godessalthena
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2016 14 August :: 9.20am
I feel so fucking guilty for being a home body.
but the older I get the less and less I want to spend time with new humans. they just aren't worth it.
especially now that I am the DD 99% of the the time. being the sober cat around a bunch of drunk dogs fickin blows. no amount of being checked on will make me have a better time.
I'm just a big old lame ass. I can't even get drunk anymore. my belly starts to hurt before I feel anything.
I suck.
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2016 12 August :: 6.40pm
I could be happy forever with my cinnamon girl
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2016 8 August :: 11.48am
got my in person interview tomorrow!!!
so excite much nerves!
1 Kelsey Grammer |
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2016 5 August :: 6.56pm
optimistic about a new role at LM. I really hope I get it. I'm nervous because they have a few people that they didn't hire last round they are considering, but I'm thinking
+ they have had this post up forever, but the recruiter really wants to move me to the next round
+ this recruiter is the same one who moved me forward in the last adjuster role I had. the remembered me and was very warm and friendly. I feel that she will fight a lil harder for me.
+ my boss gave me all the tips to win the interview. she has been so supportive of me my whole career
- I am leaving her team but I want to be on her team so badly
I just feel so stressed about meeting my numbers down there, by the end of the day I'm just completely fried. I shouldn't have to justify leaving to myself, it's a nice pay increase for me and after being here for 6 years I feel like I should be higher than a grade 9... it's a little embarrassing I guess..
I just want to get myself out of this hole and start saving and living my life. I feel like I spent all this wasted money on the shittiest part of my life and now I have to keep paying for it during the best years I've ever had. it fucking sucks.
but that's what I get for being irresponsible. and I still am. I don't know if that's a lesson I will ever actually learn. I think JP having this job will really help me spend less. it's just so hard to get to know someone when you have no place to go.
and let's be honest, my time is running out.
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2016 2 August :: 7.30pm
between Thursday and Sunday I drove 1200 miles. that is the longest I've driven in such a short period of time.
I definitely could never be a truck driver. too much.
but I will say, the trip was totally worth it. I love the ocean. and the beach. how very small it makes you feel.
and some of those twisty roads were super fun. I would love to be a rally car driver.
Thank You
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x-cosmic-sunday-x
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2016 1 August :: 8.40pm
I got my tubes tied July 14th, 2016 :)
[April 19,2016
I've been reluctant to post about this on facebook...but am happy and excited to have made the permanent decision to not have children that are biologically mine. Many females grow up always knowing that they one day want to have children, I grew up the opposite (knowing I never wanted children that were biologically mine). I've struggled with the idea for some time now, often wondering what was wrong with me, what people would think? What my family would think? Was I a broken human for not wanting something we are programmed to make? etc. The closer I am to my surgery date the more confident I grow in my decision. I no longer care what people think, or feel as though I have to justify my choice (you know... the choice I, an adult, am making about MY body). It's extremely freeing and I am grateful to have the support of my wonderful family and friends. <3
The statement I'm faced with most is "But you're so young, what if you meet someone, you'll change your mind" ... a) I've been pushing to have this since I was 18 (it is not just a spur of the moment thing) b) If I ever met someone who didn't want me because I didn't want children, they are defiantly not the right person for me. c) Adoption is a thing.
I don't typically post stuff like this, but am just feeling it today. Negative comments or disagree with my decision? Politely gtfo.]
Thank You
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x-cosmic-sunday-x
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2016 1 August :: 8.23pm
& all I want & all I need;
I've been really struggling lately, battling my inner demons.
I have always had difficulties fitting in, and even as an adult, that is no exception.
Lately I've been really struggling with my self perception, identity and self worth. I've never had good self perception or worth, my self esteem has never been above par and tends to hover on the non existent line.
I try really hard, to stay active, to create peace, to savor the little things. But lately, something is missing. And it's really causing me to criticize my wants, needs, aspirations, etc. for awhile I thought I was on a good path to figuring out more about those aspects but currently and often I just feel empty.
Unworthy, is a term that frequents my negative self talk, among other things.
I hope that one day it isn't so hard anymore. Because I'm really trying.
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2016 30 July :: 4.30pm
I just wanna be home in my own bed with my own puppies. I am so over driving.
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2016 29 July :: 6.08am
It is such a mysterious place, the land of tears...
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2016 27 July :: 7.33am
final day of the elimination diet/cleanse. I have learned a few things:
1 I will never be vegan
2 I am not allergic to foods
3 I feel bad no matter what I eat
4 vegans are crazy
tonight I will be in Leavenworth with my Emily! tomorrow... THE OCEAN
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2016 25 July :: 8.23pm
so close to the end, 2 more days left.
today I had a big juicy rib eye, rare. I feel full for the first time in 5 days and it's nice.
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2016 21 July :: 2.41pm
day 1 of elimination diet: fucking shitty as fuck
I might die.
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2016 20 July :: 7.36am
today's the big day.
things will work out. he's a great salesman.
I have to ask Zoe for baby tokes back and the thought makes my tummy wrench. I hope she isn't mean to me.
bleh
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2016 18 July :: 5.35am
I want to grab you, shake you violently and scream at you
you are good enough
you are incredibly skilled
THE ONLY THING HOLDING YOU BACK IS YOURSELF
stop crying over the way things have been
start making things be what you want them to be
YOU are the one driving
YOU are in control of how you react to the shit show that is life
YOU have to stand up and walk
Thank You
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godessalthena
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2016 15 July :: 7.31am
we can get better cause we're not dead yet.
but what if there's no better and this is the best it'll ever be.
I have a good job, a man, food, entertainment, nature.. so why do I still feel this void inside of me.
Thank You
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