godessalthena
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2021 29 January :: 11.47pm
had to quit d&d
I'm bummed
but I'm done wasting my precious time off dealing with that asshat.
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2021 27 January :: 8.25am
in my freshman year in college I had a lot of feminine issues and saw SEVERAL doctors
but the one I remember the most was the one that handed me a mirror and let me watch the exam and told me what I was looking at.
that woman made a fundamental difference to my life, and I wish I could thank her. I hope she's alive and well and doing well.
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2021 22 January :: 1.19pm
I'm starting to feel like there are only like 5 people who would call me a friend.
the rest are just people I interact with occasionally, for 5 years, we can't be friends.
I just can't fucking make friends.
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2021 19 January :: 8.31am
:: Music: smashmouth Lord help me
smashmouth and cake always remind me of better times. I've been looking back more and more at my experiences, and I feel myself slipping away into a lethal kind of nostalgia.
I miss the friends I used to have.
I miss giving a strong impression of a sense of self.
I miss having fun.
All I really want are more people I can laugh until I cry with.
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2021 13 January :: 3.16pm
what ever happened to ska?
remember the mickey avalon concert where we met?
and that birthday party. all those birthday parties.
I miss you friend, I wonder where you disappeared to, why you ghosted me, and if you're still doing alright.
I hope things are good for you. you deserve the best
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2021 12 January :: 6.10am
regret is a deep rabid river, constantly trying to pull you under
Thank You
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munkysaurus
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2021 3 January :: 9.36pm
:: Music: David Bowie - Lazarus
Time is not a stream, but a thick and chunky undertow...
Mr. J,
That's what Harley Quinn calls the Joker. But we both know that's not here or there.
You scallywag, how's the slipstream time-dream beauty Queen? :P I kid you, you're a wonderful soul for heeding the now with me.
But, isn't life such a rope finger's-length from grasp?
The puzzle is never truly solved, only provides more questions. Ideas so intimate in proximity, suddenly so distant. And the vice versa.
If time is a body of water-like substrate, is there a shore, beach or rocky precipice in which I may glimpse and enjoy it's better amusings?
Maybe it's you, my dear friend. Only a condensed series of switches held within place against the better of your nature. Anti-equilibrium :P I figured you out.
You know it's not time yet, but what does that even mean?
Maintain the heading and wind direction, let's rendezvous s'il vous plait avec vous chez du temps.
At all the hour <3
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2021 2 January :: 11.50pm
is it just me or deep at it's core metal is really fucking dorky? have you actually ever listened to the lyrics
the guitar licks may be sick, but those words knock it out if me
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2020 8 December :: 2.05pm
on a more positive note I made home made gnocchi with leftover KFC potatoes and they turned out really tasty!
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2020 8 December :: 8.07am
:: Music: good girls (don't get used)
maybe it's time for a real update...
4 months until our lease is over. then he wants to leave Spokane. I never thought I'd want to stay here so much.
but I'm so conflicted because living somewhere else could be really fun and whatever.. but I don't make friends, and if I move away I'm basically isolating myself...
it's just so hard when I feel like you hate me every single day. half the time I talk to you, you're just an ass. I know you're going through some really hard things, and life seems pointless, and everyone is your enemy. but I'm not. im on your team. just be fucking nice to me.
but all this negativity has me thinking that maybe somehow I deserve what I get. I deserve to consistently have a broken heart. consistently forgotten and pushes aside for others. not invited, not talked to, just leav me alone. I'm tired of the game and all I want to do is bury myself under a blanket of dirt and soft moss, with a pillow of flowers and pine needles. leave me there and forget my existence some how touched you.
I feel a dark heavy hole where my heart used to be. I feel a lingering pain where a soul supposedly existed. an absence mind where intelligence and creativity once sat.
I'm drowning in bad feelings I'm filled with intrusive thoughts the voice in my head is never sweet or kind to me I miss my family so. fucking. much.
I just miss everyone. I miss everything. I wish everything didn't get so fucked up. I wish I knew how I felt and I wish I could say it out loud. I am invisible, inconsequential, worthless, and a waste. I'm aa bank account. I'm just a good credit score and too generous.i have trouble making boundaries and even more terrible maintaining them.
the only thing keeping me is knowing how sad everyone would be if I killed myself. I don't want to hurt anyone else.
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2020 7 December :: 6.40pm
I know I say this a lot.
but fuck do I hate being alive.
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2020 26 November :: 6.45pm
I hate every single second I'm alive
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2020 26 November :: 12.44pm
these feelings are inescapable
like a black straight jacket suffocating me
I'm so so miserable no matter my circumstances
and that isn't fair to anyone
except me because I deserve to feel this way
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2020 17 November :: 9.16pm
remember when we saw secret window with Johnny depp and painted pottery for your birthday? that was a good day.
I miss those days.
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2020 17 November :: 10.22am
holidays are cancelled this year. I miss my family.
been practicing making pretzels. they taste really good, they are light and fluffy, I just always feel like they are too soft. I am so scared of over kneading because I tried making tortellini from scratch before and they were so tough I thought they would break my teeth.
I'll knead it longer next time. I wish my oven was bigger.
Thank You
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