[(Hold Me For All Time)]

:: 2005 14 September :: 11.02pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: silence

"thug bear" yeah boy!

Thug Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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:: 2005 13 September :: 12.21pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: the dryer

Life latly...
Welp it's been awhillleeee since i updated nothing really knew this past weekend was horrible...i had fun no lie...but it was confusing n to many things got screwed up

Talked to Danny --that was akward.. i guess u can say were friends now... things arn't so well for him (sorry)

Didnt go to school monday (said it was 'cause my throat...really cuase i was to tired lol)

Woke up this morning n i really didnt want to go to school so i told my parents i was to tired they FLIPPED my mom called me a piece of shit n it was non-stop crying for hours they took my cell phone my dad told me to get out so i did n then came after me they think im a drug addict cause i didnt quit smoking weed but w/e they should be happy its weed n not coke or extacy like all the other people but yeah todays been realllllllly shitty n i just wanna go to bed get up go to school n then go see my friends but yeah thats been my life...hope everyone else's is going better....

alated.. Heather

:: 2005 7 September :: 4.45pm

fuck you . . fuck what you do . . fuck how you act
-- fuck how you just dropped me instantly

you and him just go be happy - and continue to forget i never existed
. . because im done with it, im done giving a shit and im done caring.

the end

:: 2005 30 August :: 3.05am

. . one of those moods . .

ya, im in one of those moods, where you just wanna cry and cry and just have somebody hold you and tell you it'll all be okay, even if it wont.

im also in one of those moods where i want to thank my real friends from the bottom of my heart for all the shit theyve helped me through . . id be so fucked without you's . . so ya, this thing im doing is just outta boredom and my mood, have fun findin out who you are !!

-- you are my everything, my life, my best friend and you always will be. i miss you so much and i cant wait to see you again. you have helped me through the best and the worst, and we have countless memories . . you will always hold a special place in my heart, and you will never be forgotten. i wouldn't be who i am without you.

-- we surprisingly hit it off exceptionally well. we havent gotten the chance to hang out much, but we talk as much as we can, although ive only known you for a short amount of time, you too have helped me through a lot of drama. im so glad that i know you and have the privelage of being you're friend, you are an amazing person and you deserve only the best. thanks for always listening and giving great advice, im always here for you.

-- you are such an exceptional friend. i only wish we got to hang out more when i was in florida. i have many memories with you that i will never forget, not sure if we still own that lake though?? we've had some very good conversations, and i know that you're always there for me, just like i am for you. i miss you like craazy and really hope you come up this september. dont ever change for anybody, keep you're head up, i love ya.

--we met through my cousins, and i didnt like you at first, but now its all good. im so glad we've been hanging out and been able to help each other through the drama. there is no salt without pepper !

-- oh man, where would i be without you?! moving here was so hard, but you helped me adapt to everything, even if i wanted to, there is no way i could ever forget you.we may not always agree on everything, and we may not spend every moment together, but we're still such amazing friends. we were drifting apart, but we caught it early enough to stop it. i will be behind u through your whole life backing you up the fullest. theres so much we've been through, and i think we've both made such big transitions because of each other, dont forget me ever, and dont forget im here for you always.

--we didnt get to hang out while i was in florida, but we definitely will soon. boynton beach high school would have sucked without you there, this i know, because i was still there after you left. i was so happy that i talked to you in art class..you had helped me through so much in such little time. ill never forget the football game we went to and sleeping over ur house. i will always be here for you, even if its been months or years since we've talked, i will never love you any less. you are such a special person in my life, i hope u know that, and ill always be there to listen. always.

i love you all, id be in a shit hole without you guys. .

:: 2005 29 August :: 3.19am

Post anything that you want here, and post it anonymously. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love... anything. Make sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post as many times as you'd like. Then, put this in your Journal to see what others have to say.

:: 2005 24 August :: 2.49am

wow . .

fuck you and everything you stand for .
im done . . i cant do this to myself anymore, im done and overwith !!

you had to be a pussy . .
you couldnt tell me the truth

truth is . .
the truth hurts

4 Held on | Hold on

:: 2005 23 August :: 1.25am

. . in the words of ashh . .
asherzzz . . sorry i took this from you, but at the moment im feeling the exact same way and im doing everything in my power not to cry . . hope you dont mind i took this from you. it couldnt have been said better . . i LOVE you

i dont want to hurt && i dont want to cry
anymore

&& most of all i want to know what to do with myself

to let go isnt to forget, not think about, or ignore it. it doesnt leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. letting go isnt winning and it isnt losing. it's not about pride and it's not about how you appear. it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past. letting go isnt blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and it doesnt leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. it's not giving up or giving in. to let go is to cherish memories but to overcome and move on. it is having an open mind and confidence in the future. letting go is accepting. it is learning and experiencing and growing up. to let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, cry and grow. it's about all that you have, all that you had and all that you will gain. letting go is having the courage to accept change and the strength to keep moving. letting go is growing up. to let go is to open a a door, clear a path and set yourself free

. . i hate doing this to myself. i hear one thing, see another, feel another . . i hate hate hate feeling like this. i hate what you do to me, i hate that i have no clue. but i dont want to give up on you, i cant. i wish i knew what was best for me . .

i just want to know what to do with myself

:: 2005 16 August :: 2.05am
:: Music: tainted love

got it from ashh
you can complain because roses have thorns... or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.

If you stand in front of a mirror, with a dozen roses... there will be thirteen beautiful things.

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back when you forget the words.

People always ask, "Why do you like him?" and "How can you love him?" But I dont want them to understand. Because if they did, theyd love him too.

If you never get your heart broken, you never learn to love.

Im going into this not knowing what Ill find. Ive decided to follow my heart and abandon my mind. And if theres pain, at least Ill know that I gave it my all. Because its better to have loved and lost. Than to have never loved at all.

The greatest thing youll learn is just to love and be loved in return. -Moulin Rouge

Dont take life so seriously. Its not like youre getting out alive!

Anyone can catch your eye. But it takes someone special to steal your heart.

Dont waste your life regretting all your wrongs. Know that in the end, youll get what your heart longs. Risk it all... you may stumble... but dont fall. Take the time to read the writings on the wall. Hold your head high, and dont be afraid to say goodbye. Stay true and be you; do everything you want to do. Live life to its fullest, and never look back... Theres a reason for the future and a reason for the past. Love until it hurts; laugh until you cry... And when your life flashes before you... before you die... be happy for what youve done and rejoice for what youve become.

A love that is denied only grows stronger.

In three words I can sum up everything Ive learned about life: it goes on.

Nothings perfect. Things just happen. -The OC

:: 2005 15 August :: 6.36pm
:: Mood: depressed

I love you Grandma!

Do u ever have one of those night when ur scared and u cant sleep and u know something back is going to happen like a feeling but deeper cause thats how i felt last night the night before my grandmother passed.... wow it's scary

my aunt is a stupid low life bitch who is gunna have something coming for her i hate her!

and u know what sucks the most besides the last grandmother i had passing is that i have to walk around and act like everything is ok i smile n go out n i actually picked a fight with my mom so i could go to school today even tho i didnt go i have nothing right now n it sucks u know i was the only one my grandmother wanted to see the only one she was nice to when someone came to see her the only one she told her secret to the one she always asked about n called n sent things to on important days and now shes gone but im gunna go lay down n shit cause this is to much i just wanted to dully note that

I love you Grandama! n i miss u so much words cant tell...
rest in peace

:: 2005 8 August :: 12.54am
:: Music: everytime we touch

i thought u were just another guy. but baby these butterflies dont lie // sometimes i wish i never met you cuz then i could go to sleep at night not knowing that theres someone like you out there !!

ya know, i never understood the whole friends with benefits thing.. you're friends, but you hook up occasionally? i mean whats the point of that? if you're friends you obviously like their personality, and if you wanna hook up with them you like their looks.. so why not just date? it makes things so much easier, and makes you not feel like such a slut. but i guess theres always those reasons you cant date, like distance or other people, or the guy doesnt want a girlfriend or some stupid reason like that.

but if you like them a lot, is it worth being "friends with benefits" .. or does the girl feel dirty and the guy agree that shes just a random hookup and dirty and easy? i just dont know. but if i could change the situation i would. i do like him enough to hook up with him and not go out with him, but should i? should i risk what him and other people think of me for a hook up? and when i say hookup i dont mean brain, or face, or anything really intimate. i mean a hookup, kissing -- tops. but i dont need to be considered easy or a hoe, because im definitely definitely NOT.

maybe im just thinking about this too much, and over analyzing it. maybe i dont even kno what the fuck im talking about, maybe i completely took this whole thing outta line and maybe my so called situation has nothing to do with this, but i just dont understand friends with benefits. the more i wanna hook up, the more i dont cuz i feel easy, but if you like a person a lot lot.. is it worth it? i need opinions here. but yea i guess ill stop babbling..

and nobody ask me who this is about or where this came from because my mouth is shut on the whole situation until i figure out a few more things. xoxo thanks for all the help in advance to the ppl who comment!

you can fall in love with anyone.. but the problem is -- he can too
im just a girl with a huge crush on a cute boy <33

before i met you i didnt know what it was like to look at a person and smiile for no reason

:: 2005 8 August :: 12.32am

ashh if you read this and have time to help me , will you please do my journal for me again?! id really appreciate it. i miss you && love you

if anybody else out there is willing to fix up my journal for me id really appreciate it. thanks a bunch!!

:: 2005 26 July :: 7.57pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: lil bill's T.V

Mich's b.a.c.k
Heyy peoples what is up not a whole lot here just chillin at Sam's house mich comes back tonight i have to leave now ill update more later bye

:: 2005 15 July :: 11.26pm

im back !! this is going to be a lacking update because if i got into details i would be here for dayss.

trip to florida was amazing, i had so much fun seeing my best friend again, meeting ashley, seeing friends i havent seen in a year, it was such a blast. two weeks was a total tease tho, i miss everybody like crazy and cant stop crying. my life in new york is hell compared the one in florida.

already my aunts on my case about stupid shit.. but whatever. i went to the beach today was SO much fun and i saw steve =]. im hoping to come back to florida in december and maybe get a few people to new york in september so we'll see how that all pans out.

but im gonna cut this short cuz im talking to steve phil and leah and im really tired, i havent had enough sleep lol. i love and miss you so much carly!! and everyone else.

my puppy skye i miss you !
<33 oh how you drive me crazy <33

:: 2005 30 June :: 1.33am
:: Music: none

Danielle my is coming today!!
Wow danielle will be here in approximatly 8 hours n 26 minutes n i cant fucking wait!!

I love you n miss you so much n i cant wait to see you it's gunna be like fucking old times dawg!!!

<333Heather Lauren

:: 2005 28 June :: 2.35pm
:: Music: chichi mon - tok

FLORIDA

heyyy guys !! well, tomorrow is my last day to hang out with my friends before i leave, and i figured thats what i'd be doing and i wouldn't be online, so i would write my goodbye message now =]

i leave for florida on thursday morning at like 7, and i come back july 14th.. two weeks, no parental unit, just me and my friends like the good old days.. only i behave.

im really excited about going to florida, i mean why wouldnt i be? i get to see my FANTASTIC friends again which include Carly, Megan, Whiskey, Mel, Jessie, Erik, Jordan, Jon2, Dan, Heather , Michelle and more..
and i get to meet Ashley >> holy shiat im excited about that one !!

but im also going to miss the people here, im going to miss jimmy angelo and steve like CRAZY. honestly, ill probably be thinking about ___ the whole time im there =\

but yea, a big thank you to my aunt and family for letting me go, carly and her family for letting me stay with them and my friends for always helping me through everything, especially this year, i wouldnt be alive without you guys, seriously.

i love youu

mommy .. i will make you proud