godessalthena
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2019 21 July :: 10.24am
I don't think I want this for the rest of my life.
why is alcohol so important in America and why can't they all just stop being alcoholics?
the bathroom still smells like puke.
bleh.
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2019 18 July :: 6.22am
been feeling a lil better lately, like the dark cloud is passing for now.
if only it would go away forever
Thank You
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spud
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2019 15 July :: 2.45pm
recorded on 7.10.19
POD 20
In which I am joined by Nick and Sam. Nick wrote the songs. Sam is an open mic legend here in Grand Rapids.
We were rehearsing for a gig at Mulligans Pub; an establishment whose threshold I had not darkened in nearly a decade. It hasn't changed at all.
Thank You
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spud
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2019 10 July :: 10.25am
Recorded on 7.5.19
POD 19
In which I am joined by Eliot. He wants to start a 90s cover band, but neither of us sing. The set list is epic ... if we can ever learn all the songs. Or find a vocalist.
Links to stuff we mentioned:
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2019 8 July :: 10.52pm
As a child I was taught that to tell the truth was often painful. As an adult I have learned that not to tell the truth is more painful, and that the fear of telling the truth -- whatever the truth may be -- that fear is the most painful sensation of a moral life. -June Jordan
1 Kelsey Grammer |
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2019 8 July :: 12.53pm
I wish I could have been born a cookie cutter happy robot who enjoyed getting wasted with strangers.
my life would be so much easier.
I wouldn't be losing my job.
I wouldn't feel like I have no friends.
I would be able to just live life with nothing but a smile and a blank mind with nothing in it but me me me
2 Kelsey Grammeri |
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2019 6 July :: 7.30am
one friend tries to kill himself and ended up in the ER (glad he didn't succeed, definitely mostly a bad med combo issue.. that stuff really scares me)
another friend trying to kill himself with a failing liver. after spending a week in the ER and being told he can't drink ever again, the dummy never goes to a follow up appointment and is now dying on someone else's couch in the middle of nowhere. like... killing himself with inaction.
it breaks your God damn heart. and you want to help that's all you want to do, but what exactly can one do.. I try to be there, but maybe I'm just not trying hard enough..
or maybe there's no way to stop a train from going off the tracks?
sometimes I feel the same way as them.. the only thing that honestly holds me back is the fear of the unknown of the after. I don't know if I want it to be nothing, hell, or something else. but what I do know is I'm afraid to face all the horrible things I've done, I'm afraid of nothingness, I'm afraid that I won't deserve what I get, that I won't get to see my passed on loved ones again.
I just really hope it's what I imagine it to be, only I don't want to come back this time I just want to turn back into a star and stay there for a while.
fucking plastic.
Thank You
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spud
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2019 5 July :: 11.30pm
PART 2
POD 18.2
In which I am joined by Doyel and Jaclyn. They JUST GOT ENGAGED! Also, Jaclyn and I are nerds, but Doyel doesn't care.
Links to stuff we mentioned:
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2019 2 July :: 3.40pm
when all you can feel is devastated
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2019 2 July :: 7.38am
learning how to be a gamey boi so I can spend more time with my sweetie... so far so good. I don't mind being the worst as long as everyone is having fun.
I am feeling more optimistic than yesterday. I just really need an attitude adjustment at work, it's just hard when every day is a boring and redundant disappointment.
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2019 27 June :: 7.49am
didn't get either of the jobs. spent most of my vacation feeling super belly sick. wasted a ton of money. felt bad about myself.
just really in a dark place trying to stay above the current
Thank You
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spud
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2019 26 June :: 6.13pm
:: Music: (part 1 of 2)
Recorded on 6.24.19
POD 18.1
In which I am joined by Doyel and Jaclyn. They are rad, and fun, and you should probably just be friends with them already.
Links to stuff we mentioned:
LILLY THE KILLING MACHINE
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2019 19 June :: 6.28am
3 days until the really adventure starts
feels like an eternity, I just want to run away now.
been eating like shit, feeling like shit, trying to remain positive. so exhausting "looking on the sunny side" all the time... but it's made a difference I guess.
good robot human unit, ya did good cold unfeeling robot arm. learned some stuff about other robot units at work... can I just say if that particular unit cannot take feedback/constructive criticism from people who only want them to succeed, I can only imagine the nightmare of being married to them...
or maybe they are this way due to their relationship, maybe the SO was constantly berating and criticizing them, so now that they are free, the habit dies hard.
I can't say I'm much different... I can't seem to trust anyone. I can't please myself over others. I can't say no when I want to without endless writhing guilt.
you make me feel lonely. you make me feel unimportant and insignificant. you make me feel trapped.
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2019 13 June :: 11.23pm
tomorrow is the big day... when I find out if I got the training job. I'm so nervous I can't sleep is like Christmas Eve when all you can think about is how your parents had to have gotten you that kitten this year is the year..... but deep down you know there is no kitten.
I am trying to remain optimistic. that my trip to Canada with emy will be a celebration vacation rather than that of defeat... I'm so excited getting pedicures then staying in a restort for a few days right on the ocean. I miss the ocean, I need the ocean again. I just hope this time I come back feeling better, because something has to give.
I just hope it isn't me.
now I just need to learn how to love someone again, and trust him, but it's just so damn hard to not be scared that I'm going to be hurt again
you make me cry sometimes baby and I wish ... I could move you like you move me sometimes ...
Oh, honey I'm worried 'bout you
You're too much to lose
You're all that I have
And, honey I'm worried 'bout you
Put yourself in my shoes
You're all that I have so please don't die
Wherever you are tonight
3 Kelsey Grammeri |
Thank You
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charlie
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2019 11 June :: 7.12pm
:: Music: Flatliners
Grab me by the throat. Your hands are freezing cold
And fingernails tear nice and slow. You know
I'm not afraid of all the things you think about
When you're alone swallowing your day
Hold on tight. Just hold on tight
Cataclysmic prose. Eye sockets will erode
When days to weeks to months seem half full
Yet I can't impose with another wilted rose
You'll feel this when you see how I've grown
We are broken men
Who shouldn't be saved just yet
Keep breathing. Stay broken
Our blood's boiled thin
You can taste it with every breath taken in
It's 2:30 AM. Years become layers of skin
I've shed them all but I'm not done yet
Heavy hearts my friends, come sing in unison
And drag me out of this hole I'm in
We are broken men
Who shouldn't be saved just yet
Keep breathing. Stay broken
Our blood's boiled thin
You can taste it with every breath taken in
Are you breathing?
Stay broken
I've earned my bitterness
My legs are planted firm in transit-stance
For this dead romance
Grab me by the throat. Your hands are freezing cold
And fingernails tear nice and slow. You know
I'm not afraid of all the things you think about
When you're alone swallowing your whole...
We are broken men
Who shouldn't be saved just yet
Keep breathing. Stay broken
Our blood's boiled thin
You can taste it with every breath taken in
We are broken men
Who shouldn't be saved just yet
Thank You
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