupid but i just didn't want to go home really.

I really am scared. I never wanted that stupid scholarship and now I'm supposed to go and prove to everyone that I can go to college and be smart and be on my own and have a real job and while I type that my fricken eyes fill up with tears because I really feel, deep down that I know I can't do it. yeah you're not supposed to say can't yeah okay. But I really dontthink I can. I dont think I can handle working 20+ hours a week and taking these hard classes to become a Paralegal. Which is what I'm now going for.

I guess.
I suppose.
Even though I dont think I can. It's like I'm telling myself, 'Yeah I'll try it and if it doesn't work I can just drop out, it's not a big deal because I have that scholarship.'

even though it is a big deal.

i dont know what i'm going to do.

i'm going into this completely blind.

and i know nothing about it and I have no faith in myself.

I want roman.

and ps: I'm not even going to start writing about the other thing that's bugging me.

4 hold on tightly | let go lightly

stinko

:: 2006 2 May :: 11.30am

so i have three days left of school.
can i last?

gaah. so many weddings this summer. it's crazy. frickin yeah.

sometimes it makes me feel old and others it makes me feel young.
i'm not sure where that leaves me exactly.
18.
is that young or old?

:: 2006 1 May :: 10.36pm

SO! cool things..

i have the greatest boyfriend ever and i love him and we had so much fun on prom and i got to see him TWICE IN ONE WEEK!!! one weekend no less! we hung out sunday again and went to the binder park zoo. it was SO FUN!

ahhhh i love him

and then ALSO today i was called to be told I won a spa package i entered a long time ago at Art Van. How cool is that?

it's worth $195 ... i get a haircut, scalp massage, style, conditioning treatment, manicure, pedicure and either a facial or a full body massage... my choice. i got a huge cool robe, i got a $10 gift certificate to the salon or to marshall fields and i got a bottle of shampoo. HOW COOL IS THAT?! ahh i'm so excited to schedule it.

here are some pictures.....

Read more..

more zoo pics to come lol....

oh and ps... i am really getting chubby and chunky. i keep expecting to just lose it but i dont eat less.... i exercise a LITTLE bit more but not much and eh i duno. my self esteem is lowering. it's like, i can't care as much as i used to because roman's always there to life my spirits and make me feel great about myself, but when he's not there i dont feel good about how i look and also i can't just be fat even if he still loves me that way. so .... i duno.... any suggestions i guess? i just feel UGH and then when i'm hungry i'm like oh, come on, i'm fine...

oh and also... eh, nevermind.

*JESSSSICA*

7 hold on tightly | let go lightly

spud

:: 2006 30 April :: 9.39pm
:: Music: ryan's guitar / kevin's WOW

shannon's last weekend was fun. i had a good time. met jesse. met uncle dan. had dinner wit sum folks. it was nice.

i'll be going up to charlevoix with them this coming weekend. i'm looking very much forward to that.

ummm... other stuff...

got a 98% on my stats exam.

the GTI is dead, and we're not going to insure it anymore. hopefully i can get it running still, so if we wind up selling it, we won't be entirely raped. i don't want to sell it though. it's a fun car. but if i can't drive it, then what's the point?

steelcase this summer. orientation thursday.

wednesday i'm going to chicago with mom and libby to get some work done on the mini.

stuff, etc.

i'm getting distracted and forgetful. i'll come back later when i'm more sharp.

3 hold on tightly | let go lightly

:: 2006 29 April :: 10.55pm

AHHHH so prom was so much fun. we both enjoyed it. roman said he had a blast and thanked me for wanting him to come so bad! lol. it was so much fun and i'll never forget it. i'm so glad we went.
i just love roman and i can't wait for august (yes august now).
and it was fun getting ready at jess's.

70billion

:: 2006 29 April :: 10.14pm
:: Music: Mewithoutyou-January 1979

bsc?

5 hold on tightly | let go lightly

holiday

:: 2006 28 April :: 4.09pm

Charlie and I went to the Culinary Picnic today! Lots of fun. Egg tosses and water balloons, and waiter races. And I won a raffle. It was at John Ball and it was so nice out, besides the pond smelling like dead fish.
Then we went to the doctor and heard the baby's heartbeat! YAYYYYY. It was amazing. We were both grinning. Dr. Leary said the babies heart rate was in the 150s...so maybe a girl?!? :D YAY
So excited. My ultrasound is coming up quickly too. But now I have to work...

3 hold on tightly | let go lightly

sugarmouse0587

:: 2006 28 April :: 12.33am

so. i'm going home tomorrow. blah blah blah. everyone is always like I can't believe how fast this all went! And I'm all, you weren't thinking that when you were in Hispanic Culture. It's gone by all normal. That's it. I don't know.

But I do know one this. This year has been fucking awesome. Not saying that I haven't been down, but for the most part. I'm in love with this place. Sure, Kalamazoo has a higher murder rate than Detroit. And a higher STD rate than the whole state of Michigan. And we live on a hill. But it's still a really diverse and fun place. This campus is amazing. I don't even care that I live in the Valley and I"m disconected from main campus.

This place is beautiful in the springtime. With the pond and the geese and the fountains and the blue sky. AMAAAZZZINNNG. There are flowers all over the place. I walk around and listen to my Ipod and I just want to sing and dance and hug strangers. Or at least smile real big.

And the people! OH! I was overwhelmed at first and nervous and my eyes were tired, but now. . . This valley has more people in it than high school. And even though it's really loud and I hate all the drinking that goes on, there's other cool stuff going on too. I've never met so many great and fun and openminded people. It's mind boggling. Fucking nuts. And you end up getting so close to a person when you share 14 feet of living space.

And all the stuffed I've learned. I feel so smart sometimes. High school was a horror story inside of a monster. I feel so big here. Like I'm about to burst at the seems at any moment. It's the best feeling. I don't even know where to begin with all that I'm feeling. It's like I'm leaving summer camp, but it's much bigger than that.

I love Jenna. She's too awesome, and I'm gonna miss her soooo much. And then there's everyone else that i've made friends with. It's so cool. You don't ever not have anyone to talk to or see. I'm going to miss them a whole lot. This is such a cool community. Just my side of the building is. . .great. sigh.

Plus all of this has made me closer to Jake. We're so much stronger now. I love love love love love love love him.

I had an amazing job, which almost hurts more to leave than school. I love my kids. I can go on for hours about the reasons why preschoolers are the best people on the planet. There so honest and so sweet. Even the naughty ones. And they have no idea about anything. The world exsists for them and that's it. But you can still mold them and love them. ahhhh.

It just feels so fucking sweet. I know what I want to do with my life, I'm crap my pants happy and I know I'm not done growing up. But I'm going to live my life before I do all this settling down business. I feel very mature and very excited about my sweet life. I'm not going to be the girl from cedar anymore.

I'm Sarah Ruth Cohen. And I'm awesome.

5 hold on tightly | let go lightly

:: 2006 27 April :: 11.23pm

UGh, i'm sorry. but can i just remind you how much YOU suck and how much you annoy me and how i am like a thousand times cooler than you and i can hardly stand you and AHHH you make me want to pull my own hair out.

ugh

so excited for tomorrow though.

let go lightly

tuwang

:: 2006 27 April :: 11.44am

strange dream... riding in a golf cart with Samantha Huugen(sp) fighting off a really annoying squirrel. She didn't know how to press the gas down all the way...

holiday

:: 2006 27 April :: 10.26am

holy crap. when is this sickness going away!? Seriously, going on about 42 days here. I have my ice carving final at one. But I can't really bring myself to get out of the house and go to class. Blah.