godessalthena
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2019 13 June :: 11.23pm
tomorrow is the big day... when I find out if I got the training job. I'm so nervous I can't sleep is like Christmas Eve when all you can think about is how your parents had to have gotten you that kitten this year is the year..... but deep down you know there is no kitten.
I am trying to remain optimistic. that my trip to Canada with emy will be a celebration vacation rather than that of defeat... I'm so excited getting pedicures then staying in a restort for a few days right on the ocean. I miss the ocean, I need the ocean again. I just hope this time I come back feeling better, because something has to give.
I just hope it isn't me.
now I just need to learn how to love someone again, and trust him, but it's just so damn hard to not be scared that I'm going to be hurt again
you make me cry sometimes baby and I wish ... I could move you like you move me sometimes ...
Oh, honey I'm worried 'bout you
You're too much to lose
You're all that I have
And, honey I'm worried 'bout you
Put yourself in my shoes
You're all that I have so please don't die
Wherever you are tonight
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godessalthena
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2019 4 June :: 9.33pm
finally listening to the taking back Sunday album I thought I was buying when I drunkenly bought that all American rejects album
that's the good shit
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godessalthena
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2019 4 June :: 1.27pm
this happens every month
where I just fill up with every negative emotions I bury deep down
and every sad song is about me
and I feel so alone
desolate and isolated stuck on an island of my own design
I was hoping these pills would make me a zombie but all they do is make me an ifrit
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godessalthena
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2019 8 May :: 6.43am
update to favorite word list:
skin
mirror
ephemeral
wrinkle wrinkly wrinkles wrinkled
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godessalthena
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2019 22 April :: 8.04am
I'm so confused and I'm not sure what to do. I could listen to half of my heart, the other half, anyone of my friends or family... my brain.
I just don't know which to trust. heart and brain have a bad track record. friends and family are selfishly driven.
have an appointment with a counselor on the 10th and starting Zoloft to help with the depression. Doctor appointment on the 14th as well. pap smear (first one since 2015). been putting it off cuz my doctor o
is too young and too cute. feels like getting my hood pierced all over again XD
things will be ok and work out. whatever happens at least I still have myself. right?
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godessalthena
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2019 9 April :: 8.44am
my shiney teeth that sparkle just like the stars on space
saw the dentist for the first time in 4 years, no cavities, and both the hygienist and doctor said they were beautiful! and the receptionist was surprised how fast my appointment went
I would like to than my electric toothbrush and the humble floss. I eat so much candy, and I hardly ever brush, but when I do I floss, and sometimes I just floss and that's it... idk flossing is just so fun seeing the stuff that comes out from in between... and then you brush them and it feels like you can breathe again.
it's like if nothing else is in control, I can at least get really stoned and brush my teeth and feel like I am the one driving the bus.
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godessalthena
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2019 7 April :: 9.09am
who's going to hold you as the world falls apart?
no one, apparently.
just freefalling until the ground rises to meet this empty husk.
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godessalthena
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2019 7 April :: 8.48am
jamais je ne t'oublierai
this is my whole life...
https://youtu.be/U2WDdccgaDY
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godessalthena
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2019 26 March :: 8.01am
for the night is dark & full of terrors
it's true there and it's true here
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godessalthena
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2019 25 March :: 6.54am
:: Mood: exhausted
said what I needed to say, without being overly cruel about it.. it felt good to get it off my chest. for some reason, though, I didn't feel the sense of resolution I was hoping for afterwards. hopefully it comes later.
have the day off cuz I was going to go to a concert last night, didn't end up going because my spine hates me, but I am still going to keep the day off I think. have secret plans for the Xmas tree (which is still up btw)
I want to repack all my stuff, but it is going to be boring and slow without company (and probably why I did such a shitty job in the first place). want to donate what I can and just pare down my shit. clean my nest of a room... I miss having friends who come over.
I've been bad about yoga. it helped a lot when I was doing it, then I got this new schedule and it's been difficult adjusting. plus I've been eating a lot of dairy and that does not help either.
anyway, I'm happy feeling glad I've got sunshine in a bag I'm useless, but not for long the future is coming on
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godessalthena
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2019 21 March :: 6.01am
I don't feel like your equal I feel like your mom
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godessalthena
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2019 19 March :: 9.41pm
Money may be the husk of many things but not the kernel. It brings you food, but not appetite; medicine, but not health; acquaintances, but not friends; servants, but not loyalty; days of joy, but not peace or happiness. -Henrik Ibsen
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godessalthena
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2019 13 March :: 10.48am
I just need someone to talk to.
but I'm a shitty broken record no one wants to talk to.
I do honestly think everyone would be better off if I was alone. I already feel so fucking alone.
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godessalthena
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2019 6 March :: 8.47am
:: Mood: empty
https://youtu.be/nxg4C365LbQ
Daylight
In bad dreams
In a cool world
Full of cruel things
Hang tight
All you
Nothing like a big bad bridge
To go burning through
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godessalthena
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2019 4 March :: 9.00am
I just need a lil empathy
I just need a friend who will come over to my house.
I just want to not feel alone and uncomfortable.
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