spud
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2019 28 January :: 11.59pm
Recorded on 1.27.19
Flying solo for the snow day!
POD 7
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2019 27 January :: 1.21pm
remember: you can't hug your children with nuclear arms
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2019 24 January :: 10.42am
this is just too much
everything is pressing down on me
I can't breathe
1 Kelsey Grammer |
Thank You
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spud
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2019 23 January :: 10.32pm
:: Music: papa vegas - gravity wars
recorded on 1.16.19
Featuring Brian and Lena!
We were all pretty tired, tbh. I was getting sick, but didn't know it yet.
POD 5
1 Kelsey Grammer |
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2019 23 January :: 8.07am
a boat toad
tattoo idea: TAX on right knuckles RICH on left knuckles THE on your forehead
alternatively: replace eyebrows with mono brow tattoo that says the same thing
last night I dreamt I cut all my hair off and went back to my typical hair... I was so sad :( I guess I'm not smoking enough weed. fucking dreams.
Thank You
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spud
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2019 16 January :: 5.03pm
:: Mood: happy
recorded on 1.13.19
groupcast! ryan, libby, and lena all came to visit and join in on the fun.
lots of talk about food and bodily functions.
POD 4
ENJOY!
Thank You
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sugarjackj
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2019 5 January :: 10.59am
:: Music: Bikini Kill - Feels Blind
Going through my journal is always strange. I get so many mixed feelings. It's interesting to read where I've been, what I've done, how I felt.
Some spots are incredibly cringe worthy.
Found an old Photobucket with pictures I thought I'd lost when my old laptop was stolen.
It's neat looking through a timeline of my life expressed in my own words.
It's also painful. Looking back at the relationships and friendships I trashed. All of the horrible and tragic decisions I made. Time lost and people I've hurt.
I fell so far down the rabbit hole. I'm surprised I ever made it out.
Although sometimes it makes me sad to go through my old journal, it does remind me of where I've come from.
There has been much progress and personal growth.
So much more to go.
It's good.
1 Kelsey Grammer |
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2019 4 January :: 10.10am
smoking in my car has to be one of my favorite things.
Gary Numan had it right
1 Kelsey Grammer |
Thank You
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spud
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2019 4 January :: 12.28pm
:: Mood: amused
recorded on 1.2.19
STRANDS. OF. NONSENSE. <3
POD 3
feel free to HELP ME NAME THE 'CAST! :)
1 Kelsey Grammer |
Thank You
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spud
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2019 3 January :: 6.40pm
:: Mood: excited
recorded on 12.29.18
I'm still absolutely baffled that this thing is really happening, but it's rad as hell, and I don't care who knows it.
POD 2
1 Kelsey Grammer |
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2019 3 January :: 10.20am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: city & color
admit, this is never what you wanted
"isn't it great to find that you're really worth nothing?"
i feel this deep, deep anxiety, pain, sorrow and emptiness.
it feels like i'm missing someone i never met. it feels like the hole in my heart just tore a little bigger.
it feels like i'm ripped wide open and everyone can see the wind blow. right through my ribs, right through my heart.
i want to help those i love who are in pain so badly, and yet i'm completely powerless to help ease their sufferings, to help them feel relief, to see they are comforted and know they are loved.
maybe i am heartless, maybe i'm not the best person to be friends with. as someone who thinks about suicide constantly to comfort me against the absurdity and pain of being alive, i understand the desire and compulsion. and as someone who understands, it is so hard for me to stay don't.
but please don't. and if it's too late to say good bye... i just hope you found the relief you were looking for.
this life isn't what i want. i don't know what i want. maybe i do. i just want to feel important.
but i feel like that's impossible. i'll never feel important enough. and the more people i fill my life with, the less important i feel. and the more i want to run and hide and forget i ever knew anyone in the first place.
i didn't ask for life. i didn't ask to be white, or a woman, or pretty. i didn't ask to be born in the 21st century, i didn't ask to be a millennial. i didn't ask to fill the oceans with plastics or the air with toxins. i just want to go back to nothing, back to star dust, back to the earth. to be a tree or a bug or a toad. not thinking, not conscious, not lost in this hopeless endless spiral of humanity.
i am lost. and i just want to help someone else not be so lost.
Thank You
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spud
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2018 31 December :: 1.39pm
:: Mood: jubilant
recorded on 12.28.18
POD 1
6 Kelsey Grammeri |
Thank You
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spud
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2018 31 December :: 12.14pm
:: Music: Eric Clapton - Old Love
Happy New Year's Eve!
Greetings and welcome to the ending of the end of the year!
I would love to say 2018 was a momentous and eventful year, whether the events be good or bad, but in truth - not much happened. I rode my bike a lot. Paid someone to paint my house. Hosted the shit outta MCYPAA. Played a fair amount of drums.
Nothing earth-shattering.
Weight loss was probably the one goal I had for the year that failed utterly. Oh well. I tried hard. I'm giving myself a break for a bit.
Moving forward, I'm going to practice being a bit more selective about the things I say yes to. I keep booking myself for all this shit, and just wearing myself out. Expect a lot more music and recording stuff, and a little less AA service. I'm not quitting AA or anything, but I was a busy little beaver this year, and it was a bit too much. Went to a few meetings this weekend that I haven't hit in awhile. It was refreshing to see a lot of new faces in those places, and nice to reconnect with some people I hadn't seen in awhile.
One new thing I'm starting is a podcast!
That's what brought me to woohu today, actually. As I was sitting here thinking "fuck, where the hell am I going to host this thing?" it struck me that I ALREADY HAVE A WEB PAGE (spoiler alert, it's this one). I also remembered that I had a dummy gmail account I made like 10 years ago. Some college friends were going to be making a webseries, and they cast me to play one of the characters. The project never got off the ground, but his google presence lives on, and "Dustin" has 15GB of drive storage just sitting there empty.
So, thanks to the magnanimous Mr. Nash, and our good Mr. Andy, I would also like to welcome you to the new home of the as-yet-unnamed podcast I'm starting. When will there be updates? How will we track metrics and monetize our listenership? What will we do when we run out of storage on Dustin's google drive? These are all questions I will disregard for now and leave for my future self to contend with. SUCK IT, FUTURE ME!!!
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2018 29 December :: 10.13am
:: Mood: amused
plays my first game of D&D since I was a young gal
we raced around a mysterious track in fun vehicles
there was so much laughter, shenanigans and tomfoolery and it was everything I needed
thanks Nef for inviting me along and being patient with me! it was an excellent way to spend a Friday night
Thank You
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charlie
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2018 23 December :: 9.23am
I've spent so long thinking about how I've gotten old that I didn't even realize that my parents have also gotten old. In the last year they've had a total of five stays in the hospital and now I dread that this may be the last Christmas I have with both of them.
Thank You
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